Victim of abundance or pure BS??

[montreal_monk01]

Recently the family of a long time buddy has learned that he is gay. He is greek and coming from a strongly conservative Greek family, his family is in total shock and rejecting him for now (which is not a problem: Karma will surely accept him under her roof, I'm sure ;p). As for me, it's also brand new news, but I do not care his sexual orientations as long as he is not trying to get hard on me ...lol...
What intrigues me is the reason he came out with:
he is a very hot gent and the freshest youngest hot flashy babes are constantly all around him..a real uber hot chick magnet. But he is telling me that it's because of this abundance of hot women that he has lost interest in women...that he's got the best of the women...that he has got the best out of the best women so there's nothing more he could expect from them...hence his choice to go for a more challenging stage: male to male enjoyment. Lol...now, guess what -> he is getting the hottest of the males as well. Hopefully for him, same discouragement from women wont repeat with men...otherway, what's left..?? lol
Anyway, what to think of this: ... I know, it's old reflection, but I hate being fooled by a friend and would like to clear that out of my mind: could someone turn gay just because there's an abundance of women running after him?? My own deep responses are mixed:

(1)Normally, if you turned gay, I believe that strongly inside of you..you already had an interest for this matter. It can't happened out of nowhere.
But hey..there's no scientific proof of this...despite a lot of experts converging to this hypothesis.

(2)But response #1 might be wrong: if you are curious/open minded...whenever you feel like having fulfilled some kind of achievements...you can easily be somehow attracted by whatever alternative to your initial achievement.

 

[montreal_monk01]

Given his family's intolerance, it would seem that this is just a rationalization of his decision.

Great great point.

 

[Regular Guy]

What do you think?

(1)Normally, if you turned gay, I believe that strongly inside of you..you already had an interest for this matter. It can't happened out of nowhere.
But hey..there's no scientific proof of this...despite a lot of experts converging to this hypothesis.

Well the whole premise of the gay movement is that the tendencies are hard-wired in. Otherwise it is simply learned behaviour. The gay rights movement have predicated their whole approach based on this. Were gays to buy into what your friend is postulating it would undermine all of their work to gain social equivalency with the heterosexual side. The best your friend can claim at this late stage of the game is that he is Bi-sexual. Further to this it just may be that his sexual experiences have been of such a frequency that he has become jaded with such practices as conventional intercourse and may be searching for new and more intense experiences to feed his libido. Or he just might be handing you a line of BS. You pick!

 

[montreal_monk01]

Well the whole premise of the gay movement is that the tendencies are hard-wired in. Otherwise it is simply learned behaviour. The gay rights movement have predicated their whole approach based on this. Were gays to buy into what your friend is postulating it would undermine all of their work to gain social equivalency with the heterosexual side.

Really interesting arguments. I wish his family would understand that being gay is way more complex, way more ... than just having sex with another man (as a very familial person, he's hoping that his family will one day give up on this...my 2 cents that this will never happen ;p).
DoingittoDeath, Regular Guy,
I made him read your arguments and that really made him feel better (eventhough I suggested he may have bullshitted me ...lol): your helped him not seeing that all thing as a complex to hide, but more as a reflexion to make about differentiating the sexual act with a man by itself Vs embracing the homosexual mentality/way of life.
Poor him..I think he was really brainwashed about that homosexuality thang: he keep telling me that he now feels better to say that he is Bisexual rather than homosexual.
BTW: Gents, he did appreciate so much your prompt and very useful responses that he is now spreading the news to his buddies that Merb is one of the best social communities on the web. So be prepared: if you see a new breed of hot males invading Merb and trying to sell their sexual services..it might be them..lol!

 

[C Dick]

The idea that a straight guy would turn gay because he is bored of hot girls is beyond absurd. He is at least bisexual, if not gay. If you are straight, and you get bored on hot girls, you specialize - going for hard-to-get girls, or virgins, or odd fetishes, or something like that. But not guys.

 

[cpp433]

"The idea that a straight guy would turn gay because he is bored of hot girls is beyond absurd"

agreed 100%

 

[montreal_monk01]

"The idea that a straight guy would turn gay because he is bored of hot girls is beyond absurd"

agreed 100%

Me too, in my books, I would find that absurd (I am not Hot, so I will never know how dizzy I would get if all babes would run after me...probably in a next life...lol..but I see so many hot Gents outhere who have success with women and they would never use that excuse).
That's why I reproached him of BS.
But if that makes him good to find all kind of excuses....

 

[happygolucky]

My advice, don't try to understand every gay or bi-sexual person. Just try to get to know your friend better. If he ever was your friend, it hasn't changed, just because he has come out. Talk to him if you feel you need these answers.

