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How often do you have sex with wife...modified

How often do you have sex with your wife/SO?

  • Once a week or more

    Votes: 6 37.5%
  • Once a month

    Votes: 3 18.8%
  • Once every two months

    Votes: 4 25.0%
  • Once every six months or less

    Votes: 2 12.5%
  • Never

    Votes: 1 6.3%

  • Total voters
    16

General Gonad

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Dec 31, 2005
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How often do you have sex with your wife/SO?

Let`s do a poll on the frequency, not the quality of your sex life. How often do you have sex with your wife or SO?

More than 4 times a week
2-4 times a weeks
once a week
less than once a week


I am dead last:( I got this idea from the Terb thread which was just for married men:

https://terb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=113567&page=6

It is worth reading their responses and seeing the results - 70% of married men get it less than once a week...no wonder SPs are busy!!!

My favorite response on Terb was Bud Plug`s post:

"I find these threads to be fascinating, because I can relate to them and think about these issues quite often. I`m still in my first marriage, and have been for over 20 years. I hobby. I also have (and have had) a number of different kinds of "civilian" relationships, some as long term as 5 years. I`m also very busy in my work. My life is complicated beyond what most people could tolerate. I`ll come back to this at the conclusion of my post, but first I want to respond to some of the ideas addressed by various posters.

Hobbying results from your wife "holding out" on you

In my case, there was a period of time when I was definitely getting less than I was asking for from my wife. However, over time, I got used to the idea that we have very different priorities. Then I made the decision that these differences were not enough to get divorced over (divorce is still the only legal form of suicide for men). Now, the tables have turned. I would say that I`m the one who`s holding out on her (on those infrequent times she`s in the mood). I`m just not wired to turn it on for her on those rare occasions she`s looking for action. This part of our lives together is water under bridge for me. As a result, I would say that my hobbying is not because of my wife not putting out. I would say I`m no longer interested in having sex with her.

If she`s holding out on you, she`s getting it elsewhere

As I`ve said, I`ve had (and have) a number of relationships with other women, many of them married. Sometimes, the above assumption is true. However, some of my relationships are not sexual, but involve talking about what is wrong with our respective lives. What I`ve learned is this: some women do not view sex as all that important to them. Sometimes this is because they simply have many other higher priorites, and sometimes it`s because they have never really enjoyed sex all that much, either because of their partners or because of issues they have about themselves which they`ve never dealt with. One of the women I`m involved with recently told me that most of the times she`s had sex in her life was because she felt pressured to do it, and she never enjoyed any of those times. This woman is clearly not looking for an extramarital relationship in order to have sex. So, my conclusion is that if your wife is holding out on you, it`s just as likely that she has an incredibly low sex drive as it is that`s she`s getting her sexual needs fulfilled elsewhere.

If marriage is so bad, then staying single must be the answer

As tempting as it would be to agree with this, I don`t think this is the answer. Being single has it`s own downsides, the biggest of which is that it`s difficult to get into a satisfying relationship with a woman who isn`t thinking to herself "So, when are we going to get married?". I`ve encountered this, unfortunately, in every significant relationship I`ve had with a single woman. Being single can be fun at times, but don`t underestimate the periods of loneliness and the pressure you can feel to marry.

Sex is the most important aspect of a lasting marriage

As I`ve stated above, I`ve already accepted otherwise. Not because in theory, this isn`t true, but because in reality it`s nearly impossible to make this happen. Most people marry before they have enough experience to even know what they really want in a partner. Add to that problem the fact that your prospective partner may be "acting" to some degree to please you, and the further fact that even if you`ve made a great choice at 25, the two of you may be totally different people at 35. You`d have to be extremely lucky to pick the right person to satisfy all your relationship needs for the rest of your lives together. Probably some people have been that lucky, but not many. In fact, no one I know well enough to give an opinion about. No, I`m inclined to believe that long term marriages are more often based on a mixture of the following factors: 1) a lack of opportunity to have other relationships, 2) setting things like shared financial success, succesful raising of children, enjoyable social life, religious commitment, etc. above personal satisfaction with the intimate aspects of the relationship, 3) acceptance that the model of "lifetime mating" is, for most, a fantasy and that life is more complicated than that (meaning your life may have to consist of multiple relationships and experiences not involving your spouse), and/or 4) shared co-dependency (emotional or otherwise).

Therefore, my conclusion is that if you want your life to be simple and free from conflict, it will most likely be boring and unsatisfying. Therefore, we should stop looking for simplistic reasons why our hobbying or other relationships are "justified". The stuff we learned about relationships when we were growing up (mostly from TV and movies) was, surprise, surprise, B.S.!"
 
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steak

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Oct 24, 2004
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Even though I can figure it out, just for my personal knowledge, what is an SO?
 

General Gonad

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SO = Significant Other

steak said:
Even though I can figure it out, just for my personal knowledge, what is an SO?


Sorry, SO = significant other.
 

