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Unbelievable let down.

Koenig

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I'm so angry right now I'm shaking, and maybe if I write about it, I might get a bit of frustration out of my system and allow myself to revert to my normal, cool mellow self. The few (very few) people who know me personally on these boards know that I usually keep all my emotions and feelings well under wraps so this is rather out of character for me, I suppose something has got to give.

Hey, I feel better already. Ok, no. I don't.

It's a feeling of empty non-achievement. Like that of a huge personal failure that will eventually be inaugurated for the whole world to see.

Let me start by a warning;this is rather personal, and it's also going to get relatively lengthy. Normally at this length, I prefer to write on my blog page but this is something I don't want my wife seeing by accident, if she sees it I want it to be on purpose.

I married a girl I've known since we were both 13, we met in the school yard at our high-school, on the first day of high-school. She was to me, like Winnie Cooper was to Kevin Arnold. The difference was that of course, Kevin never got past first base with Winnie and well, I married my wife.

Not immediately though, we didn't start dating until after high-school was over and done with, in fact we were both well into CEGEP when we started seeing each other romantically and at this point, SHE made the first move after shooting me down every other year in high-school.

For the record -I did have other girlfriends before we started dating and I had a few dozen SPs after, as well as one, "torrid", more serious affair. She never found out about any of this. - back on subject.

She was rather aggressive about how she made the first move so I thought EXCELLENT!

What a let down that was. As I look back at over five years of dating then 15+ years of marriage, I can't help but to get a feeling of having missed the fucking boat.

Quite literally, the boat on which people have lots and lots of different types of sex. In fact the more entertaining sex I've had has always been with SPs.

It's not that we're NOT having sex (although lately it's been less) it's because we keep having the SAME sex, mish/reverse mish.

In over 20 years together I've had ONE bj to completion from her and about a dozen times that she went down on me for about 20-30 seconds.

She normally doesn't let me go down on her, in fact, I thought I wasn't doing it right until Porscha/Fiona told me a few years ago - no, no, you're doing fine.

We're approaching 40. She wears her age very well and could pull off a mature 28 if dressed and made up properly, she's very slim and quite attractive. I've always found her attractive since that day in late summer 1983 when I first laid eyes on her and as she grew into a woman she developed great legs and ass although she has smaller breasts, they are nice and are holding up quite well, very firm.

Unfortunately for me; She is the biggest prude I've ever met in person, she would've been quite comfortable on The Little House on The Prairie or Happy Days.

I've received promises of lengthy blow jobs and hand jobs, since before we were married. Why don't we keep that for when we're married? -She used to repeat to me as her mantra, whenever I asked for a little excitement.

A few weeks before the holidays I finally lost my patience with her and got in a heated argument about how I was starting to feel as though I was masturbating more than having actual sex, and how that wasn't doing anything good for my ego as a man.

That argument was rewarded with an apology from her and about a week of steady sex, we took a few showers together, she let me go down on her and although it wasn't Disney World, it was nice, that week or so was the time I got the most head out of her at once, in 20 years.

Then, just as I was beginning to think FINALLY!

It stopped.

For the record:

I too am relatively attractive, sure, I don't have my full head of hair anymore although I like to keep them long I know I won't be able to pull that off much longer and frankly because of my physical demeanor (thin, tall) I can't very well shave my head for I'd wind up looking like a cancer patient. The rest is fine though. I keep myself toned and trimmed and groomed.

I dress nicely too.

With the exception of a cigar every few months at my poker games and a couple of occasional drinks, I don't abuse much substances. I've never touched any illegal drugs.

Don't let that mislead you into thinking that I'm boring. I'm a great singer and I play electric guitar, bass and piano. In fact I've written music and performed live on the club scene mostly playing covers of British artists like Oasis, Blur, Duran Duran and Robbie Williams. -

So now to the jist of the story, what has happened is that for many reasons, I decided last summer it was time for me to get a vasectomy, which was executed in the fall of last year, naturally my wife launched me one of her promises under the form of "I'll help you get the samples for the sperm counts" followed by an irresistible look that made me instantly warm where frankly, at the time, stitches and all, wasn't a real good time for me to feel warm.

So the first sperm sample was delivered after I barbecued it alone (she was working that day) and I thought - fine, maybe the second one.

Can anyone guess as how I'm about to get the SECOND sperm sample out myself? Oh she was home, took the day off - both of us, we are going to spend a romantic week-end to celebrate in a posh hotel with all the spas and amenities etc.

Earlier, we were still in bed and I brought up the whole promise thing about assisting with the sperm sample - make it more fun.

Yeah right, she instantly thought of 11952 errands she needed to absolutely get done and before I knew it she was out the door and I was left home alone, with the Internet (tube8 is an excellent source of free porn) and a recorded (ok downloaded) HDTV show called Katie Morgan's Sex Tips vol.2.

