Way of living

I am there now but I'm 5 years older than you. I suggest you to retire or just see an escort once a months at most.
You need to expand your network and then you could meet some girls. If you need confidence try speed dating. I did it twice. It is fun . Unfortunately for me the women I met my age had an attitude but it is good to meet up new people. You can be friends with the other guys and then go for drinks to try to meet girls.

Try meet up.com.
Most importantly you have to smile in every opportunity. Smiles do wonders and attract people. I realize that a bit late.

Also do not do things to just meet up girls. Do everything to enjoy yourself. Once you enjoy yourself others will enjoy being with you.

You never know where you will meet that special girl. It could be tom hortons, a line-up, or who knows.

https://www.merb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?9554-How-to-quit-the-Hobby-Addiction

It is not exactly the same topic but many couldn't quit because of that; they lost their "hunter skills" if I might say...

It's an old and long thread but every once in a while someone post in it, which allows new members to read it and recognize themself..then it gets actual for a while and stop again until someone else decides to bump the thread up...

lolll cloud; reading you reminded this joke:

Let me tell you something about girls, son....

When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big tits.

In high school, I dated a girl with big tits, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.

In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.

I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl withsome excitement.

I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.

After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.

Now all I want is a girl with big tits

Life is too too short....older you get more you have to enjoy every moment. Women like guys who have confidence in themselves and who are authentic....plus mettez y un peu d'humour----les femmes adorent l'humour----and things will change around you.....believe me.

Gungrir, relax and enjoy life, do not overthink it.

If you want to see an escort, do it. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, don't do it.

Too many guys take this too seriously, it becomes either an obsession or a "lifestyle", and that takes the fun and spontaneity out of it.

after humpty dumpty sat on a wall..

Aly and cloudy sat on a wall: the desillusion de grandeur in the industry

or... "postface of an exposé: ending something that someone couldn't get done....."

:lol: ok... that one was mean....mea culpa lol

Well said Gaby. What help me is sports. Being a competitive skier and soccer player in my younger years gave me the confidence I needed. At 5'6'' you need to play your act to meet girls because if not they will all go for the tall dude. That is what I did. And like I said a few times fear of rejection is the worst shit you can be plagued with. Fuck your ego. Anyway we are all an ass hole for a few other people in life. What's a few more?

One of my good friend who had zero success with girl took up triathlon competition. His body went from average to fit. His confidence from zero to brad pitt. He then did not even tried to meet girls as they came up to him. Often you gain something by stop trying and put your focus elsewhere.

I am a bit like Cloudsurf. Leave escort for 40 something divorced dude like me

Cheers,

Women sense fear and desperation.
Confidence is the most powerful aphrodisiac!

At each important step of my life je me suis fixé des objectifs de vie---affaires, amour, famille,sports.......and CONFIDENCE was the masterpiece to achieve it......at 40 je pensais avoir déjà réalisé ma vie et être allé au bout de mes passions....affaire, famille et amour. Erreur...un divorce et tout bascule.

Quelques années plus tard around 45 je repars en neuf....me fixe de nouveaux objectifs de vie....and again c'est reparti.......et en plus je découvre ce fascinant hobby....me fixe des objectifs de rencontre....and since..LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.....jamais je n'aurais encore crû mordre autant dans la vie.....MERCI SURTOUT A VOUS MESDAMES.....CHEERS.

It is not only about confidence...but the....how can I say it....personaly, a 5"8 man has more chance than the exact same guy but at 6'4...men are as bad as women when it comes to being out of a crowd, I would even say they are worse, because a women's vulnerability might comfort some possible insecurities men could feel next to her (and I'm talking from my personal experience here...I was used to intimidate men as well as women and I still didn't have any problem to have who I want and when I want...but it was nothing hen I compare this period to the period I had when I crashed 2 years ago...it was just insane!! westwoody is right but it goes for men as well!!)...

I love feeling sexually dominated...i discovered it a year ago (only 1 year!! I was used to be leading...always... I wasn't at east by following)...and you can't believe the blast I had just to pull the pllug and go with the flow, focussing on my pleasure, my satisfaction, myself....of course I am giver...and I gave without noticing while i was taking)...

And if my girlfriend just date those 6'2-200lbs men...she always complaint they are too soft, too worried to hurt her so they can't give in because of their fear to hurt the women they are seeing...well, on my side, within 18 month I dated frequently 2 men (5'6 and 5'8...I'm 5'11)...I have few shorter relation with maybe 4 men...the most disappointing ones was taller than me...I felt like, from their opinion, their dominance is granted by their shape...dominance is an attitude, someon's drive/energy...and I made my point with those 2 taller men by showing them (and kill their ego lol) a 5'11 woman can be much more dominant than they could ever be...

