Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 19

Thread: Who takes the lead?

  1. #1

    Who takes the lead?

    Who do you prefer to take the lead at a rendezvous? Do you wait for the other person to initiate?

    Quite embarrassing to say but I just stood there like a robot on my first ever encounter and the poor girl had to do all the work, since I was so green at this I wasn't sure what I could & couldn't do. I would like to think I was better with my second one, at least a bit better but I wasn't close to how I usually am.

    I usually like the lady I'm with to take just as much initiative as I do, referring to how I would normally take the lead not what I mentioned above LOL! Although I have to admit I do like taking charge as well.

    I feel like I am getting more comfortable and my next meeting should be a lot better. I will definitely like to repeat with the first 2 SP's because I enjoyed them so much and really liked their attitude. I Should be a lot more relaxed as well seeing that I know what to expect.

  2. #2
    I am glad to see I am not the only one who froze during his first meeting. I had my first real SP experience a few weeks ago, and I swear I was more stressed and was much worse than I was when I first had sex! It's like I reverted all the way back and all the progress I made over the years were gone.

    I was always shy with women, but these last few years, it almost disappeared. So I thought I'd be cool enough when I'd meet my first SP. Well, no. I was a mess. I was shaking, I couldn't start anything and she had to take charge of everything. I wouldn't be surprised if she thought I was one of those guys who are still virgin at 40. I felt like it anyways lol

    Part of it was stress, but there was also the fact I, like you, didn't know what I could or couldn't do. Does she want me to kiss her before going to bed? Do I start slowly by putting my hand on her leg while we talk? Do I put my arm around her on the couch? I normally have sex with women I know are attracted to me and that I want to please. So it's hard for me to take the lead and think about myself, about what I want for a change. I have the "real date syndrome" where I feel like I could get rejected or at least told no on a few moves like kissing. Even if she told me earlier that it was ok.

    I was never a take charge kinda guy unless I was really comfortable with a woman. Then, I love taking charge. But with a SP, I feel like I don't know her well enough to do that. Even if I know it doesn't matter as much as in real life. I do prefer for her to take charge anyways, but I should also be able to change things up if they're not to my liking, or if I want don't really like what she is doing and would prefer something else. Which, so far, i can't. I just follow the lead. Which is good, but she doesn't know me so she can't satisfy me 100% if I don't do or say anything. I hope I'll get there soon.

    Anyways, I hope I won't be as much of a mess next time (probably soon) I meet a sp.

    I would also like to repeat with the girl I met, but I am kind of ashamed of how I acted even if she told me it was no problem. I don't want her to think "Oh no, not this guy again" when I call for her. I know she won't show it even if that's what she thinks, but as I said, I still have to stop thinking about her and be selfish. That's what SPs do anyways (nothing wrong with that), so I should take my fun and don't care about what she thinks as long as the encounter is fun. I still have a really big problem with that though. Any encouragement is welcome lol

  3. #3
    Lily from Montreal
    Guest
    Don't be ashamed,it is actually flattering to see someone and he is nervous to see you...one of my favorite was also shaking the first time and now after 4 years it one of the most comfortable and nice meetings I have...
    Problem is ,for me at least,if you wait that I take the lead is that me I am waiting also because I am not sure how you want the meeting,unless we were able to exchange at length beforehand, a kind of mexican stand off? loll
    Just relax and have fun...

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by LilyForYou View Post
    Don't be ashamed,it is actually flattering to see someone and he is nervous to see you...one of my favorite was also shaking the first time and now after 4 years it one of the most comfortable and nice meetings I have...
    Problem is ,for me at least,if you wait that I take the lead is that me I am waiting also because I am not sure how you want the meeting,unless we were able to exchange at length beforehand, a kind of mexican stand off? loll
    Just relax and have fun...
    LOL! It's funny you comparing it to a Mexican Standoff, that's the way it almost felt. I was also over thinking everything, I wanted her to enjoy herself as well. I wasn't scared of being rejected like Reboot mention but everything else he mentioned was almost exactly what was going through my head. I've gotten more confident as i've gotten older but I'm still a little self conscious of my weight and you know when it's the first time you're meeting an SP you are naked within the first 10 minutes or sooner so in my head there's no easing them into seeing me in all my glory, and to the credit to the SP's I've seen there was no indication what so ever that they were uncomfortable or somehow turned off. It's also hard for me not to think of her and be selfish like Reboot mentioned, I want her to have just as good as a time as I am.

    I think as I go along it will get better especially when i repeat with the same person, Lily's right we just have to stop overthinking, relax and just have fun.

  5. #5
    Lily from Montreal
    Guest
    Any comments that include ''Lily's right'' is a good comment loll...Remember her first goal is for you to have fun...

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by LilyForYou View Post
    Any comments that include ''Lily's right'' is a good comment loll...Remember her first goal is for you to have fun...
    LOL! You're Right!

