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The funniest thing you've ever read on Merb?

Not-a-Homo

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Mar 8, 2004
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I get a kick out of this board, and sometimes I giggle uncontrollably at some of the stories.

I think the best ones include the tale of the attractive young outcall escort who asked to use the bathroom upon entering the motel room and then laid a serious turd and forgot to flush. That was a classic. Whatever happened to that escort? I can't imagine that story helped her career.

The "teabagging" thread was pretty funny too, guys discussing whether there's an SP who can do this particular maneuvre, which is basically to dip your scrotum pouch into the woman's mouth. I suspect it was a put-on.

My fave tho is the story about the massage chick who said that she offered a shower massage, which she described with specific, arcane, dedicate terminology, some very dodgy sounding Japanese word. The poster said he was sure she'd invented the word. The idea of some new-age nutty sex trade worker trying to convince a horny customer about the legitimate health benefits of some obscure "shower" massage seemed particularly absurd.

What's your funniest merb moment?
 

Sophia

When sexy gets nasty ;-)
Well I miss Bob Crane's posts very much, he had a way with words that could give you quite a laugh! lolll even his avatar was funny :D A simple massage visit could become a novel with intrigue and drama, or incredible written stand-up performances...

EB Samarino also was really funny especially when you had to read between the lines :D I used to read his posts with great pleasure, a mix of ironic intelligence with a real escorting encyclopedia :D

So there are many posts that have funny anecdotes, following current threads or searching through the archive here is never boring! :D

Sophia
 
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naughtylady

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Yeah, I think you speak for all of us when you say you miss Bob Crane. He did have a way with words. :eek:

One of my favs is the one about the escort and the hobbiest who were being watched by the window washers on the 20 something floor.

Ronnie,
Naughtylady
 

chef

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Nov 15, 2005
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Roland said:
:eek:

Its from a West Island Massage Post. When I first read it I found it absolutely obnoxious. But after reading it over it has got to be one of the funniest ever.:D

Roland

Reading that post made me think of the old joke: What's the difference between humour and odour? Humour is a shift of wit.

This is most definitely not humour.
 

spin

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Dec 30, 2003
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EagerBeaver in his underwear in a hotel lobby - Instant classic
 

asparagus

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Apr 20, 2006
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I miss SL <---> EB bombastic exchanges every Friday afternoon back in the spring-summer of 2004.
 
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shijak

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Aug 26, 2005
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btyger said:
How The hell dO you know about exchaNges in '04 if You just joined?

Probably because Asparagus is someone else?!?:rolleyes: (
 

ck_nj

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Jul 6, 2004
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1. EagerBeaver in his undies in the hotel lobby.
2. EagerBeaver and the SP 'having her monthlies' on his back.

He really lives up to 'Veteran of Misadventures' moniker, LOL :D ;)

CK
 

ck_nj

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HonestAbe

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ck_nj said:
1. EagerBeaver in his undies in the hotel lobby.
2. EagerBeaver and the SP 'having her monthlies' on his back.

He really lives up to 'Veteran of Misadventures' moniker, LOL :D ;)

CK

Don't forget his story about the sandwich he ate with extra onions and tsatsiki sauce at Kojax right before his date with an SP. Apparently there are some odors Listerine can't kill. :p Poor girl!
 

ck_nj

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HonestAbe,

You reminded me of another short story.
Don't forget about EagerBeaver hurting his back trying to literally whisk an SP off her feet.
 

EagerBeaver

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Jul 11, 2003
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ck_nj said:
HonestAbe,

You reminded me of another short story.
Don't forget about EagerBeaver hurting his back trying to literally whisk an SP off her feet.

Actually I did not hurt my back, I sustained a small hernia.
 

Juliana

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Feb 11, 2005
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CryWolf thank you so much for sharing this !

CryWolf said:
This a freaking funny review, an instant classic. I could get the whiff of Indian curry in the hair and the nausea of Koenig.:D :D :D

BTW, where is he now?

This is the most entertaining review on merb, for sure !

Thank you so much for sharing !
 

Lone Rider

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Jul 24, 2003
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Tender 35 on Lilianne

The post that I laughed the most was regarding the review of Tender35 on Lilianne, an SP from the South shore.

