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Thread: “Getting Away” With Hating It: Consent in the Context of Sex Work

  1. #1

    “Getting Away” With Hating It: Consent in the Context of Sex Work

    http://titsandsass.com/getting-away-...t-of-sex-work/

    Here's an interesting article from a self-described professional escort. Here's a piece of it:

    I don’t teach clients how to “pleasure” me; that is far too intimate and a boundary I don’t cross. Sometimes I resent any sexual pleasure I feel, either because I find the guy irritating and enjoying his cock is like a compliment I don’t want to give, or because I’m not in a “sexy” headspace. Audacia Ray and Michelle Tea have written about the feelings of self-betrayal, horror, and general displeasure that can accompany orgasming with a client; I’ve been right there with them. I’ve mostly gotten over revulsion towards my own body’s responses, probably because I’m better at controlling those responses now. But I still usually want to maintain a distance while I work. I want to maintain my sexual privacy which can be done even while having intercourse. I’m not there for my own sexual pleasure or fulfillment and I don’t like pretending that I am.
    On the one hand, the very nature of being an escort means that it's unrealistic to expect that you will enjoy every session. On the other hand, being this guarded about enjoying the moment, and in fact, almost taking pride that clients know that you're not really enjoying your time just signals to me that you don't enjoy your profession.

    Coming from the point of view that most women I've met did not seem coerced into what they were doing, but were doing it by choice, in some sessions it was clear to me that they simply were not in the mood and were in it for the money. I mostly don't take it personal. Sometimes the sessions leave you feeling unattractive and cheated. On the other hand, there have been sessions where the chemistry is right where I felt a swell of positive emotions. So far, it's hard to predict how a session will turn out. I take comfort in that even if she clearly wasn't enjoying it, at least I got to see and experience her body. A seldom few times I felt deeply disrespected (they were in a bad mood, they made all sorts of excuses to end it as soon as possible, they repeatedly expressed worries about contracting an STI), but when seeing a high number of women, those are probably inevitable.

    At least as a client, I have some control over my state of mind before calling and I do my best to do it on days where I already feel great and not to do it on days when I'm trying to fill some kind of emptiness inside me. That has worked well. As a john, the fear is paying for an experience that makes us feel unattractive and unwanted. As a lady of the night, sometimes you have to do the job even when you're not in the mood and the chemistry is bad. Although I'd wish you'd reject me early on if you don't think you can have a good time with me, I'm willing to gamble until such time as it's become too obvious you're here just for the cash. Since pay is by the hour and not by the 'quality of the service', I have no choice in that matter.

    In the end though, the many amazing experience I've had easily let me forget the few bad ones, which is why I continue doing this hobby. I am not trying to have a piece of your soul, as the article mentions. In all honestly, the word that best describes what I am looking for is entertaining company and a good time. Good chemistry often helps with that, and while I do maintain and respect boundaries, I would hate to feel as though there is zero authenticity and pleasure on your side 99% of the time, as the author seems to imply.

  2. #2
    Registered User
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    Excellent post.

  3. #3
    Wow . Thank you Kok.
    Marylie Savoie

  4. #4
    feelings of self-betrayal, horror, and general displeasure that can accompany orgasming with a client
    A word of advice to Audacia Ray and Michelle Tea, whoever they may be. If there's a given situation in which having an orgasm can make you feel " self-betrayal, horror, and general displeasure," then stay out of that situation.

