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Thread: How to FUCK a STRIPPER & Still Have Money Left In Your Pocket

  1. #1

    How to FUCK a STRIPPER & Still Have Money Left In Your Pocket

    From http://www.viceland.com/issues/v12n1/htdocs/how_to.php

    Most people think the way to a stripper’s pussy is with money, buying lap dance after lap dance, throwing stacks of singles on stage as they dance, and surprising them with expensive gifts. Those people are idiots. “Marks,” as the girls call them. Someone to be siphoned until not one drop of cash is left.

    There is only one surefire way to pull a stripper and it has nothing to with personality or money (although those things don’t hurt). The secret is DRUGS.

    Contrary to what many pro-stripper films and documentaries tell you, 9 out of 10 strippers are on drugs of some sort.* Be it coke, dust, weed, pills, booze, if a girl’s job is to climb up on stage and spread her gash for a bunch of sweaty, over-weight mutts in ill-fitting work clothes you’d better believe it takes a certain type of courage that can only be had from illegal substances. Knowing that, the key to making a needy young sex kitten your slave for the night (or the week) is to always be holding. But you have to make sure you’re carrying the right stuff for the type of stripper you’re trying to bang. It just so happens that this whole thing can be broken down racially. Along with the genetic yarns that make a woman a certain color go these little strands that decide their drug proclivities. Don’t freak out—I didn’t write the rules here. God did. I just follow them.

    WHITE STRIPPERS (BLONDE)
    White chicks love coke. It’s as simple as that. Any stripper worth sticking your dick in is between the ages of 18-28, meaning they were born between 1976 and 1986, which makes their moms either 70s disco coke whores or 80s yuppie coke sluts. Either way, the coke slut gene has been inherited by their daughter. When she asks if you’d like a lap dance, respond: “No, I want to get out of here and do some blow. What time are you done tonight?” That’s usually enough to get you in, but for added emphasis it helps to pull her to the side, dump some powder on your fist and give it to her to prove you’re for real. (Don’t buy beat shit. Strippers who love coke know coke. You’re not getting anywhere with shit that’s been stepped on ten times.)

    WHITE STRIPPERS (TATTOOED AND/OR WITH PUNK HAIRCUTS)
    This is a somewhat trickier bunch to read because they like pills and saying someone “likes pills” is like saying someone “likes music.” You’ve got to either roll the dice on a narrow spectrum of possibilities (uppers, downers, psyche, or pain) or you can be smart and invest in a smorgasbord of pharmaceuticals and have all your bases covered. There’s nothing worse than sparking a girl’s interest only to learn she likes Xanax and you’ve got a pocket full of Ritalin. Pretend that you’re going fishing and you’ve got an empty tackle box. You’re going to need a little of everything: lures, bobbers, hooks, etc. Pills are inexpensive ($5-$8 a pop), so see if you can work out a deal with your man on a variety bottle. At that price you shouldn’t think twice about pissing them away. Offer a blue to the first girl you see. If she takes it, she’ll go and tell the other girls. Give 10mg to each and every girl in the club. 10 strippers = 10 pills = 50 bucks. No big deal. If you have enough to get each girl high on the job, one of those girls is going to have enough brains to realize you’ve probably got more. She’ll be the one to ask you, “What are you doing later?”

    BLACK STRIPPERS
    The black stripper is difficult to snare, especially for a white male. Their drug of choice, weed, is the cheapest drug on the market and easiest to obtain. This makes them the most affordable fuck, but you’re white and you have to compensate. That’s where things get expensive. Don’t freak out, it’s still completely doable. First, start by tipping. Don’t go crazy. Just a dollar or two here and there to let her know you’re interested. This will automatically put you ahead of any black patrons in the club because it is well documented that black males do not tip at strip clubs.** Your next move is to have better than average weed. Like flowers, girls like weed that smells nice. It helps to tell them that it’s from your boy’s crop, and has been featured on the cover of High Times three times and it’s Redman and Snoop’s favorite weed. It’s important that this lie and the two following lies be convincing: “Yeah, I know Snoop,” and “Next time he’s in town, I’ll introduce you.” That should take care of it. For added effect I like to lie and say I make beats and ask them if they want to go over to my studio after they get off work. This helps to both sell the con and save money on hotel rooms. Be sure to know where a local recording studio is. A cheap one is between $75 and $150 an hour, which is cheaper than taking her to a nice hotel. Be sure to bring the new Usher CD and when her favorite song comes on tell her you made the beat. Then turn one of the knobs on that big mixing board thing in front of you.

