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Thread: What should the upper age limit be for first time fathers?

  1. #1

    What should the upper age limit be for first time fathers?

    Just want to start a discussion on a different sort of topic. I would like to hear what you guys feel should be the upper age limit for a first time father. I'm not talking about biology but more practicality here. Assuming that it will take at least 20 to 25 years of being a responsible father before a kid will be able to leave home for the big world out there, how old is too old for a guy to have a kid? Given that the freedom of empty nesting and retirement won't happen until all the kids move out. I know that older guys like McCartney and Trump have little kids but they have enough funds for 24 hour nannies, chauffeurs and boarding school. The rest of us don't. Comments?

  2. #2
    Interesting question ExoticSpirit, my opinion (I stress opinion because I am not a father) is that if you are going to try to have a child there should be a reasonable expectation that you are going to be alive long enough to see him become an adult. I would find it hard to set an age as health would be different for each individual, but if the odds are that you only have 5-10 left then I would say you're too old to be a father.

    All of this only applies to people TRYING to have a child of coarse - I don't care if you are 92 if you get someone pregnant by accident be a man and do your best for as long as you can.
    Try everything in life at least once, except incest & maybe square dancing.

  3. #3
    Another consideration: You do not want your kids when they are just getting into their twenties to be taking care of very old parents - it can destroy the kids' lives. I know this from personal experience. With that in mind, I would say that 35-40 is the absolute maximum.

  4. #4
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    I don't think there should be a limit!
    Lots of fathers are bad but stick around for ever, some fathers are good but they die young.
    Some people are poor their whole lives and borrow money off their kids.
    I think its quality not quantity.

    Sadie

  5. #5
    I look at my own timeline and it's absolutely frightening. I'm 45 now and realistically if I wanted to be a father now, I'll probably be 47 by the time a first born comes. This means that I'll be spending my entire 50s hauling kids to grade school and my entire 60s dealing with teens (and everything that comes along with that). By the time the kids are ready to get out in the real world, I'll be in my early 70s. Unless my gut feeling is wrong, I think I might be a bit too old to be a first time father. While my peers would be enjoying the relative freedom (time and financial) of possible early retirement, I'll still have major responsibilities as a full time family man.

  6. #6
    The limit should be = TimeOfDeath - 2 years.


    I dont see what one should prevent itself from having a child with a free willing women who wants it even if hes about to die of old age...


    A lot of people have grown up without the support (either $ or emotional or both) of a father and have turned out great.


    Here is how I explain the (minest 2 years). The mother should not go thru the death of the fater of the child while she is still under pregnancy to prevent a miscarriage a very fucked up mother...

  7. #7
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    Exotic, do you have some legal reasoning for wanting to restrict fatherhood?
    Most studies indicate that not only are older first time parents wealthier and more mature, but that they actually [I]live[I] longer. This could negate some of the problems you assume exist.

    Just suppose that you are right, though. Say the children of older parents become a burden to society, or that they end up having problems. Do you really want legislators telling us who can or can't have kids and when?

    How would they even enforce it? Forced sterilization of men over the age of 40? Forced abortions of their partners?

    I've got a better idea-how about intelligence testing as a requirement for eligibility to vote? And maybe it's not intelligence that should be measured per se, but knowledge of political and current issues.
    Too many elections are ruined by the uninformed.

  8. #8
    No, my question was not an issue about legality at all. It was just intended to get some input from my fellow men as I'm trying to figure out once and for all whether I should pursue fatherhood or not. I just turned 45 recently and I do have some genuine concerns about whether I'm really too old to be a first time father or not. I do recognize that it will be at least 20 years before kids are ready to get out of the house. I'm seeking all opinions in order to help me make a definite decision for myself - that's all.

  9. #9
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    If you have hit 40 and you have never fathered a child, I say give it up dude. That criteria applies to me, by the ways.

    I did come close to fathering a child when I was 24. At the time I had a girlfriend who was 18 and taking birth control pills. She told me that she had been told to take them for a month before having unprotected sex, but we kinda jumped the gun. I remember her calling and telling me that she hadn't had her period and I was sweating some fucking bullets, because at that stage of my life I was totally unprepared to be a father never mind married to that girl. Anyway, it was a false alarm as her period came late that month. After that I pretty much got scared about having unprotected intercourse with her, as much as I liked it.

