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Yes, this is the reason why I read-only & stay silent.
Yes, I would like an improvement on this matter.
Maybe, I don't really care...
No, I like this forum the way it is.
No, MERB is a friendly community & everything is going fine.
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Last edited by Lucky69; 06-10-2009 at 02:22 PM.
Si le plus grand plaisir des hommes est de se payer le corps des femmes, le plus grand plaisir des femmes est de se payer la tête des hommes...
I was not sure what to answer. I do find that some members seem to take pleasure in insults or provocation towards others... Often it is done through insinuation and persistent flaming... in attacking credibility in various ways-- and this is not to say that one should not point out when a post is not credible. But facts would help more than plain accusations. I think people should be allowed to say what they want and be direct. To be honest, when a thread becomes polluted with flaming wars, I disconnect totally and ignore it! And even though I disconnect more frequently from threads, I don't think it's the reflection of the increase in bad behaviours, but simply because I am gaining seniority and me "having seen it all" before
One of the reasons I seldom used to reply to Lounge posts or even dare start one is that my experiences and views on what we are doing here are very far removed from that of the majority of the more prolific Lounge posters.
There are so many dogmas (girls hating their job or doing it only for money, the whole "acronyms" thing, calling what the girls do "services", etc) that seemingly cannot be challenged, I would feel as though I am charging at windmills if I even tried.
I find MERB useful in its' core mission, the reviews. Even if a reviewer doesn't have my "style", I can usually filter what he says and at least gather some extra information to know if I should or not meet the lady in question.
As far as the other posts go, I would caution anyone reading MERB not to assume they are reading "the life of a hobbyist" into them, and the reason is simple: those with the most "interesting" stories to tell have reasons to keep them under wraps . I have no idea how often I see "lounge" posts that make my skin crawl and I think "Ok then, let me tell them about the time that...", only to realize what can of worms I could be opening. Not worth it...
So my answer was "Maybe I don't really care" lol. Up to the board administrators to decide if that is a good or bad thing. But I thank L69 for opening this thread, which I think useful.
Une vie sans folie, c'est une vie sans goût / Life without craziness, is life without taste
The first thing we have to accept about any board is...You Can't Make It Perfect For Everyone. Having been around for a long time, from my general experience I would say Fred and the Mods have done a very good job of using standards that are pretty fair and even-handed, that have created an atmosphere on this board that is friendly, comfortable, and firmly disciplined enough without being oppressive.
This board seems to serve it's purpose of providing as much information on the hobbying experience as anyone would need to help insure that members have the opportunity to have their own good encounter. There are plenty of options to communicate with agencies, ladies, and other hobbyists. Men and women can post with relative assurance of respect, and if the conditions degenerate the Mods usually step in in a timely manner where called for to bring the situation back under control. The Mods are typically on guard to keep threads on track for the purposes they were created for, and against various forms of stereotyping, bigotry, and gross characterizations that are completely unacceptable.
Regarding the issue of disciplining members, those who more typically may find disciplinary actions "unfair" are most often the same ones who failed to heed multiple clear warnings. Permanent bans are extremely unfortunate, but those who have been either highly provocative disturbers carrying on for a long time up to years, and even received second and third chances; or are new members who have been outright hostile and disruptive from the start, must be dealt with decisively in the end. Unfortunately, like me, we may all end up getting out of line or going too far at times. We all have views, passions, and idiosyncrasies that clash with others. Some of us may have also made conscious decisions to dislike someone else and take what may be an unnecessarily hostile view of individuals at times. That is human...when we don't control ourselves the Mods do a fairly good job of controlling the situation despite our excesses. But the Mods certainly cannot impose "love and brotherhood" between all nor should they. Spirited discussion is stimulating. But aggravated baiting and flaming has no positive value at all.
Now, I am not saying all of this is handled perfectly, even in my view. But I do think there is a certain standard here that works best for all. Surely there are varying current situations or conditions that will annoy or upset some while pleasing others and few will be in total agreement about which situation is not acceptable and which is. But, it does seem there is a comfort level overall that all can generally accept even if we can all find some issues that need improvement in our individual views.
One of my real concerns though is that it seems negative reviews are held to a higher standard of scrutiny and proof than positive ones, or at least there is a general reluctance of too many members to be more critical. Whether that is due to an absence of blood to the brain or something else...I do not know. But it does seem that honest criticism often has too much resistance from all sides for various reasons. That situation hinders real honesty. Still, the experienced member has plenty of means to learn more where needed.
So recognizing that like everyone else I probably can never find this board perfect for me...I voted: "No, I like this forum the way it is."
Last edited by Merlot; 06-10-2009 at 09:37 PM.
I tend to agree with Merlot in most of what he says. I would say that Merb is more heavily moderated than Terb and if anything errs on the side of discouraging spirited disagreement. I don't think it's productive to carry that any further than it has been because I think you end up with the boring and mudane - the "Steppford Wives" version of a review board.
The odd person holding their breath and stamping their feet is fine as long as its not the same person every day of the week. I think this board has done a very good job of keeping the numerous real wack-jobs with the Don Quixote from Hell and the Frontiere complexes from muddying the waters here.
Most of the unpleasantness occurs when people take the board and the hobby too seriously. Don't let your sense of self worth be tied up with the reputation of your anonymous merb handle and you should be fine.
I feel everything is pretty fine as for now for me. Honestly i hate boards who are too heavily moderated and as soon as you make a little comment that could hurt somebody IF badly understood you got banned, thats not for me. Here for the moment im satisfy.
Life is a party ! Death is the Hangover.. 67-46-6
Wow, couldn't say this any better. Some people just fly off the handle for no reason. Have to wonder just how sane some of these guys are in real life...if they sat next to you at the bar, would you move down 5 stools? Lets face it, the internet opened a can of worms here...before this the scene was just 'call the agency and hope for the best'. Now we have agency websites, pictures of the girls and reports of the service. But you still have to realize that not every review is 'dependable'. We as hobbiest don't know who 'Joe Blow' really is, what he likes...how many times he's been arrested for flashing old women, etc. A glowing review doesn't mean scheiße (german phrase).Originally Posted by johnhenrygalt
Your actions mean more than what you write, saying one thing and doing the exact opposite...says alot of the character of the poster. We've all had our share of wacko's on the board, guys that are just plain childish and can't let things go, stomping your feet and the like. The great thing about this and other boards (the one great feature) is the 'ignore' list. How many people here have added a certain poster or 3 to that list and made life simpler...im betting more than a handful.
I think the mods do a decent job of keeping things under control. What pisses me off are certain members who constantly run to complain about and take shots at the members and moderators of MERB from the safety of another board that doesn't do anything about it. I guess they need the posts, as long as you don't criticize them that is.
I've had some heated discussions here with Merlot for example and, for the most part , we have always shown respect for each other during our disagreements. We've never fallen into juvenile behaviour of name calling and insults and the mods have never had to step in. Damn, even Cloud500 and I have had some real burners but never insulted each other no matter how much we disagreed. But some others seem to make a career of insulting other members and they usually end up paying for it.
Could things be better here? Sure they could but they could also be a hell of a lot worse and you don't have to look very far to see proof of that. MERB is what we, it's members, make it. Nothing more, nothing less.
And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Techman, it must be the "techie" in you that meet the one in me once in a while but, even if we sometimes disagree, I agree on this one!
It's ok to disagree, it's ok to have heated discussion, it's ok to finally agree to disagree!
When it becomes unacceptable is when the childish behavior start. The lack of respect.
It's also unacceptable, imho, when a poster hit the same nail, over and over, days after days, pages after pages, threads after threads, when the only changes are from peoples jumping-in at the end of the thread, without reading what's before, only to say exactly what was said 2 pages higher.
Hello all,Originally Posted by Techman
My "episodes" with Techman are a good example of the very heated, but genuine and respectful discussions/debates. I know in such cases it's a matter of honest disagreement without personal issues. That kind of exchange is stimulating and healthy.
What is also good about Merb is that there is a mix of fun and seriousness. Some may want to have a lot more "fun". That's fine. I enjoy it. But when bickering, insulting, and feuding are what some want as fun then in my view we are degenerating. When fun on a board turns it into nothing more then a nearly endless run of totally frivolous subjects, moronic jokes, and ridiculous fantasy stories, then it is sliding into irrelevance.
Techman, your okay...with people. You just need a keeper to help with the chairs.
Oh man! Did you ever hit one on the head there! How many threads do we see where people just seem to go around in circles repeating the same thing over and over, page after page? And then when the mods close the thread, someone starts a new one on the same subject!Originally Posted by metoo4
Sometimes it's fun just to have some fun. That is why we're all here after all, isn't it? To have some fun and pick up some useful information? And I have to admit that sometimes it can be a guilty pleasure to push someone's buttons knowing that they will explode in anger. But honestly, some people take things waaaaay too seriously at times. And those are the ones that seem to be the easiest to make explode.