  5. #5
    Gorgeous ladies Fanatic
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    Hi all
    Very touchy subject! but a good find by Kok!!!!
    There is many situations that happens in the escort world that are not necessarily easy to handle !
    I have been a escort Booker /owner/driver multi tasking for 20 years saw many things happen witch is not black or white there is many Gray areas unfortunately or fortunately ????Depending of your point of view !!!
    Examples I had sent a young newbie to a well spoken and respectful client on the line witch we never service before !
    I drop the girl at the call ,she calls me believing that she was confirming but it was not case she simply said I can't do it !
    The question was why I said pass me the client I will ask permission to see him !
    He was very friendly and accepted my offer !
    I went big surprise when I go in the client weighed in excess of 700 lbs so I tell him that find out of my roster more SP willing to service him he accepted the call was made by a more experience gorgeous SP!
    The client call me back after became a regular !!!
    On another occasion nice teenager guy 19 years old ask for a SP not older then him !!
    Had a young blond 18 years old that met is requirement !!!
    Surprise when the girl calls me same scenario has the other can't do it the young guy is amputated young SP is traumatize ,not easy to deal with those situation !
    Met the guy was able to arrange to is satisfaction another SP that was willing to service him !!Some situation are very touchy !
    A young debutante from outside of town goes to a chick and classy downtown hotel she calls me crying the client in the room is her father !!!Hummmmmm
    Crazy stuff do happen its not necessarily easy in this surely wasn't both of discovered at the same moment both hysteric and crying complicated you say ended my night right there !
    Similar situation a guy calls I book three girls two I have available in my van the other is completing her call ,
    The young boys are in ST-Eustache a 35-40 minute ride from Montreal everything is set I take on board the third girl ,
    She ask me where she is going was very interested i knowing the address because she lived in St-Eustache on the weekends with her boy friend .Matching address,matching customers name the boyfriend !!! All the girls in the Van became silent the girlfriend became hysterical complicated feelings complicated situations complicated life !
    How do escort feel ,how do clients feel .Touchy
    Regards all
    BookerL

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by BookerL View Post
    The young boys are in ST-Eustache a 35-40 minute ride from Montreal everything is set I take on board the third girl ,
    She ask me where she is going was very interested i knowing the address because she lived in St-Eustache on the weekends with her boy friend .Matching address,matching customers name the boyfriend !!! All the girls in the Van became silent the girlfriend became hysterical complicated feelings complicated situations complicated life !
    L
    I love that double standard they both have. [I am sure the guy would also freak] Also when I say love I mean that sarcasticly.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by wasisname View Post
    I love that double standard they both have. [I am sure the guy would also freak] Also when I say love I mean that sarcasticly.
    Hi wasisname
    Right on the money wasisname!But in my situation as a booker who am I to judge ??Touchy,Touchy???

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by BookerL View Post
    Hi wasisname
    Right on the money wasisname!But in my situation as a booker who am I to judge ??Touchy,Touchy???
    It is in everyone's right to judge what people do. How you act on that judgement is a different issue.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by wasisname View Post
    It is in everyone's right to judge what people do. How you act on that judgement is a different issue.
    ok but my zone comfort was very much put at test !!!!!!And difficult to act properly ??????ITs actually fun to get other opinions
    Cheers

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by BookerL View Post
    Hi all
    ...
    BookerL
    Those are some relatively unique situations you're describing there BookerL! Can't say I relate but very interesting.

    I have to admit that I don't believe escorts is always the ideal source of female companionship depending on what you're looking for. If I wanted passionate, hot sex with a new person, I know I can get that with a bit of persistence at a night club or even a bookstore. But with career and other responsibilities taking over my life, it's become the easiest and most efficient way to meet casual sex partners for me. And certainly, I have had great experiences with some extremely talented people and tried a number of things I may otherwise never have encountered in the wild. Still, I kind of do miss the thrill of the hunt and the excitement and great feelings associated with hooking up with someone I have amazing chemistry with at a natural pace and with a sense of not knowing what to expect.

    If I had a week to spare, I'd definitively go out clubbing and meeting women in the wild. But when you have 3 hours to spare, finding a new sex partner becomes...tough when your current lifestyle doesn't lend itself to that, especially when dealing with the stigma of being a rambunctious bachelor in my chosen field of work. But sometimes I do like to "roleplay" and pretend like the girl is actually there to see me for a booty call and not because I'm paying her. Many girls will play along and humor me and it makes me feel like I'm back in the game again. And yes, opposed to the author, I do secretly hope that there's a minimum of sincerity at some point, though if it was well acted enough that I couldn't tell the difference then...who am I to judge?

    Much more pedestrian than elephant sized, amputated or related-by-blood clients!