Back at the smaller ones, the 5'6 is my regular lover since 18 months now and he is a real Master seducer; never dated a girl more than 3 times...and 3 times is kind of rare......and we are seeing each other every 2-3 weeks because we are both busy now...but, for the first year we were used to see each other once per week! When we first met, he didn't even know what was "symbiose/synergy" between 2 individuals...Well, now he knows,( :lol: )...but, Don't even bother asking me if he is dominant...gosh!!! Last time I saw him (a week ago), he wasnt shy or uncomfortable to just pull me against his kitchen table, laying my back on it while holding my throat/neck...since only one hand left, he had to be a bit rough to take off my g-string and almost ripped it off...and we aren't planning of seeing anyone else right now even though we both know we won't turn out becoming a couple...his self-esteem is not the most soliude I have seen but he certainly knows how to deliver what the girl he is with is asking him to..

And I truly think dating too much escorts for too long might lead someone to lose their ability to seduce, hunt and listen what the other truly want from him...human are not far being as computer; if you don't do any updates, the more you wait, the more expired you will be and the harder it will get to seduce again

Gungrir said:

Hey guys,

Dunno if it’s just me. But I’m turning 30 and I have 0 success with women. I’ve seeing escorts for five years now and I’m starting to feel less ok with this way of life. To the point that I feel disappointed in myself.

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Hey man, I'm sorry to read about having a hard time. I don't know where you're at in your thoughts that made you post. If you're feeling depressed what would you rate it at on a scale of 1-10 (10 = worst) ?
It might sound strange considering what the main topic is here (bunch of horny guys talking to other horny guys about girls they rent behind anonimity).
There are a lot of good people here that have gone through various events in their lives. Obviously the common pain reliever here is sex lol... But there's a lot of experience as well... I think.

I would totally be ok to hear or read your story should you want to tell it. Feel free to PM me if you don't want to share publicly too... but believe me, it helps to get shit off your chest (even anonymously).

Hi Gungrir,

I've had very little success with woman in my 20s, 30s, and now in my 40s. I've been seeing escorts since my 20s and my mindset for seeing escorts is that it helps me with my confidence with girls. From talking to them on a 1 to 1 basis, to being in a better mood from my encounters with them, to knowing that I know somewhat how to please a woman. I've always tried to enjoy every moment I have with these girls and I don't feel sorry for myself for seeing escorts. In fact seeing escorts keeps me from going crazy considering the no luck I get from meeting girls. It's all in your frame of mind and you gotta live a balanced lifestyle in mind, body, and soul.

Hey Grungrir,

Side note, this is my first post in Merb. I'm a year older and have been hobbying about 2 years. I can tell you right now your lack of success with women has nothing to do with you seeing escorts for 5. Have I had girlfriends? Yes. Was I an alpha male? Nope. Like TheDon says, escorts also really helped me out when I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life alone (and I didn't want that). Now I actually want to spend the rest of my life as alone as long as I can lol. I'm not saying I wouldn't want to get hitched but I wouldn't do it because of social pressures.

Why? After I started seeing escorts, I quickly realized it may be fun to do things as a couple (when I was in one) but it was even more fun to do things when you're happy with yourself. It's fucking cheezy but considering how nervous I was seeing my first escort, now I actually enjoy it if I'm seen in public with one so long she's ok with it of course.

I can't say for sure but if we're about the same age my guess is your fuck off fund must well loaded considering how long you've been hobbying. So my only advice I can give to you is travel. Go a week or two and visit other places (not other SP). Walk, sit, stare into nothing. Basically don't plan, don't think. Just spend and start conversation randomly about mind numbing topics. You don't necessarily have to travel, but the point is to do things spontaneously within the confines of the law (don't start shooting people on a whim, there's enough of that)

And I also liked Sam21's go getter response. He's right, you can write and read all you want on Merb but really it comes down to just saying "Hi" to someone.

As for me, I stopped dating because from a cost's perspective, I've reached about the same for a date as I would an hour with a SP (yeah I'm the sucker who pays for everything when I go on a date). However in terms of time, I have just as much if not more fun in an hour with a SP that I would 5-6 hours with a date. I hate how happy hours are now the norm to get to know a girl and then grab dinner before hoping to get laid and be disappointed when that doesn't happen (applies to both parties). Matching services like Tinder is faster but I hate flakiness and it's pretty much standard now because neither party has anything to lose if they don't show up/answer.

Honestly, knowing I can get laid by paying for it doesn't make it cheap or bad. It only make it better because I can focus on having a good time with the person in front of me instead of having to think about what I need to do next to get into her panties. I'm literally being conditioned to appreciate things other than sex on a date by escorts. Ironic isn't it?

I can't speak for all SP in the industry but from my encounters, they too would like to fall head over heels for someone. But what they won't do is reduce themselves to be perfect for a guy because they also learned the same lesson I did at a much earlier age (something many Non-SP our age have not necessarily learned). And that's the kind of girl I want to meet, regardless of her past.

But hey what do I know, I'm just a loner with a boner. It's probably best to seek professional help when it comes to matter of the mind.

You're not a sucker for paying, I think men must pay. You're a sucker for paying for a girl who's not interested. If you can't tell a girl is into you, you need to sharpen the skills.

