A fellow hobbyist was too shy to post this but I found it too important:
FBI uncovers new terrorist plot targeting 40 US planes.
In a news conference this morning, FBI Director Robert Mueller announced the discovery of a new terrorist plot that would have targeted up to 40 US airliners.
“In what is a clear validation of the federal government's data mining operations, our agents uncovered unusual purchases of personal lubricants such as KY and Astroglide by unmarried young women of the Islamic faith," Mr. Mueller said. Based on this information and the known fact that Moslem women remain virgins until their marriage, the FBI obtained warrants and proceeded to install surveillance cameras in these women's homes, who numbered exactly forty, according to Mr. Mueller.
“Our agents discovered that these lubricants were being used by the alleged terrorists to facilitate the insertion of cigar shaped objects into their bodily cavities," Mr. Mueller continued. The FBI has determined that this was a dry run for a terrorist plot whereby these women would board planes with powerful explosives tucked in their bodily cavities, to be detonated in midair. The FBI believes that the involvement of forty women is very significant. "We believe these women wanted to go to paradise as a group of forty virgins to meet male martyrs," Mr. Mueller said. When asked why the terrorists would use women for such a plot, he replied that according to FBI analysts, women can carry twice as much explosives as men.
At the same conference, Michael Chertoff, Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) announced an immediate elevation of the aviation threat level to RED for all flights originating in the USA. "Effective immediately, all passengers will have to submit to body cavity searches. We know that this will be an inconvenience to travelers, but the security of the public and our transportation system is our primary concern. We have transferred more than 20,000 prison guards from federal and state penitentiaries to this country's airports. These brave men and women have years of experience dealing with these kind of searches and they have been given instructions to make it as pleasant an experience as could be possible under the circumstances," Secretary Chertoff said.