This post is a sort of baring of my soul of what was one of the shittiest nights I've ever had in my life.
There's a girl that I get massages from and I always joke with her, hey, we should ditch this place, book a motel room and have some real fun. Well this week, I got my chance and I thought it was going to be a blast. I could not have been more wrong.
So, I decide to meet the girl at a metro station and we walk back to my car. Already this was a bit frustrating because she wasn't where we were supposed to meet so we both froze our asses off. Once we finally met, we walked arm in arm to my car and it looked like we were off to have a great time.
So we pull up and the motel and I ask her if she wanted to come in while I booked the room. She said sure. This was probably a mistake.
We get to the counter and while I'm booking the room, she starts asking about getting a bigger better room with jacuzzi etc etc. I cave in because I want her to be happy so my motel bill is already higher than I wanted. Then she wanted to get a bottle of champagne. Ah man, just tell me next time. For 30$ I ended up getting a lousy bottle of Henkel that is probably 10$ at the SAQ. I'm also not much of a drinker so this didn't seem necessary to me.
Already, I find the girl kinda acting weird. She's worried the room will smell, etc so we had to walk to the room to check it. So we do that, then go back and book it. Meanwhile, all she wants to do is go to the room. THis is normally good but I just need to park the car. She starts giving me a hard time that they should have a valet park it. I'm like "It's a motel at midnight", I don't think they have valet. Then SHE wants to park my car. At this point, I start to become suspicious that she's trying to punish me for something and trying to make me uncomfortable in every way possible.
Anyways, car parked, and we finally get to the room. Yay! but wait...
I pop the champagne start up the jacuzzi. She's pretty happy but she tells me she's going to show me something no other man has seen. So, I'm actually pretty excited about this. Another mistake. She comes out of the bathroom without her wig on and her hair is all other the place. I don't mean like an afro, I mean like tweeker hair in every direction. She repeatedly asks me if I like her hair...I'm like sure but she doesn't believe me....getting awkward.
So we ended up in bed and having a pretty good time for a while. But suddenly, I notice her words are slurring pretty bad. I take a look at the champagne bottle and it's fucking empty! I've probably had like 2 glasses tops and she is completely tanked. I don't like where this is going so I decide to call it a night. At this point, the alcohol is hitting her hard. She can't even dress herself so I had to dress her from head to toe like she was my preschool daughter or something.
Now that she's dressed, I begin to walk to the door to find she tripped and fell on the floor. FML, I pick her up and we stumble to the reception and turn in the key, 90 minutes after booking. The guy behind the counter looks at me like "WTF did you do to her?" I just told him the champagne was a terrible idea. I practically carry her to my car and I have to take her home.
At this point, she is completely F*cked. I try to get her address to take her home but at least she still has her survival instincts and wont tell me. I explain to her that she is too drunk to get home on her own and if she doesn't tell me where she lives, I'll simply call a cab and he can take her whereever HE wants to take her. (really, this should have been my move)
Finally, she explains where her neighborhood is and I take her home. Even then, she was so drunk she couldn't even undo her seat belt so I had to help her out of the car and walk with her. Even this was a chore because she insisted on walking in the middle of the road. I pull her to the sidewalk and this is when she decides she wants to move in with me and that she loves me. I get pretty pissed at this point and tell her I'm going to leave her sitting on her ass on the sidewalk if she doesn't show me her building.
Finally she relents and points to her building (I hope), and I take her. At the door, she insists on me going upstairs. I am so terrified of this girl at this point that I basically told her I to work soon so she had to go to bed. At the door, I try to pay her (I know really) and she takes the money and throws it in my face, saying how she's not taking my money, that she loves me etc...all while looking like she's about to collapse and or vomit. Apparently she was offended that I was counting the bills in my bill fold before handing it to her. I wish her a good night and leave.
I'm not the toughest person but I was so emotionally exhausted from dealing with this person that I practically broke down and cried. That's when my god damned cell phone rings and it's her. She's telling me she loves me and that I should come upstairs to her. I told her she was completely hammered and needed to sleep. 5 mins later, phone rings again, same conversation. "Good night" and I turn off my phone.
The next morning, I had like 4 texts from her. For crying out loud, she couldn't put on her socks but she sure knows her way around an iphone!!
However, treat my tale as cautionary.
1) You never know just how stable a person might be
2) Never let the girl influence your choice for a room.
3) Never get a full bottle of champagne when you plan on leaving 2 hours later
4) Never let a girl drink 3/4 of this bottle in less than an hour
5) Don't pay the chick when she's drunk.
6) Just don't do any of the stuff I did because I feel like an idiot.
The girl was lucky I wasn't some sort of psycho too.
Anyways, this was a stupid night on my part. Feel free to comment or post your own stupid night stories.