It's been also 4 days and I still haven't been able to get over it.
I recently had a very good time with a SP. I booked her consecutive nights 2 or more hours at 1 time, and we spent 1/2 (if not more) of the time talking. Needless to say, we clicked on many levels. Every nite after she left, I was hit with a severe case of depression. I could not help it; I followed the rule and built a rapport with her before the deed, who knew it turned out to be a burden. She did the right thing and kept it at professional level (no personal email or info were exchanged) and I respect that. However, I can not control how I feel.
I haven't done a search, but pretty sure it's been discussed before. I am hoping you guys can provide homegrown/professional suggestion on dealing with this major case of SP blue. Should I from now on skip all the chitchat in all my encounter? I know some of you will tell me to get a life or a real relationship, but right now, the unfair comparison will only get in the way of the real relationship. And there is no way in hell I am going to tell my shrink about this.
Sorry guys, I have a few reviews to post, but my encounter with this SP made my otherwise positive experience with other SPs seemed mediocre at best. I will try my best to be impartial.
To avoid being called a shrill, she will not be reviewed by me.
Thanks all for listening,
The simplist way to find out if the feeling is mutual. Book her again and then ask her if she wants to see you outside of the business on a real date.
But take Bob's comments very seriously, and also do a bit a soul searching. Can YOU live with her past. You will often think OK who has she slept with. You're at a party does anyone know her past, at work can you bring her to the big office shinding?
I went out with one and these thoughts were continuosly on my mind.
But again if she IS a gem, then try to get to know her and good luck.
I fully agree with Mr. Crane and EB; always remember you are footing the bill for an sp to be nice with you, whatever she tells you!!
Over the years, I have fallen in love more than one hundred times with sps as I have already said so in the Pompon thread (thread deleted for security reasons), but my love affairs never lasted more than one hour or so.
If one has sp blues and cannot move to the next sp, please make yourself a by favor, buy a ticket and spend a week in Rio or on the Core d'Azur.
Then you will recover!
As said by EB, it may also be time for you to get a girlfriend!
Is she willing to quit the business for you (this is another issue all together!)
Then we could open another thread!
Another point of view
If you don't mind, I would like to bring another point of view... Don't you think we are almost in the same situation? Think about it... Some of us (like your truly) may have slept with hundreds of women. We all also CHOSE to do that. Worse, we don't even have an excusable reason to do that like a need for the money, we do that for fun!
If I were a woman, I would be awfuly more cautious about having a relation with a guy like us, than us being cautious about dating an SP. There are way more risks that we will, probably at the first opportunity, do it again, whereas most of them will completely stop once they are settled.
The way I see it, assuming everything is resolved and clear in the woman's head that this episode of her life is behind her (and I boldly emphasize this!), I would have no problem whatsoever dating an (ex)SP. Don't look behind, look in front of you!
Just my two controversial cents.
Hum... I don't think you should generalize. You are probably right with some of them, but it's like if you were saying that since us merbites go see SPs, all men on earth are pigs... I know at least a few men who are not pigs... Well, as I said, at least a few... Just a few! LOL
OK, OK, I am just kidding here!
Last week, I suggested to an SP I was very taken with that if she spend the evening with me, I would pay her whatever she normally cleared in an evening. I thought she also had a great time as she spent an extra 12 hours with me no charge, was very affectionate, passionate, talked about quitting and asked me to repeat this week. Thsi week we spoke to arrange to meet. Ten minutes later she called me back to give me the you're only a client speech so book with my dispatcher and no more GFE. They are not normal humans and things must be going on in the background which you cannot imagine.
Look like we all went tru something similar...
I met that stripper a bit over a year ago. Shy type who always sit in her corner and wait for customers. The moment I walked-in I noticed her. She looked a me a few minutes and walk right to my table and started chatting: not her style at all normally. After over 1 hour sitting down at my table, we went for a few dances (ended up like 10...) and still about 1 hour of chit-chat in the back at no costs after. While she was dancing, I kissed her and she responded. I had never did that to a stripper and I know for a fact she never does it either (I saw a guy once walking out with a big slap mark on his face and her screaming at him close behind, because he kissed her!)
By the end of the time we spent together (about 3 hours) I knew her real name (full), her phone number, the name of her pet, her dad, mom sister...