General Gonad

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Kaempferrand said:
Ahhh.. relationships. Easy to get into. Hard to maintain. But that is another thread you have to start there GG.

Tell me about it! Dee, maybe I should have put a fifth option - once every 72 ice ages. My wife is gorgeous and she stops traffic when she walks down the street. I still love her body - even more than SPs I have been with. But the sexual chemistry is gone, at least for her. It's like sex has become a chore. Even when I try to be romantic, I get the old light kiss and "I am really tired honey".

As Rodney Dangerfield once crudely remarked:"...you might be tired but my dick doesn't get any harder than this!"

What can I say? It is frustrating. The truth is that we had great sex "BM" (Before Marriage) and then it shrivelled like a dry prune.

I do not want to give her an ultimatum but I am voicing my concerns...so far to no avail!:confused:

Can anybody help? I feel that at this rate, my retirement will be short-lived.

GG
 
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CryWolf

Jack is back
Sep 24, 2005
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I have said it several times on the board, sex at home is boring. You know exactly when the SO wants it, in what position and how it will finish. I don't have problem getting sex, in fact she's almost a nympho and likes to self satisfy herself.

Eating the same meal for years can get boring, may it be lobster or chicken. Variety is the spice of life.

I read somewhere that the male species in evolution have the urge to sow its seeds everywhere. Almost all mammals do it, we cannot be monogamous it is ingrained in our genes.

I'm hobbying because of 2 reasons:

1) the thrill to be with a beautiful lady
2) seeing if I can sexually please another woman
 

General Gonad

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Dec 31, 2005
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Sex as as weapon of mass frustration

Kaempferrand said:
Your situation sounds like all the ones my married friends encounter GG. I just hope she is not in the mood instead of using pussy as a weapon. Now that shit can drive any decent honorable man to set sail on some other boat.

Don't all women use sex as a weapon of mass frustration?:eek: You can wine them, dine them but if you say one wrong thing, you're flying solo Jack, no sex for you.

An older buddy of mine once told me God's biggest mistake was not to put the vagina on the palm of our hand!:D

GG
 

General Gonad

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CryWolf said:
I read somewhere that the male species in evolution have the urge to sow its seeds everywhere. Almost all mammals do it, we cannot be monogamous it is ingrained in our genes.

Yes, I am aware of this and I fear that genetic predispositions are stronger than moral virtue. Maybe it is futile to fight it - we are all destined to fail!:rolleyes:

GG
 

chef

Foodie
Nov 15, 2005
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Reading these posts made me think of something George Bernard Shaw once said:

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation".

I swore I would never let that happen to me, but, guess what ????
 

General Gonad

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chefplus said:
Reading these posts made me think of something George Bernard Shaw once said:

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation".

I swore I would never let that happen to me, but, guess what ????


Great quote, it pretty much sums it up for me.

>>Regnad, I welcome your modified poll for the majority of the men who have it less frequently. I responded honestly - it's closer to once a month. If the stars are aligned, I'll get it twice or three times a month.:rolleyes:

There is a major, major libido mismatch!!! Are there underlying issues...yes but the basic problem is this mismatch. It seems like she is content with this frequency.:eek:

GG
 
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General Gonad

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btyger said:
This is where it gets tricky. I think at this point we could already see that we were having problems. Not so much in the bedroom, but personally. To have a child under such circumstances would be irresponsible, right? Right.


btyger,

Thanks for sharing. The emotional trauma of a miscarriage can manifest itself in many ways, including lack of sex/intimacy. The only irresponsible thing right now is if you do not put your child's interests first. I have said it before, for me, children make a big difference in terms of my attitude towards hobbying. I say this knowing full well from my friends that got children that when they're born, you become #3 or #4.

GG
 

anon_vlad

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My ex told me she was in a bad mood because I hadn't cut the grass! On that day, as she was aware, I had to work exceptionally long hours. I don't care if it is common for sex to be used as a weapon. If it happens to me, I look for the exit.

In general, I think if you give in on the things which are important to you in the belief that surrendering will improve or preserve a relationship you better be coprophagic.

I recently told my new GF that I couldn't tolerate her lateness and last minute cancellations and I wanted great sex at least x times a week and asked her what she needed from me. I admit to being afraid of losing her or that she would be resentful, but instead she has been a lot more affectionate and respectful.

If I could go back in time to advise my younger self, I would say that no matter how daunting the potential loss (financial or other) seems in a divorce, it is dwarfed by the loss of years clinging to a dead relationship.
 
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General Gonad

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oliver kloseoff said:
....the hardest thing was to tell my parents --my dad is old school no visible emotion but my mother was crushed and this hurt me as much as what my x did.
oliver

Olie,

That was the best and most sincere post I have ever seen. I really feel for you. I do not pity you but I truly feel for you. I know what you mean about the parents but in the end, we have to live our own lives. Sometimes you've got to make tough decisions and move on. We often look back and say what took me so long?

GG
 

General Gonad

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Dec 31, 2005
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I hit a speedbump!

sapman99 said:
GG, are you not throwing in the towel a tad rapidly with your wife? You only announced your decision to leave the hobby a couple of short days ago...

