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Thread: The "Death" (retirement) of a Hobbyist

  1. #1

    The "Death" (retirement) of a Hobbyist

    Where to begin...

    I'm posting this as kind of a resolution to myself. To no longer visit MPs or SPs. I have been trying to quit the hobby for some time now, and like an addiction, I've always found an excuse to go for one more visit, to try to find that gem out there, or to top my last experience.

    The reality is, I will never find it. I've come to realise that this hobby can become an addiction. One that, like drinking or drugs, can be very hard to quit. Even more so in some respects because it can be considered a "harmless" addiction. Sure there are some health concerns, but by and large, the activities of a hobbyist are between two consenting adults and don't bother anyone.

    After doing some research on the topic, I came accross some signs that you might be an addict...some of the more prevelant ones in my case were:

    • Recurrent failure (pattern) to resist impulses to engage in specific sexual behavior
    • engaging in those behaviors to a greater extent or over a longer period of time than intended
    • Persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to stop, reduce, or control those behaviors
    • Preoccupation with the behavior or preparatory activities


    I have not been one to frequent MPs & SPs often, but I know it's an addiction because it's been several years now, and I'm still participating in it despite wanting to stop. The reason why I struggle with this hobby is because at it's core, I find it goes against my morals. Yet, my sexual urge has such a power over me that I always make excuses, or fool myself into thinking there is nothing wrong with this hobby. I'll tell myself, don't think, just act. And off I go.

    Yet every time without fail, immediately after the so called release, I feel ashamed, disgusted, depressed, angry, pathetic, etc, and I just want to get outta there as fast as I can. I'll tell myself on the way home, "this is the last time. Why do I do this? Never again!" But then I will lapse, and to make me forget about those feelings, I go back to what makes me feel good - searching for the next hottest woman out there to visit. And lately the usual hasn't been enough for me to "get my fix", so I fear I will start searching new, more adventerous, and possibly more dangerous ways to become satisfied. It's this cycle that I've got to break.

    Recently I've come to realize the power of masterbation in helping me overcome this. I've still been searching on merb and browsing the web for hotties, but I've been taking matters into my own hands so to speak. And usually a few minutes later, I'm glad I did. I saved hundreds of dollars, I've got the rest of my day/night to do something productive, and I feel a lot less ashamed than when you finish with a complete stranger, void of any feelings or intimacy.

    I've thought about getting professional help with this, because I do think it's a legitimate addiction, but to be brutally honest, I'm still a bit too proud to take that road - yet.
    I'm hoping that by laying it out here, it will be a reminder of the commitment to myself. I consider myself a smart person, who has made some stupid decisions in life. I must find the strength and the will power to overcome this in my life or it is destined to ruin me, financially, socially and personally.


    "Whether you think you can or can't, you're right"

  2. #2
    I am me, too!
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    Mmm... GG Junior, is that you? LOL!!

    Good luck man!

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by lord
    Recently I've come to realize the power of masterbation in helping me overcome this. I've still been searching on merb and browsing the web for hotties, but I've been taking matters into my own hands so to speak. And usually a few minutes later, I'm glad I did. I saved hundreds of dollars, I've got the rest of my day/night to do something productive, and I feel a lot less ashamed than when you finish with a complete stranger, void of any feelings or intimacy.

    I've thought about getting professional help with this, because I do think it's a legitimate addiction, but to be brutally honest, I'm still a bit too proud to take that road - yet.

    I'm hoping that by laying it out here, it will be a reminder of the commitment to myself. I consider myself a smart person, who has made some stupid decisions in life. I must find the strength and the will power to overcome this in my life or it is destined to ruin me, financially, socially and personally.
    Masturbation is underrated. Seriously, it is. I can look at all those hot SPs on websites, jump in the shower and pull a nice one, saving all the angst and lots of money.

    It's never enough. There is always someone else you want to have sex with. You keep telling yourself, that's it, but come back for more. A recent trick I did is calculate all the times I resisted going ahead with my urges and writing down how much money I saved. So far, I am up to $2,000 - in three weeks! That's money in my pocket but my pecker wants more than cash.

    GG

  4. #4
    I wish you the best of luck! In the back of every hobbyists mind, we worry about atleast three things....not getting a disease, if we have an addiction, and.....JESUS...I fogot the third thing! LOL I feel for ya bro, but an old saying came to my mind..."There is nothing worse than an ex-alcholic except an ex-smoker!" Some people can drink in moderation and not become a drunk and I suspect some people can hobby and not become addicted to that as well! I luckily fall into that category because I don't have an addictive personality...you do lord! I have a feeling you will replace one addiction with another as you have done in the past! Relax, and accept your fate...just joking...best of luck! I am an A-hole so ignore what I just wrote in this post...just venting!
    Sean

  5. #5
    Let's not be melodramatic - the opening post concerns the retirement of a hobbyist, not the death.

