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Thread: The Intelligent Humour Thread!

  1. #1

    Exclamation The Intelligent Humour Thread!

    Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
    -- Ernest Hemmingway

    Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
    -- Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

    Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
    -- His reply.
    Last edited by Juliana; 11-13-2007 at 04:54 PM.
    Dont worrry about the world coming to
    an end, it is already tomorrow in Australia.

  2. #2
    ‹^› ‹(•¿•)› ‹^› Special K's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Red Sox Nation
    Isn't it ironic that "Intelligent" in the title was spelled incorrectly? Lol.

    Ya had to go an change it Juliana? Hehe.
    Last edited by Special K; 11-13-2007 at 11:56 PM.

  3. #3
    Just another fool
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    On a big ROCK
    Quote Originally Posted by Special K
    Isn't it ironic that "Intelligent" in the title was spelled incorrectly? Lol.
    Personally my favorite is someone referring to himself as geniOus
    Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.

  4. #4
    Why do mathematicians need not go to the beach ? Because they have sin and cosine to have a tan(gent).

    M. Logarithme et Mme Exponentielle mangent au restaurant, qui paie la facture ? Mme Exponentielle parce que M. Logarithme ne paie rien (logarithme népérien - en base e).

    Jeune enfant Logarithme et jeune enfant Exponentiel sont à un concours de dessin, qui gagne ? Jeune enfant Exponentiel parce que jeune enfant Logarithme dessine mal (logarithme décimal).

  5. #5
    "I like a woman with a good head on her shoulders...I hate necks"- Steve Martin


  6. #6
    Okay. I'll stick with my signature joke!
    Confucius say: Man who take woman into house on side of hill - not on level.

  7. #7
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    danny de vito in taxi..
    The women i have sex with find me real good in bed .They say they are the ones that should pay me!

  8. #8

    Talking To Make You Smile!

    You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.Robin Williams quote
    Dont worrry about the world coming to
    an end, it is already tomorrow in Australia.

  9. #9

    My Favorite Robin Williams

    "God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."

    and here's his piece on the invention of golf - hilarious.
    I don't necessarily agree with everything I say - Marshall McLuhan

  10. #10
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Ladies' backyard
    In french, there is 2 equations that should be MERB's equation:

    +40+4M > -40-4M

  11. #11

    Towards a new vocabulary for kissing

    Found these on the Web.

    Godelian kiss: a kiss that takes an extraordinarily long time, yet leaves you unable to decide whether you've been kissed or not.

    Kantian kiss: a kiss that, eschewing inferior "phenomenal" contact, is performed entirely on the superior "noumenal" plane; though you don't actually feel it at all, you are, nonetheless, free to declare it the best kiss you've ever given or received.

    Kafkaesque kiss: a kiss that starts out feeling like it's about to transform you but ends up just bugging you.

    Sartrean kiss: a kiss that you worry yourself to death about even though it really doesn't matter anyway.

    Cartesian kiss: "I think, therefore, I aim." In general, a kiss does not count as Cartesian unless it is applied with enough force to remove all doubt that one has been kissed (DFK?).

    Heisenbergian kiss: a hard-to-define kiss--the more it moves you, the less sure you are of where the kiss was; the more energy it has, the more trouble you have figuring out how long it lasted. Extreme versions of this type of kiss are known as "virtual kisses" because the level of uncertainty is so high that you're not quite sure if you were kissed or not (a.k.a. LFK). Virtual kisses have the advantage, however, that you need not have anyone else in the room with you to enjoy them.

    Grouchoic kiss
    : a kiss given by someone who will only kiss those who would not kiss him or her.

    Zenoian kiss: your lips approach, closer and closer, but never actually touch (another variant of LFK).

    Hegelian kiss:
    dialiptical technique in which the kiss incorporates its own antithikiss, forming a synthekiss.

  12. #12
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Ladies' backyard
    Rexroth, you forgot:

    Neesha kiss: LFK, DATY, CBJ

    (do a search )

  13. #13

    House of Lords

    A former mayor of Ottawa was a extraordinarily intelligent woman who happened to be extraordinarily unattractive (pointy glasses, pink lipstick and the whole bit) and had a corrosive sense of humour...
    She is invited to the House of Lords in London and some flowers are placed on her corset. Her table mate, a Lord with symbol of his office around his neck-the chain and medallion-leans over to the mayor and whispers "If I smell your rose, will you blush ?" without missing a beat she answers "And if I pull your chain, will you flush ?"

  14. #14
    I am me, too!
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    If only I knew...
    Bg, you mean Mrs Deward said that?

  15. #15

    Pull your Chain

    I found the story:

    Feisty, formidable Charlotte Whitton, the former mayor of Ottawa, was introduced to the mayor of London, England. He was bedecked in all the medals and chains of his office, while she had only a flower in her lapel. "There was something fitting, about this, wasn’t there," the London mayor asked. "After all, what was Ottawa, a city of 600,000, compared to London, twelve million?" He leaned forward and said most haughtily, “If I sniff your rose, will you blush?” Charlotte replied, “And if I pull your chain, will you flush?”

    I guess he looked for it.

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