  7. #7
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Visiting Planet Earth
    Posts
    4,160
    Ladies and Gentlemen,

    Quote Originally Posted by johnybird View Post
    Who do you prefer to take the lead at a rendezvous? Do you wait for the other person to initiate?
    I enjoy taking the initiative, though as others have said it's difficult in a first meeting because I can't be sure how the lady wants to approach intimacy. If she seems a little reluctant I usually do something like make soft hints, take her hand slowly, or maybe trace my finger along her arm or knee. How she reacts will tell me a lot. This is all very different from the first years. After reading the reviews on Bigdoggie and Canbest it seemed certain I should always wait to see what the lady wanted to do. Aside from that the real problem was I was very uncomfortable about the very idea of coming into this so-called hobby at all. I still had moral trepidations that linger slightly now. So with all of that it was hard to get through the first years, especially the first meeting ever as one might imagine, and I still don't know if I was sorry or happy back then that I went through with it. After that the sexual fantasy element pushed back the nerves and moral conflicts when I let myself excuse all the concerns and be taken over by how easy it was to be with a gorgeous woman.

    Nowadays it's still the same when approaching who leads. I don't want to push too hard and make the lady uncomfortable since as everyone knows even a string of glowing GFE reviews can't guarantee how she will react to any one person. As I said I like to lead, but I've also experienced great excitement when the lady is very aggressive. It's a terrific erotic sensation when ladies like Marie Eve, Jasmine the great and some others insist on peeling your clothes off almost before one can be seated and say hello or open a bottle of wine. Then again there's the submissive ladies who love to be taken in the same unabashedly aggressive way. I remember one who told me how she had experienced the sexual aggressiveness of a co-worker at her regular job, after there had been some agreeable verbal foreplay, and had loved the experience. Then there was one very shy lady at Eleganza named Cindy. If you let her be very little might happen. But if you moved close with gentle intimacy she turned into quite a hot sexual vixen.

    With an escort it's much too risky to try to impose a fantasy scenario without knowing how she will react. Despite what I might like or want to happen I still always take the safe route of relaxing, trying to have a comfortable introductory conversation and then using the soft signals approach even if the meeting is only for an hour. But then there have been times when some ladies made it obvious they had little intention of doing much of what they were there for. In those cases I should have sent them out with a $20 token. I was too nice, shy, or foolish to do that in the past. Of course it's her choice to go on with things, but if I saw that now I would not feel reluctant to send her on her way with only a token fee for coming.

    Quote Originally Posted by LilyForYou View Post
    ...if you wait that I take the lead is that me I am waiting also because I am not sure how you want the meeting,...
    It must be extremely rare when any guy would not welcome at least a gentle physical advance by a beautiful woman, especially LilyForYou. Even when I was nervous in the early times the advance of a great lady made all those feelings disappear almost instantly. It was like giving the green light...and a green light was all I ever needed. Not like putting a match to gasoline, but something like inviting a sweet wolf in.

    Cheers,

    Merlot

  8. #8
    i don't take the lead on the first meet 'cause i don't know how they'll react even if i read reviews on them before. and because, i tend to not do things half assed. to me is like if i'm going to do something, i'll do it like its my very last thing in life which is all passion but not everyone is like that so i wait

  9. #9
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    ZION
    Posts
    2,547
    For me....with the big guy i am...i am reallyyyyyy happyyyyyyyyyyyy when a girl take control...ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh hell yeahhhhh i do reallyy love it...and also it show a bite that she wants you in a way....reallyyy hottttt i have to say....
    Donner une deuxième chance a quelqu'un qui ta trahi c'est comme donner une deuxième balle a quelqu'un qui ta manqué!!!

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by johnybird View Post
    It's also hard for me not to think of her and be selfish like Reboot mentioned, I want her to have just as good as a time as I am.
    I am glad I am not the only one thinking like that. My brain knows she is there for ME, and since I am the customer, I have the right to ask and do what I want (as long as it's ok with her, of course!) to get MY pleasure. I know the goal here is not her pleasure but for me, satisfying a partner has always been the first goal and then getting pleasure came second. It's hard to rewire that thought and think of myself first. Which I want to do in these kind of encounters, but it's kind of against my personality.

    Quote Originally Posted by LilyForYou View Post
    Problem is ,for me at least,if you wait that I take the lead is that me I am waiting also because I am not sure how you want the meeting,unless we were able to exchange at length beforehand, a kind of mexican stand off? loll
    Just relax and have fun...
    Quote Originally Posted by natashasummers View Post
    Let her know in the beginning if you like to take the lead or you want her to lead the encounter. Will save you and the lady's lot of stress!
    Quote Originally Posted by Merlot View Post
    It must be extremely rare when any guy would not welcome at least a gentle physical advance by a beautiful woman, especially LilyForYou. Even when I was nervous in the early times the advance of a great lady made all those feelings disappear almost instantly. It was like giving the green light...and a green light was all I ever needed. Not like putting a match to gasoline, but something like inviting a sweet wolf in.
    When I called, I told the booker I wanted someone who could make me feel comfortable and take the lead because I was really shy and it was my first time meeting an escort. In fact, that call was as awkward as the actual meeting because I was stressed just from calling and my phone connection wasn't that great either and I had to make the booker repeat a lot. lol

