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Thread: All about DATY!

  1. #1
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    Talking All about DATY!

    As an ex-escort, I've had DATY many times from gentlemen who enjoyed the activity. Unfortunately, not many were good at it... Actually, in my experiences, I was amazed at how many didn't have a clue what to do or were going about it all wrong.

    I escorted for 8-9 years, and MAYBE 10-15% performed DATY in an enjoyable fashion, less than 5% ever got me to reach orgasm in this way.

    It's not only in my professional encounters that this happened but also in my personal ones. Very few men in my experience have an idea of what to do and how.

    As an escort, it always placed me in an uncomfortable position, I either had to:

    1. Tell the person and then instruct them on how to do it nicely, which could make things very awkward as not many men like to be criticized about their cunnilungus abilities. Or

    2. Fake pleasure and move onto other things. I admit that I used this option majoritarily due to negative responses from option 1.

    Although every woman is different, there are some key elements or general rules in giving good DATY. I have found a couple great articles on the subject that I wish to share with you all. I haven't read anything so "spot on" as these in ages if not ever. I think it could be very useful to some in different ways.

    The articles will be following this post along with author's credit.

    Jackie

  2. #2
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    Writen by Vikki McKay

    I don't know if this is the same for every woman, so bear with me. A random sampling of my girlfriends made up this argument in the form of Public Service Announcement; your results may vary with other women.

    We've all heard the bit of truism that says lovers tend to touch each other's genitals (at least at first glance) in the way that they themselves would like to be touched. I've tested this bit of wisdom against many of my (and my girlfriends') past relationships and found it to be generally accurate. First time you hop in the sack, girls tend to want to touch the penis beside them very gently. In other words, for most men, Not Hard Enough. And most men, by contrast, touch the clitoris very firmly. In other words, for the women I've spoken to about this, Too Damn Hard.

    And so, Vikki's absolutely unscientific tips for touching the clitoris.


    1. Firmness

    Let's assume a scale of 1 to 10 here. Think of it as a stereo volume dial. At 1, you're touching her so very lightly you can barely feel her against your fingertips. Like how you'd stroke a newborn baby's eyelids. At 10, you're touching her just as hard as you'd ever imagined touching a woman there.

    With that scale in mind, we've found via our random sampling that a great many men start at about 8.

    Whoa, whoa, whoa.

    For the most part, 8 is going to be far too hard for any time but about six to fifty seconds before climax, or during more strenuous activity like full-out fucking. First of all, if you start at 8, what on earth are you going to build up to? And with women's bodies, it's most definitely all about "building up to". And secondly, if you start at this level, it may not just be uncomfortable but actively painful. The kind of painful that makes us lose all desire to be touched down there for a while. Guys, it's akin to when your cock bends the wrong way during sex. Ow. Yes. That bad, at least for some women.

    We have this lovely scale in out minds, yes? Let's use it. Start with 1. Spend some time there. Enjoy the scenery. Then progress to 2. Et cetera.

    A big hint for guys: with a regular tempo, and following the other guidelines below, a lot of women (myself included) can come to orgasm with only a #2 touch. What's more, sometimes those orgasms are more powerful and body-rocking than ones accomplished with a firmer touch.

    So remember: newborn baby's eyelids. Would you press your finger down there? Of course not. And so it goes with the clitoris.

    2. Location, location, location

    Knowing where to touch can be just as important as knowing how to touch. And before you jump salty on me and say "of course I know where to touch!", keep reading.

    The clitoris, as I've said before, has more nerve fibers than any other part of the body - male or female. 8,000 nerve fibers all screamingly close to the surface. Thankfully, this incredibly sensitive little bugger is covered by a clitoral hood. That's the little "hood" of flesh that is over the "button" of the clitoris.

    The clitoris extends up underneath the clitoral hood by at least a finger-length in most women, kind of like a tiny penis.

    Hey. Did you notice I said finger-length here? That's a hint!

