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Thread: Help with erectile dysfuction ?

  1. #1

    Help with erectile dysfuction ?

    i am a 23 year old skinny healthy male.
    my issue is that when I am having intercourse with a woman i have a very hard time maintaining an erection. also, even when i do get an erection, if for even a few seconds i take my mind off the sex, for example walk over to get a condom and put it on i lose my erection instantly. even when switching between positions i lose my erection right away.

    but the confusing thing is, when i masterbate to porn, whether it is girl on girl porn or regular porn, i get erections like a normal person, it becomes hard right away, and i can stay hard a lot easier for some reason.

    the other thing is, when i masterbate to porn i orgasm within 2minutes no problem whatsoever - sometimes within 30 seconds, but with real intercourse i have trouble orgasming and it takes me 10minutes+ of hand stimulation (which is a LONG time when u are actually with someone having sex).
    help ? what should i do?

  2. #2
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    Stop watching porn. You're setting yourself up for fake expectations, even if subconsciously. You clearly don't have a physical problem since it stays up when you are alone.

  3. #3
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    I used to have a similar problem when I was younger. It is most likely a form of performance anxiety. With more comfort and experience it can go away. Talk to your doctor about viagra or cialis if it really is causing you issues. A sex therapist can also help you with this common problem.

  4. #4
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    I'm not an expert, but if you don't have problem by yourself the cause is not physiological and is probably psychological. Good new is it's probably possible to fix that with time without medications. Probably easier to improve with a real GF then an escort, because with escorts the time is limited and it has to happen NOW! That's a source of stress. It is important to relax and not to worry about it. Easier said then done I know, but the more you think about it, the more anxious you get and the more trouble you have. Getting excited with a woman is not the same as with porn. The woman is real and you can't control the whole scenario like in a fantasy.

    It happened to me one time to be absolutely incapable of getting it up. I'm still not sure why it happened that time, but it realy affected my confidence and performance on the next few times. So confidence plays a big part.

    The key is to identify what actually turns you on during a real encounter because that's different then what excites you in porn fantasies. For example in real life I'm turned on by women with soft silky hair and a nice smile and a gentle personnality. If I find her hair unpleasant or there's a detail bothering me in her attitude I will be less easily aroused even if she has a beautiful body.

    Make sure you are as comfortable as you can with the lights, temperature and music. The more comfortable you are, the easier it will be to relax.

    When I had less experience I also found it more difficult to "cum on demand" during real sex then while masturbating alone. A vagina is realy not the same as a hand and you have to learn control in a different way.
    “Truth, Justice, Freedom, Reasonably Priced Love.”

  5. #5
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    Maybe try having porn on while having sex with your girl
    "Just When I Thought I Was Out.....They Pull Me Back In!!!"

  6. #6
    There was an article about this on CNN several months ago. The issue was that as men get used to masturbating a lot while watching porn, it becomes harder and harder to maintain erection when they are having regular sex. It's become a trend now that with the Internet widely used, sex therapists treat more and more younger men that got addicted to porn and are using the hand too fast and too hard, then the real vaginal sex is not enough to keep them stimulated. The other issue is that once a man notices a problem and starts freaking out, then it becomes a real erection killer. From what I recall, the article recommended a) greatly reducing masturbation frequency, b) doing it slowly, and c) doing it gently.

    I also recall from another article that obesity is a big issue too, specifically the waistline. This doctor was saying that every extra inch in a man's waistline hugely increases the odds of having erection issues. So being slim and in shape helps a lot, working out a few hours before sex should help too.

    One of the problems with Viagra is that it reduces your sensitivity, and that in itself will make it harder to remain erect when having vaginal sex. Then of course having to use a bloody condom doesn't help either.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheDon View Post
    Maybe try having porn on while having sex with your girl
    The only time I did that, I found it annoying. Like trying to sing a song while listening to a different song.

    I would not stop watching porn, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea to watch porn during sex in your case. It might help you get excited but I think it would not solve the problem at it's source.

    Quote Originally Posted by Conan View Post
    a) greatly reducing masturbation frequency, b) doing it slowly, and c) doing it gently.
    I totally agree with B and C, but not A!!

    With experience, you will make you masturbation fantasies feel more like real sex instead of trying to make sex fit your masturbation fantasies.

    Usually before seeing an escort I will keep one day without coming. You can try jerking off before, but without reaching orgasm. It will help prevent taking too long.
    “Truth, Justice, Freedom, Reasonably Priced Love.”

  8. #8
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    Stop watching porn.
    Simple.

  9. #9
    Thread moved to health section.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by A.R. View Post
    i am a 23 year old skinny healthy male.
    my issue is that when I am having intercourse with a woman i have a very hard time maintaining an erection. also, even when i do get an erection, if for even a few seconds i take my mind off the sex, for example walk over to get a condom and put it on i lose my erection instantly. even when switching between positions i lose my erection right away...

    3 questions that come to mind...