Sapman99,

I am not throwing in the towel with my wife but I do realize that quitting the hobby cold turkey is next to impossible. Today I was in the mood for a massage and swung over to Salon d'Or:

www.salondor.com

Sofia wasn't available so I tried Johanna. OMG, I thought Kim from Kama was the epitome of gorgeous but this 25 year old brunette bombshell is in a league of her own! (I think Kim is stunning too but she is fair skinned whereas Johanna has that dark, exotic look that makes you go bananas)

Forget the pics on the website, they do her absolutely no justice at all. She looks like a Moroccan goddess with Bo Derek's body when she really was a 10! Johanna is a brunette from heaven like no other woman you've ever encountered. I kept telling her "it is simply sick how gorgeous you are!"

Now, before I get all of you telling me how disappointed you are to hear that I didn't stop all activities, including erotic massages, hear me out. I wanted to see another MP today who I have been exchanging emails. She was not working and I was in the mood to relax.

I just realize that I cannot stop everything cold turkey. I will move gradually with the odd massage once in a while. You can accuse me of being weak and my inner strength is non-existent but I had a great time today!:D Sometimes I feel that these massages are the best thing to do when you're gradually trying to quit. Johanna certainly lifted my spirits - I feel awsome.

Feel free to blast me!!!:eek:

GG

P.S. Thank God she isn't an SP - I would be ruined!!!
 
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General Gonad

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oliver kloseoff said:
General Gonad
i believe
when we die
rich or poor
we all goe bare ass in the box!
i have nothing to hide from no one.
while im here i try to make the best of a bad situation and help others at the same time-im happy to say ive made many friends and aquaintances on this board.
and helped a lot of people in the process.you can never live to be old enought to make all the mistakes yourslef
so if i and we all share a bit-maybe we can help others avoid some of the mistakes we made along the way or to get a better understanding of things in the big picture of life
oliver

Thanks Olie, I appreciate it.

GG
 

CryWolf

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Sep 24, 2005
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GG,

Don't need to chastise you. I knew it would happen cause men are so weak in their flesh. Admit it, we think with our dick.

You told us it was "horseshit" regarding "logging on MERB" and that you could resist temptatin.

Read my lips : Y O U W O N' T S T O P. :)
 

General Gonad

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CryWolf said:
You told us it was "horseshit" regarding "logging on MERB" and that you could resist temptatin.

Read my lips : Y O U W O N' T S T O P. :)


Merb, shmerb....I was walking in the sun checking out some babes and I got horny so I called Salon d'Or. I know all these numbers off by heart. I didn't call Celine or any other agency, which I could have easily done. Erotic massages are nothing but relaxing to me. I couldn't kiss her or touch her private parts but it was sooooooo relaxing. I am telling you, I feel like a million bucks!;)

Crywolf, maybe I will never stop but chances are that I will slow down significantly and then who knows?

GG
 
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General Gonad

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Kaempferrand said:
GG... this is not something that you can immediately stop cold turkey. It is a gradual reduction in the frequencies of your hobbying. I went the route of immediate cold turkey and if you want to call it a success where I was able to hold it off for a whole year, you tend to look for other channels.

Kaempferrand,

I think you understand how hard it is to go from 200 mph down to zero. I want to cruise at 50 for now and then I'll see. I do not need to justify this, I just accept that cold turkey isn't going to happen.

GG
 

General Gonad

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Kaempferrand said:
GG, look on the brightside.... you didn't fall in love with any of the gals you saw. At least from your posts you realize that this is just a fantasy and no more no less.

Love is a lot deeper than anything I can possibly describe on these boards. I do not fall in love easily. I get infatuated, I lust but love is very precious. As ironic as it sounds, I love my wife, that much I know. But it doesn't cure everything in the relationship. In fact, love makes it harder to walk away...which could be a good thing or a terrible mistake.
 

CryWolf

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Kaempferrand said:
GG, look on the brightside.... you didn't fall in love with any of the gals you saw. At least from your posts you realize that this is just a fantasy and no more no less.

Kaemp,

Read his posts carefully, he was surely and slowly falling for some of them.

This is what happens when fantasy crosses reality. We walk a fine line hobbying and if you miss a step you'll get hurt.

CW out.
 

General Gonad

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CryWolf said:
Kaemp,

Read his posts carefully, he was surely and slowly falling for some of them.

This is what happens when fantasy crosses reality. We walk a fine line hobbying and if you miss a step you'll get hurt.

CW out.

CW,

Are you that certain that I was falling for them? That I would leave my wife and pursue them in hopes of marrying them? Please, give me a little more credit. Yes, if I were single, I can see myself developing a relationship with an SP - first as friends - and then as something deeper. But I would never accept dating an SP while she stills works. I would ask her to stop while we date and I would be decent enough to support her financially if she needs it.

I enjoy my time with many of these ladies but I am not delusional, just bloody horny!:p

GG
 
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