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Thread: Top 10: Grooming Tips Women Want You To Know

  1. #1

    Exclamation Top 10: Grooming Tips Women Want You To Know

    Many guys I know scoff at the idea of adding minutes to their bathroom time. They want the quick in and out. Life is busy. Sports are on television. Case in point, I knew a guy in high school who never used shampoo. He claimed it was a waste of valuable monetary resources and time. Instead, he used bar soap for everything. For all the time I knew him, this guy never had a girlfriend. Learn the lesson this poor soul never did. Grooming is important.

    Why? Because women care! And they are becoming vocal about their demands. When a few of my female friends learned I was writing this article they yelled, "tell them to clean their nails," and "Lotion! I don´t like touching dry skin."

    Still scoffing? Have you checked your nails recently? How about stocked up on lip balm? What about moisturizer? Anyone? Anyone at all?

    Women Know what they're Doing

    Listen to the women. Women know how to groom. If you've ever picked up a girl on a date you´ve experienced the awe-inspiring transformation from girl-next-door-cute to drop-dead-gorgeous. In fact, they are so good at grooming they have reached spiritual levels cleanliness, including prioritizing skin care creams and regimenting hair products. Of course, one cannot forget true cleanliness transcendence, grooming and accessorizing pets.

    Be Clean and Subtle

    I´m not suggesting that you do anything so extreme, but with a few extra minutes each week you can be well on your way to looking great. It is easy to find that true balance of cleanliness and comfort. Just remember, the world is a competitive place and women prefer men who take that extra time to get it right.

    Now, as with all aspects of life, it is the little things that truly matter most. As we grow into older and more mature men we need to give ourselves regular tune-ups to make sure we are running smoothly and looking fresh.

    The Terrible 10
    problem areas as vocalized by women

    1. Nail Care
    Remember how your mother always looked at your hands when you came inside from playing in the backyard? How she sighed and told you to go clean up? She was preparing you for the legions of women that look at the hands of men in dismay.

    To solve this problem, wash your hands regularly and use soap to get underneath the nails. Don´t forget your toes and toenails! Try buying a nail care kit to keep your nails trim and neat. These kits come in a variety of masculine shades (silver, black) and look like James Bond gadgets.

    2. Dry Lips
    Ever watched Napoleon Dynamite? Turns out that guy had it right. Available at any pharmacy, just purchase a stick of lip balm to keep your lips in prime condition for kissing. Keep that masculine edge by avoiding fruity-fruit flavored lip balms.

    3. Nose Hair
    We were all children and we know how excruciating it can be to stare up at older man who has hair coming out of all his orifices. Keep yourself in check by purchasing nose hair trimmer. This nifty gadget usually comes with several attachments that are useful for keeping sideburns neat as well.

    4. The Unibrow
    Remember Bert from Sesame Street? He had a unibrow and everyone thought he was evil. He also only ever hung with Ernie. Lesson to be learned: get rid of the unibrow! Pluck it out with a pair of tweezers or shave it off. Just make sure to exercise a degree of caution. This hair has to go!

    5. Ear Hair
    Do this for the sake of the youth, (please see #3). The nose hair trimmer should be able to get this job done. Just make sure to keep your equipment clean.

    6. Dry Skin
    We all like touching women with silky soft skin. And it turns out women also like soft skin. Who knew? To keep your skin healthy, fresh, and youthful purchase a face and body moisturizer. Also, ditch the alcohol based aftershave products, which dry the face!

    7. Dandruff
    I had a professor in University who wore expensive black suits. He would have looked good if he didn't have dandruff. One time a girl in class leaned over, shuddered, and said it looked like it was snowing on his shoulders. She never even mentioned the fine suit. Don't let this happen to you. Simply break out the Head and Shoulders from time to time and keep the fungus from cramping your style.

    8. Bad Breath
    A wise man once said that kissing leads to touching, touching leads to foreplay, foreplay leads to sex. Bad breath is sex kryptonite. To make sure that kiss is as sizzling as it should be, brush regularly and use a tongue cleaner. These are sold in your pharmacy next to the toothbrushes. Tongue cleaners help remove excessive amount of bacteria from your mouth which cause bad breath.

    9. Ear Wax
    Nasty goop coming out of any bodily orifice is usually in bad taste. Defend yourself by getting an ear wash from your doctor. The pharmacy also carries a few products that can help loosen and clear away wax. Avoid jamming Q-Tips into the ear canal as they may cause ear infections.

    10. Acne & Pores
    Remember your teen years? I'm guessing you don´t want to live that again. Use a facial cleanser and a toner to remove oily gunk from your face. You´ll look younger and fresher!

