A rant about my girl

[John_Cage]

Well, my current relationship is on the blink of a total meltdown. After the Love fades, I realized that there are so many things I really dislike about her. I tried so hard to understand why she act/think like that, but evidently I failed. I ask you, ladies and gentlemen of the board, do you guys suffer as much as I do?

The thing that pisses me off the most is also the most common among girls I dated (and maybe all women, I dare not say): Subtle Mind Games.

She LOVES to get mad for apparently no reason at all and make me spend days (sometimes freaking weeks) to figure it out.

Once I was hanging out with her and her two female friends. One of them happens to be funny, and I never noticed that before. So, being the nice guy that I am, I complimented her. The reason I said it was to be nice to her friends, since they are HER friends. Well, things went downhill from that point on that day. I am extremely sensitive to how her acts, so I noticed that she was mad at me. When I noticed that, it was already like 2 hours later. (Her mood changes often, so I can't really tell unless she's been like that for a long period of time)

Well, I knew she was mad, but I had no idea why or when it started. I tried all my usual moves: compliments, light kisses, play with her hair, ask her how she feels, joke with her, buys her chocolate... so forth so forth... Nothing.

Ok, around 12 that night, we were talking about something and she said something about some stupid stuff that I did a long time ago. I said "Come on, that's not funny." We love to tease each other like that. But that time she reacted very differently and telltale signs appear on her face. She said "Well, I am sorry I am not funny like blah blah blah is."

OMFG, I thought to myself. THAT'S what it was... Then I told her, I said it to make her friend happy so she would be happy as well... I also told her how fun she was, how she's so funny all the time, it's not worth mentioning... blah blah... Then she was fine and happy.

However, I wasn't. I spend the whole freaking day trying to cheer her up, I asked her what's wrong more than two dozen times. I told her, I really have no idea what happened, PLEASE tell me. I freaking almost begged her. All then she's all happy and better because I finally figured it out.

What kind of a sick mind is this? WE ARE NOT PSYCHICS... I don't care how smart of sensitive a guy is, he can't always read your mind!!! I wanted to say that to her face. But that's gonna cost me later down the road, so I swallowed it. We swallow too, damn it !!!

That's also only ONE of the things I dislike about her...

 

[John_Cage]

Other things...

She thinks she's the center of the freaking universe. She think that I need to spend every waking moment with her. I COULD, hell I even want to... But by God, I do NOT HAVE TO be like that. She can be so draining... If she knew I uses SP's services, she would probably commit some kind of murder suicide.

She's also extremely sexist. She always say things like "Oh, it's because I am a girl." YES. I noticed that. I am not gay, there is a reason I am dating you. I know what you are. Being a girl does not mean I have to travel freaking 1 hour to see you everyday for like 15 minutes between our breaks.

She's also got some kind of priority problems. She believe it's the most freaking important thing for her to FEEL GOOD all the time. She's such a baby, that she NEEDS to feel GOOD all the time. Ok, I like to please her, I do. But I don't want to have to throw everything else down, come home and comfort her because she read a sad story in one of her magazins every week.

Last but not least... she whines and complains ALL THE TIME. Guess what? She doesn't even want or care about solutions. She just loves to whine. You want to tell me that you are stressed and sad? Great, now I know, I feel for you. You want my help in something? Fine, let's get it done. You want a solution? Ask for one. Don't just complain. I don't have a magic wand to change the freaking world or to make things better. She love to ask question like "Why is like that? Why do people do that?" Not matter what I answer, she always ask again "But that's so mean/wrong, why is it like this?" If you got a problem, do something about it. Sitting there wondering why when there is no real reason is DUMB.

I feel so much better after spilling my guts. Last night I was watching "Beauty and the Geek" with her. I see how STUPID some of those people are (both the beauties and the geeks). None of them are all very smart. BUT the guys feel ashamed when they can't answer a question or didn't know something that regular people should. THE GIRLS DON'T. They say things like "Psst, why would I know that? Like, I don't even know this..." and then it's always followed by gigles and laughter. It's almost like they are proud to be ignorant? Is ignorant some weird way of saying "I am hot?" in the their world?

I don't know if you guys noticed this, last night the girls were asked to install a computer. (plug in wire and press the "on" button) Some girls didn't know if they need to connect the monitor??? What??? One of the stupidest thing was that one girl didn't know where a purplr square plug goes in the back of a computer... The geek she was pair with was like "how the hell can someone not know the PURPLE SQUARE plug goes with the PURPLE SQUARE hole in the back? Is this NOT common knowledge?"

