View Poll Results: How often do you have sex with your wife/SO?

16. You may not vote on this poll
  • Once a week or more

    5 31.25%
  • Once a month

    3 18.75%
  • Once every two months

    5 31.25%
  • Once every six months or less

    2 12.50%
  • Never

    1 6.25%
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Thread: How often do you have sex with wife...modified

  1. #1

    Question How often do you have sex with your wife/SO?

    Let`s do a poll on the frequency, not the quality of your sex life. How often do you have sex with your wife or SO?

    More than 4 times a week
    2-4 times a weeks
    once a week
    less than once a week

    I am dead last I got this idea from the Terb thread which was just for married men:

    It is worth reading their responses and seeing the results - 70% of married men get it less than once a wonder SPs are busy!!!

    My favorite response on Terb was Bud Plug`s post:

    "I find these threads to be fascinating, because I can relate to them and think about these issues quite often. I`m still in my first marriage, and have been for over 20 years. I hobby. I also have (and have had) a number of different kinds of "civilian" relationships, some as long term as 5 years. I`m also very busy in my work. My life is complicated beyond what most people could tolerate. I`ll come back to this at the conclusion of my post, but first I want to respond to some of the ideas addressed by various posters.

    Hobbying results from your wife "holding out" on you

    In my case, there was a period of time when I was definitely getting less than I was asking for from my wife. However, over time, I got used to the idea that we have very different priorities. Then I made the decision that these differences were not enough to get divorced over (divorce is still the only legal form of suicide for men). Now, the tables have turned. I would say that I`m the one who`s holding out on her (on those infrequent times she`s in the mood). I`m just not wired to turn it on for her on those rare occasions she`s looking for action. This part of our lives together is water under bridge for me. As a result, I would say that my hobbying is not because of my wife not putting out. I would say I`m no longer interested in having sex with her.

    If she`s holding out on you, she`s getting it elsewhere

    As I`ve said, I`ve had (and have) a number of relationships with other women, many of them married. Sometimes, the above assumption is true. However, some of my relationships are not sexual, but involve talking about what is wrong with our respective lives. What I`ve learned is this: some women do not view sex as all that important to them. Sometimes this is because they simply have many other higher priorites, and sometimes it`s because they have never really enjoyed sex all that much, either because of their partners or because of issues they have about themselves which they`ve never dealt with. One of the women I`m involved with recently told me that most of the times she`s had sex in her life was because she felt pressured to do it, and she never enjoyed any of those times. This woman is clearly not looking for an extramarital relationship in order to have sex. So, my conclusion is that if your wife is holding out on you, it`s just as likely that she has an incredibly low sex drive as it is that`s she`s getting her sexual needs fulfilled elsewhere.

    If marriage is so bad, then staying single must be the answer

    As tempting as it would be to agree with this, I don`t think this is the answer. Being single has it`s own downsides, the biggest of which is that it`s difficult to get into a satisfying relationship with a woman who isn`t thinking to herself "So, when are we going to get married?". I`ve encountered this, unfortunately, in every significant relationship I`ve had with a single woman. Being single can be fun at times, but don`t underestimate the periods of loneliness and the pressure you can feel to marry.

    Sex is the most important aspect of a lasting marriage

    As I`ve stated above, I`ve already accepted otherwise. Not because in theory, this isn`t true, but because in reality it`s nearly impossible to make this happen. Most people marry before they have enough experience to even know what they really want in a partner. Add to that problem the fact that your prospective partner may be "acting" to some degree to please you, and the further fact that even if you`ve made a great choice at 25, the two of you may be totally different people at 35. You`d have to be extremely lucky to pick the right person to satisfy all your relationship needs for the rest of your lives together. Probably some people have been that lucky, but not many. In fact, no one I know well enough to give an opinion about. No, I`m inclined to believe that long term marriages are more often based on a mixture of the following factors: 1) a lack of opportunity to have other relationships, 2) setting things like shared financial success, succesful raising of children, enjoyable social life, religious commitment, etc. above personal satisfaction with the intimate aspects of the relationship, 3) acceptance that the model of "lifetime mating" is, for most, a fantasy and that life is more complicated than that (meaning your life may have to consist of multiple relationships and experiences not involving your spouse), and/or 4) shared co-dependency (emotional or otherwise).

