Any tips for first timer for getting over nerves or getting out of your head?

[CrimsonClover]

Question in title. I scheduled an appointment tonight, I was looking forward to it all day, but when the time for action came... I remained flaccid. Lol.

I was so anxious and nervous about it I couldn't get out of my head. I just kept thinking about my wife and kids and after quite a few attempts, we just kind of gave up.

I'd really like to tick this notch off of my bucket list, but wondering if anyone has gone through this or has any tips for next time.

I want to try again tomorrow, but now I'm concerned tonight's experience will make everything even more anxious for me.

I tried having a few drinks to relax (maybe too many lol).

Anyways, shitty feeling to completely miss the mark for something I've been looking forward to so much.

 

[neverbored]

Don't know if you went for an indy or agency... agencies tend to feel a little more rushed.

Perhaps you need a provinder that can actually hold a conversation and ease you into it slower in a longer session? At least for your first time...

Have you considered a massage?

And ya, too many drinks isn't going to bring the best out of you... also, if you feel that gulty and nervous, you sure this is what's best for you?

 

[DetectiveDavidMills]

 

[LeDodo]

Question in title. I scheduled an appointment tonight, I was looking forward to it all day, but when the time for action came... I remained flaccid. Lol.

I was so anxious and nervous about it I couldn't get out of my head. I just kept thinking about my wife and kids and after quite a few attempts, we just kind of gave up.

Do you have issues getting hard when you're with your wife?

I concur on that:

And ya, too many drinks isn't going to bring the best out of you...

But from you're description you kept thinking during the moment so you were very conscious. However in terms of sensitivity you'll lose some with drinks. So drinks might not be your best relaxing partner. As suggested some chatting as preliminary should work better to get you comfortable. And with Indies you can set such context with her so she will help you. So far the advertising indies here are very professional in this as long you are you are clear with what your want.

I'd really like to tick this notch off of my bucket list, but wondering if anyone has gone through this or has any tips for next time.

Understand that it's a bucket list item of yours and you kind of completed it although not optimally. Do you really want to do it again? Or it's more a matter of you feeling bad for not "performing" well? If that's the case nobody will help you accountable.

 

[philonius]

Everything said so far is helpful.

Relaxing isn't usually the thing you're trying to achieve when having sex. You want the nervous energy, the heart pumping excitement, and, in your case, the spycraft sneakiness of it. The time you take before the act is gonna be your best friend in trying to BE in the moment, so give yourself more time to talk and be seduced by your companion. Take time to kiss and to explore her body and find out what makes her excited. Your body will reciprocate.

At the end of the day though, if your mind isn't ready to take that leap with someone other than your wife, you might have to revisit why you're seeing a provider at all.

 

[TheJames101]

At the end of the day though, if your mind isn't ready to take that leap with someone other than your wife, you might have to revisit why you're seeing a provider at all.

Yep, if the guilt is going to consume you, then perhaps this hobby isn't for you at the moment. In fact, it sort of sounds like maybe you can work on things wirh your wife to arrive at a better solution (but not knowing your situation, I won't venture further down that route)

 

[LC18]

Some SPs are just not a good match for you. Not everyone can take your mind off of your problems, wife, kids, responsibilities.

It’s also normal to be nervous if you’re doing something you’re not supposed to be doing.

Take deep breaths, don’t rush yourself, take it slowly. You can even tell the SPs what’s going on so she can adapt

Alcohol might not be the solution as I’ve noticed a few men have troubles getting hard when drunk or after a few drinks

 

[zuku]

At the end of the day though, if your mind isn't ready to take that leap with someone other than your wife, you might have to revisit why you're seeing a provider at all.

Remember @CrimsonClover that the biggest sexual organ is the brain

 

[hob12]

Drinks are not gonna help you getting hard at all.

If you're feeling guilty at the idea of cheating on your wife, maybe don't?

 

[Zerb032]

Out of curiosity - why is this on your bucket list? You are clearly feeling guilty…

I’m in a similar boat btw - I actually got a cart Blanche but struggling to go see an SP as I too feel guilty

 

[CrimsonClover]

Out of curiosity - why is this on your bucket list? You are clearly feeling guilty…

I’m in a similar boat btw - I actually got a cart Blanche but struggling to go see an SP as I too feel guilty

Time for a little bit of introspection I think.

I'm kind of at a low point in my life right now. Mid life crises maybe? Lack of motivation, depression, relationship issues, family issues, stress in personal and professional life. Possible substance abuse issues.

