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Thread: Long Time Indy Becomes Angry

  1. #1

    Long Time Indy Becomes Angry

    So, I've known this indy for a while. She recently sent me an email that she was going to be in town, so I got back to her and set an app't for about a week and 1/2 from now, but in our email exchanges, she was short and rude, so I cancelled our appointment. I feel bad about it, but there's really nothing I can do. I emailed her asking what was up, but she hasn't replied to me yet. I would reschedule the app't if she let me in a little bit and told me what was wrong, but I haven't heard back. It's bothering me, but there's nothing I can do at this point but wait. She was always happy-go-lucky & last time I saw her was in February. I'm wondering what the hell happened, but I've gotten no explanation. This isn't a question, just a rant. I mean, what the hell?

  2. #2
    I curious what you consider rude.

  3. #3
    Banned
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    Hello Gentlemen,

    Quote Originally Posted by gurgeh85 View Post
    I'm wondering what the hell happened, but I've gotten no explanation.
    I know that when she saw who she was exchanging with she should have turned on the charming business professionalism no matter what might have been bothering her, but you need to keep in mind that when she is not in the room she is a person with day to day dealings and problems that get to her like everyone else. During the hundreds of exchanges I had with one lady years ago sometimes there was crankiness, maybe harsh at times, because something was bothering her. She would explain like we all know that sometimes you cannot hide how you really feel at the moment and that shows through. But it never affected anything we did in the end. I think the only uncomfortable moment we ever had was when she insisted on paying for her part of a meal.

    Sure if you are feeling there's something that might get in the way of a your next meeting you have every right to cancel, with decent notice. How your comfort and expectations are feeling for an upcoming meeting are important. For me though, since you had a week and a half yet before meeting I would have waited a day or two to try another email and see if it was just a bad day she was having and cancel later if you felt there was something persistently wrong that made you uncomfortable. It's still her fault for not getting herself calm enough to be in professional mode when she chose to answer you. She did have the time and choice to answer when it would be better for her. But I try to make sure I give ladies and myself time to consider things and settle down when I still have plenty of time left before meeting. If you act too fast you may have done so based on a misunderstanding or misreading of what happened. Then repair becomes difficult.

    Canceling right away when there was still plenty of time to see what was going on without losing alternative opportunities was probably not the best move...unless she was really so far off that there wasn't any choice left. When I got together with my long ago lady there was never any emotional negativity. When we were communicating at other times if she wasn't in the best mood I figured everyone has their lesser moments and let her be as she needed to at the time. She was still always terrific when it counted.

    Good luck,

    Merlot

  4. #4
    it is funny how you can sometimes get a good read on what people are thinking through an e-mail. Other times you can totally miss the boat. Was she in a hurry? was she tired? Was she typing on her I-phone when she typically uses a lap-top or tablet? Was she typing while using mass transit or maybe she was answering e-mails at each stop light. I have replied to e-mails in a hurry and people thought I was being short with them. i remember the guy on some forum that always replied in all upper case letters. People thought he was angry and yelling at them. It was brought to his attention that using all capital letters was rude he said I had no idea? And lastly, maybe she has hired someone to manage her schedule and to answer her e-mails. Often times these secretaries will pose as the actual escort.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by gurgeh85 View Post
    she was short and rude, so I cancelled our appointment.
    Sure, that's your prerogative, just as being "short and rude" is hers.

    Quote Originally Posted by gurgeh85 View Post
    I emailed her asking what was up, but she hasn't replied to me yet.
    She's under no obligation to explain herself to you. You canceled on her. What else do you need (as opposed to want) to know?

    Quote Originally Posted by gurgeh85 View Post
    I would reschedule the app't if she let me in a little bit and told me what was wrong
    It's not only not her responsibility to "let you in", but for any number of reason that should be fairly obvious it's far better that she NOT "let clients in".

    Do you think there's any chance that you might have come across as clingy or intrusive (for example, by expecting to be told what's going on in her life or expecting her to invest time explaining herself to someone who canceled on her)?

    It sounds to me as if you have become confused about what sort of relationship this is. Would you expect your electrician to "let you in" and "tell you what's wrong", or would you just find another electrician who was easier to deal with?

