MERB help me, I fell in love with an escort

I hope for you she's not a merb member....

But more seriously, just meet with her (and pay for the hour) and tell her simply that you're attracted to her.

There's a lot of questions that you need to ask yourself but one important one is : are you comfortable that she still work as an escort?. If the answer is no, move on as fast as you can. The decision of quitting her job/career is only up to her.

Good luck!

Babou,

You aren’t in love, it’s a deep infatuation. You are in a relationship which, sexually (once a month) is pathetic and unacceptable. You then meet a hot young escort who delivers what you weren’t getting from your real life love. She is filling a void that needs to be filled but it is a BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP. You can’t take it further than that and if you start falling in love with girls you will (a) get blacklisted and (b) eventually have to quit and find a real life GF. So you need to keep it on a business level or get out. It’s the younger guys with less game and less experience that fall into your situation and some make the necessary attitude adjustment and those who can’t end up getting out after a few blacklists.

Make the adjustment, just like Aaron Judge did when they started pitching him up and down on the strike zone. If you adjust you get player of the month, if you don’t you will strike out more than Judge did in August. And you will be released and out of game before you know it. I have seen it happen. Also saw one guy end on criminal stalking charges, which he even discussed right here on MERB. It was a well known situation. Don’t make same mistakes.

EB explained very well. The Neighbour's Wife and your Own Child is alway Beautiful. No preaching, Just enjoy until you can and then it will come to the same point where you are with your girlfriend now.

The lines in this business are so blurry sometimes it's hard to tell what you feel towards an escort and what she feels towards you. No point in saying stuff like love or soulmate. Like EB said, it's business. And if you start making things personal, one of you is going to get hurt. If she wants to see you when she's off schedule, that's her choice. It doesn't mean she's in love with you.

I swear if I had started hobbying in my early 20s I'd always fall in love for the wrong reasons but good thing I started close to the end of my 20s .

Today I live by a very simple latin reminder: Memento Mori (remember that you have to die). Why complicate your life further?

Babou,

There was an escort I saw in Montreal that I became deeply infatuated with. I saw her multiple times. She ultimately gave me her real name and business card (she worked a regular job). Rather than call her at work I Facebooked her. After she left the business I kept in touch with her and “made the adjustment” of just being a friend same as I do with my male friends. Our dialogues on Facebook were about her job at the moment (she has cycled through a few), restaurants and other common interests, her various moves and roommates, her family life, and on some occasions her boyfriends. I still talk to her as a friend from time to time and it’s now almost 3 years since I last saw her as an escort. The adjustment is to recognize that I am now her friend and not a client any more. Whether we at some point will be fuck friends I don’t know but also don’t count on such things. If I were you, I would dump your existing girlfriend and keep your options open because you sound like you want a family and she is cockblocking you from reaching that objective. Move on and that solves part of your problem. As for the escort she is just someone filling a void in your life. She is filler material, nothing more nor less. I would just try and be a friend to her. Don’t be in any way judgmental of her. She has chosen to be an escort and it’s not for you to do anything other than respect that. But try to see other escorts and Seeking Arrangement girls and keep options open for the girlfriend replacement but not by using escort agencies as dating services - don’t fall into that trap.

I met a girl on Seeking Arrangement in June. We have what I can best describe as a professional girlfriend relationship. I see her every week at least once only pay her when we have sex which is like 1/3 of the dates. She is 23 years old college educated and the sex with her is major high GFE. I really like her but still see other girls. I am a free agent. You need to declare your free agency and keep options open.

I have a bigger problem as i fall for all of them!

Babou said:

BTW, she knows I fell for her (although maybe not to what degree) and I half expected her to either lower the intensity or stop seeing me, but neither happened and is seemingly as eager to see me (as part of the GFE package I suppose) as ever.

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Look at it this way Babou: she found someone who loved her = she found a good regular client! Girls like to be admired, to have a court, escorts are no different. Why would she refuse to see you? To the contrary, she knows you, can trust you will not hurt her, and you bring her a regular revenue. She may somehow like you but make no mistake: she is in a business where selling her seduction skills is essential. You are simply validating her when you tell her you feel for her.

I would encourage you to see things differently: there are 3 Billion women on earth. Not all pretty, not all young, but there is a fair number of awesome ladies, good human beings and easy on the eyes! Why limit yourself to one? (girls out there, don't flame me just yet, I'm just trying to make him not get the "oneithis")

Both of eager beavers posts are correct IMHO. You must remember that even if she is sharing pieces of her real life with you, she is making a calculation of what to show or not show based on keeping you coming back as a client. That is what you are - a client. Both of you should treat each other with respect and dignity, but this is a professional relationship and not dating. If you were dating her, you guys would have an argument over leaving the toilet seat up or over who to invite for thanksgiving or over how much time you spend playing fantasy baseball. Escorts and clients don't have disagreements over inane and annoying things because the time they spend together is spent in hours and dollars. She has agreed to present herself as your sexual fantasy in exchange for your money. She is not exposing her entire messy world to you.

