Hello all,
I try to be nice to women I am with but there is always that underlying feeling that it's all a farce - that there is no connection, love, intimacy there.
Being nice is never a "farce". You are or you aren't. Every client is 100% in control, I mean he makes all his own choices on how to treat anyone and that includes that ladies. It doesn't matter how the ladies act, you still choose how to handle the situation. One reason I have had so few issues with the ladies is I go with who they are. I don't impose, I don't pressure, I may ask but don't coerce...and I don't treat them like business objects...except maybe in the aspect that we need to get to the purpose of the visit. Other than that they are free to be themselves, and though they may be known for offering extras some only do for money, if I don't think they are really into it or they don't mention it, I don't recite a menu of what I have read of their options and insist that is what is supposed to happen. However, if i don't feel comfortable with them or they seem to be avoiding the purpose of the encounter I will ask them to leave. Being nice does not mean being played for a fool.
As for the aspects of "connection, love, intimacy" a lot depends on your perspective and expectations. You're putting money on the table...boom. How does anyone make a business deal of any kind, regardless if sex is the object, and think there will be the kind of a "connection, love, intimacy" we grew to dream of. Walmart, McDonalds, Citibank would love you to feel that way, but does anyone actually buy that scheme. Not if they are staying rational. So why deal with the sex trade and have any doubts the heart of the deal is a business performance. That's why I don't get this obsession with always having to warn yourself and others that it's business, unless one let himself be deceived and caught in a delusion it was meant to be anything else. Of course it's meant to be a performance.
Still, though it's pure business at the heart of the issue, that has never meant that a "connection, love, intimacy" doesn't happen. Of course it does, it's common. It's just that there are infinite levels this happens on, but it's not going to be on the level of fireworks bursting into perfect love and romance as the sun sets. "Love", maybe once in thousands, it's a losing debate. The pessimists will never admit it's possible, and the optimists still run into the same doubts everyone has about love. But a "connection and intimacy", yes, many times if you aren't restricting the definition so tightly that it becomes impossible. Just don't expect it to be on levels of deep emotional bonding. Connections and intimacy have many forms that can be very satisfying IF you don't lose hold of the reality of the circumstances.
I feel bad for the girls who go through it all - many of whom are in dire need of money - young single mothers taking care of their children or other such cases. I feel like I am taking advantage of them.
I've always had doubts about being in the hobby for many reasons as I've expressed many times previously. However, regarding who is taking advantage, how many of the guys come to this business with emotional baggage, issues of emotional resentment, pessimism, disappointment, bitterness, anger, etc., after all kinds of unhappy episodes. Aren't the ladies also getting what they want because of negative causes many times. It's not nearly the same as being desperate to care for children, but many come to the hobby as a last option. Many may come just for the sex, but many others are casualties of emotional losses of one kind or another. It's all a matter of the individuals involved and the depth of the issues affecting them, but I doubt the basic reasons are very different proportionally on either side...positive, indifferent, or negative.
I also feel that I am short selling myself by not pursuing real intimacy.
Unless a person is very happy with this kind of lifestyle I think most are selling themselves short when it comes to possibilities and opportunities. I and many others I know have said, yes, it's very, Very exciting. It's also very engrossing and sometimes addictive so that you pass on whatever else might have been possible for you in what traditionally we mean when we say "intimacy".
I have recently been feeling guilty and ashamed about the hobby.
If that how you really feel then it's time for a break. Good luck.
For the most part women make the choice to do this. You aren't taking advantage of them. The only possible problem is if they are forced into the industry or have pimps - but you are not the one taking advantage of them - OTHER people are.
If that was the case the client would still be empowering the exploiters. The "OTHER people" doing it doesn't not make me feel any better.
The lack of love doesn't make this <hobby> a farce - it's just sex based. Are there connections and intimacy? Yes and to varying degrees depending on the meeting and how frequent they are.
Agreed. As I said.
I only feel shame when I think of how others will judge me but I am happy to do something I love and be able to pay bills and tuition.
I think the shame is on the critics who run to brand with labels instead of trying to understand.
So - I wouldn't feel guilt or shame for having a fun time, orgasms and whatever else you are looking for with an SP. IF she is doing this from her free will than just enjoy it
It all depends on how the individual feels about what they are doing. If they find they can't be comfortable because of their own feelings and values then they should probably get out, as long as the doubts and feelings aren't being artificially imposed by others against the vales of the individual.
Good luck to all,
Merlot