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Thread: Are men just a walking wallet?

  1. #1
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    Are men just a walking wallet?

    The great thing about MERB is the wide array of personalities and opinions. I think most people are fairly honest.
    I haven't been hobbying very long, and I came to MERB with some preconceived notions. One of them was of the cold, abusive john exploiting women. That's certainly true in some cases, but in most cases posters appear to be sensitive and respectful. Responses to GG's thread, "Have you ever gotten emotionally involved with an SP?" revealed that some, if not most posters look at SPs as a lot more than just a 'life support for a ___.'

    I'm obviously not an SP, and can only go on what they tell me, but the biggest disadvantage to the lifestyle seems to be what it does to relationships. Maybe this has been touched on in other threads, but reading some recent posts, I wonder how cynical and detached an SP has to become to do her job. Reading Alex's "Stripper Rant" isn't much of an eye opener, but Zaphyr's reply to "Do SPs have higher standards regarding men," is. She said Oliver wants to sleep with any escort he wants for free.

    Maybe. But what's wrong with that? If a man doesn't start out as a client, why can't an SP see him as just that...a man, not money. One SP told me she's hard to pick up because of her job. Some ask how hard is it for an SP to have a relationship with a man. I wonder how hard is it for a man to have a relationship with an SP or former SP?
    Surely SPs are exploited for sex, but probably no more than john's are exploited for money. Granted, it's a business, and maybe I'm overly sensitive, but are we nothing more than $? And if so, is it just SPs that view men this way, or a majority of women to some extent?
    Or am I just too Goddamn cynical right now?
    Why are homely people discriminated against...we're the majority

  2. #2

    Not!

    Btyger,

    I'd say you're too cynical. I would argue that those of us who see SPs are more dickheads than walking wallets. Think about it ...
    Last edited by picasso; 04-28-2006 at 12:22 AM.
    A demander: une cochonne Quebecoise ou Allemande avec qui le sol se derobe sous mes pieds!

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karma
    If men are walking wallet, then woman are walking vaginas.
    That's a perfectly valid response, and I don't consider it cynical.
    Alot of men see women as walking vaginas. I do not. I think women are much more complex than men. I prefer the company of women to men, even when it comes to platonic friendships. I find it easier to talk openly to women.
    I know my post makes it sound like women are greedy and use men for money. I think they are greedy. Men are greedy, too. I'm greedy. The difference is the hardwiring of a man puts us at a natural disadvantage, IMHO. Or maybe it's just my hardwiring

    Yes Picasso, I am cynical. I was cynical before the breakup of my marriage and I'm much more cynical now. On top of that, my breakup and some other issues have warped my opinions (temporarily, I hope).

    I'm also sentimental and generous. Too often people reward my generosity by taking advantage of me. My boss has told me over and over, "You're too nice." I never thought there was any such thing, but now I think she's right.

    And yes, Oliver, I used to think you were cheap. I don't anymore. Now I just think you're savvy. Much more so than me.
    Last edited by btyger; 04-28-2006 at 06:34 AM.
    Why are homely people discriminated against...we're the majority

  4. #4
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    Karma, I don't know why it's important to me what others think of me, but it is. I am cynical, but not without reason.
    My wife and I recently split. Before my wife and I were married, but while we were living together, she left me for a guy I'll call Jim. All through our marriage my wife denied having an affair with him, but she remained in contact with him, even working together briefly. We fought about this forever. I told her over and over I was uncomfortable with her friendship with 'Jim'. She just made me feel paranoid.

    Within weeks of moving out, she was living with him. Maybe she wasn't having an affair with him while we were married. If so, then she had him on 'standby', knowing she could have him anytime she wanted. She's living with him rent free, as she did with me, and she hasn't worked a day in almost three months. I've supplied her with money, money she's no doubt spent on him too, as he's not working now, either.

    Last week she told me she wants to come back. The reasons? Our sex life was better, and I have more stable employment. I thought, after 7 years together, is that all I am to her? No talk of love for me. A friend told me, "Of course she wants you back, you're her caretaker."
    The next day she drove to Michigan with 'Jim', while I took our son.