I totally sympathize with you. There have been more than a few providers that I have been infatuated with over the years. But you have to respect the boundaries. If she wanted you to be her boyfriend, she wouldnt take your money. If she takes your money, she wants a professional relationship and you will only do damage if you violate those boundaries.

Babou- it’s an illusion. It’s a wonderful illusion but still an illusion.

If you are ready for her to say you should stop seeing each other then go ahead (that’s the worst case; most likely she lets you down easy but willing to continue but no feelings on her side). Just be ready to find out that when it comes to feelings it’s all one sided. Trust me it’s hard but you will be better for it in the long run. If you can’t stop thinking about her then you probably need to share how you feel but be ready to be let down gently at best.

The good news that as long as you get the above you can find wonderful moments in these encounters. Just understand what you are getting.

Been there, doing that. I'm in love with my fav. I've been seeing her now for three years in and out of the workplace. I think I know her well both as to her lifestory and her personality. I think she is a beautiful woman. Some agree, some disagree. She is without doubt a beautiful person.
I think she has affection for me but its hard to know how much. I do believe that at one point she actually became infatuated with me, but she is a professional and it didn't take long for her to regain her business composure. Just as hobbyists need to be wary of emotional involvement with SPs, same thing applies to SPs developing feelings for clients.
In doing your due diligence you have to understand a couple of things. First, as a dedicated client you represent something of an annuity to her, and especially if she likes you that is a valuable asset to a lady who is in business. The more clients she has like you the better her professional life is. Secondly, an experienced and talanted SP can figure you out psychologically to give you the optimal experience. For sure sex is physical but to a large extent it is also in your head and a great SP can find things out about you that maybe even you never realized. Take my case for example: I started to develop feelings for this lady after about six encounters years ago. I was really surprised because I am neither susceptible nor inexperienced. Actually I probably don't fully understand it to this day. Anyway at first and for quite awhile the sex was not great, not nearly as good as with some of my other regulars. But this girl is smart and I could see she was working at figuring me out, trying different approaches, mental as well as physical. Eventually she managed to unlock 100% of my sexuality and now its as good for me as it gets. And sure my feelings for her have something to do with that, but does she really love me, or is she just really good at what she does? Just guessing but I think it may be a combination of both. Some affection, yes, but also professional ability. Hobbyists will often tell you not to confuse love with a professional relationship, but I think reality may be more complicated. Maybe I'm just a moral embecile but sometimes I actually think you can buy love i.e. the emotional investment of the SP. Its ok as long as you understand that you are paying for it at the end of the day.
All of which is simply to say that you have to carefully analyse the situation before doing anything drastic, like endangering a long standing relationship with a person you love, respect and probably admire. If that person is wired traditional/conservative you will probably hurt her terribly and therefore also yourself. Sounds like you should maybe not be living together with this lady however. I know that people who like each other sometimes fall into relationships with the best intentions or by default that really they should'nt and this then leads to emotional pain allround. Sometimes experiencing that pain is both inevitable and at the end of the day best for all.
Frankly I think that you are experiencing an infatuation with this SP. Needless to say that is not the basis for a successful long term relationship. As long as you are and can remain in control of yourself thats ok. Enjoy your time with this person and develop a genuine and mutually friendly relationship with her if thats the direction it takes. But dont get way ahead of yourself by idealizing things and envisioning improbable scenarios. Look at me. Unlike you I'm not infatuated. I love my fav. I am her friend and her lover. If she needed help I would be there for her. But I fully realize that a "normal" life of togetherness is almost certainly not in the cards. The time we spend together is some of the best that life has to offer without any of the difficult or unpleasant things that usually accompany normal, committed relationships. I'm sometimes a difficult person to get along with and for all I know maybe sometimes she is too. Some would call me a superficial person but y'know that might be one of my few qualities. Maybe I'm just wise enuf to realize the value of smooth sailing when we only get to live so long. I really like the good times, the bad not so much.
Anyway maybe this helps.

jalimon said:

I have a bigger problem as i fall for all of them!

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I admire that, I only fell for one of them and I still day dream of her. Lucky for me that’s enough.

Babou said:

...Any advice, thoughts or past experiences would be appreciated from all sides of the equations (customers and escorts)...

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You can't just mindlessly profess your love for her. You have to demonstrate it in a material way. I'm sure she needs help with her monthly rent and the other necessities of life such as clothes, shoes, pocketbooks, jewelry and visits to the hair and and nail salons, etc. Also, a girl needs to eat and you can't expect the woman you love to eat at McDonald's. Does she have a car? Probably not. But you can't expect the woman you love to ride the metro and the bus all the time. She will want a nice new BMW X3 (or maybe an Acura RDX) She probably wants a white one because chicks dig white vehicles.

