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Thread: How to deal with guilt and shame?

  1. #1

    How to deal with guilt and shame?

    I have recently been feeling guilty and ashamed about the hobby.

    I try to be nice to women I am with but there is always that underlying feeling that it's all a farce - that there is no connection, love, intimacy there.

    I feel bad for the girls who go through it all - many of whom are in dire need of money - young single mothers taking care of their children or other such cases. I feel like I am taking advantage of them.

    I also feel that I am short selling myself by not pursuing real intimacy.

    Have you guys felt this at any point? How did you deal with it? I am strongly considering taking a break but can't seem to shake away the guilt and shame that has already accumulated.

    Any help would be much appreciated.

    Peace.

  2. #2
    Lily from Montreal
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    I second that...Brandi explained exactly the way to approach the hobby..
    But,gan, if you do anything in your life that brings guilt or shame? Stop...
    I always say that if yu are to do something and think you will regret it,don't do it,if you do something,anything,enjoy...
    no regret...

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by gan View Post
    I have recently been feeling guilty and ashamed about the hobby.

    I try to be nice to women I am with but there is always that underlying feeling that it's all a farce - that there is no connection, love, intimacy there.

    I feel bad for the girls who go through it all - many of whom are in dire need of money - young single mothers taking care of their children or other such cases. I feel like I am taking advantage of them.
    Of course there is no connection, you are paying someone who is probably young enough to be your daughter or grand daughter for sex. The so called connection like you say is a farce. It is called acting and there is nothing a matter with that as long as you see it for what it is. You use them for sex, they use you for money. It is the way it always has been and the way it will always be. They treat you well(ie pretend they like you)and you treat them well in return and life goes on.

    JJ

  4. #4
    Original Dude
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    Personally i tend to treat it as any other service. We pay for something, they deliver, we had our fun, they have there money. Everybody is happy. Every provider i see is not forced to do that, she does it on there own choice and i am always telling myelf she can always refuse me at the door if she absolutely don't want to do it with me. I know its more intimate than having an haircut or eating at a restaurant, BUT for some people sex is just "fun" and not love or intimacy that much.

    Some girls go and have one night stand in bars, sure with young good looking dude, but its a one time thing and they move on... In that case its pleasure for both, no money, BUT its still just a fuck session.

    In any case, YES there is some SPECIAL ladies wich you can't refrain yourself from having some feelings for, you just need to be carefull i supose. There is some girls i see wich a good provider, i had fun, but it was very casual, immediate fun and im thinking to myself "im glad i saw her, it was fun, but i won't repeat". Those are the usual providers for me. When i see a special one then i see her multiple times, develop something, a need to see her again, and to be honest the "action" is always much better. But then could i apply this to other stuff as well? yes...

    So its a 2 side of a coin kinda thing. On one side yes they are human, they have feelings too, and i try to make it the best possible for them. But on the other side i won't find myself "guilty" of seeing them, as they decided to do that, and if anything i "ecourage" them on using there services.

    Not sure if im really coherent but the bottom line is, i can't go on and think everytime i see an SP that it was bad or i shouldn't do that, or whatever, cause i would not enjoy it... Its mutual agreement and thats it.
    Life is a party ! Death is the Hangover.. 70-49-6

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptRenault View Post
    Seeing escorts and pursuing a real relationship are not mutually exclusive activities. I think that having enjoyable encounters with escorts helps to motivate me to pursue normal relationships. I have had several good normal relationships during the years that I have had encounters with escorts. If I start a relationship then I stop seeing escorts and I don't miss them. If the relationship doesn't work out, then I go back to seeing escorts. I think of the sex as practice for a real sexual relationship.

    In sum, don't give up on having a girlfriend. Keep trying and maybe something will happen. But if you can't find a girlfriend for now, then don't give up sex either. It's OK to see escorts as long as you accept it for what it is--a business relationship like any other.
    Well said. This hobby is supposed to be fun; you need to take it for what it is - a paid sexual encounter which satisfies a natural physical desire - and nothing but.

  6. #6
    Original Dude
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    Work on your DATY skills and practice them on any girl who will accept it--almost any girl enjoys receiving oral sex from a guy who has some minimal skill level.
    nah, this has to be earned man :P Only special ladies. Afterall I AM THE CUSTOMER lol
    Life is a party ! Death is the Hangover.. 70-49-6

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by gan View Post
    I have recently been feeling guilty and ashamed about the hobby.
    I try to be nice to women I am with but there is always that underlying feeling that it's all a farce - that there is no connection, love, intimacy there.
    I have felt like this a few times. Especially after a few less than stellar sessions. For me it was when the hobby became a little old hat. The thrill was wearing off. When this happens I usually take some time off. It sounds like you should consider a hiatus.