    ___________________________
    stay clean

    Of course, there will be readers who want to add their two cents, saying that I missed an important point or that I'm being too critical. That's fine, this is only a guide.

    So do women actually take notice of good grooming in a man? They sure do. Just keep it subtle, as though it is effortless. Keep it simple, keep it to yourself, and keep it clean.

  2. #2
    Village Idiot
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    GG -

    Good points all. For our hobby, if I could add:

    Trim your pits.
    Trim your pubes.
    Trim your sack hair.

  3. #3

    Thumbs down good work

    nice job from your side general gonard.

  4. #4
    Registered User
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    I am certain that I speak for many SPs when I say thanks GG!

    LauraB>>> Even a mechanic can keep his hands clean. I know, I worked in a garage for ten years.


    Ronnie,
    Naughtylady
    They will forget what you said,
    they will forget what you did,
    but they will never forget the way you made them feel.

  5. #5
    uninformed informant
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    Quote Originally Posted by General Gonad
    10. Acne & Pores
    Remember your teen years? I'm guessing you don´t want to live that again. Use a facial cleanser and a toner to remove oily gunk from your face. You´ll look younger and fresher!

    Be careful about this point. The oily gunk, while not preferable in large quantities Is actualy an oil called sebum that helps protect the skin against water and bad bacteria. many of the people who have acne actualy bring it upon themselves because

    A) They are constantly washing that oil away.
    B) What they eat changes something in the chemical composition of sebum that disolves it into irritating substances that clog the pores

    By the way, Acne is caused by hair follicles acting erraticaly, not bad skin care.
    Inherited Will, the destiny of an age and the dreams of its people. These things will not be stopped.
    As long as people continue to pursue the meaning of freedom. They will never cease to be.

  6. #6
    the guy w/soft hands..
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bat-Man
    nice job from your side general gonard.
    Not to burst the general's bubble... but next time quote where you got that article from rather than trying to claiming as your own post. It's called plagiarism. Not that it matters to anyone else I suppose.

    Yeah, I know I'll get flamed for this but I read that exact same article from a link off of msn.sympatico.ca. This article and many other interesting ones are from a dating/personal advice site for men and women, if I remember the link I'll post it.

    Just my personal two cents so let the flaming begin.
    Last edited by devries; 03-15-2006 at 08:04 AM.

  7. #7

    3 grooming tips for Providers

    1. Clean your slot: Nothing is as disgusting smelling as a snapper that smells like a fish stand at the end of a sunny day.

    2. Cowboy Showers don't work: Slathering yourself in some nasty perfume ain't gonna cover the fact your stink

    3. Cigarettes Stink: Quit smoking as you smell like an ashtray
    Last edited by MERB124; 03-15-2006 at 08:35 PM. Reason: edit of derogatory terms

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by devries
    Not to burst the general's bubble... but next time quote where you got that article from rather than trying to claiming as your own post. It's called plagiarism. Not that it matters to anyone else I suppose.

    Yeah, I know I'll get flamed for this but I read that exact same article from a link off of msn.sympatico.ca. This article and many other interesting ones are from a dating/personal advice site for men and women, if I remember the link I'll post it.

    Just my personal two cents so let the flaming begin.

    Devries,

    You are right, I got the article off of MSN. I apologize if I led anyone to believe that I wrote it; I just think it is useful information for all Merbites desperately searching for high mileage....LOL!

    GG
    Last edited by General Gonad; 03-15-2006 at 08:27 AM.

  9. #9

    Historic Counter Perspective

    GG has raised an interesting point but one that comes from a certain bias - namely our consumer oriented society that places a premium on the ideal look and buying the latest grooming products.

    Historically this has not been the trend.

    If we go back and study/read early Greek and Roman history there are accounts of the women of the community waiting for the conquering soldiers to return "fresh from the fight".Bonnie Tyler in the song "Holding Out For A Hero" used this phrase(late 1970's/early 1980's).Women historically have been attracted to men in uniform - returning from battle,victorious.Just look at the numerous photos taken of celebrations at the end of WWII.The smell of sweat and adrenalin has always and will always be a turn-on for women.

    Take this a step further - one of the most interesting phenomena about playing football or other contact sports for that matter is that girls/women
    who usually ignore the lineman/linebacker types line-up to be with you.
    Girlfriends love wearing your grungy jersey or practice jersey.Give them a clean old jersey and they will ask you to use it before they wear it.After a game they run onto the field to give you a hug and kiss and they inhale deeply.This phenomena is not limited to adults - you will see it starting from the Pee Wee level on up.

    Women also have an intersting habit of wearing their man's used shirts when doing house work,laundry, etc.