  6. #6
    Lily from Montreal
    Guest
    It is very hard to read emotions in a email...
    I once had this regular who would email me on weekends, I am not Lily on weekend but I would answer but in way shorter message that when I have the leisure to write at length,in my mind I thought I was being nice to acknowledged that I did read his message but instead he accused me of being curt and dismissive, I was just in a rush and busy with real life...

    I had to ask him do you prefer I ignore you for 3 days till I can sit alone and answer all and every topics you are talking about?
    There is no way to know why she wrote that way until you ask...canceling on the spot is a bit rash but like Merlot said it is your prerogative ...

  7. #7
    I agree with what Lily said, it is very hard to get a read on people's mood through an e-mail. If this was someone you had seen several times and always enjoyed your time with, I would have kept the appointment and asked her about it in person.

    Another possibility is that she is replying to you while not alone and hence the replies are short.

  8. #8
    Why don't you let it go; you are her client, not her boyfriend. Second, even if it's somehow fair to demand an explanation, none of us could give you an definite answer, it could be hundreds of things. You just sound clingy now.

  9. #9
    We sort of hashed it out. She attacked me, not the other way around. I just wanted to know what was going on. She wants to cool it off a bit -- so we cool it off a bit. It's up to her to get back to me. She said she'd talk to me tomorrow. I don't think this is clingy -- I'm kind of too old to be clingy. If she gets back to me, she gets back to me. If not, I'll never contact her again. It sucks, but that's how it is.

  10. #10
    She has a life. This is her work. She is selling an illusion to clients she does not like. Everyone has a breaking point it is not easy and it takes a lot out of the girls to be an actress so maybe she was not in the mood or whatever else. Or maybe you annoyed her too much or she had something happen in her personal life? It could be many many possibilities. Either way she owes you no explanations and neither do you to her. There is no written contract.
    There is no knowledge that is not power.

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by gurgeh85 View Post
    We sort of hashed it out. She attacked me, not the other way around. I just wanted to know what was going on. She wants to cool it off a bit -- so we cool it off a bit. It's up to her to get back to me. She said she'd talk to me tomorrow. I don't think this is clingy -- I'm kind of too old to be clingy. If she gets back to me, she gets back to me. If not, I'll never contact her again. It sucks, but that's how it is.
    Dunno man...seems to me that it's a warning sign of a potential bad date. Why take the risk? There are plenty of SPs out there....why not go out with someone that's a sure bet this time around? You always can check back after a couple of months and see if things have cooled down with your regular SP later on.

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by charmer_ View Post
    Dunno man...seems to me that it's a warning sign of a potential bad date. Why take the risk? There are plenty of SPs out there....why not go out with someone that's a sure bet this time around? You always can check back after a couple of months and see if things have cooled down with your regular SP later on.
    You're right. We do have a history together and until now everything has been fine. We've even exchanged emails just to shoot the shit, so I don't know what changed. I left the ball in her court, though, so at this point it's completely her decision. I hope to hear back from her, but I won't be the one to initiate contact. I already apologized if she thought that I had said something to offend her. It would be a shame if it ends like this, but what can I do? At this point, I really don't expect to hear back from her again.

  13. #13
    Probably time to move on. The great thing about Montreal is that there is always another fish in the sea.

  14. #14
    Let it go. Move on. If you can't , then get out of the hobby or learn the definition of obsession or stalking and learn to do the opposite of it.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by gurgeh85 View Post
    So, I've known this indy for a while. She recently sent me an email that she was going to be in town, so I got back to her and set an app't for about a week and 1/2 from now, but in our email exchanges, she was short and rude, so I cancelled our appointment. I feel bad about it, but there's really nothing I can do. I emailed her asking what was up, but she hasn't replied to me yet. I would reschedule the app't if she let me in a little bit and told me what was wrong, but I haven't heard back. It's bothering me, but there's nothing I can do at this point but wait. She was always happy-go-lucky & last time I saw her was in February. I'm wondering what the hell happened, but I've gotten no explanation. This isn't a question, just a rant. I mean, what the hell?
    She is getting comfortable with you and this is not going to work well with either of you. Especially for you. Best to do is let go and move on from this gal. You are not in this for a relationship. Save her crankiness for her civilian boyfriends. Once you get to experience the non-hobby her things start to go downhill from there. You don't need to pay money for that.

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