I'm sitting here and I find that my heart isn't in it. I just don't feel like masturbating. I debated earlier that since she was out of the house for a few hours maybe, just maybe I should give an SP a call and have her assist me instead but decided against it.

Seriously though, I want to go and spend a romantic week-end.

Just not with my wife. :(
 

JustBob

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Nov 19, 2004
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Stop wasting time writing blogs and sharing your problems with complete strangers on the internet and talk to your wife, see a marriage counselor and/or a sexologist. If you are serious about wanting to remain in that relationship that is.
 
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sexxxymtl

Guess who's back to play!
Hello, I see it this way... We all need a place where we can state what we really feel inside in a safe environment and we can escape from what ever it is that is bothering us... But I feel this situation is a serious and has to be done through rationalization... You don't want to do anything that you would regret down the line.... If you want to save the marriage, I do agree that you should go an see a councillor who can help both of you express your feelings in a calm manner so that it's not fighting all the time but releasing that ill feelings that both of you might have.... Sex is an important component in a relationship and it all depends on if that is the only issue that you have with your wife and it's spilling into other area's of your relationship, or is there something else..... Either way... I wish you the best with this unhappy situation that you feel that you are in and hope everything works out for the best for both of you....
 

La Femme

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Doc Holliday said:
She always used the same excuse i'd heard other women say in regards to other men that if i knew what i was doing in bed, that the rest would come naturally on its own. It was never her fault, always mine.

How can you blame someone of being a bad lover if you won't even show them what you enjoy?

Many women expect men to automatically know how to give them pleasure but it's a learning process.
 

La Femme

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Doc Holliday said:
Exactly. In my case, it was just basic sexual needs. It came to a point where she was seriously considering paying an sp to perform on me. I initially refused, tellng her this was ridiculous. She replied `s repulsed her since it made her feel degraded (she said the same thing in regards to porn....she ran away & threw up just a few minutes into watching her first (and likely last) porn film....the girl had just began to when this happened). When i finally agreed to her offer a few days later, she changed her mind & accused me of wanting to `sleep around` since, as she put it, ``someone who doesn`t want to sleep around would never have agreed to this.`` Go figure! :rolleyes:

What?! :eek:

I can understand not enjoying porn (I don`t like it that much myself unless it`s amateur. I want the real thing) but to get sick because of it??

That girl had very serious issues with sex. I don`t want to play the shrink here but I would not be surprised to learn that she had been abused during her childhood.
 

La Femme

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Doc Holliday said:
I'm fairly certain she wasn't abused during her childhood. However, she came from a dysfunctional family where a parent was an alcoholic, the other was an unloving parent, and the parents got divorced when she was a child.

My experience in regards to abused children (especially in cases where relatives are involved) is that they're more than likely apt to be sexually promiscous in the future. A lot of it has to do with self-esteem issues & other matters in regards to psychology, where for example, many women grow up linking sex with love due to abuse which happened during their childhood. But that's a totally different matter altogether.

Personaly, I have observed it can go both ways. The person can either become absolutely disgusted by sex or, as you say, become very promiscuous.

I find it fascinating how some people can be so uncomfortable with sexuality. Why? I think it can often be linked to a feeling of disdain towards their own body. But again, why?

I have read once that children who receive very little affection from their parents can unconsciously believe it is because they are physically repulsing and it will later on influence their body image.

Anyway. Sorry for being out of topic. I am someone who is naturally curious about human behaviour and this particular subject is just very interesting to me.
 

Shiver MeTimber

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Jun 25, 2006
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Empathy

Hi Koenig,

Obviously many here can empathize with your situation.....and the stories have a sad ring to them, but it still doesn't fix your unique situation.

Have you asked her if she wants to see a marriage counselor/sexologist? If she's hesitant, then that may be part of your answer. The thing is no one knows her side of the story.

Who knows, if she's that adverse to sex, according to what you've written, then maybe there's a deep dark secret that has yet to be brought to light. There are those specialists who may be able to help peel back the layers and let you both understand.

I wish you both luck:)

SMT
 

Koenig

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Ah [edit] we have one child, she is old enough that she is not in the way of our sex life. She hasn't been in years.

I suppose you're correct in assuming that I also have my faults in this. To be fair, sometimes, mostly after I've had a dry spell of not having sex for a few days, I'm so quick in bed that I'm sure my wife has been vaccinated slower.

On the other hand lately, just being in the same room with her gives me the willies.

Earlier she was upstairs preparing her luggage for this dreaded week-end and I caught a glimpse of lingerie. I caught myself looking AWAY.

This is a seriously lovely woman I'm talking about. I should be happy to have her.

Conversely though, in a thread about why men cheat on their wives, posted in this very lobby, there was an entry stating that it doesn't matter if she looks like a grenade blew up in her face, as long as she puts out or sucks like a Hoover he'll jump her bones...