    Generally, a lot of women find the clitoris itself (the "button") far, far too sensitive to be touched most of the time, even at the height of arousal. Stimulation on that spot can vary from very intense to uncomfortable to downright painful.

    If we think of the clitoris and hood as your nose, for just a moment... touching the very bridge of the nose can be highly pleasurable. Ditto with the sides of the nose, the little creases on either side. But you want to avoid touching the tip of the nose. You don't even want to get near it unless your lady asks for it. Think a good finger-width higher up, and you're getting into safer territory.

    And don't forget, newborn baby eyelids. Would you want a woman to grind your balls up into your pubic bone?

    3. Moisture

    Moisture is the next most important thing. Don't even think of going near the clitoris without wet fingers. The closest thing I could liken it to is this: would you want your woman to shove a finger or two up your ass without lube? No? Same thing applies here. The clitoris is just far too sensitive to be touched dry, most of the time. It hurts, fellas.

    Luckily, Mother Nature provided a repository of lube nearby for you, all handy and everything, no external lube required, most of the time. Yes. Just move those fingers a little lower first, dip ever so lightly into the very entrance of her pussy, and you'll likely get all the lube you need. There are exceptions of course - if she's not turned on enough yet, there won't be much, and some women just don't manufacture that much lube on their own. Ask your lady when in doubt. She may just happily pass you a bottle of her favourite lube, or ask for a little more playtime first.

    Regular and careful re-applications of this moisture are also important. If you're down there playing for a while, her clit and your fingers may get dry again. Make sure you keep everything smooth and slippery. You can never be too rich, too thin, or have too much lubrication.

    4. Tempo

    Luckily, boys, we're a lot like you in this department, so this stuff is easier to figure out. We need a regular tempo to get off. It doesn't have to be blindingly, finger-painfully fast. It just needs to be steady. Again, even very light (#2) pressure with wet fingers and a slow, steady tempo is enough to take a lot of women over the edge.

    Steady is the key. Mixing it up, when you're learning her body, is one thing. But when she's getting close to orgasm (and again, if you're not sure - ASK!), you need to keep a steady rhythm. It does not have to be as fast as you pump yourself when you're jerking off. Or even close to that. A slow steady tempo is much more effective than irregular bursts of a faster tempo.

    And men, if she says "oh, god, don't stop" - do exactly what you're doing. Please don't stop, or change direction, or change tempo, or firmness.


    So there you have it, one completely unscientific look at how to touch a woman. Yes, there are some women who want or need more things, or different ones, than the techniques described above. But this is a very safe primer that should work for most women at first. If they need more, they'll tell you.

    Or as always, feel free to ask them!

  3. #3
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    These are comments and additions to the first article by Lilith.


    In addition to Vicki's fantastic advice on the subject of the clitoris - I have a few opinions to share, myself. I've been enjoying cunnilingus (both as recipient and giver) for over half my life now, so I'm pretty certain I've learned a few things about it.

    While I disagree with Vicki about the "fingerlength away" part, in the section on location - because that's too far away for the most exquisite sensations - I do agree that most of the time, direct stimulation of the clitoris (when it's exposed from underneath the hood) is simply too much. And as for the moisture section, well...a little moisture is better than a lot, but there is certainly such a thing as too slippery. I don't mind being touched with a dry finger; in fact, I actually like it, as long as I'm not being rubbed raw. However, her takes on firmness and tempo are spot on! I think most men make the mistake of speeding up too fast when they get a little encouragement from a lady, and the most-common mistake I've noticed among men is changing tempo when I'm close to climax. That will drive me insane, and not in a happy way.