    I am at a point in my life now where I accept and enjoy being single and have no desire to be married or to have any children. I don't have the patience to be a parent, and there are simply too many issues and obligations especially in regards to properly educating a child. Looking back I feel as though I was pretty lucky in terms of the educational opportunities I had, and frankly I would never be able to raise a child without giving him/her the same or better opportunties than I had. And that is simply too much pressure to handle. I don't need it. And with the money I have saved by not sending a kid to college, I will soon be buying myself a new car. And if my schedule permits, an overseas vacation.
    Last edited by EagerBeaver; 03-14-2006 at 09:25 PM.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by regnad
    That said, raising kids is by far the most rewarding thing I've ever done. And, by the way, I've got great kids.
    Well said Regnad but I feel that there is no real upper limit to being a dad and soon a mom (medical wonders!). You need to shower your kids with love and affection and teach them to value life and be independent. Realistically, the mid forties would be a cut-off age for most men but this does not necessarily apply to everyone.

    Kids are a gift from God - nothing else can compare to this, certainly not this hobby. If you're selfish, then abstain from having kids. If you're going to have kids, then be responsible; love them and nurture them as much as you can.

    GG

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by General Gonad
    Well said Regnad but I feel that there is no real upper limit to being a dad and soon a mom (medical wonders!). You need to shower your kids with love and affection and teach them to value life and be independent. Realistically, the mid forties would be a cut-off age for most men but this does not necessarily apply to everyone.

    Kids are a gift from God - nothing else can compare to this, certainly not this hobby. If you're selfish, then abstain from having kids. If you're going to have kids, then be responsible; love them and nurture them as much as you can.

    GG
    Amen. Well said, GG. I myself have not yet abandoned the idea of becoming one day a father, even if I'm not that young anymore. I believe I've got good genes in terms of potential lifespan. Both my parents are around 80, both are healthy and still quite sharp and active. With any luck, I should be able to one day be pushing 90. With that in mind, therefore, I say to myself that there's still time to have kids, provided it's with the right woman. Hey, just look at Larry King!

    fml

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by chefplus
    Another consideration: You do not want your kids when they are just getting into their twenties to be taking care of very old parents - it can destroy the kids' lives. I know this from personal experience. With that in mind, I would say that 35-40 is the absolute maximum.
    Most of the posters above are looking at this from their own, selfish, points of view. Please re-read my original post, quoted above. Someone I am close to has spent the last 20+ years of her life looking after older parents - and she is in her mid-forties.

  13. #13
    It depends on the amount of money the guy has and the age of the mother.

    If the guy is 90 year old, is worth 10 million and the mother is 20 or 30 something. That works.

    Although it is important for a son to have a male role model it does not have to be his father and the role model need not be there 100% of the time.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticSpirit
    No, my question was not an issue about legality at all. It was just intended to get some input from my fellow men as I'm trying to figure out once and for all whether I should pursue fatherhood or not. I just turned 45 recently and I do have some genuine concerns about whether I'm really too old to be a first time father or not. I do recognize that it will be at least 20 years before kids are ready to get out of the house. I'm seeking all opinions in order to help me make a definite decision for myself - that's all.
    ES, if you're looking for advice, this isn't the right place.
    For reference though, my brother in-law just had his first kid at 42, and he wants more. Granted, he's a young 42, and his wife is 28. Also, he's very well off, and self employed, which allows him to devote more time to family.

    Still, if you're a young 45, and you and your s.o. really want a child, I don't think you need advice or permission from anyone. Just yourself.
    Bear in mind three things-I apologize since we've all heard them a million times, but:

    1) My sister told me how hard life became when she became a mom. Little things like going to the store became major productions. I couldn't appreciate the extent to which she was right until I experienced it firsthand. If I want to go the post office, and I'm alone with my son, think about this. I have to get him dressed to go out in the cold, grab my stuff, carry him, put him in his carseat and drive there. When I get to the post office, I have to unbuckle him, carry him, head inside, open my po box with one hand, while holding him, etc, etc.
    I've really learned to be efficient.

    2) Everyone says the love is instantaneous and overwhelming. Just before my son was born another father told me if he had known how much he would care, he wouldn't have had kids-and he truly loved them.
    I never understood this feeling until I experienced it. When my son was born, I was overwhelmed by a need to hold and protect him. I thought-as every parent does-that he was the most beautiful creature in human history. (Only in my case, it's true; the boy is even more handsome than his dad )

    3) Having a child can be a mistake at any age. It is often a bigger mistake at 18 than at 40. In my case, I'm grateful for my son, but saddened because he is the product of a failed marriage...

    Sorry to be so syrupy, but don't underestimate the first two points.

  15. #15
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    Life insurance

    PS-If you're you're going to be a parent at any age, BUY LIFE INSURANCE. It's better for a child to have two parents, but if something happens, it's nice to know your child will be taken care of.

    Also, I rescind my suggestion of a civics test for voter eligibility. I like the idea, being that the USA is republic, not a straightforward democracy. But then I realized, the party in power will of course manipulate such a test to their advantage.
    Last edited by btyger; 03-15-2006 at 07:34 PM.

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