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Thread: classic emergency room visits

  1. #1
    Working rage-aholic
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    a rocky planet with one moon

    classic emergency room visits

    I don't know if these are true or not, but some of them have to be

    A 28 year old male was brought into the ER after a suicide attempt. He'd swallowed nitroglycerin pills and a fifth of vodka. When asked about the bruises about his head and chest, he said they were from ramming himself into the wall to try to make the nitroglycerin explode.

    A 50 year old woman came into the ER with mild abdominal pain. During a pelvic exam, the doctor found she had inserted a whole chicken piece by piece into her vagina. She explained that she couldn't have children and was hoping that the chicken would turn into a baby.

    An elderly woman came into the ER saying, "I got the green vines in my virginny."
    A pelvic exam showed that she had a six inch vine growing out of her vagina. She also had a mass in her vaginal vault. It was easily removed and turned out to be a potato. She said that her uterus was falling out and that she, "put a potato in there to hold it up," and then forgot about it.

    After being admitted to the ER, a 19 year old female sheepsihly said she and her boyfriend had been having sex. The condom came off and she wasn't able to retrieve it with her fingers.
    "I went to the bathroom and gagged myself to vomit, but couldn't vomit it up, either."

    A 15 year old boy was lying on a stretcher next to his mother. He was coming down from 'crank' that he had injected intravenously. He'd been sharing the needle with his friends. In concern, the doctor asked the boy if he'd been doing anything that put him at risk for AIDS.
    The boy thought, before replying, in question form, "I've been screwing the dog?"

    A young woman came to the ER with abdominal pain. She denied being sexually active. The doctor gave her a pregnancy test anyway. It came back positive. Back in her room, he said, "The results of your pregnancy test came back positive. Are you sure you're not sexually active?"
    "Sexually active? No sir, I just lay there."
    "I see. Well, do you know who the father is?"
    "No, who?"
    Why are homely people discriminated against...we're the majority

  2. #2

    Richard Gere and Tibet

    Who can forget the stories circulating out of LA back in the late 80’s.
    Richard was admitted to LA’s Cedar Sinai Hospital. Story has it, “Tibet”,his pet gerbil while bound in masking tape, somehow managed to climb up Richard’s dirt-shoot.The term for this disorder, back in the day, was known as Gerbil-stuffing or Gerbilling.

    This all makes perfect sense to me……

    Richard, born in Philadelphia moved to Syracuse, New York. This is where he spent his adolescence and probably experienced his first of many farm animals. His friends all referred to him as Dick,…… his middle name is Tiffany, which, I am sure, made his dad, Homer very proud when he was a member of the all boy’s Glee-club.

    After dropping out of college, his first real gig, lead roll, was an off-broadway production of, you guessed it, “Grease”. Produced in London,,…..perhaps it should have been called “Greased” and none of this would have happened.

    What does not make any sense…….
    Only a few years after this highly publicized event, he married Cindy Crawford in 1991, the most gorgeous women on the planet at the time.

    Is this what women mean when they suggest we men, should get more in touch with our sensitive side? I do not think so.

    We all know he spent the next four years beating the shit out of Cindy on a fairly regular basis. They were divorced in 1995. Makes one wonder what he and Dalai Lama may have talked about during their visits.

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