    Another thing I've noticed about bad cunnilingus is that it often involves the St. Bernard technique - licking with a flat & limp tongue, the way a puppy licks at a plate of wet dogfood. (Certainly there's a time for that, at least with me, and that time is immediately after climax, when I'm so sensitive that I like a really slow, gentle lick every few seconds. But that's the only time it's enjoyable.) Almost as annoying is the hummingbird technique - an overly-pointy tongue (like a hummingbird's bill) zapping repeatedly at the clitoris as if it's a reward button in a lab experiment. Doing creative things with your tongue - writing the alphabet, or random swirly movements as if you're painting a picture - are interesting but not exactly productive (for me, although some women like it). Those are the types of things that make me scoot backward, until I'm practically halfway up the wall next to the bed. (Oh yeah, and if a woman is scooting backward, it doesn't mean chase her. It means back off, Mr. Enthusiasm.)

    Good tongue technique is, as Vicki said, all about the tempo - which should be steady near climax, although you can vary when leading up to arousal. Most of what I've heard from other ladies is that starting slow is a great idea, and I agree. Lazy, leisurely exploration of the entire vulva is decadently enjoyable. When you get around to focusing on the clitoral area, some women like gentle suction while others prefer only licking. I'm a big fan of suction, and a soft (but not limp) tongue. Just as some men love having their testicles played with during oral sex, or their thighs kneaded, or their nipples played with, or any other part of the body touched, women can really crave additional touch away from the immediate vulvar area. I personally love having my inner thighs massaged, before or during oral sex. Caressing hands anywhere they can reach are a good thing. Well, not my feet...but hey, some women might like that!

    As for the rest of the anatomy, I've heard from the majority of my lady friends when we're bitching about crappy bed technique, that that whole tongue-fucking thing is pointless, and often annoying. Nice firm things bring joy to the entrance and interior of a vagina - such as fingers, dildoes, penises. Not tongues. Certainly the labia and other surrounding areas (and even, for some, the back door) enjoy the caresses of a tongue, but please don't mistake it for an extension of another thing that points on your body.

    Then there's the question of combining cunnilingus with manual technique. Some women really don't appreciate internal stimulation, so it's best to find out if that's going to be a good thing or not before you try it. Would the average guy appreciate a lover poking about in places without asking first? No, I thought not. Those who start with the finger-fucking as soon as their tongue touches flesh below the waist are clueless at best, and infuriating at worst. Your mother told you there's a time and place for everything, but what she didn't tell you is that the time for internal stimulation is about 5 seconds after your lover is yearning for it - which she won't be immediately upon the commencement of cunnilingus unless you've been teasing one another with extended foreplay for quite some time already. Try waiting a few minutes, or until her hips start lifting toward your mouth (which also can indicate that additional pressure on or near her clitoris may be warranted). As for advanced manual stimulation (vaginal fisting), it's certainly not something to attempt without discussion prior to getting naked - even if you've been with your partner for ages.

    Most men don't seem to know where the G-spot is, what to do with it, or even (sadly) what it is. It's a happy thing for many women, but - like all else - some find G-spot stimulation boring or even irksome. Again, best to ask first. If you get the go-ahead, locating it is the first step. For most women, it's on the upper wall of the vagina (12 o'clock if she's on her back), about a couple inches in. For some (like me), it's a bit further in, and poking about just an inch or two inside is going to do nothing but possibly trigger a desire to slam my thighs together. You know you've found it when you realize the texture is a bit different from the surrounding tissues - slightly spongy, more ripply. A G-spot technique that a lot of women like is the "come hither" motion - just as if you were motioning for someone to "come here" with your finger. For other women, or at other times, just a firm sliding pressure back-and-forth is nice. The advanced technique is to stimulate the G-spot in synchronized tempo with movement of the tongue on or near the clitoris.