    On top of that, I've become involved with a woman who is clearly taking advantage of me. I'm generous to a fault to begin with, and I'm especially weak now. I care about her and worry about her, even though I know she uses me for money. (Yes, I'm a fool) So yes, I feel like a walking wallet. I set myself up for these things, by being a 'nice guy' and by being generous.
    I've also realized that I'm a total loser. I'm 28, attractive, and despite this thread, I'm generally a very sweet and gentle person, yet I have to pay to be with a woman, one way or another. I'm bitter because though I have little self esteem at the moment, I feel I deserve better...so why do I allow women to use me? Because I don't know how to curb my desire.
    Buddhism teaches that suffering is caused by desire. I'm starting to agree. And I'm full of desire.
    Last edited by btyger; 04-28-2006 at 06:38 AM.
    Why are homely people discriminated against...we're the majority

  5. #5
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    If prostitution is the rental of the body, then marriage is the sale.

    Studies have shown that while looks are important to a woman who is looking for a raltionship, it is only half as important as his ability to provide emotionaly and especialy financialy.

    If you ever see a stunning woman married to a average or even ugly guy, you can be certain that his wallet is fairly large.
    Inherited Will, the destiny of an age and the dreams of its people. These things will not be stopped.
    As long as people continue to pursue the meaning of freedom. They will never cease to be.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gee
    If prostitution is the rental of the body, then marriage is the sale.

    Studies have shown that while looks are important to a woman who is looking for a raltionship, it is only half as important as his ability to provide emotionaly and especialy financialy.

    If you ever see a stunning woman married to a average or even ugly guy, you can be certain that his wallet is fairly large.
    Some will call you cynical, but you're right. I used to work with a married woman who flirted with everyone. She used to call me 'El Guapo'. When she was pregnant, she ranted about how hot her ob-gyn was. Harmless stuff, really.
    But, her husband has one the ugliest faces I've ever seen. He's a hell of a nice guy, but he's so bad looking it's epic. He's also twenty years older than her. But he affords her one hell of a lifestyle.
    Last edited by btyger; 04-28-2006 at 04:50 AM.
    Why are homely people discriminated against...we're the majority

  7. #7

    Arrow The myth of the detached SP

    Quote Originally Posted by btyger
    Maybe this has been touched on in other threads, but reading some recent posts, I wonder how cynical and detached an SP has to become to do her job.

    ...Surely SPs are exploited for sex, but probably no more than john's are exploited for money. Granted, it's a business, and maybe I'm overly sensitive, but are we nothing more than $? And if so, is it just SPs that view men this way, or a majority of women to some extent?
    Or am I just too Goddamn cynical right now?
    btyger,

    In my opinion, your post is extremely cynical about SPs and women in general. Are there bitches out there that only looking for loaded men? Of course there are. And there are just as many rich jerks playing this game until one day they realize that they are going nowhere in life. A very good looking, rich buddy of mine recently confided in me that he is lonely and worried about where he is going in life. His facade is one of a confident man but internally he is very unfulfilled. I think he realizes that you can't buy true love. You can pay for sex but that isn't going to fulfill you.

    Now as far as the myth of the detached SP goes, I will admit that with few exceptions, none of the SPs I met were detached. They were engaging and very open with me. Part of that is that I am extremely easy to talk with and they feel very comfortable opening up. But I also treat them like good friends first, not SPs who are there to take care of my sexual needs.

    Stripper Lover in the "Overbooked" thread said that we are nothing more than "Johns" once you cross the line and pay for sex. I know he is annoyed with some of the exaggerated posts of men that think they are in an endless love affair. But I also feel that he is generalizing. I can guarantee you that almost all the women I met do not think of me as a mere "John." If they did, I would feel it. They are not in love with me but they are happy to be with me, to talk openly with me and to share their aspirations, their struggles and their lives with me. You don't do that with mere "Johns".

    When an SP looks you in the eyes and says "I really hope to see you again," it is easy to be cynical and say she is just saying that to take my money. For me, I know this isn't the case. Why? Because I get that in my 'real' life from female friends who enjoy being with me and talk openly to me about their lives.