Basically, I'm a total mess. Was just trying to do something fun to try to get out of my funk and forget about daily stressors.

That being said, quick fix probably doesn't exist. I probably have a lot of personal self reflection to focus on. Sigh...

Thanks for the replies

 

[philonius]

Out of curiosity - why is this on your bucket list? You are clearly feeling guilty…

I’m in a similar boat btw - I actually got a cart Blanche but struggling to go see an SP as I too feel guilty

Do it only when your head (and your partner's head in this case) is in the right place and only when you can clearly define what is fantasy and what is your real life. Your time with a companion can be amazing and reinvigorating and all those fun things but it will be tarnished with guilt if you can't separate what you love and need and cherish from your SO and what you're getting out of this.

 

[philonius]

Time for a little bit of introspection I think.

I'm kind of at a low point in my life right now. Mid life crises maybe? Lack of motivation, depression, relationship issues, family issues, stress in personal and professional life. Possible substance abuse issues.

Basically, I'm a total mess. Was just trying to do something fun to try to get out of my funk and forget about daily stressors.

That being said, quick fix probably doesn't exist. I probably have a lot of personal self reflection to focus on. Sigh...

Thanks for the replies

Companionship won't fix anything you have going on, it sounds like, and may even make it worse. Good question tho, and better introspection.

 

[hob12]

Time for a little bit of introspection I think.

I'm kind of at a low point in my life right now. Mid life crises maybe? Lack of motivation, depression, relationship issues, family issues, stress in personal and professional life. Possible substance abuse issues.

Basically, I'm a total mess. Was just trying to do something fun to try to get out of my funk and forget about daily stressors.

That being said, quick fix probably doesn't exist. I probably have a lot of personal self reflection to focus on. Sigh...

Thanks for the replies

Seeing SPs is just a dopamine boost like other things, but its quite potent. I started seeing escorts after a break up that left me a wreck. Just like antidepressants, it addresses the symptoms not the cause of your "funk", to use your expression. So yeah it gives you a temporary boost, but you have to work on yourself in other ways.

Seeing that you are a family man, I would think twice before going down that road.

 

[Daffy]

Time for a little bit of introspection I think.

I'm kind of at a low point in my life right now. Mid life crises maybe? Lack of motivation, depression, relationship issues, family issues, stress in personal and professional life. Possible substance abuse issues.

Basically, I'm a total mess. Was just trying to do something fun to try to get out of my funk and forget about daily stressors.

That being said, quick fix probably doesn't exist. I probably have a lot of personal self reflection to focus on. Sigh...

Thanks for the replies

You do you but maybe you are going in with the wrong timing.

Many things can go wrong in life but this thing can destroy stuff in your inner circle (family, work).

If you do this now and something happens you'll going to blame alcohol or substances.

Do it if you are honest with yourself about why you are doing it and knowing only you are responsible about consequences.

I'm not telling you "don't do it", just don't blame anything else if something goes wrong.

Now, if this is something "you need", then just take that time for yourself and nobody else, live the experience and relax.

When I started this hobby it changed many things in my life... How I see life, decisions, family, priorities... It changed for the good, iI needed to release the stress and now I don't even think about it... I don't do it as often as before but I know it helped a lot.

 

[neverbored]

When I read these comments, I really enjoy seeing the general outlook. Lots of great stuff in here. Nice to see its not just about plowing random girls.

@CrimsonClover , you got a lot going on at the same time. Your dick is basically confirming the state you're in. Seems like you gotta take it one step at a time. Get your body and mind healthier. Sex has always been a great stress reliever for me, there are so many amazing girls that could also be open to get you to relax. You also seem to have the weight of the world on your shoulders and might be worth getting a medical check. Cortisol burnout is no fun but can be treated. Diet and exercise might be a great place to start... but getting some TLC has always been a great dopanine boost to just remove a little of that weight.

Just be careful, its easy to get addicked

 

[LC18]

That’s a lot and I don’t know that seeing a SP will give you what you want in terms of peace but it could definitely give you what you want in terms of sex

 

[Lans]

did you consider some roleplay?

 

[2fast2slow]

all these posts saying he should think twice because of his marital status.

I'm pretty sure half of the clientele of SWs are with a significant other lol, and here we are adding to his guilt.

to the OP i think you should give it another try. With the right person in the right circumstances it can be a life changing experience.