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Thread: The Pressures of Leading a Double Life

  1. #1

    Arrow The Pressures of Leading a Double Life

    Chatting with Kelly of Asservissante, we broached many subjects, including the pressures of leading a double life. She told me that she finds it increasingly difficult to lie to friends and family. She is not the only one. Other SPs have told me that this is one of the hardest things to deal with in this line of work. The same goes for some clients but we can control this a lot better than SPs.

    If this applies to you, how do you deal with the pressures of leading a double life?

    GG
    "There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."
    - Oscar Wilde

  2. #2
    I have no soul and lying comes easy to me........ of course the copious amount of booze doesn't hurt either.

  3. #3
    For most client this should not be a issue. Since clients pay for the session they have less money after the session is over. Friends and family almost never ask why you have less money? It is only when you have money they wanna know the secret. The only time a client has some explaining to do when he has less money is, if he has a wife. I am not sure if anyone can successfully lie to a wife about money matters.

  4. #4
    I dunno. I stopped thinking of this when I was what. Six...seven??

  5. #5
    Registered User
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    I strongly recommend to SPs to at l;east tell their closest friends...

    It is extremely hard to live a double life. A real friend will stand by you even if they don't like what you are doing for a living. Obviously you don't need to tell acquaintances...

    But your closest friends, they will know you are hiding something (good friends just know when you are keeping something from them...) They don't need to approve but to at least be supportive. Same way you might not like a friends boyfriend and think she could do better but you don't end the friendship over that!

    For those who feel they really cannot then they need to find some moral support elsewhere. Many SPs go to Stella initially just for this reason (Monday to Friday from 11 AM to 5 PM there is always someone there to chat with either on the phone or in person).

    Ronnie,
    Naughtylady
    They will forget what you said,
    they will forget what you did,
    but they will never forget the way you made them feel.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Big Daddy
    I am not sure if anyone can successfully lie to a wife about money matters.
    I'd bet that at least half the population of married men are able to successfully lie to their wives about money. Many aren't that interested.

    I just came across a book for women by women on how to detect what your no-good scumbag husband is up to, and I have to say it was right on the money. Actually not a bad book to GET ideas from!

  7. #7
    Working rage-aholic
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnmbot
    no pressure. if someone happens to ask me if i have paid for sex, i don't hide it.

    life is too short to hang around people who judge me. that goes for friends, family *and* spouses.
    Yup, best way to deal with pressure of a double life-don't live one

    Turbo, lying to one's wife isn't that hard in my experience...I just chose not to at some point. Now we're not married and we get along great
    Why are homely people discriminated against...we're the majority

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Turbodick
    I'd bet that at least half the population of married men are able to successfully lie to their wives about money. Many aren't that interested.

    I just came across a book for women by women on how to detect what your no-good scumbag husband is up to, and I have to say it was right on the money. Actually not a bad book to GET ideas from!
    So give us the name and author of this book...

    Ronnie,
    Naughtylady
    They will forget what you said,
    they will forget what you did,
    but they will never forget the way you made them feel.

  9. #9

    Pressures of the double life

    This problem applies to those clients who made this hobby their full-time job, otherwise no problem.

  10. #10

    Smile Interesting point ZM

    Quote Originally Posted by Ziggy Montana
    This problem applies to those clients who made this hobby their full-time job, otherwise no problem.
    Interesting point. Let's take it a little further.

    From a double life it is a very short step to a multiple life - family or social life, work life, hobby life, board life ....... the list is not limited and will vary from person to person.

    Question that arises is which of the specific lives intersect when two people meet? What are the results and consequences? How are things managed?

  11. #11

    Smile Let's start with a truism

    Quote Originally Posted by eastender
    Interesting point. Let's take it a little further.

    From a double life it is a very short step to a multiple life - family or social life, work life, hobby life, board life ....... the list is not limited and will vary from person to person.

    Question that arises is which of the specific lives intersect when two people meet? What are the results and consequences? How are things managed?
    EE,

    Interesting yet difficult question.

    I would submit the concept of simultaneous life recognition for a starter, something that can be defined as one's special attention to signs indicating that his alter ego is leading simultaneous lives. Such recognition may or not be mutual whenever two people meet, or may not be present at all.