  6. #6
    Recreational User
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    Quote Originally Posted by lord
    Yet every time without fail, immediately after the so called release, I feel ashamed, disgusted, depressed, angry, pathetic, etc, and I just want to get outta there as fast as I can. I'll tell myself on the way home, "this is the last time. Why do I do this? Never again!" But then I will lapse, and to make me forget about those feelings, I go back to what makes me feel good - searching for the next hottest woman out there to visit. And lately the usual hasn't been enough for me to "get my fix", so I fear I will start searching new, more adventerous, and possibly more dangerous ways to become satisfied. It's this cycle that I've got to break.
    If what you are doing doesn't make you fewel good, you need to look at why you keep doing it - is it some sort of self-destructive pattern/activity? Given how you feel afterwards, I'd absolutely think you need to quit. If you need help, there are sex addicition groups that advertise in the back on the Montreal Mirror that can assist.

  7. #7
    Emperor of Earth
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    I can't speak for all, but I've found that the addiction of the hobby comes from a lack of direction and hope of a better tomorrow. I'll give you an example: in January I started my french courses and gotten more involved in a homebase business. I'm even getting friendly with a special lady and we are starting what should be a great friendship. I'm sure it's a matter of time. She knows little english and I don't know her language, but we practice our french and now have each others number. But the point is that when you refocus your life in a more positive direction, you'll find that the hobby becomes less and less appealing. I've seen only 2 MPs this year with the last one being about a mounth ago. Funny thing is that my interest in SPs, MPs and SWs and even this board has drasticly decline. There's just too many more important things out there. Once you realize that, the addictiveness of the hobby will decline big time.

    Good luck to you.
    All hail Emperor BDC aka Napoliano Peter Greatzetski Czaro.

  8. #8

    Thumbs down

    Quote Originally Posted by Big Daddy Cool
    I can't speak for all, but I've found that the addiction of the hobby comes from a lack of direction and hope of a better tomorrow. (...) But the point is that when you refocus your life in a more positive direction, you'll find that the hobby becomes less and less appealing. (...) There's just too many more important things out there. Once you realize that, the addictiveness of the hobby will decline big time.
    There you go! A hobby, by definition, is occasional and fun. When it becomes a dragging full-time job, it's high time to back off and refocus. If this can't be achieved, I say seek professional help.
    Last edited by z/m(Ret); 03-09-2007 at 02:39 AM.

  9. #9
    I have thought abou this very subject many times. I've only been hobbying for four years now, but it is kind of funny the way it started.

    After my1st visit to an MP, I felt ... dirty and disgusted with myself ... then a few months later another visit, less disturbed by it and enjoyed it more, now four years and hundreds of visits later I have no feeling and actually I have more fun now giving the MP an unexpected pearl necklace and watch their reaction.

    at times I wonder why I do it. Slowly I have been extending the time between visits, trying ween myself off the hobby, but I don't think you ever can ween yourself totally off it. Someday down the road you will pass a place that you never saw before and then the urge becomes to great to take one for the team.

    WI

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by WasteIslander
    I have no feeling and actually I have more fun now giving the MP an unexpected pearl necklace and watch their reaction.

    WI
    You need to stop right away. This type of activity is not good for those of us that respect our MPís and SPís. Receiving pleasure for this is borderline crazy. Donít ruin it for the guys that can control themselves!!!

  11. #11
    Psychiatric help, 5 cents
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    yarrrrrrrrr, you're just a quitter
    Last edited by mrten; 03-09-2007 at 02:25 PM.
    I pulled into Nazareth, I was feelin' about half past dead...

  12. #12
    Veteran of Misadventures
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    Quote Originally Posted by lord
    I've thought about getting professional help with this, because I do think it's a legitimate addiction, but to be brutally honest, I'm still a bit too proud to take that road - yet.
    "Whether you think you can or can't, you're right"
    Lose the false sense of pride and seek professional help. Right now the Board is being ruined by a small cadre of posters who are using the Boards to work out personal issues instead of doing that in the appropriate forum which is with a professional. This Board is for the exchange of information about the hobby, and should not be used as a forum for personal issues and agendas in regards to one's own personal problems.

    While I feel bad about your situation, the vast majority of us don't have the same issues and we are growing sick and tired of being bombarded and inundated with cries for help. Please take those cries someplace where they can be heard and acted upon professionally, which is not here.

    I also want the Mods to take note that these threads should not be tolerated. If they are tolerated eventually someone will commit suicide and the Estate will blame MERB. Mods you are hereby put on notice of the potential for such a claim.

  13. #13

    The secret is to not pig out.

    Like anything else, it is wise to consume in moderation. When it become an obsession or an addiction then you need help.

  14. #14
    The thread title is misleading and may cause some people to overreact.
    It's not suicide lord is talking about, but hobbying retirement.

    I changed the title.

    M7

  15. #15
    Veteran of Misadventures
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    Quote Originally Posted by oliver kloseoff
    eb
    weclome to quebec
    in the grand old usa you can sue for the mere glimpse at someone the wrong way!
    here in quebec the laws are so fucked up
    oliver
    Oliver-

    Which Quebec University granted you a degree in law? If Lord is posting in the USA, and he reads MERB there and commits suicide there, then under the well established doctrine of lex loci delictus, the law of the jurisdiction in which the tort occurred will apply. If it is California in which Lord is reading and posting, and commiting suicide, all I can say is good night MERB as they got some whacked out tort laws out there.
    Last edited by EagerBeaver; 03-09-2007 at 03:02 PM.

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