For a while I was there almost every day, driving her back to her place, chatting in the car, holding hands... We could talk and forget time and all that was around us. She even got in trouble once because of this: she didn't hear it was her stage because we were discussing so intensly, 10 feets away from the DJ who was trying to attract her attention. (shouting her name, flashlight, waving...)
One time I went at the club and she was not there. One of her friend asked me what I had done to get her so hooked on me. Even the waitresses were calling us "the lovebirds". Maybe I'm naive but I can still dream it was genuine.
One day, she told me she was back with her old boyfriend. Her family had scared her about seeing a customer and all... I kept seeing her at the club for almost 6 month but, after each time, I was feeling like shit (Dancer blues?) so I decided to stop going for a few weeks. It didn't help a bit, I was seeing her in my soup! So, I saw her after new year and that was it... for 4 months...
Now, I realize that I only had a fantasy. If I had pursued her further and she would have agreed, it could have been great but also could have been a nightmare. She did admit feeling some affection for me but does not want to move further.
I was only dreaming of a relation who could not be. True, all the bad looked not that bad and, all the good looked sooo good before these 4 months!
I still see her once in a while and, even if she's not into "extras", like a lot of other girls are at that place, I still find her dances to be far better than anybody else but now, I feel good when I leave.
She just broke up with the BF again but i'm not even interested anymore! Mind you' as somebody said, I would not say no to a "fuck friend" cause she's hot!
I would be very interrested in getting a few pointers here: 1) During the first 6 months, did you make her dance all the time? Paid dates/dances? 2) Did you do anything else outside of the club (I am not talking about sex but more social events of anykind)?
I always felt that two individuals can definitely feel something for one another (it happened to me), regardless if the girl is in the sex trade or not. We are men, they are women. Both have feelings, and both are looking after something, conciously or not. HOWEVER, you were fooling yourself if your relation strictly evolved around your time at the strip club (my previous questions), or if money was constantly involved. Maybe SHE had hope that something could happen, and SHE realized you were not for real when you disappeared during 4 months...
Obviously, I don't know the true story, so I am 100% assuming here! ...and I am definitely not a psychologist, so unable to read minds
Thanks guys, sharing my experience helps a bit, at least I know I am not alone. I have since gone cold turkey (well, not by choice) and probably will not see any sp at all in the near term. I believe my messy marriage has alot to do with it, and feeling lonely makes you do crazy thing. I really wasn't thinking rationally like you said, but my brain kept telling me that I only live once. And I responded with: "F*ck that, thanks for sharing!", but it didn't seem to work very well.
Can you do me a favor? Can you please torch the shirt with her perfume on it? It's still hanging next to my bed, I am f**king going nuts!
PS: Bud Fox, sorry, it's better to keep her id secret.
Sometimes you become who you pretend to be. I don't think that it is only the clients who succumb to the illusion. I think that some of the SPs who have become so good at pretending to be GFs meet someone they like a bit they sincerely consider making the illusion a reality. Many successful salesmen really believe in their product.
After all, who can they date? their pimps, their drivers, motorcycle gang members etc. They have to be afraid that someone they meet outside the business will not be able to handle their past.
Only in the club, only paid-for dances. The last few months before I left, I didn't even drove her home anymore. That's the way she wanted it: only as a customer, because of the BF.
I was "love-sick". This is why I vanished for 4 month so I could "cure" myself and it worked. As I said, I still see her and she didn't change her attitude with me a bit. She was even genuinely happy to see me after these 4 months.
Now that she's thinking about breaking-up with the BF, (can't handle that she's a stripper, even if he knew long before they got together), she doesn't want to get in a new relation with a BF until she stop stripping and it's fine with me. And I won't wait for her either!
As long as the shirt is a good memory, no problem to keep it. Try seeing it as what you gained (good times, memories to cherrish) instead of what you might be loosing.
Same as your blues, the smell of perfume will vanish with time. Don't rush your blues and don't wash the shirt: leave time do it's thing.
CA makes some very valid points - it is important to remember that SPs are people. Certainly some are damaged - it would be safe to say that many could be classified thusly. But as fellow humans they share the same needs and desires as any of us. Whether or not she shares your feelings is something that you may need to discover on a deep seated level. If she rejects you - at least you know where you stand. If not, hopefully, you'll be able to judge her character sufficiently to decide if it's worthwhile to persue a relationship.
Just my way too freakin' sensitive thoughts...