Follow up confession : I am embarrassed that I am so obsessed with my physical appearance and extremely self critical and even punishing, and I often worry that I will make my colleagues feel bad when I talk about certain insecurities. A lot of people can appreciate different types of beauty, but I was a child and a teenager during a time period when the beauty standards were horribly narrow and oppressive. Combined with having an obsessive and perfectionist personality and certain insecurities, it was the perfect recipe for developing certain obsessions.
This industry can be really hard for that, I feel scrutinized all the time and compared.. but at the same time, I get so many compliments. I just don't want to depend on compliments to have self worth, and I don't want to feel so affected by all of this. It sucks.