    So, the girl already knew what to expect and I reiterated it to her when she arrived. She was very nice to me. She made the conversation but it took a little while before she said she'd go to the bathroom and then we'll move to the bedroom. I would've liked a few hints. as Merlot said. Would've been quicker and more organic then "go to bathroom, go to the bedroom and then start". But she was not stalling and I am sure even if she knew how stressed I was, it made her a little uncomfortable and not sure how she should act too. I think she did a great job, I just wish there was a little more cuddling or kissing before the main event to show me all will be great and I have no reasons to be nervous. As Merlot said, only a small gesture can do miracle and stop that "mexican stand-off" in its track I am pretty sure no guy would ever say "What are you doing? ?"

    The weird thing is, I am far from being a nervous or stressed out guy in real life. I am very calm. But when I am when a woman I find really cute and know what's going to happen, my personality changes and I become this guy I never saw before. I guess what Lily says, that for the girl it is a compliment, might be right. Although I am not sure every SP would think the same way. Some of them probably would like to not work this hard to get a guy in bed, since that's what the guy asked for anyways by calling her. lol

    But yeah, just a few sensual gestures to show me it's time and that she wants it, is the way I would prefer for sure.

  11. #11
    When I was referring to taking the lead I wasn't referring to who initiates the first move to actually start. The SP's I've been with took the initiative. I also let them know that this was my first and second time so maybe that helped, first time with an escort not with a woman

    I meant once it starts, i wasn't sure if I could grab her here or there, if I could touch her hair (some women are pretty touchy about their hair) and I would feel like a creep or perv to bring it up while things were happening, so I just lay there like a bump on the log and think to myself ok what now, should I direct her here, should I move, etc... It was very surreal the first time, I've been with women before and always have been comfortable and know what to do, but I have also known those women well. I chalk it up to nerves and not knowing what to expect, I think even at my last Rendezvous i even forgot to tell her my name, she only knows me as Johnybird.

    I think for my next experience I should book extra time just to get to know her just a bit better, So I can be a little more at ease.

  12. #12
    I knew what you meant johnybird, I guess I was thinking a lot about my own experience and kinda got a little off-subject because I wanted to have others opinions on it and it connected with this subject too. Sorry

    But yeah, I am like you. During all my encounter, I let her take the lead because of the same reasons you said. I don't really know if I should do some things I like or not, like touching the hair as you mentioned, holding her closer, change position, etc

    The worst for me is that I like penetration a lot less than blowjobs. So when she gets in position for penetration, I feel bad about telling her I want a blowjob instead. Or if I want to stop penetration so I can get a blowjob, I feel like she won't find it as much fun as i do. So it all comes back to what I already said in other posts: I have to start thinking about myself and stop thinking about them. Which is hard. But I will have to do it or it's not worth it.

    So the short answer is: She takes the lead and it's fine up to a point. It would be a lot better for me if it was a cooperation and we both decided things, or if I took the lead all by myself. By I am like johnybird, nerves get in the way and I cannot act like I do normally (which for me is mostly cooperation where both of us take cues from each other).

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Reboot View Post
    I knew what you meant johnybird, I guess I was thinking a lot about my own experience and kinda got a little off-subject because I wanted to have others opinions on it and it connected with this subject too. Sorry
    NO need to apologize I was happy to read that someone else was going through the same thing, felt less like a dufus. If you enjoy BJ's then you should just let them know at the beginning.
    During a meeting we need to stop thinking and just go with the flow.

  14. #14
    To her credit, she did ask me what I like and I said I liked blowjobs a lot more and penetration less. The problem was that she started giving me a blowjob, but after a little while it felt too good and I just wanted to take a little break from it so I don't finish right away. So I asked her to stop and in my head I just wanted to kiss, carress her and maybe go down on her or something until I am ok to get another round of bj. But she thought I meant I wanted to start penetration and got in position. Since I was shy, I said to myself "Ah well, looks nice so go for it!". So we finished that way since I was already on the brink. It IS my fault and that's why I said I need to think about myself and not about her feelings

    And you're right. In life, people always say (and they're right) that I over think things too much. I should stop that, especially with sps. As you said, go with the flow!

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Reboot View Post
    To her credit, she did ask me what I like and I said I liked blowjobs a lot more and penetration less. The problem was that she started giving me a blowjob, but after a little while it felt too good and I just wanted to take a little break from it so I don't finish right away. So I asked her to stop and in my head I just wanted to kiss, carress her and maybe go down on her or something until I am ok to get another round of bj. But she thought I meant I wanted to start penetration and got in position. Since I was shy, I said to myself "Ah well, looks nice so go for it!". So we finished that way since I was already on the brink. It IS my fault and that's why I said I need to think about myself and not about her feelings

    And you're right. In life, people always say (and they're right) that I over think things too much. I should stop that, especially with sps. As you said, go with the flow!
    Damn we sound like a couple of amateurs LOL!

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •