I thought this was funny:
A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him
that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a
few questions. He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks..................
"What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a high-priced whore."
The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no.
That will never work. That is much too crass.
Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states,
"I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have
to do with being a whore or a call girl?".
"Well, I raised over 5,000 little peckers last year."
Here's one I love:
A rich man and a poor man meet at the coffey shop, the poor man ask what he bought his wife for Christman. S the rich man said:
"I bought her a diamond ring and a Mercedez. if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she can return it in her brand new Mercedez".
He then ask the poor man what he bought for his wife. The poor man said:
"I bought her a pair of slippers and a dildo".
So after a few seconds of silence, the rich man ask the poor man why he bought her those 2 gifts. So the poor man replied:
"Well if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself"
The traveling salesman.
A traveling salesman was driving through farm country, a snow storm brewed up and he had to ask a farmer for lodgings.
The farmer said that he could stay, but do not touch my 2 daughters. So, when the farmer went out to the barn to milk the cows the salesman went to the 18 year old daughter and told her to go to her room and he would be there soon for sex. When he got there the girls showed the salesman her red stained panties and told him that it was her time of month. Later the salesman went to the 13 year old girl and told her to go to her room and he would be up soon for sex. The 13 year old girl didn't know what do do, so she went and asked her sister. Her sister told her to get red ink and smear it on her panties and tell the salesman that it was her time of month. Not finding any red ink, the girl used green ink. When the salesman went to her room, the girl held out a pair of green stained panties and told him that it was her time of month. Just then the farmer burst into the room to see this scene. The farmer said: You bastard, you tried to screw my 18 year old daughter and now your trying to screw my 13 old daughter..................have you no shame? Look, she ain't even ripe yet!!!!!
A business man walks into a tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist goes to the man and asks him what he is looking for.
The BM replies "I would like you to tattoo 250,000$ on my dick."
The TA asks "Why in the world would you want that as a tattoo???"
The BM replies:
First, I like to play with my money.
Second, I like to see my money grow.
And finally, I'd like to see how fast my wife can blow 250,000$!"