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by kok View Post
    Those are some relatively unique situations you're describing there BookerL! Can't say I relate but

    Much more pedestrian than elephant sized, amputated or related-by-blood clients!
    No obviouly most people don't ,but as a booker you are faced with many unique situation I have been retired for a year but just before I learn one very sad story .A 30 year old Bombshell calls to offer her services as escort I ask do you have any experience in escorting she said no ?I decide to meet her anyways because her self taken pics where awesome a tall natural blond blue big double D"s natural 5'8" 120lbs athletic and University bachelors degree fitness model that had been model for maxime she sends me the proof of it ?
    I am to sure about this since she said in the interview that she went to nun school and parents where very religious .So I decided to send her al the escort acronyms hoping she will say no not for me ! Well imagine it was the contrary she wanted to do everything !!!WOW major surprise since she didn't fill the profile I was use too ?Only 3 months later was I made aware of why she was escort s he told me will crying that she was sexually assaulted and rape by her landlord so she decided to become a escort to forget !
    There is stories they I would rather never had heard, you are caught in middle powerless and overwhelm!!!!I am not a psychologist I am a escort booker ,I try to comfort the best I can she left the business a week later simply too much emotions for too handle thats what she said !!But who really knows
    Feelings on both sides of the fence are difficult !!!Its touchy,touchy subject
    Regards all

  12. #12
    She ends the blog wondering how men are so unaware that the escort is not enjoying the sex.

    The reasons are a combination of
    1. clouded by intense desire - horny
    2. ego of the man
    3. apathy arising from paying for the service - this is a big one. When you are with a regular non escort girl, you know you have to fuck her good else she may not come back. With an escort you pay for it,, so you don't care about her pleasure as much. You know she will always come back if you pay her again.

    I think it is foolish of an escort to expect pleasure from sex with clients. If I were an escort, I would happily settle for a client who respects my boundaries, is safe and pays the money.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by gan View Post
    She ends the blog wondering how men are so unaware that the escort is not enjoying the sex.

    The reasons are a combination of
    1. clouded by intense desire - horny
    2. ego of the man
    3. apathy arising from paying for the service - this is a big one. When you are with a regular non escort girl, you know you have to fuck her good else she may not come back. With an escort you pay for it,, so you don't care about her pleasure as much. You know she will always come back if you pay her again.

    I think it is foolish of an escort to expect pleasure from sex with clients. If I were an escort, I would happily settle for a client who respects my boundaries, is safe and pays the money.
    Hi all
    Hi gan
    Certainly a fair analysis of the situation at hand !
    But guys and girls do not think the same way about intercourse and when you add the escorting on top of it , its more complicated the escorts do not choose there clients they might screen them but choosing and screening are two different things ! The realm of a escort and the realm of clients are miles a part!
    Facts are there the way we interprete them is left to each and every individuals or groups
    Who's right who's wrong is there really a right or wrong?I am not qualified to answer nor have I omniscience!
    What I kwow from being involve in the industry some situations are very touchy!
    Another example of it!
    One of my close friend is a booker for a major escort agency I am parked beside him I hear everything the client is a regular but no regular girls wants to go so he offers it the new girl she accepts all the girld in my van and his laugh!
    We leave together we both have calls at same Motel .When we arrive the client is waiting for is date outside really old fellow drunk ,bad hygiene body,hair,dental the hole works,
    Dont forget it a full GFE call !
    The young approaches the client he gives her $800
    She then realizes that it a four hours a full pleasure call !
    She needs the money so she goes forward with it !
    Lets say I truly much prefer my position to hers!
    But life is all about choices?
    What choice would you have made?
    Touchy,Touchy
    Sexual desire is not limited too young ravishing studs or Bombshells everyone has them!
    How to deal with it ,is not so simple?
    The money is there but for the rest ?
    Regards all
    BookerL

  14. #14
    Merber
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    Quote Originally Posted by gan View Post
    She ends the blog wondering how men are so unaware that the escort is not enjoying the sex.
    Good thing they are, though, or she wouldn't have a job!
    o . o . b . e

  15. #15
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    The lady that wrote this is so out of touch. It has been my experience that the ladies who come to visit us really, really like us. They are really into us and there is no where else they would rather be. What could be better then giving a bbbj to a total stranger who is old enough to be your father or perhaps grandfather.To suggest otherwise just seems ludicrous. What the hell is a matter with her.

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