For me, I do not need to know about any of my male friend's sexuality. For me I either think a person is cool and I like being around them, or I don't. It rarely has anything to do with that person's sexual orientation. Yes, I will say that I don't like being around 2 men DFK or even LKF each other....... but I really don't like being around a man & a woman DFK'ing either......... 2 women, now we are talking! I like that!....... just kidding! It sucks to be the third wheel, no matter what the sexes of the people are.

In the end, does it really matter how or why your friend is gay? Either he is your friend or he isn't. Let everything else go........ or if it helps you to sleep at night, think about this: he gets the hottest guys on the planet, why would he want to sleep with you?

Good luck with your boxes,

HGL

 

[Regular Guy]

Please read carefully!

My apologies to CDick and Cpp - thought their comments were based on my post above.

Now I don't know what kinds of sexual experiences this guy was getting into but if his experiences were getting kinkier and kinkier then all I was suggesting was that this is the direction he was heading. And this is not my idea. I have run across it elsewhere. Kinkier is as kinkier does. If he was crossing swords in threesomes and began to get off on it then maybe...............I honestly do not know what motivates this guy whether it be issues of character or maybe that he was skin-starved in infancy.

Could it be that he was just rebelling and sticking it to his ultra conservative Greek family?

Just putting an idea or two out there. (Well at least nobody made any Greek jokes - OUCH!)

 

[hormone]

.I honestly do not know what motivates this guy whether it be issues of character or maybe that he was skin-starved in infancy. Just putting an idea or two out there.

Indeed! There is no "motivation" to be gay or staright, you are what you are. Now some people may be homosexual or bisexual and ignore (for multiple reasons, one of the being social-family pressures) one side of their sexual attractions, until one day. That is different. But you do not "become" gay. And I also agree that a lot of his "justifications" are probably rationalisations to avoid inner conflict between what he feels and what his environment tells him he should be.

Also by showing him your acceptance of his "new self" (which is old self...) you will with time decrease his need to rationalize his feelings. Of course he would probably not respond well to being told these reasons are rationalizations, he needs this self-defense right now (against himself, not against you).

Good luck Monk! And happy New Year !

PS maybe we both could form a little club to console all the great ladies he is leaving behind...

 

[incognito_NYC]

... but there's more to one's sexual orientation than just sex.

Yeah - it's in the "jeans".

 

[Juliana]

Been gay is more than sex, it is your whole being!

My advice, don't try to understand every gay or bi-sexual person. Just try to get to know your friend better. If he ever was your friend, it hasn't changed, just because he has come out. Talk to him if you feel you need these answers.

For me, I do not need to know about any of my male friend's sexuality. For me I either think a person is cool and I like being around them, or I don't. It rarely has anything to do with that person's sexual orientation. Yes, I will say that I don't like being around 2 men DFK or even LKF each other....... but I really don't like being around a man & a woman DFK'ing either......... 2 women, now we are talking! I like that!....... just kidding! It sucks to be the third wheel, no matter what the sexes of the people are.

In the end, does it really matter how or why your friend is gay? Either he is your friend or he isn't. Let everything else go........ or if it helps you to sleep at night, think about this: he gets the hottest guys on the planet, why would he want to sleep with you?

Good luck with your boxes,

HGL

Happygolucky made great points who cares if people are gay or not as long as they are genuinely good persons! Defensive, unloving, unrelieable, pretentious heterosexuals are not fun to be around.

DoingittoDeath,
I agree with DoingittoDeath:
Been gay is more than just sex, it is identity, a different perception:
Congratulations to your friend's coming out: I have taken queer theory courses and i've learned that coming out in a compusory heterosexual society
it is a trembling shaking hard experience, this dude is very brave!

 

[montreal_monk01]

Thanks to all of you. Great interesting/constructive opinions.
Being gay or not is definitely not going to affect my relationship with my buddy. That was actually not the point of my post and segregation of whatever kind is totally out of my way of thinking/behaving. I was just trying to understand if that was possible --despite my doubts (hence the title "victim of abundance or pure BS" -- for someone to somehow turn gay just because of fulfilled achievements with women. Anyway, you were very generous to contribute to the discussion and Thanks for that.

Happygolucky made great points who cares if people are gay or not as long as they are genuinely good persons! Defensive, unloving, unrelieable, pretentious heterosexuals are not fun to be around.

Juliana,
As I clearly stated...it's not about being gay or not. My post/discussion has nothing to do with being gay or not..with caring for being gay or not...I do not care neither about whoever is gay or not...BUT as I clearly mentionned, I wanted to know if that was possible to turn gay for the reason mentionned in the main post.
Anyway, there have been enough constructive responses to close the debate and avoid re-routing all of this into non sense.