    Therefore, my conclusion is that if you want your life to be simple and free from conflict, it will most likely be boring and unsatisfying. Therefore, we should stop looking for simplistic reasons why our hobbying or other relationships are "justified". The stuff we learned about relationships when we were growing up (mostly from TV and movies) was, surprise, surprise, B.S.!"
    Last edited by General Gonad; 03-27-2006 at 09:49 PM.

  2. #2
    Even though I can figure it out, just for my personal knowledge, what is an SO?

  3. #3

    SO = Significant Other

    Quote Originally Posted by steak
    Even though I can figure it out, just for my personal knowledge, what is an SO?

    Sorry, SO = significant other.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Kaempferrand
    Ahhh.. relationships. Easy to get into. Hard to maintain. But that is another thread you have to start there GG.
    Tell me about it! Dee, maybe I should have put a fifth option - once every 72 ice ages. My wife is gorgeous and she stops traffic when she walks down the street. I still love her body - even more than SPs I have been with. But the sexual chemistry is gone, at least for her. It's like sex has become a chore. Even when I try to be romantic, I get the old light kiss and "I am really tired honey".

    As Rodney Dangerfield once crudely remarked:" might be tired but my dick doesn't get any harder than this!"

    What can I say? It is frustrating. The truth is that we had great sex "BM" (Before Marriage) and then it shrivelled like a dry prune.

    I do not want to give her an ultimatum but I am voicing my far to no avail!

    Can anybody help? I feel that at this rate, my retirement will be short-lived.

    Last edited by General Gonad; 03-27-2006 at 11:42 PM.

  5. #5
    I have said it several times on the board, sex at home is boring. You know exactly when the SO wants it, in what position and how it will finish. I don't have problem getting sex, in fact she's almost a nympho and likes to self satisfy herself.

    Eating the same meal for years can get boring, may it be lobster or chicken. Variety is the spice of life.

    I read somewhere that the male species in evolution have the urge to sow its seeds everywhere. Almost all mammals do it, we cannot be monogamous it is ingrained in our genes.

    I'm hobbying because of 2 reasons:

    1) the thrill to be with a beautiful lady
    2) seeing if I can sexually please another woman

    A sucker is born every NY minute.

  6. #6

    Thumbs up Sex as as weapon of mass frustration

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaempferrand
    Your situation sounds like all the ones my married friends encounter GG. I just hope she is not in the mood instead of using pussy as a weapon. Now that shit can drive any decent honorable man to set sail on some other boat.
    Don't all women use sex as a weapon of mass frustration? You can wine them, dine them but if you say one wrong thing, you're flying solo Jack, no sex for you.

    An older buddy of mine once told me God's biggest mistake was not to put the vagina on the palm of our hand!


  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by CryWolf
    I read somewhere that the male species in evolution have the urge to sow its seeds everywhere. Almost all mammals do it, we cannot be monogamous it is ingrained in our genes.
    Yes, I am aware of this and I fear that genetic predispositions are stronger than moral virtue. Maybe it is futile to fight it - we are all destined to fail!


  8. #8
    Reading these posts made me think of something George Bernard Shaw once said:

    "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation".

    I swore I would never let that happen to me, but, guess what ????

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by chefplus
    Reading these posts made me think of something George Bernard Shaw once said:

    "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation".

    I swore I would never let that happen to me, but, guess what ????

    Great quote, it pretty much sums it up for me.

    >>Regnad, I welcome your modified poll for the majority of the men who have it less frequently. I responded honestly - it's closer to once a month. If the stars are aligned, I'll get it twice or three times a month.

    There is a major, major libido mismatch!!! Are there underlying issues...yes but the basic problem is this mismatch. It seems like she is content with this frequency.

    Last edited by General Gonad; 03-28-2006 at 07:52 AM.

  10. #10
    Working rage-aholic
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    a rocky planet with one moon

    Red face

    Ha, ha, ha...something on your mind?

    During the first year and a half...probably five times a week.

    Then for the next year, probably every other day.

    The next year: two-three times a week.

    The next year: probably 1-2 times a week. It was like clockwork.

    Then she got pregnant. We had a sex for a while, but of course that was understandable.

    This is where it gets tricky. I think at this point we could already see that we were having problems. Not so much in the bedroom, but personally. To have a child under such circumstances would be irresponsible, right? Right.

    In fact, the first pregnancy WAS an accident. But, the miscarriage was still devastating emotionally, and made us realize how much we both wanted kids. Soooooo......