    OTHER STRIPPERS
    That is correct, I am going to lump together all Asian, Latin, Paki, Euro strippers, along with anything else that might have just come off the boat and amputees. This category is really your best bet, especially Euro girls, because all they want is to be loved and taken care of and what drug emits more love than Ecstasy? The reality is you could give them mescaline and they’d take it without caring.*** A key with foreigners is to make them feel welcome in America. This is accomplished by telling them you don’t detect an accent, that they speak great English and that you basically understand and agree with whatever they are saying regardless of the fact that you can only make out every fourth word. To do this convincingly, you must practice. Go to your stereo and put on some rap music that you can’t understand the lyrics to (most any rap will work), turn up the volume just slightly, then go into your bathroom and shut the door. You should not be able to easily hear more than reverb and bass. Stare dead in the mirror, strain your ears and try to decipher the lyrics without looking unsure, without creasing your forehead and pursing your eyes. If you can convince your mind that you know every lyric to that Ghostface song, using only your eyes and facial expressions, you’ll be able win any foreigner over, completely negating their self-consciousness. Using drugs as bait, of course.

    Before you go running to your phone to cop there are a few more things you need to be aware of when trying to run this kind of game. First, and most importantly, is that you don’t ever do the drugs. If you’re an addict don’t even bother because you’ll always take the drugs over the girl and might even get arrested for beating a girl for touching your shit without asking. You can get high all you want when she’s gone but while you’re with her you have to pretend to inhale, go take a piss when your turn to bang a rail comes around, throw the pill over your shoulder and pretend to pop it. Sounds lame but you need to have full control over the situation. I’m telling you from experience, strippers are cunning, any sign of weakness and you’ll wake up without your pants, your wallet and your drugs. Secondly, realize you only get one shot of pulling them out of the club. If it doesn’t happen that night, it doesn’t happen. Don’t play yourself by giving your number and don’t take a number. Consider it a failed attempt and go home and get high. Lastly, and I can’t stress this enough, don’t let them know where you live. If you can, take them to a hotel (or the studio). If you’ve blown all your money on the drugs and are forced to take them back to your place, take the most ridiculously fucked up route ever to get there. Then after you’re done with them, give some more drugs to fry their brain a little more and put them right in cab and send them on their way (instructing the driver to use an alternate, more confusing route.). As a child you had a great many dreams of things you wanted in your lifetime, and I’m pretty sure that a drug-hungry whore knocking on your door at 4 in the morning was not one of them.

  2. #2
    I am me, too!
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    Wow! Talk about bullshit!!

    Some peoples don't have brains and really like to show it! When will peoples learn stereotypes are plain stupid?

    (Not about you JA, about the authors. )

    The stripper's "diary" is funny!

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by metoo4
    Wow! Talk about bullshit!!
    I know, I've seen this before. Most of the other Vice Guide to... are informative and funny, this one I'm not convinced by. Notice though that there is all this talk about 'singles' so maybe things are different in the states and dancers might be more insecure... as for Montreal I don't think this would 'work.'
    Amantes sunt amentes.

  4. #4
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    Confessions of a MALICIOUS PARASITE???

    Hello Just Alex,

    I am not sure how to see this first post. I will try to take it in the most positive light I can think of in the last 10 minutes; that is as a warning others to beware of trying to be with strippers because of all the negative complications. Anyone should be fully aware of what it is like to get deeply involved with a stripper and the whole lifestyle displayed here. If this information is accurate is besides the point. It could be. It could also be broad stereotyping, but we all know there is a certain seediness to the lifestyle whatever degree that may be.

    What I read here is a story about some kind of exploitive "person" who preyed on some of the most vulnerable human beings to exploit them sexually for his own callously self-indulgent purposes and ended up being a victim of his own vicious methods. Anyone who would deliberately further enable someone in perpetuating self-destruction, especially through any kind of highly addictive drugs for sexual self-gratification, is the worst sort of parasite. This story reads like a combination of a "How To" manual and the warning confession of a wretch who got caught in his own maliciously parasitic plot. Yes, it's a grave lesson to all. Let this not be one of us. Thanks for the lesson.

    Yuk!

    Korbel
    Last edited by korbel; 04-16-2007 at 12:33 PM.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Korbel
    ...preyed on some of the most vulnerable human beings...
    Vulnerable?
    In some ways; such as lack of schooling and lack of marketable skills other than T, A & P.

    Most vulnerable?
    Not really. Naked dancers and hookers are not the only people in trouble with drugs, money, self image and relationships.