    Quote Originally Posted by gan View Post
    I feel bad for the girls who go through it all - many of whom are in dire need of money - young single mothers taking care of their children or other such cases. I feel like I am taking advantage of them.
    Gan, this is one point I do not agree with. I never felt like I was seeing girls that were struggling for baby formula and diaper money. It's all on a case-by-case basis of course but many of the girls, at years end, will make more money than the all but the wealthiest of us hobbyists. They are putting themselves through school or buying condos, getting established in a new profession etc. I met an SP recently that told me that she paid her way through nursing school. She says she still does this to make extra money so she can have nice things. One of John's Superstars at Eleganza explained that she got into this because she was tired of living this "shitty life with nothing." She answered an add for Eleganza and the next thing you know she has enough money that she had to get an accountant to help her invest it all. She said she was fucking him to get his services for free. So, if anything, the hobby gives the SP a chance to get to change their station in life. It is a chance to get ahead.

    Alas, I feel bad for the party animals that get into drugs. But what are you going to do about that?
    Quote Originally Posted by gan View Post
    I also feel that I am short selling myself by not pursuing real intimacy.
    This I agree with. I was surprised to meet young guys on MERB and ISG that have given up on dating and only see escorts. I guess that is OK if that is what they want but I kind of shake my head and think why blow all your money on escorts when you can probably find a hot girl friend or two? My buddy was telling me that his son, a recent HS graduate and all his friends, were spending all their weekends in the the strip clubs. My advice to young college age men is the following: if you want to get laid stay out of the strip club and go to the bars around campus, join a gym, or get active in mixed clubs where you can meet other women. Now a days you can cyber date on sites like Plenty of Fish. The strip club is always the last place to go to get a piece of ass (in the USA anyway). I think the same thing goes for seeing escorts. You come here after all those relationships fail and you are to old and can no longer see the type of women like the women I crave without paying them. I don't think this hobby is a place for a young guy...other than an occasional booty call.

    Quote Originally Posted by gan View Post
    Have you guys felt this at any point? How did you deal with it? I am strongly considering taking a break but can't seem to shake away the guilt and shame that has already accumulated.

    Any help would be much appreciated.

    Peace.
    I give you high praise for contemplating all this and bringing it to the board's attention. I think you are having what the alcoholics call a moment of clarity. For you Gan, I think a hiatus is in order. This hobby has nothing for you at the moment.

  8. #8
    Brandi = solid response....

  9. #9
    Original Dude
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    I guess some does... lol. Me i will do it only if i have a special connection with the girl or something. And usually it will always be in 69 so i can enjoy my 1h as well at the same time.
    Life is a party ! Death is the Hangover.. 70-49-6

  10. #10
    Great points Capt and hungry. Hiatus here I come.

  11. #11
    It is a silly question, if that's how you feel don't do it. Have the self-discipline to avoid it. The reason why this thread was created was to initiate a very biased discourse on the matter and try to find arguments in order to deconstruct the shame and guilt this man feels. If those feelings are in him there must be a reason.

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by hungry101 View Post
    This I agree with. I was surprised to meet young guys on MERB and ISG that have given up on dating and only see escorts. I guess that is OK if that is what they want but I kind of shake my head and think why blow all your money on escorts when you can probably find a hot girl friend or two? .
    Must be nice to live in your world. Was not an option in my 20's and not an option in my 40's and can name way too many people in the same boat.

    Not saying it is for all those young guys but for some of us it is either paying for it or no female contact at all.

    Guilt. Shame. Not for me.

  13. #13
    Gorgeous ladies Fanatic
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    Quote Originally Posted by wasisname View Post
    Must be nice to live in your world. Was not an option in my 20's and not an option in my 40's and can name way too many people in the same boat.

    Not saying it is for all those young guys but for some of us it is either paying for it or no female contact at all.

    Guilt. Shame. Not for me.
    Many clients of escorts are Married and successful business person or professional its less complicated then a affair with a mistress and most of the time safer !
    Its called adult entertainment what ever reason you have ,if its good for you it works, if not welll the choice to stop is yours !

    Cheers

    BookerL

  14. #14
    Original Dude
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    This I agree with. I was surprised to meet young guys on MERB and ISG that have given up on dating and only see escorts. I guess that is OK if that is what they want but I kind of shake my head and think why blow all your money on escorts when you can probably find a hot girl friend or two?
    Thats not so sample man... Even when i did hit the gym and was much more bulky and way less fat, i was in good shape back in those days, and STILL i was not able to score any girl. I didn't had the self confidence and i am terrible to speak at women in general... I was still a bit chubby, but i was doing muay thai 3 times a week, kickboxing another night and sometimes free session to remain in shape. I look back at videos and picture of myself today of this time and holy shit i would like to be back like that. Yet no girl..

    Being in good shape is not enough to score a very hot girl, they tend to be attracked to the tatooed douchebag look in general, the bad boys type. If your a bit geeky and different forget it. Now a normal looking girl yes sure... but thats the thing, how to aim when your used to escort type of girls... In any case, being "young" is not only thing.
    Life is a party ! Death is the Hangover.. 70-49-6

  15. #15
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    No guilt or shame here, never started the hobby until my late 40's and after my divorce. Too busy and not in 1 spot long enough to "date ". As for the girls I have seen quite a few, some were addicts ( either left early or no repeats ), very high majority want to do this for the extra money and I find nothing wrong helping out single mothers, students etc. No shame, No guilt.
    I do not think outside the box, I do not think inside the box, I do not even know where the box is.

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