    Looking at the issue from a totally different perspective - that of population
    or population growth, the largest contributors have been societies that by the standards espoused by GG are the most backward - the least groomed for want of a better phrase.

    An interesting debate to say the least.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by maylee
    Ce serait juste une marque de respect de ne pas manger de l'ail au moins 3 jours avant de rencontrer une fille... Même si la fille ne vous embrasse pas, elle vous sent.
    Mais une tranche d'ail est si bonne dans une feuille de salade avec des oignons et des morceaux de porc ...

    Pour ceux qui se demande quel est ce plat, c'est un plat Coréen (j'ai passé un mois en Corée pour le travail).

  11. #11
    Reminds of a quote from the book "Ice Opinions" by Ice T.

    "Can't get a date? Wash your ass!"

  12. #12
    proud infidel
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    Thumbs down

    GG,

    because of what you said, I decided to apply some cologne this morning, and it seems to be working! Thanks!

  13. #13

    http://www.thesoko.com/thesoko/article635.html

    Nice work of copy and paste
    DocProstate
    Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

  14. #14
    uninformed informant
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    eastender: there is a huge difference between grooming and what you describe.

    The shirt/sweat thing is an animal thing, we are after all monkeys, anyone disagreeing with me on this one, please re-read the comment I wrote on acne and ask questions if you don't understand. :P

    The uniform is a symbol of strength, power and stability... normaly...

    But I do agree that consumerism is usualy the major factor in these little blurbs, you're have expecting actual product placement when you read those.

    You have to remember, people will tell you ANYTHING to get you to pay for what they are offering.

    Best example of this, an infomercial recently, promoting liposuction as a legitimate way to lose weight.

    The "specialist" was saying how the liposuctioned fat cells, having now been removed would not return thus you kept the weight off.

    What he forgot to mention was the fact that when fat cells are full, they divide, giving bith to a new, empty fat cell that is ready to be filled.

    The fact that it costs 5000$ per liposuction session, that they can only take away about 4-5lbs per session and that you have to wait 3-4 months before you can have another session probably had nothing to do with what the man was saying though.


    hohunter: by your very existence you prove my point that the gene that turns people into idiotic jerks should be identified and looked for at birth so that we may prevent the gene from propagating and also isolate those who already have the gene into settlements where all attempts at any form of comunication is met with harsh electroshock therapy.
    Inherited Will, the destiny of an age and the dreams of its people. These things will not be stopped.
    As long as people continue to pursue the meaning of freedom. They will never cease to be.

  15. #15

    Smile

    Quote Originally Posted by Gee
    eastender: there is a huge difference between grooming and what you describe.

    You have to remember, people will tell you ANYTHING to get you to pay for what they are offering.
    There is not a big difference at all.Grooming with all the attendant products and gadgets is a commercialized version of animal preening and other preludes to courting and mating.Likewise there were many tribal courting and mating rituals that have slowly passed away as societies became more sophisticated to be replaced by various grooming habits or requirements.

    Now this forum touches most facets of the sex trade - we are not discussing how twelve year old kids get ready for their first date.The remaining saved sentence from your post becomes relevent at this point.Basically your point is under developed since they will also tell you anything and set unrealistic goals
    for you so that you pay more for the same product or to upgrade a product.
    (Mercedes Benz does not sell used cars but previously owned cars)

    Specifically some strip clubs have bouncers wear tuxes instead of jeans and
    t-shirts because it makes the club look more high class and prices can be raised accordingly.Numerous such examples abound.

    I used to work as a bouncer in strip clubs and at times customers would complain that some of the dancers ignored them because they were working guys - construction workers,etc coming in after a shift.Would talk to the girls in question and inevitably the answer would come down to "grooming".Some of these same girls would dance to the Bonnie Tyler song
    "Holding Out For A Hero",others would dance for a drunk lawyer after he had
    thrown up(he still had money),not to mention their smoking habits and all the other vices that may have been enjoyed.Ironically some alleged that they were working their way thru nursing school.Basically when all the bs was removed they wanted to be perceived as high end and did not want to waste time on one or two dance guys and miss out on the guys willing to keep them busy for a few hours.

    Other girls would treat the workers properly,reasoning that their father had been a worker and would come home sweaty but with money for the family so they deserved to be treated well or that boyfriends played physically demanding sports,or that they worked out in mixed gyms,etc and were used to and not bothered by the results of physical toil.Some were working their way thru nursing school and said they had to deal with worse for less.
    Regardless these girls simply worked on volume and did not like the idea of sitting around which equaled no money.


    The funny part was that girls from both groups,if helped with a problem client, would give you a nice hug and would deeply inhale.

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