    At the end of the day, SPs are human beings with feelings. If you treat them like shit, they'll treat you like a "John". But if you take the time to listen to them and try not to be selfish in the encounter, then you might be surprised on how the chemistry changes for the better.

    btyger, I know you're a good guy going through some tough times. Fight this cynicism - life is way too short to be negative and cynical. You do not want to grow old and become a miserable prick.

    On that note, enjoy this beautiful sunny day...I love this weather!

    GG
    Last edited by General Gonad; 04-28-2006 at 09:22 AM.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by btyger
    ........................Last week she told me she wants to come back. ......................................The next day she drove to Michigan with 'Jim', while I took our son.

    On top of that, I've become involved with a woman who is clearly taking advantage of me. ................
    btyger: You're 28, and clearly being treated like a walking wallet by 2 women. Please disassociate yourself from both - the last thing you want is to suddenly notice that the years have gone by and you're broke. Please feel free to tell me to go mind my own business.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by chefplus
    btyger: You're 28, and clearly being treated like a walking wallet by 2 women. Please disassociate yourself from both - the last thing you want is to suddenly notice that the years have gone by and you're broke. Please feel free to tell me to go mind my own business.
    I agree with chefplus, but I also think you should disassociate yourself with anything negative in your life. Only you know what that is.

    GG

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by btyger
    I'm 28, attractive, and despite this thread, I'm generally a very sweet and gentle person, yet I have to pay to be with a woman, one way or another. I'm bitter because though I have little self esteem at the moment, I feel I deserve better...so why do I allow women to use me?
    btyger,

    A very wise older friend of mine tells me we subconsciously yearn for things and our actions often are driven by this subconcious. You allow yourself to be 'used' because that is what you subconsciously want. You enjoy being generous despite the fact that you know they're using you. And you know what, it's fine for now. But at one point, you realize that you cannot save each and every sob story. You will realize that unless you take care of yourself first - both physically and emotionally - then you will not be living life the way you need to.

    Buddhists also teach us that you cannot change the past or predict the future, so enjoy the present.

    GG

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by General Gonad
    .................Buddhists also teach us that you cannot change the past or predict the future, so enjoy the present.

    GG
    Along the same lines, someone recently said to me, "Don't wait for tomorrow to be happy. You have to be happy today".

  12. #12
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    I want to apologize for ever starting this thread. I asked a loaded and unfair question. I'm venting my personal issues here, and this is the wrong place for it. I'm also venting my personal issues in the right places. Hell, I'm venting everywhere: clients, co-workers, friends, family, this board, and soon, a shrink..

    No, I don't think women in general view men as piles of cash. I don't think SPs view all clients as piles of cash, either. Some do for sure, but the majority I've met have been kind and, if nothing else, honest. I find there is a basic honesty between client and SP.

    Chefplus, I'm not going to tell you to mind your own business. I aired my dirty laundry here in the first place.
    Last edited by btyger; 04-28-2006 at 10:13 AM.
    Why are homely people discriminated against...we're the majority

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karma
    Btyger : So when can we get married ?
    Immediately, if not sooner, since I've already been cleaned out.
    Why are homely people discriminated against...we're the majority

  14. #14
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    I'm not sure what you're sorry about. Don't mind me for being so defensive. I made an unfair generalization based on bitterness at my own bad decisions. My wife isn't half as bad as I made her out to be, and neither is my 'friend'. If they were, I wouldn't care about them.

    Anyway, there is life after divorce. I work with a guy twice my age, who's been divorced four or five times. He's had at least one kid from each marriage. The image I would have of him if that's all I knew would be of a haggard, stressed and prematurely aging old man. Instead he looks ten years younger than he is, and I swear he has more energy than me.
    Why are homely people discriminated against...we're the majority

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by btyger
    Immediately, if not sooner, since I've already been cleaned out.
    If you have already been cleaned out, please impart this information to the two parasites, and watch them run away.

    Then, rebuild your finances. You're only 28, and have lots of time. I wish you well with the counselling.

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