    When she recovered we didn't use use protection, so she got pregnant again quicky. That was what we wanted. During the first six months, our sex life improved. We had sex probably twice a week, and she was very into it. More so than me, really. That was probably another sign of trouble.

    The last trimester was really uncomfortable, and I didn't feel like it.
    After my son was born, bam, that was it. I'm grateful for my son, but his
    sleeping with us didn't help. Neither one of us felt like 'moving' him out.
    After a while, I just totally lost interest in her physically. I can't say why, and it's not because of the pregnancy. She weighs less now than she did before she got pregnant.

    (Please don't think I'm blaming my son for my failed fact, our relationship was doomed and it was irresponsible on our part to have a child. I just count myself lucky that my wife and I are parting amicably...which is perhaps the best we can hope for with a child involved)
    Why are homely people discriminated against...we're the majority

  11. #11
    Working rage-aholic
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    a rocky planet with one moon

    Bill & Hillary Clinton

    This reminds me of a joke my neighbor told me:

    What does Bill Clinton say to his wife after sex?

    I'll be right home, honey
    Why are homely people discriminated against...we're the majority

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by btyger
    This is where it gets tricky. I think at this point we could already see that we were having problems. Not so much in the bedroom, but personally. To have a child under such circumstances would be irresponsible, right? Right.


    Thanks for sharing. The emotional trauma of a miscarriage can manifest itself in many ways, including lack of sex/intimacy. The only irresponsible thing right now is if you do not put your child's interests first. I have said it before, for me, children make a big difference in terms of my attitude towards hobbying. I say this knowing full well from my friends that got children that when they're born, you become #3 or #4.


  13. #13
    My ex told me she was in a bad mood because I hadn't cut the grass! On that day, as she was aware, I had to work exceptionally long hours. I don't care if it is common for sex to be used as a weapon. If it happens to me, I look for the exit.

    In general, I think if you give in on the things which are important to you in the belief that surrendering will improve or preserve a relationship you better be coprophagic.

    I recently told my new GF that I couldn't tolerate her lateness and last minute cancellations and I wanted great sex at least x times a week and asked her what she needed from me. I admit to being afraid of losing her or that she would be resentful, but instead she has been a lot more affectionate and respectful.

    If I could go back in time to advise my younger self, I would say that no matter how daunting the potential loss (financial or other) seems in a divorce, it is dwarfed by the loss of years clinging to a dead relationship.
    Last edited by anon_vlad; 03-28-2006 at 09:59 AM.

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by oliver kloseoff
    ....the hardest thing was to tell my parents --my dad is old school no visible emotion but my mother was crushed and this hurt me as much as what my x did.

    That was the best and most sincere post I have ever seen. I really feel for you. I do not pity you but I truly feel for you. I know what you mean about the parents but in the end, we have to live our own lives. Sometimes you've got to make tough decisions and move on. We often look back and say what took me so long?


  15. #15

    Red face I hit a speedbump!

    Quote Originally Posted by sapman99
    GG, are you not throwing in the towel a tad rapidly with your wife? You only announced your decision to leave the hobby a couple of short days ago...

    I am not throwing in the towel with my wife but I do realize that quitting the hobby cold turkey is next to impossible. Today I was in the mood for a massage and swung over to Salon d'Or:

    Sofia wasn't available so I tried Johanna. OMG, I thought Kim from Kama was the epitome of gorgeous but this 25 year old brunette bombshell is in a league of her own! (I think Kim is stunning too but she is fair skinned whereas Johanna has that dark, exotic look that makes you go bananas)

    Forget the pics on the website, they do her absolutely no justice at all. She looks like a Moroccan goddess with Bo Derek's body when she really was a 10! Johanna is a brunette from heaven like no other woman you've ever encountered. I kept telling her "it is simply sick how gorgeous you are!"

    Now, before I get all of you telling me how disappointed you are to hear that I didn't stop all activities, including erotic massages, hear me out. I wanted to see another MP today who I have been exchanging emails. She was not working and I was in the mood to relax.

    I just realize that I cannot stop everything cold turkey. I will move gradually with the odd massage once in a while. You can accuse me of being weak and my inner strength is non-existent but I had a great time today! Sometimes I feel that these massages are the best thing to do when you're gradually trying to quit. Johanna certainly lifted my spirits - I feel awsome.

    Feel free to blast me!!!


    P.S. Thank God she isn't an SP - I would be ruined!!!
    Last edited by General Gonad; 03-28-2006 at 09:27 PM.

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