Some other headlines from this week's edition of The Onion:
Boxing Gym Gives Inner-City Youths An Opportunity To Punch Each Other Indoors
Spaniards Vow To Once Again Decimate Population Of New World
CNN Renews This Week At War For Next Eight Seasons
I Was Placed On This Earth To Put Off Doing Something Extraordinary
Doctors Use Elephant Gun, Tranquilizer Darts To Bring Shaq Down Prior To Surgery
Afghan Warlord Takes Anderson Cooper As 43rd Wife
Some older headlines:
Rest Of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans Starving
Kim Jong-Il Interprets Sunrise As Act Of War
Spain Vows Eternal Vigilance In War On Bulls
Iraqi Leaders Call For Moment Of Violence During Ramadan
Spaghetti-Os Discontinued As Franco-American Relations Break Down
Rumsfeld: Iraqis Now Capable Of Conducting War Without U.S. Assistance
And one of the classics:
15,000 Brown People Dead Somewhere
November 18, 1998 | Issue 34•16
OOGA-BOOGA LAND OR WHEREVER–Relief efforts are pouring into some country someplace, where 15,000 brown people have died over the past few weeks from flooding or a hurricane or something like that. "Never have our people endured such a terrible catastrophe," said this one dark-skinned guy who lost his entire family in the disaster of some sort. "Our God has forsaken us." The affected nation may possibly be the same one where about 90,000 brown people died two or three years ago in that one earthquake.
If you haven't already guessed, The Onion is a satirical weekly.
Originally Posted by Touch
Take me out to the black,
Tell em I ain't comin' back.
Burn the land and boil the sea,
You can't take the sky from me.
There's no place I can't be,
Since I found Serenity,
But you can't take the sky from me.
I also personally like these:
Poverty-Stricken Africans Receive Desperately Needed Bibles
Vatican Warns Against Increasingly Healthy Attitudes Toward Sex
Starving Third World Masses Warned Against Evils Of Contraception