    1. are you drinking a lot prior to or during sex? drugs?
    2. are you genuinely attracted to the girl you're having sex with? Siocnarf said it best in his post... maybe something about the girl(s) bugs you and it's messing with your mojo.
    3. if you can get off by yourself, have you brought a little of that self-help / handjob action to your pre-sex routine? get the girl to give you a good strong

    perhaps it's the physics of the act...
    you're too big for the oh-so-tiny pussies you're finding.
    maybe you're too small for the cavernous vaginas you get.
    perhaps you haven't found the proper position that best suits your needs.

    maybe it really is all in your head and you need to play out fantasies and /or play up your fetishes.

    if none of the above apply, then watch some gay porn and see if that gets you going...

  11. #11
    I had the exact same problems until recently. I felt like I was wasting my money with escorts because I couldn't stay hard during my hour with them, no matter how turns on I was by them.

    So far, the solution for me has been Durazest. Maybe cialis or viagra works well, I haven't tried them yet, but Durazest is an herbal pill sold over the counter in sex shops. It doesn't work exactly as advertised, I have to take two pills instead of one, and it takes longer to start worker than they say, but once I take them I can easily get erections that last pretty much as long as I need. The effects last for three days.

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by evillethings View Post
    3 questions that come to mind...

    1. are you drinking a lot prior to or during sex? drugs?
    2. are you genuinely attracted to the girl you're having sex with? Siocnarf said it best in his post... maybe something about the girl(s) bugs you and it's messing with your mojo.
    3. if you can get off by yourself, have you brought a little of that self-help / handjob action to your pre-sex routine? get the girl to give you a good strong

    perhaps it's the physics of the act...
    you're too big for the oh-so-tiny pussies you're finding.
    maybe you're too small for the cavernous vaginas you get.
    perhaps you haven't found the proper position that best suits your needs.

    maybe it really is all in your head and you need to play out fantasies and /or play up your fetishes.

    if none of the above apply, then watch some gay porn and see if that gets you going...
    nope i dont drink at all so that is not it. yes i am definately attracted to the girls i see. i dont know the thing is i am against trying any medicine like viagra or cialis because i do not want to become dependent on it.
    and on top of this, "watch porn while u have sex" is not valid solution. i am a young guy and a lot of 1 night stands, so im suppose to jump out of no where and tell the girl to bring her laptop in the room so i can watch porn? get real please.

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by A.R. View Post
    nope i dont drink at all so that is not it. yes i am definately attracted to the girls i see. i dont know the thing is i am against trying any medicine like viagra or cialis because i do not want to become dependent on it.
    and on top of this, "watch porn while u have sex" is not valid solution. i am a young guy and a lot of 1 night stands, so im suppose to jump out of no where and tell the girl to bring her laptop in the room so i can watch porn? get real please.
    used to get this when i started too, its all from porn and not being comfortable with girls. also means you might be dropping way too many loads/super nervous, make sure you are super horny when seeing a girl and problem solved.

  14. #14
    This may be the result of dopamine 'saturation' in the brain that comes with 'edging' (prolonged masturbation while turned on by the super-increased novelty that comes thru internet porn). Erectile Dysfunction has turned out to be very common amongst 20-30yr old guys who have watched a lot of internet porn vs guys in the 40s, 50s who (surprisingly) may have less of a problem with it because the older guys laid down (sorry!) their habits of masturbation before the internet era.
    Internet porn affects the brain differently (mostly due to the super high novelty) than playboy magazine and dvds do. The website 'yourbrainonporn.com' explains this new phenomenon in detail without any moralistic judgementalism--I suggest you check it out. Start with the TEDx talk on 'the Great Porn Experiment'. Unfortunately (sorry2x) it seems like the best solution is going 'cold turkey' --a complete avoidance of internet porn, and letting your dopamine receptors reset to normal levels, then your erections will bounce back, usually after 8wks for older guys, but (sorry again), longer for younger guys. There's a online site where guys talk about their efforts to deal with this: yourbrainrebalanced.com.

    This may not be the cause of your ED at all (I hope not, actually, because the internet porn/cold turkey thing sucks); but if this is the cause, it's good to know you're not alone, man.
    Good luck.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by fitz View Post
    This may be the result of dopamine 'saturation' in the brain that comes with 'edging' (prolonged masturbation while turned on by the super-increased novelty that comes thru internet porn). Erectile Dysfunction has turned out to be very common amongst 20-30yr old guys who have watched a lot of internet porn vs guys in the 40s, 50s who (surprisingly) may have less of a problem with it because the older guys laid down (sorry!) their habits of masturbation before the internet era.
    Internet porn affects the brain differently (mostly due to the super high novelty) than playboy magazine and dvds do. The website 'yourbrainonporn.com' explains this new phenomenon in detail without any moralistic judgementalism--I suggest you check it out. Start with the TEDx talk on 'the Great Porn Experiment'. Unfortunately (sorry2x) it seems like the best solution is going 'cold turkey' --a complete avoidance of internet porn, and letting your dopamine receptors reset to normal levels, then your erections will bounce back, usually after 8wks for older guys, but (sorry again), longer for younger guys. There's a online site where guys talk about their efforts to deal with this: yourbrainrebalanced.com.

    This may not be the cause of your ED at all (I hope not, actually, because the internet porn/cold turkey thing sucks); but if this is the cause, it's good to know you're not alone, man.
    Good luck.
    thank u for this, i have completely stopped watching pornography. will see how this works out

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