Welcome to Hobbytown
The following is an excerpt from:
The History of Hobbytown (Formerly HockeyTown) news, analysis, and commentary.
With the arrival off summer, hobbyist around the world are revving their engines to flock to the city of festivals, for the testosterone fueled Grad Prix Du Hobbytown. As the city has metamorphosed from HockeyTown to Hobbytown there has been an increase in interest of the history of the worlds greatest metropolis. This should be helpful to first time visitors, newbies, and wannabee hobbyists. Welcome to Hobbytown.
The hobby was discovered by Christopher Cunnilingus in 1469, who sailed his fleet the Nookie, the Punta, and the Sweet-ass Maria from Spain, with a load of wine, whiskey, and missionaries to spread religion through out the new world, and bring the natives finest booty back to the queen. After weeks of heavy drinking on the high seas, he washed up on an island in the St Lawrence River that later became know as Ill de Fille. Reports from this time are sketchy at best. But, by all accounts, on a hot summer night, he arranged a rendezvous, with Fe Fe Fellatio to celebrate the solstice. She had arrived earlier that year aboard the French transport ship Gilded Lily, with its cargo of exiled home wreckers, and founded a convent for wayward souls. He discovered that when offered wine and a pile of cash, even the most innocent became insatiable nymphomaniacs. Thus, the hobby was born, she became known as Madame Fe Fe, the settlement as Ville da la Bush, and he died with a smile on his face. The original borough struggled to overcome epidemics of, beaver fever, crotch rot, crabs, lockjaw, and rot gut whiskey. During the period known as the dark ages a Greek warrior arrived. Nikos the Brown Eyed Reamer introduced the concept of fudge pack-in, for an extra fifty bucks, which immediately became popular with the lower classes. The the city grew and the hobby flourished for centuries, and was the worlds best kept secret. During the twentieth century, the epicenter of the hobby shifted to the area near Bald Beaver Blvd. The modern world brought about explosive growth of the hobby, after the cultural revolutions of the sixties. The city showcased itself to the world during the Sexpo 69, the fete 500 tungstud anniversary of it`s founding. Remnants of the Great Worlds Fair still remain, and can be found at places like Cleo`s, and the Pool Room. With the rise of global communication and the availability of hardpore corn, the secret was out, and hobbyist from around the world made pilgrimages to Hobbytown The Internet and Viagra have ushered in the Golden Age of the hobby. This is exemplified by the emergence of the Elite Quebecois companion. When not traveling the world, she can be found in health clubs and spas. College educated, science has proved that some even have something that resembles a brain. As is demonstrated by her proclivity to show up at a given hotel on time, skillful manipulation a wet wash cloth, and her mastery of complex mathematical concepts and equations $5/min x 60 = $300/hr. She can drain your wallet of cash, faster than a swollen member of its fluids. An expert at body fluid analysis, her favorite clients are hedge fund managers. And despite her innocent ``I only see a few clients`` attitude, some have been known to bankroll leveraged buyouts of investment bankers. She shops in trendy boutiques, and dines on shush, trouser snake, and tuna. Well versed in the arts and culture, she likes music, and is classically trained on the skin flute, jaw harp, mouth organ, fuzz box, meat whistle, and blows a mean horn. She enjoys lounging around her swank condo, checking her massages and bank accounts, sipping coffee and muffin mun chin, and playing with her pussycat. She likes chocolates, champagne, and dark meat. Her ideal date is a client with a fat wallet, tiny brain, and is on the pineapple juice diet. Her ultimate fantasy is to have her client run his charge card through the crack of her ass, to make a donation. Contrast this with today`s HDH Hobbyist. He has more money than he knows what to do with, his brain is between his legs, has a hard on 24/7, and nothing to do. He thinks Levitra is one-a-day, and BFE is DATO. When not annoying employees at daddy`s company, he enjoys playing with his pecker, and Porsche. His favorite meal is expensive tenderloin, raw clam, read hot snapper, and french tart. He has never tasted a taco that didn`t agree with him. His greatest accomplishment is booking a hotel room, and stuffing $1000 dollar bills into an envelope.
Grand Prix weekend is followed by the Festival International de Jizz de Hobbytown. Bon Festival and Bon appetite. Viva La Hobbytown.
Hondo is a retired HDH hobbyist, former roads scholar, professor emeritus, and part time add junk faculty, at Universite de Hobbytown (UDH).