    Some ladies have genital piercings; mine is a hood piercing. Please, please, please do not tug on jewely without asking. Not even lightly...I didn't get mine so it could be a pull-toy. (Nor did I get it because I thought it would improve my sex life - I got it because I think it's pretty!) I've had the privilege of playing with some labia piercings, and can attest to the fact that some ladies do like piercings tugged upon...but assumptions are never good, especially when it comes to sex. If a piercing gets in the way, either work around it or ask the owner if it can be temporarily removed (most can be). A hood piercing can be a nice "roadmap" as well...since mine is a vertical piercing, I can tell a partner to lick near the lower ball of the curved barbell, and that's exactly the right spot!

    As for whether oral sex is "really" sex (not according to Bill Clinton, apparently), I have to say that it is. However, just as some women can only achieve orgasm through oral sex (and may prefer it to intercourse for that reason), some women consider it far more of a "foreplay" sex act than the main course. I far prefer orgasms that result from intercourse, and so I'd rather not climax during oral sex if there's the possibility of intercourse happening during a lovemaking session. Ladies who are multi-orgasmic don't necessarily have to make that distinction, of course. So if a partner tells you she'd rather not climax during oral sex, it's not (hopefully) a gentle way of saying you can't accomplish that feat, but it may possibly simply mean that she'd rather get to climax another way entirely. For instance, during wild-weasel fucking! *grin*

    So that's my 2 cents...

  4. #4
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    DATY 101

    Thank you for the very informative info, Jackie. Several espys that i've met over the years have mentionned that they eventually got fed up receiving DATY from clients because of what you've just referred to: the majority of them simply don't have a clue. Others, as you've stated, simply pretend they enjoy it and go along with it since they feel it's a part of their job. Whenever someone is told that 'they have a golden tongue', well....it is quite possible that the espy is simply saying this in order to make him feel good about himself. One of my favorites is "you must have been a girl in your other life since you're so great at this!"

    By the way....are you the same lady who once used to work for Allissa under the same name?

    JaJ

  5. #5
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    Re: All about DATY!

    As I said in my first post, every woman IS different:

    Originally posted by Jackie
    Although every woman is different, there are some key elements or general rules in giving good DATY.
    The percentages that I stated were to illustrate the difference between outright bad and unpleasant DATY versus enjoyable, not necessarily orgasmic DATY.

    I do agree wholeheartedly that different women like different styles of DATY, having performed it myself on many occasions, I know

    But there are some very common mistakes that men make in this department, and the articles posted are great in pointing them out. For example, firmness.

    I cannot say how many times (way too many to count) that I started receiving DATY on the edge of the bed and ended up at the other end sitting up from all the scootching back. When I would start backing up to alleviate the "too much pressure" situation, I would be rewarded by even more aggressive DATY. Even with some instruction, so many just didn't understand that using too much pressure was not good.

    I just posted these articles to relay an escort's point of view on DATY. The vast majority of men who enjoy giving DATY do so because they enjoy giving pleasure to the escort, something that many of us appreciate (or have appreciated). It's just extremely frustrating to get bad DATY, just like I would imagine it's very frustrating to a man getting a bad blow job.

    These articles were posted because I found them to be very detailed and accurate on how the majority of women enjoy DATY. At the very least, it's a great starting point.

    IMO, the best way to approach a new person is like "legs" said, to see how they touch and other activities and build from that. A huge thing is also to pay attention to how the person is reacting to a particular "move". If they're pushing into you: you're doing good, if they're moving away from you: you have to do something else!

    Jackie

    P.S. I am not Jackie from Allissa's, nor have I ever "worked" under the name Jackie.

  6. #6
    Hey Jackie
    Where do we sign up for hands on lessons

    cloud

  7. #7
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    Thanks Jackie
    Useful information.
    Useful reminders.
    "sticky" material don't you think ?
    Horny soit qui mal y pense

  8. #8
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    I'm happy to see that this info is appreciated, it was definitely worth sharing.

    As Oliver pointed out, even an experienced "muff diver" can benefit from reading it, even if it's just getting a chuckle out of it. I loved the humor that was included as the analogies are hilarious.

    I would love it to become a "sticky" but that's not up to me

    Jackie

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