    Thinking of this somewhat esoteric (and imperfect) analogy: from recounted experiences, it is known that smoking salvia divinorium may increase a sense of living more than one life at the same time. This sense fades as the effect of the drug fades.

    Now client and stripper are having a drink together. Either one or both may be attentive or not to the signs. Stripper notices a white demarcation around the client's ring finger, sign that the client is trying to hide his marital status. This detail might hit her in a specific way or it may just breeze by. Other examples come to mind.

    The point is there could only be a need to manage things and there could only be consequences and results if there's a will and a special ability to recognize these signs.

  12. #12
    It's a whole new ballgame
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ziggy Montana
    This problem applies to those clients who made this hobby their full-time job, otherwise no problem.
    In this case, could one suggest that, rather than leading a double life, that this type of person has no life?
    The mounties always get their man.

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by rumpleforeskiin
    In this case, could one suggest that, rather than leading a double life, that this type of person has no life?
    One may suggest though full-time hobbyists still need to report to bosses, colleagues, wives, friends, civil servants, etc.

    One question is how much time, energy, etc. can be spent on the hobby before interaction with said bosses, wives, etc. becomes a problem?

    Another question comes to mind: where would the full-time hobbyist be heading should his hobby turn into a substitute for real life? I'm thinking of people who pay one credit card with another for analogy.
    Last edited by z/m(Ret); 10-09-2007 at 12:41 PM.

  14. #14

    Smile Client Notices...................

    Quote Originally Posted by Ziggy Montana
    EE,

    Interesting yet difficult question.

    I would submit the concept of simultaneous life recognition for a starter, something that can be defined as one's special attention to signs indicating that his alter ego is leading simultaneous lives. Such recognition may or not be mutual whenever two people meet, or may not be present at all.

    Thinking of this somewhat esoteric (and imperfect) analogy: from recounted experiences, it is known that smoking salvia divinorium may increase a sense of living more than one life at the same time. This sense fades as the effect of the drug fades.

    Now client and stripper are having a drink together. Either one or both may be attentive or not to the signs. Stripper notices a white demarcation around the client's ring finger, sign that the client is trying to hide his marital status. This detail might hit her in a specific way or it may just breeze by. Other examples come to mind.

    The point is there could only be a need to manage things and there could only be consequences and results if there's a will and a special ability to recognize these signs.
    Client notices a ring on the strippers finger. Which assumption should he make that the ring is a decoy to avoid come-ons from patrons or the ring has meaning and that there is a relationship outside he club life.

    Your analogies are too sophisticated. Simplify.

    A football player during a game exposes himself to and wrecks extreme violence once the ball is put in play. Once the whistle blows there is a pause. Once a player walks of the field his life choices are limitless - family man, student, business man, ...................... Once he returns to the field the options are limited and the cycle starts again.

    Basically determine if your point is linear or cyclical.
    Last edited by eastender; 10-09-2007 at 01:23 PM.

  15. #15

    Talking I think I'm gonna flunk this one.

    Quote Originally Posted by eastender
    Client notices a ring on the strippers finger. Which assumption should he make that the ring is a decoy to avoid come-ons from patrons or the ring has meaning and that there is a relationship outside he club life.

    Your analogies are too sophisticated. Simplify.

    A football player during a game exposes himself to and wrecks extreme violence once the ball is put in play. Once the whistle blows there is a pause. Once a player walks of the field his life choices are limitless - family man, student, business man, ...................... Once he returns to the field the options are limited and the cycle starts again.

    Basically determine if your point is linear or cyclical.
    Socrates,

    You're ahead of me. I meant only to describe the kind of multiple lives perceptiveness that sometimes comes into play whenever people meet. But, yes, let's move forward.

    The football analogy is interesting. Cyclical in nature but also a good indication of how quickly and sharply one's options go from limited to endless.

    Conversely, picture a football player who, between games, visualizes the next game and/or relives defining plays from the previous game, in other words he never really gets out of his bubble: on the field or not, he plays football and can't be bothered with family, business, etc. issues.

    Theory: too many choices can become a source of anguish, existential despair, anxiety, etc. for some, the reason why the same people are never completely out of the football field, or out of the strip club, hotel suite, whatever...

    Let's push it a bit further: that's why some people just can't cope with democracy, too much to choose from...

    Help me here, I need at least a C+
    Last edited by z/m(Ret); 10-09-2007 at 03:23 PM.

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