  6. #6
    come on guys... it's satire. Lighten up...

    This could easily have been printed in Maxim magazine or one of their clones. It's not like he called the girls a bunch of nappy-headed hoes or anything

    BD

  7. #7
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    I know.

    Quote Originally Posted by hydragoat
    Vulnerable?
    In some ways; such as lack of schooling and lack of marketable skills other than T, A & P.

    Most vulnerable?
    Not really. Naked dancers and hookers are not the only people in trouble with drugs, money, self image and relationships.
    Hello Hydragoat,

    Yes, that's why I included the word "some" to recognize they were not the only ones, which I presumed would be automatically understood with my phrasing.

    Refering to the post by Ben Dover: I can see I am not missing much by not reading "Maxim". The cover photos are great though.

    Happy reading,

    Korbel

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Korbel
    Anyone who would deliberately further enable someone in perpetuating self-destruction, especially through any kind of highly addictive drugs for sexual self-gratification, is the worst sort of parasite. This story reads like a combination of a "How To" manual and the warning confession of a wretch who got caught in his own maliciously parasitic plot. ...

    Hi Korbel!

    You have just described half the posters here.

  9. #9
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    Don't know.

    Quote Originally Posted by hydragoat
    Hi Korbel!

    You have just described half the posters here.
    Hello Hydragoat,

    That is what they used to call..."the ten million dollar question". I don't know. If that is a reference to the character of being in the hobby at all...NO! If you are asking me if there are hobbyists who may do this...it's obviously very likely given the possibilities there are some. But what I was refering to in my previous post is much different than just calling for an SP and paying for sex. Using addictive drugs to manipulate and use others for your own self-indulgent exploitative purposes is malicious, vicious, and destructive far, far beyond simply paying a stripper or calling an SP.

    However there are several other threads for the nature of the hobby. I won't go further into that here. IF, someone has a guilty conscience about being in the hobby, they can go there.

    Happy dialing,

    Korbel
    Last edited by korbel; 04-16-2007 at 02:00 PM.

  10. #10
    Merber
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    Quote Originally Posted by Korbel
    Using addictive drugs to manipulate and use others for your own self-indulgent exploitative purposes is malicious, vicious, and destructive far, far beyond simply paying a stripper or calling an SP.
    I suspect in many cases we're just happy to let the pimp, boyfriend, club manager, etc... manipulate them for our own self-indulgent exploitative purposes.
    It just feels better when someone else is doing the dirty work.
    o . o . b . e

  11. #11
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    Yep!!!!!!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by oobe
    I suspect in many cases we're just happy to let the pimp, boyfriend, club manager, etc... manipulate them for our own self-indulgent exploitative purposes. It just feels better when someone else is doing the dirty work.
    Hey Oobe,

    Ha wa ya? Great point. I thought of that too. But I did not feel like writing a book on all the facets of the hobby. Since you are here I guess you are part of the "ISSUE"...huh. Welcome to the club.

    Toodles,

    Korbel
    Last edited by korbel; 04-16-2007 at 04:21 PM.

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Korbel
    Using addictive drugs to manipulate and use others for your own self-indulgent exploitative purposes is malicious, vicious, and destructive far, far beyond simply paying a stripper or calling an SP.
    It is a continuum. Cash, tobacco, beer, vodka, marijuana, ecstacy, amphetamines, cocaine, crack, heroin.

    I guess filling her fridge and cupboards with groceries would be nicer.


    But we both get the drift that the article was a parody of a guy that thinks he is supercool and knows all the right moves to get some take out at the strip club.

  13. #13
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    Fine.

    Quote Originally Posted by hydragoat
    It is a continuum. Cash, tobacco, beer, vodka, marijuana, ecstacy, amphetamines, cocaine, crack, heroin.

    I guess filling her fridge and cupboards with groceries would be nicer.


    But we both get the drift that the article was a parody of a guy that thinks he is supercool and knows all the right moves to get some take out at the strip club.
    Hello Hydragoat,

    One could see everything in a continuum of life. But there are positives and negatives with widely varying degrees on each side. I chose not to go any further than I have on this side. I dare to say the person in the story has gone much further; into the realm of true parasitism...parody or not.

    No further,

    Korbel

  14. #14
    I object to this whole thread. Strippers are people too, with feelings, and should be treated with the same respect as you would treat a wife or a girlfriend. People who prey on strippers (or anyone else, in fact) should be flogged!

  15. #15
    Couldn't have said it any better than that myself, chef. Bravo!
    And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

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