I have to concur. Now I'm off to Guantanamo Bay. This could go either way.
 

master_bates

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May 23, 2005
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2 questions

1-If you're into sex as much as you are why would you marry the biggest

prude on earth in the first place?

2-Whats reverse missionary?
 

K Douglas

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Aug 1, 2005
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JustBob said:
Stop wasting time writing blogs and sharing your problems with complete strangers on the internet and talk to your wife, see a marriage counselor and/or a sexologist. If you are serious about wanting to remain in that relationship that is.
Bob is blunt but I agree with him. You need to make it clear to your wife how you feel. This is obviously something that has festered for years. Maybe you need some spice in the marriage, perhaps a surrogate.
 

gwhiz

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A noted psychologist said that when intimacy is going well with a partner that SEX comprises 10 % of the overall importance in a relationship, BUT when it is not, it becomes 90 %.
 

Dee

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gwhiz said:
A noted psychologist said that when intimacy is going well with a partner that SEX comprises 10 % of the overall importance in a relationship, BUT when it is not, it becomes 90 %.

Great quote!
 

bensonnobalia

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Listen pal I honestly do not know what you are complaining about. Your relationships

Koenig said:
It's not that we're NOT having sex (although lately it's been less) it's because we keep having the SAME sex, mish/reverse mish.
(
Keonig,

Listen pal I honestly do not know what you are complaining about. Your relationships sounds perfectly normal to me.

IMHO in almost any new relationship sex is great for the first six months, OK for the next three to five years....and anything after that is a bonus.

You are still going, in your late 30s, at close to 40 years old? You are a lucky one.

****

Do not believe all that crap by the Viagra and Cialis that we should all be f%&ing into our 40s, 50s and 60s, the same way we did in our 20s. Those bastards just want to sell pills.

As we age, our bodies slow down....and even if a pill will get you through it...if you pressure yourself to have too much sex....the net result will not be good.

It sounds like you have a good thing going with your miss. ...and that you are focusing on the negative.

My advice? Go back home, and appreciate what you've got...she's probably the only person in this world who gives a f^&k about you.

*****

As for the rest? Call Maria Divina, or one of the agencies...they'll take care of you.

Cheers,

Ben
 
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Koenig

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Well, for anyone who cares how the actual week-end went, I had a great week-end, part of the errands she ran on Friday morning were at La Senza and later that evening, when after dinner at the resort she showed up dressed like a Pussycat Doll all my apprehensions were gone.

We had great sex all week-end and if anything, I've decided that if she doesn't provide the sexual attention I need (and crave), I know full well where to find someone who will.

Pussycat Doll or not.
 

Lilly Lombard

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Jan 7, 2007
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A few questions comes to my mind.

- You said you had other girlfriends through college. How about her? Did she have any sexual experience before you?

- I read about the promises that were made to you of long bj but did she ever do it?

Before you marry someone, you have to try... I know I wrote it somewhere on this board just last week (but it must have been in French) : many women get married with their high school sweetheart without having experiment much sex. Then, everything out of the basics to them looks dirty. Sometimes they might have some fantasies but then they wonder : "what will he think about me...". If they only knew.

I wish you are able to make her evolve sexually in the direction you want. Most of the time, it takes a separation and sexual experimentation with different men before a woman really changes sexually. Otherwise, it takes a lot of dialogue and honesty and comprehension. Problem with that is as soon as she will feel secure in the relationship again, sex will get back to that same sex. That's why someone would be more likely to have her at her best than you... :(

***********************************

To answer your story though, I will tell you a little where I come from.

I was always very curious sexually, maybe too much for my own good. I was dreaming to get married with Prince Charming and have a family. Unfortunately, I would always get bored of Prince Charming for many reasons, including sex. Not all men are open and willing to experiment new things...

Unfortunately, for that, I have been used. I became so open sexually, finding sex so natural that my last 2 relationships kept bragging at how good they had it and how lucky they were. I was happy because I had found partners with my openess of mind and as playful as me. We tried everything, went to swigners clubs, I even offered them harems nights where they would be satisfied in everyway by multiple women, role plays... etc.

Why am I still not married if everything was going well and sex so good and diversified?

Because even when they have it that good, men are not happy. They get bored... Yep, bored! If it's not about the amount of positions, games, toys and different things we can come up to, it becomes about always having sex with the same woman. After a few years, the same ass, the same pussy, the same breasts etc.... it's boring!

************************************

If I'd have to guess, I would say you are right into your mid-life crisis. Wait another 10-15 years, then, you will be craving affection, love with someone who cares. Sex will become secondary. ;)
 

Koenig

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Lilly Lombard said:
A few questions comes to my mind.