I guarantee this will work if you follow thru:

1. Stop watching porn and jerking off. This builds testosterone, which is essential for confidence and male happiness.
2. Use the money you spend on this hobby and spend it on PUA coaching. Focus on day game. Do you research and don’t get a bad coach. Go with a reputable company like RSD.

Meeting and talking to women is just a skill like any other. You just haven’t learned it. It’s scary, similar to public speaking. But with time you get used to it and desensitized. This skill also gets transferred into other area of life. You’ll be generally more social. Which is really good skill to have.

tootsy said:

I guarantee this will work if you follow thru:

1. Stop watching porn and jerking off. This builds testosterone, which is essential for confidence and male happiness.
2. Use the money you spend on this hobby and spend it on PUA coaching. Focus on day game. Do you research and don’t get a bad coach. Go with a reputable company like RSD.

Meeting and talking to women is just a skill like any other. You just haven’t learned it. It’s scary, similar to public speaking. But with time you get used to it and desensitized. This skill also gets transferred into other area of life. You’ll be generally more social. Which is really good skill to have.

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100% agree with tootsy's post. Completely on target, tootsy. And the analogy to public speaking is a good one. Until I went to law school I feared public speaking, but I was forced to develop that skill or not survive. It was right around the same time my social skills with women started to develop. It takes practice and repetition. I would also say meeting escorts did not totally retard the skills I developed but perhaps helped refine them. There are two different kinds of communication with women, the meeting and getting to know them communication one does on dates, and the bedroom communications one does with escorts. Both are important and the latter does help in the civilian realm as well.

Regarding masturbation, I have a policy of two week abstinences between sex, or a sex trip, i.e. a weekend of sexual interludes in Montreal. It works well, for me.

Regarding masturbation, I have a policy of two week abstinences between sex, or a sex trip, i.e. a weekend of sexual interludes in Montreal. It works well, for me.

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I don't know how you do that. I used to have a week abstinence but now I took it down to 3 days because I'm afraid my load might blind a girl some day (Almost happened once lol). I'm considering bringing it to down to 1 day with some girls because they're just that good!

Gungrir said:

Hey guys,

Dunno if it’s just me. But I’m turning 30 and I have 0 success with women. I’ve seeing escorts for five years now and I’m starting to feel less ok with this way of life. To the point that I feel disappointed in myself.

Click to expand...

Hi G-man,

I am the same age as you and I have been hobbying for 7 years now. My mentality about this hobby has gone through many changes. It is very similar to Alyssa Roze's joke.

At first I started this hobby because I wanted to know what it was like to be with a hot girl, and obviously I had no game to pick up girls or the balls to ask a girl out.
Later on, I ended up in a relationship with a girl who was I was matchmaked by some relatives, this girl was very nice and a good person but very boring, which led to us breaking up. After that I realized that my sexual expectations were out of wack due to the amazing sex you can get with the hottest girls in this industry. I felt really bad for her and I didn't want to do that to anyone ever again.
I wasn't happy about my hobbying either.
So I quit hobbying for several months to give myself a chance to meet "civilian" girls with more realistic expectations.
That didn't go too well because I still had no game nor the cojones to talk to girls lol.
So I figured I would continue hobbying but work on "how to talk to girls" with escorts; which shouldn't be too hard cuz, they are there , to stroke your ego. However I learned how to differentiate when the girl genuinely enjoys being with you or when its an act or indifference.
I would push myself to make her genuinely enjoy HER time with me by making her laugh, keeping a good conversation going, doing better in bed, as I went along I was learning how to get a girl into bed, how to compliment a girl, how to hold a girl, how to listen to a girl etc... the corny stuff.
So at the end of the day I was trying to endear the escort instead of the other way around.
I got pretty good, not amazing, just a drastic improvement. My skills in the bed room improved a lot too because I was wanted her to enjoy her time there too right?
The results gave me a confidence boost.
In the process of this learning curve, thanks to the practice, I did find myself dating some escorts. Which all ended of natural causes.
I figured it was time for me to apply what I had learned to civilian girls. And yeah it worked really well.
I started having girlfriends the traditional way, through friends, work lol, parties etc... mind you these were girls who showed interest in me, as in they seeked me out.
Now I find myself going through the learning curve of "relationships" after getting crushed by my last ex bahahaha.
Like in Alyssa Roze's joke, I am looking for someone who has stability "stage".
I have no difficulty talking to girls, even better with people. But then I noticed that I would choke when I had a crush on the girl.
What helped me with that was making close friends with a really pretty girl at work who I knew had a boyfriend, so I wouldn't feel intimidated by the fact that I had a chance with her.
Again it worked, I gained a little more confidence and.... I have less problems asking out my crush lol.


Now I am at place where I want to be at, I am taking my time to finding the girl for me. In the mean time I am just now coming back to the hobby because I enjoy it, instead of hobbying because I am missing something.

try and figure out why you aren't having any luck with women and work on it.

I've got still ways to go to better myself but better late than never.