All these things cost money, of course. That's where you come in. But you can't expect her to pay for all these necessities of life with cash. If she has to pay for everything with cash, people might suspect her of earning it in some nefarious fashion.

Babou, you don't want people to think that about the woman you love, do you?

You need to get her a credit or debit card in her name and assume the responsibility for funding it. To be on the safe side, I would establish a limited budget for her, say six to eight thousand dollars per month. I know, that's not much, but you can teach her to live within her means.

Once you take care of her immediate financial needs, you can start to think about the long term. She sounds like a smart, entrepreneurial girl. She might be interested in starting her own business such as, I don't know, a tanning salon. Of course, she will need an investor and that's how you can help. You can loan her the money she needs or take part ownership of the business. Who knows, if the business is successful, you might get rich!

Babou, I'm really happy that you found the woman of your dreams. But if you want to keep her, you need to heed my advice. Get your ass down to your bank this week and get her that credit/debit card that will demonstrate that you really, truly love her. Bonne chance!

Babou,

When you're old and grey and your dick don't work you will appreciate the girl that you have now! Don't throw that all away for an SP.

starry said:

Been there, doing that. I'm in love with my fav. I've been seeing her now for three years in and out of the workplace. I think I know her well both as to her lifestory and her personality. I think she is a beautiful woman. Some agree, some disagree. She is without doubt a beautiful person.

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Please, please don't tell me it's Hanna....please, please, please....Ahem...

Have you ever seen the movie Irma La Duce? It is an old moldy 1963 film where Jack Lemon falls in love with the top prostitute in Paris played by Shirley McClain. The two fall in love but McClain continues working as a SW on her corner and brings all her money home to Jack Lemon (who ran off her pimp). Lemon becomes so jealous of McClain with other men that he invents a scheme to keep her to himself: Lemon dons a disguise and poses as a rich English aristocrat and demands an exclusive relationship with McClain. During this time Lemon funnels all the money that McClain brought home back to McClain. At the end of the movie, Lemon becomes jealous of himself and kills his alter ego. When the aristocrat disappears (Lemon in disguise) the police suspect foul play and arrest Lemon for the murder of a man that never existed.

The movie is preposterous but I used to think about how Jack Lemon felt about his prostitute the first time I became infatuated with a Montreal escort (anyone remember Brittney/Liz of Xxxtaz/Eleganza/Asservissante?) Oh, the girl probably didn't know I was alive but I had never been made love to like that before. The lines can become even more blurry when you travel to developing countries outside NA and practice our hobby. I have had a few girls in Brazil come home with me and fuck me all night long for cab fair. I really think that a couple of them had convinced themselves that they had fallen in love me and I play along a bit. Actually, fucking all night long has become a bit of a chore these days. I'd rather have a few drinks, write a review, grab a hamburger, and get some sack time.

I'll give you different advice then some of the board experts. If you are not married and if you do not have kids or something like this I say go for it. It couldn't be worse than opioid addiction, could it? It could be a lot of fun but just have an exit plan and don't be too careless with all your funds. They tell me in Brazil that once the these Garota De Programmas (girl with a program) decide to settle down that there is a possibility that they can become excellent wives. I know Marines that have brought back bar girls from Okinawa and the same is true. A couple of things...you gave no indication that this is what the SP wanted. Maybe she wants a relationship too? Maybe her life is at a crossroads and the both of you may want to make a go of it together. I think it has about as much chance as working as some of these other fucked up relationships that I have seen in the past. ...Do you like to swing???? I digress....

Before you do anything, you may want to watch the following internet series called My Thai Bride. Please do not go into any relationship like this dumb ass did.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=055-H5rcp_I

I am actually envious of you. I used to fall in love a few times a year with SPs. I had also had a few office affairs and I thought I was falling in love with these girls. Believe me, it is much better to fall in love with an SP than some married women that you work with. I actually long for the day I had those feelings that you describe in your initial post. I relish those intense feelings, the butterfly's in the stomach, the intense orgasms. I could go for hours - even days - without being able to eat or drink much at all. All I wanted to do was plant me seed in that one special person. However, these days I have grown too wise and numb to all this. The age gap has gone from improbable to ridiculous. I know deep down that that ship has sailed for me. I am too practical at this point and...well, I'm a bit jealous of guys like you that still dream about the possibility of making the movie Pretty Women a reality.

I also think that Seeking Arrangements sounds like just a faster way to piss your money away but if you got plenty of money, I say try that too. Most men are essentially hunters so SA may make it more of a hunt. I personally try the approach that Patron mentioned. I would rather just go for a few longer dates with the SP first and see if that fills the void. I wouldn't worry about being blackballed in Montreal. That is laughable advice. Just get a new disposable phone and call that same agency or seek out another one.