- You said you had other girlfriends through college. How about her? Did she have any sexual experience before you? She wasn't a virgin when I started dating her, neither was I. Not by a long shot. By then I'd had a threesome, and at the very least a dozen different girls including when I was 17, a 33 year old.

- I read about the promises that were made to you of long bj but did she ever do it? No. Nothing that even came close to what a medium/high quality SP could muster up. In fact I got more head from other women overall than from her, and that's NOT counting SPs.

Before you marry someone, you have to try... I know I wrote it somewhere on this board just last week (but it must have been in French) : many women get married with their high school sweetheart without having experiment much sex. Then, everything out of the basics to them looks dirty. Sometimes they might have some fantasies but then they wonder : "what will he think about me...". If they only knew. Yeah, I feel like that, what would she think of me if she found my drawer of "gadgets"?

I wish you are able to make her evolve sexually in the direction you want. Most of the time, it takes a separation and sexual experimentation with different men before a woman really changes sexually. Otherwise, it takes a lot of dialogue and honesty and comprehension. Problem with that is as soon as she will feel secure in the relationship again, sex will get back to that same sex. That's why someone would be more likely to have her at her best than you... :( I dunno, porn repulses her. But then again I might be wrong and porn might not apply here.

***********************************

To answer your story though, I will tell you a little where I come from.

I was always very curious sexually, maybe too much for my own good. I was dreaming to get married with Prince Charming and have a family. Unfortunately, I would always get bored of Prince Charming for many reasons, including sex. Not all men are open and willing to experiment new things... Granted.

Unfortunately, for that, I have been used. I became so open sexually, finding sex so natural that my last 2 relationships kept bragging at how good they had it and how lucky they were. I was happy because I had found partners with my openess of mind and as playful as me. We tried everything, went to swigners clubs, I even offered them harems nights where they would be satisfied in everyway by multiple women, role plays... etc. I detest roleplays, harem nights though would be interesting, something that happened this week-end gave me whip-lash. She has always told me that a threesome would be out of the question. Every time there was a scene with a man and two women I was given the usual speech: "don't expect that from me, ever." which was decidedly different than the: "Let's keep that for another time." speech I was used to. This week-end we were sitting in a hot tub at the SPA and another woman came and sat in the tub. She stayed a few moments then left, after she left I commented that she could've stayed all she wanted (she was hot) to which my wife replied: "I'm not quite there yet". Whatever that means.

Why am I still not married if everything was going well and sex so good and diversified?

Because even when they have it that good, men are not happy. They get bored... Yep, bored! If it's not about the amount of positions, games, toys and different things we can come up to, it becomes about always having sex with the same woman. After a few years, the same ass, the same pussy, the same breasts etc.... it's boring! I disagree. I'm not bored with my wife, I spent the last two days haunted by one of her new sexy outfits she wore this week-end.

************************************

If I'd have to guess, I would say you are right into your mid-life crisis. Wait another 10-15 years, then, you will be craving affection, love with someone who cares. Sex will become secondary. ;)That though had occurred to me, but I came to the conclusion that my mid-life crisis would be under the form of a sports coupe, as soon as the new improved, paved roads are finished.

Seriously though, thanks for the intriguing insight, I wish I had found a woman like you.

Consider the following however, I dated an SP for a while and she also kept teasing me with ideas of threesomes, anal sex, she threatened to "rock my world" with incredible blow jobs, none of which ever materialized. I don't blame her though, I was only with her for a few months.

Also, anal sex is not something that ever interested me. I don't even like watching it on porn.
 

Lilly Lombard

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Koenig said:
Seriously though, thanks for the intriguing insight, I wish I had found a woman like you.

Consider the following however, I dated an SP for a while and she also kept teasing me with ideas of threesomes, anal sex, she threatened to "rock my world" with incredible blow jobs, none of which ever materialized. I don't blame her though, I was only with her for a few months.

Also, anal sex is not something that ever interested me. I don't even like watching it on porn.


It wasn't meant as a proposition (as I can only be that way with someone I am in love with...) but only to show you that the opposite also exists (ie : you being deceived by your prude wife / men getting bored with a sexual woman).

Many women offer many things and don't deliver what's promissed, as many men do too. I think in this I see what your problem might be though : Not speaking up! You could have put this girl you were dating against the wall and get her to do what she offered you, if you would have speak up. Same with your wife...

More women will prefer a man who is strong, who has a stronger caracter then them, who stands up for himself, who is in charge (not in a dominant way, just in a way that makes her feel secure), a man who will say what he wants and be confident in what he wants. Say it like you mean it.

You have done some talking with your wife and it did get her moving... Keep that up! And if speaking is too hard and you really care for your relationship, I guess the other solution would be couple therapy.

Maybe you will not get the 3some with a woman but maybe you will get sex more often and more satisfying bj, more lingerie nights... ;)
 
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