Althought my girl wasn't stupid and she never did any of that crap, and she knows how to hook up a computer. But still I can't help but notice that girls and guys think REALLY ^ 5000 differently.

 

[Man911]

Told her it's over.

 

[hornyanglo66]

Told her it's over.

WHy would ANOTHER user name tell John_Cage's gf that it is over? Multiple posts?

 

[Justforfun]

One tip

John_Cage

One tip,

Get out of this "relationship"

Get out NOW !!!

I feel for you, my ex was manic depressive, draining you said, you have no idea. I do not wish this on anyone.

The five "F"'s way of life of Oliver is sounds advice also

Finally, did I mention......



Get out NOW

 

[devries]

I see someone has been reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"

When I'm upset, I WANT a solution. Women just want someone to listen. I don't understand it, but it's so.

The book goes on to tell you that both of us are wired differently, women just talk/whine about their problems and want men to listen. However, men tend to offer solutions to problems that women get pissed at since they want to listen only.

Agreeing with John_Cage, women expect us to read their minds... many times I had told my Ex that we "men" aren't psychics if want something tell us, don't dick around playing little games making us guess what you want and be pissed off at the end when it wasn't something you expected.

Not really, it depends on their upbringing. My Ex is asian and hell no... she wasn't secretive unless she was holding out on more stuff than she already told me which was plenty.

Hell, if I can understand that women just want someone to listen, why can't women understand what we want?

IMO. Because it's all about them and who cares about you unless something earthshattering happens to you then and only then will they understand you. At least that's what happened in my case.

DeVries

 

[Lusty Pig]

To John Cage

Its all about empowerment. She has you running scared trying to figure out what is wrong and you wind up begging pleading apologizing for nothing etc.
She feeds off of this Oprah-esque / Entertainment Tonight bullshit attitude.

Tell her that growing older doesn't necessarily qualify her as an adult and that when she has grown up a bit to call you. Tell her to get over it and ignore her and her childish antics.

Stick to your guns.

 

[MakeIt]

To each his own. I can't agree with this approach. I'll jump into the fire by stating that if men were the ones to give birth instead of women, the human race would have ceased to exist a long time ago.

What these articles suggest is that marriage is tough - that's not surprising since the main goal is to have and raise children. (I have no idea why people who don't want children get married - now that's pointless). By the time most people finish raising them, they're well past prime time for meeting someone else and raising a new family. SO yeah, she's not likely to look like the prom queen at 40 after 2+ kids. But guess what - you don't look like Brad Pitt!

 

[MakeIt]

Thanks Femaluvr2. I supposed it seems obvious that this comes from personal experience - the being married part that is. I didn't want to suggest that anybody getting married and not having kids were crazy. However, today, it seems like the only reason to bother going through this execise. Having said that, when women (or men) reproductive instincts kick in, the other person better be ready to follow. I think pretty much everything that happens in a relationship is related to having or not having kids. For example;

We get laid to have kids.
We fall in love to get laid.
Once we have kids, we don't laid.
We look for extracurricular companions to get laid again.

Now who knows but maybe John Cage's lady friend is having a hormonal hurricane trying to figure if she wants to have kids and then not likely have much sex for the rest of her life. Tough choice.

 

[John_Cage]

Wow...

Wow, I swear I thought I was the only experiencing this horrific torture before I read the responses. Thanks, man. It helps to know that this is life and eveyone goes through bullshit like that. It's helping me feel better and stronger, for sure.
To think that I was doing so well in McGill before all this bullshit happened, my last year was so bad, my marks suffered. Women are like vampires, they drain you dry... In more ways than one too.

Anyways, I haven't talked to her since I posted this rant. Now her 'girlfriends' are all talking to me trying to find where I stand in this. I hope this 'stand tall' and 'stick to your guns' thing works, because wasting 3 years of my life (in my prime too) is NOT what I had in mind.

This is very much the reason guys need SPs, it's like this emotional balance thing that we seek. TAKE THAT OPRAH !!!

 

[General Gonad]

To think that I was doing so well in McGill before all this bullshit happened, my last year was so bad, my marks suffered. Women are like vampires, they drain you dry... In more ways than one too.

John_Cage,

I read your rant but let me tell you no woman is worth your marks and your future. I wish I had the maturity that I have now back when I was in university and falling in love with beautiful hotties in the liberal arts with really screwed up minds. I was always attracted to basket cases; the more screwed up they were, the more interested I was. It was part of my then masochistic tendencies. But if I could have given myself some advice back then, I would just have reminded myself that life is soooooo long and you shouldn't worry if one woman does not like you. Move on, have confidence in yourself and never let anyone put you down or play stupid mind games with you. Trust me, you'll meet a lot of women in the next decade. I wish I could go back to my university years, knowing what I know now - they were the best time of my life!