Good luck to you.

P.S. Please watch the movie right away: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=055-H5rcp_I

helirage said:

I admire that, I only fell for one of them and I still day dream of her. Lucky for me that’s enough.

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I was being sarcastic

Well I know exactly which one you still dream about. Mostly because I fell for her too hehe But for me it's different. She came in a very important moment in my life and just did the right thing. Would give a lot just to see her smile and kiss her!

Cheers,

I know im new here but ill put in my 2 cents. Like others stated, you arent in love, youre in lust. You have the "7 year itch" with your current one, I know you lived with her for 8 but you get my point. If she isn't giving you what you need, and you dont need her to live on your own, cut her loose. I can guarantee, take off the rose colored glasses, get to know the escort, and youll be over her asap. If youre losing sleep over her, thats a bad sign. Stop seeing her, and move on. Nothing like getting over the last one, like the next one.
I know im going to get flamed for this, but shes an escort, plenty of other men paying her, and probably falling in love, be a man get a grip, and forget about her.

Another anecdote for you to consider Babou. I had found an independent SP that had amazing reviews. I had an amazing 1st encounter, and not unlike you, I had returned to see her 5 times in 8 days. We had quickly grown close and she confided many details of her personal life. A boyfriend who worked sporadically, an ex who wasn't paying support for her and her kids. All in all she wasn't in a good place, but for our time together, she seemed able to shut it all out and gave of herself completely. I was enthralled by this woman. Such a gentle character and amazing sexual skills. She asked what I had not yet experienced sexually and would incorporate it into our sessions...I was intoxicated with her. She was aware of this and warned me not to become too attached.

Fast forward a couple of months, we are getting together twice a week, off the clock. Alternating between her place and mine, we would have dinner together and finish with our intimate sessions. I would leave or if she were at my place, I would drive her home. This evolved to me having dinner with her and one of her daughters, as she had come to trust me meeting her. Her daughter and I had some interesting conversations and we got along well. I would learn later that she had asked her Mom why she wasn't dating me as opposed to the actual boyfriend. This was quickly becoming much too comfortable. She was still seeing clients and I had to remind myself that I knew deep inside, I was never going to be ok with having a "relationship" with a SP. I am not being judgmental here, this is my personal feeling.

More uncomfortable situations would ensue. She would be over at my place. Her boyfriend would call, despite they're being on a "break" situation. We would get away to my country home. While I was not lavishing her with gifts, she was enjoying the "normalcy" our time together provided. An escape if you will, of the troubled times she was enduring in her life.

Soon thereafter, she expressed an idea she had to free herself of the SP life. She wanted to start her own MP business. To start on her own then hire as the business grew. She was going to start this out of her apartment. The warning bells were going off in my head. I expressed my concerns and the potential danger of people knowing where she lived. As expected, she asked if I could lend her some money to buy some supplies to transform a portion of her apartment. She assured me that I would be repaid. She had already some regulars who would see her in her new endeavor. She invited me over to see the work she had done. I was impressed, she had put a lot of hard work into it. She had stopped her SP activities and thrown herself completely into this project. Well it wasn't long before she was asking for more money as she now needed to buy more supplies, pay rent, feed the kids. I told her I would have to think about it. I could see this train wreck about to happen. She was not heeding any of my warnings.

She sent me an email the next day. She expressed that despite her strong feelings for me, she knew we would never be a couple. She was too hung up on her boyfriend despite his faults. That she had no right to ask me to loan more money to her. She assured me that she would repay me completely if I advanced the money to her. She knew it was asking a lot and would understand if I refused.

Now I know most of you are saying at this point...run, cut your losses! Don't be a fool...you should know better!! Sorry to disappoint... I loaned the money to her. By this point I had met a few of her kids. There was no way I could not help out. Especially if it would provide food for the kids(and the bum boyfriend) I extended the loan and told her we would no longer see each other. There would also be no more loans. She had my number and knew where I lived. I told her I trusted her to keep her word.

5 years have gone by. No contact from her. I have learned through the board here that she came back for a bit but left the region and started a different life for herself. I was glad to hear this, as I knew this lifestyle was not suited to her. All this to say, I would disagree with CaptRenault, do not become a bank. If at all possible...avoid attachment. There are many amazing providers here, the best are able to give the best of themselves but keep it strictly business. My advise to you, if your relationship is gone the way of pretty much "sexless" with your girlfriend, let her know it's not working for you.

If she has little interest now, it will only become less and less frequent.

I myself, still date, but am hobbying. I will not allow myself to fall for any SP. Life is simple and I am having great sex. So amazing to be hobbying in Montreal...we are so fortunate to have all these amazing and beautiful women.

Best of luck to you...