Here it is:
________________________________
Gents, after reading the interesting reviews of Lilianne, I had to give her a try. Anyone who gets a ``Fuck Pig Experience`` description deserves a shot! So, I show up one afternoon at her ranther dingy apartment building, and as soon as she lets me in, the smell of B.O. almost knocks me off my feet. She`s pleasant enough, and her looks are definitely ok, not great, but like previous reviews have said, we`ve all done worse. It`s when she opens her mouth that the real problems start. First, she natters the whole time I was there, from start to finish, about everything - the weather, sex, her apartment, sex, etc... Second, she`s got a mouth full of bent chiclets that some may find a little off-putting. Personally, when I see good teeth, I think nice clean girl...when I see bad teeth, I think...you get the picture. We move to her bedroom, and again the B.O. is wicked, but I`m there for a reason, and I won`t be distracted by a little odour...
I start by undressing as she cleans up in the bathroom. I hear her gargle, and then I guess she gave herself a quick wipe, as she moves back into the bedroom a second or two later. Personally, I like a girl who showers after every visitor, but that`s just me. I also like to shower before we get started, but that wasn`t offered, and that worried me a bit.
She starts by the backrub, and then after a minute, I get the flip tap, and she keeps giving me a pretty good rubdown, not pro, but good nonetheless. She eventually works her way down to the good parts, and starts a good , lots of noise, and some good ball sucking. She had mentioned earlier no DFK was available because she had a cold, and when I experienced her back door attention - her tongue was on my asshole like a fat kid on an Oreo - I`m glad that we didn`t swap spit.
I love a good rim job, and she went to town...I was worried she was trying to suck a kidney out through my rectum, she was pulling so hard. After a few minutes, I decided to return the favour with a little DATY. Things were clean, so I was still wondering where the BO smell was coming from....After just a few minutes, she came like Santa on Christmas, and then let me know in no uncertain terms that she needed some cock inside her right now... Happy to oblige, she steered me to her condom stash, and I slipped on a raincoat and went to make my initial approach. She let me know right away that the front door wouldn`t do, and that she wanted it in the ass ASAP. Well, I was a little disappointed, but figured, when in Greece...anyway, we banged for a good five minutes, and I couldn`t slam her hard enough...she kept demanding more and harder...yikes, this woman is starting to scare me...we both finally come, and as I pull out the dipstick, I notice that there is a Code Brown violation...I like anal as much as the next guy, but when a girl begs me for it, the least she can do is make sure she`s clean. I`m no Ron Jeremy, so I know I didn`t reach any untouched areas of her colon, and consequently, some brown loving was a major turn-off. At this point, I`m feeling a little nauseous, and I don`t know if it`s the BO in my nose, the shit on my cock, or the buzz in my ear from her incessant nattering, but I know I`ve got to get out....
As we`re cleaning up, she`s telling me about what a valuable service she provides, how she`s always available, no questions asked, etc... She genuinely believes that she is providing a noble service to her clients. I`ve got no problem with feeling pride in your work, but she needs to keep a little perspective about the job she`s doing, and she needs to enjoy the company of the men a little more, and not just use them as sex toys, assuming that by making them come she is keeping everyone happy. In fact, while she is good at making you come, she does not impart any sense of intimacy during the act.
My bottom line, if you love anal, she`s worth a try. But, for my money, I would much rather spend an hour with Nikita at A et Cie, where everything is on the menu, for a very reasonable price, and knowing that she is really into the men she meets, and that she is scrupulously clean. As my title says, better dates are available.
_____________________

I just found this extremely funny. Here is the URL: https://merb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=11781&page=2

Lone Rider
 

korbel

Name Retired.
Aug 16, 2003
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Her Hot Dreams
Republican's October Surprise

Roland said:
I came back from New York and bought the "Fahrenheit 911 movie" and watched it. After that reg's post is hilarious !!! -Roland
(re-posted without permission)


Republican's October Surprise
A good source has provided me with a transcript of a secret White House meeting dealing with their plan to win the upcoming US election.
__________________
And you want to travel with him, and you want to travel blind.
And you think maybe you'll trust him
For he's touched your perfect body with his mind.

Hello all,

I have to second this. I was rolling with every line.

Regards,

Korbel
 

Nemo

Nominem meum Nemo est
Brand new phunny post...

Read this one just posted by McVie in the Massage section...
I am still laphing

https://merb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=204448

exerpt:
"...On the flip she asks me if I want her clothes off. Sure. Let`s see `em unleashed. Boinggggg -- a couple of skin slinkies. Luckily, her belly acts as kind of a shelf on which they perch. Whatever, who am I to look a gift cow in the mouth?..." :D
 
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