Finally, remember this - all women have one weapon that they use very effectively on men: the power of guilt. This is a powerful weapon that they have mastered; it's in their genes. This is why I think they are a superior species relative to us men who are slaves to our gonads!

GG

 

[HonestAbe]

The ugly death of an Infatuation.

After the Love fades, I realized that there are so many things I really dislike about her.

JC,

Don't let it get you down. Sounds like you jumped into a relationship with someone you didn't really know all that well and once your INFATUATION with her wore off you started to realize that there were things about her you didn't really care for. Not that you are any different from most people since we all tend to look for physically attractive companions to have sex with and THEN start the get to know you process. Kind of the way our parents told us relationships were supposed to work except in reverse. 50 years ago it was get married then have sex, nowadays its have sex then get married, so the culture of instant gratification has changed things somewhat. No wonder half of all marriages end in divorce. Be glad you are finding out her peculiarities now and not after having a couple children with her since "breaking up" is much less expensive than divorce. Good luck with that "break up talk" but then again, she might be feeling the same way about you so it could be easier than you think!

 

[General Gonad]

Culture of instant gratification

JC,
50 years ago it was get married then have sex, nowadays its have sex then get married, so the culture of instant gratification has changed things somewhat. No wonder half of all marriages end in divorce.

HonestAbe, so, so true. This culture of instant gratification and entitlement is screwing up a lot of marriages and relationships. Divorce and breakups can happen for a multitude of reasons but most people nowadays are so selfish and unwilling to sacrifice one bit and work on their relationships. I worry about people on this board who use SPs to deal with their marital problems; it typically ends up aggravating the situation. In some rare cases, in can help to talk to a neutral third party SP but in my opinion, unless your a willing to communicate your feelings with your partner, you are never going to deal with these issues.

GG

 

[John_Cage]

I only cheated on my girls (my ex and my soon-to-be ex), five times total. In a span of over 5 years. The first two times I cheated was with a good female friend of mine. Then things got out of control and she start having feeling and emotions... (I made it clear that I was sad and just needed comfort, love and sex) So then I realized that SPs are the best way to cheat: 1 hour total, no dinner, movie and late-night conversations, most importantly no strings attached and hard (near impossible) to get caught. Hell, they are even cheap than cheating with normal girls (dinners, movies and gifts add up fast). Hooray to SPs. Now that I am probably going to break up with my girl, I going to be needing a lot of SPs...

 

[volvo2006]

Guys and women think differently-yeah, I'd say so. First of all, the reason she whines is that women don't really want solutions. As a man, this is very difficult to understand. My so finally clued me in one day when she came out and said it.
When I'm upset, I WANT a solution. Women just want someone to listen. I don't understand it, but it's so.
More importantly, Oliver has a good point. Men aren't built for monogamy. When did this become the accepted norm? Monogamy is an outdated model of relationships from a different time.

1. you haven`t read "Men are from Mars, Women from venus". yes, she just wants you to listen, i.e. to be a witness to her [perceived, at least] pains. but i can't agree that this is a "women's problem", for at least, i do the same with my best friend. i often told him the pain i suffered from relationship or obsession with someone, and i hated it when he interrupts me by offering solution. that's not what i was looking for, and i am a guy. as i' m quite a boring person, my few other guy friends or acquaintaces or whatever, when they see me, just want to tell me their problems and have me listen -- not in search of solutions. then after they are done, they go off with their lays and leave me behind by myself. you see, as Nietzsche has said, "what's the point of suffering when no one is watching?" of course, girls might want a guy to listen more than guys want it. my best friend always said i behave like a girl for that reason. but this is not exclusive to girls.

2. i hope you guys don't take the stereotypes above -- guys dont like monogamy, unlike girls -- too 100 % serious. i want monogamy -- though if the girl wants to swing, hey, i better follow in order to keep her -- and i want someone to listen. what you said is just a tendency, not a rule.

i know i'm atypical, please excuse me. i don't have much of an exclusive, intimate relationship with girls, so this little point is all i can offer.

 

[volvo2006]

Hell, they are even cheap than cheaping with normal girls (dinners, movies and gifts add up fast). Hooray to SPs.

huh, a francophone girl told me that in the francophone world, it's always equal, the girl and guy always share the bill in half. imagine that!