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Thread: Stripper Rant

  1. #1

    Stripper Rant

    Stripper Rant

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Date: 2006-03-27, 3:42PM PST


    1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.

    2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you.

    3) You with the thick-ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?

    4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.

    5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

    6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.

    7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.

    8)If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.

    9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

    11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit.

    12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

    13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

    14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

    15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any.

    16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!!

    17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance with guys in dark pants.

    18) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra.

    19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!

    20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance.

    21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.

    22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.

    23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

    24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker!

    25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite.

    26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. If you want a fuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you some recommendations for a small fee.

    27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

    28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

    29)Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

    30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak.

    31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

    32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't know all the words.

    33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

    34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk.

    35) Hey DJ! You suck!

    36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.

    37)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you fucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, or Bjork. For the love of God, Please.

  2. #2

    Now that is what I call ranting!

    Fantastic, one of the best rants ever. I haven't been to a strip club in a long time. Can I come see you? I promise to wear underwear and tip you handsomely!

    GG

    P.S. My favorite one: "Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you."

  3. #3
    That's a great post. But I actually dont mind a decent Sade or Boys II Men slow song. Beats the hell out of the rap and hip hop shit most girls dance to.

    1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.
    That's my fave. Typical American kids at Cleo's or any other sc in town.

  4. #4
    LOL, Techman, I have to agree with you there.

    GG

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Karma
    Maybe we can do something like this for escorts
    I've never been to strippers so I don't know how it is. Maybe someone could take me there one day.
    Would you be game to go with a woman ?
    Is this an open invitation or addressed to anyone special?.

  6. #6
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Montreal
    Posts
    734
    Quote Originally Posted by Karma
    I've never been to strippers so I don't know how it is. Maybe someone could take me there one day.
    Would you be game to go with a woman ?
    Karma, the next time we have a get-together at Cleo's, you're more than welcome to join us...
    General...HEEL!!!

    lol

  7. #7
    Karma, I second shijak's invitation. Come on down to the next gt at Cleo's and I'm sure you'll have a good time. If you wish to go to a strip club on a more incognito level, feel free to PM me and I'll be glad to accompany you.

    Shijak...don't tell GG to heel. If Karma decides to stop by maybe he will join us and we'll finally have a chance to meet him.

  8. #8

    Sir, yes Sir!

    Quote Originally Posted by shijak
    General...HEEL!!!l
    How dare you order a superior officer? I will send you to solitary confinement with an SP of your choice!

    GG

  9. #9
    Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.
    I love this one! I am amused by the word fart

    xoxox
    Anik

  10. #10
    Funny, read it on craigslist.

  11. #11
    I'm a little confused.......

    Most of the original post is very funny and relevant to all strip clubs, but $1 dollars bills????

    Canada has no $1 dollar billls. Do guys actually give those $1 dollar and $2 dollar coins to strippers?


    Sox

  12. #12
    Sr Member StripperLover's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Montreal, Canada
    Posts
    586
    Sox.at.six,

    Canada did at one time have both $1 (1987) & $2 (1996) bills which were replaced by the now current coins.

  13. #13
    Hi Striperlover,

    Thanks for the info about Canadian dollars, I was not aware of this. I guess I'm showing my age here or lack there of. Let's just say I wasn't frequenting strip clubs Montreal or otherwise in 1996, I was trying to get with highschool cheerleaders.

    Sox out

  14. #14

    A few "Customer" Rants

    6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.
    Why not last week you blew me for $20, has the Crystal Meth worn off???

    9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.
    The only reason I'm asking you out is because I'm hammered and have been staring at naked women for the past 3 hours, trust me you could loose 10lbs yourself and stop buying your perfume in a grocery store.

    13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.
    Funny my income is in direct proportion to how hot and easy you are.

    19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!
    You've just been groped and licked by every goof in here for the past 3 hours and you're telling me to shower???

    20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance.
    Tip you for what??? Welcome to reality, I work too and no one tips me either.

    24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker!
    But if it wasn't oregano it would already be in your purse.

    28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.
    And you still wonder why there was no tip???
    Last edited by spin; 04-26-2006 at 02:31 PM.
    Try everything in life at least once, except incest & maybe square dancing.

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