But you know something? It all comes down to respect. Respect is a funny thing. It's so hard to earn but so easy to lose, it costs nothing to give but it's priceless to receive. And once you lose it, it almost never is given again. If someone wants respect, then post with respect and everyone wins in the end.
Chairs??? Did someone mention chairs??? Noooooo! Someone help meeeee! Mommeeeee! LOL
Last edited by Techman; 06-10-2009 at 09:08 PM.
And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Works for me!
Confucius say: Man who take woman into house on side of hill - not on level.
Hey Techman -- I can't say I'm not guilty of doing this too. Sometimes it's just too much to resist and it's too easy. I often know that a little benign comment is enough to get certain people to flip out into a tirade, or hissy-fit of some kind. Occaisionally, when I'm bored, that is the kind of cheap "guilty pleasure" entertainment that I go for. Some people have such predictably childish reactions that you almost have to poke them in the ribs a couple tims annually.Originally Posted by Techman
You and I have had our disagreements in the past as well, but I've also agreed with the majority of your viewpoints and think the mods here have done a decent job overall (with many glaring specific exceptions of course) at keeping the flow going smoothly.
One thing I have noticed is that people can behave one way in their public posts, and a completely different way in their PMs. We definitely have a lot of bi-polar members on merb. Some people are living their life one way and pretending to be something totally different on merb. It's very easy to read between the lines here, especially with frequent posters. Commonly, some people will take a stand against a certain idea, or against some type of behaviour, but when you analyze the entire body of their contributions you can often find that in essence they are really criticizing themselves and their own penchant for the behaviour that they are publicly denoucing. I laugh particularly hard at the "holier than thou" posters, who always know right from wrong. The white knights... The people who portray themselves as ambassadors of brillance, fairness and justice... These are often the sickos who we should all be afraid of.
You seem like a straight shooter, as do many members here, but I find it interesting to perform a little psychoanalysis on various other members here and there. It can be fascinating!
In fact, this message, which doesn't mention anyone by name other than Techman, and doesn't even hint or allude to anyone specific will probably get certain people riled up (for no good reason).
Excellent,Originally Posted by Ben Dover
I have to say I agree completely. In fact, I am very gratified to see we are thinking so closely and that you are so comfortable confirming the same views and principles from my previous posts. But I would like to expand on this, and I am sure you will agree further.
As you can see from Techman's post I enjoy a tough debate and no matter how intense it may get he and I are quite disciplined enough to avoid lowering ourselves into uncalled for juvenilism and crassness. No matter how much disagreement we may have there is really no excuse for going that route. So it is indeed a disturbing psychology when someone has to resort to baiting, insults, name calling, and even go as far as vicious threats. Why is that necessary at all? Being philosophically different should not mean one has to degenerate into an anti-social mentality of thuggery. I'm all for serious discussion, but taking a disagreement as a personal offense and turning it into a feud does show the kind of "character" that would make for some unique psychoanalysis.
You are also exactly right about using the board's PM system as a way to attack members. Unfortunately, there are those "who portray themselves as" very rational "ambassadors of brilliance, fairness and justice" only to use the PM system to send vicious threats. And over what? A differing point of view that everyone has a right to. Does an intense discussion really have to lead to malicious threats. What would psychoanalysis say about that line of rationale?
But, it's not all hidden in PMs either. Some seem to be civil to others for a long time, but show their dark side with spiteful mind games, ugly innuendo, and a propensity for mean-spirited attacks. More perplexing is that the same sort is mystified when a person who tries to be more rational and controlled, decides to tell them off ( but not threaten) after being persistently attacked. Such people seem to think there's nothing wrong with the hypocrisy of acting like thugs when they attack those they think are passive easy targets they can pick on at will, then crying foul when the targets fight back. You are right that there may be a sickness when some pose as civil persons but also have no hesitation to make very ugly threats; and their private thoughts must be pretty disturbing. What psychoanalysis of them might reveal could be very scary.
So I am definitely with you BD on all this...all the way. If people would just remember that a discussion is just an exchange of views and that a difference of views or philosophy can stay civil no matter how intense without descending into the crassness or maliciousness that Techman and I always avoid, the boards would be a whole lot better. Thanks for your example and support on this.
Last edited by Merlot; 06-16-2009 at 12:52 PM.