It happens. As much as you tell yourself that you're just going to maintain a professional relationship with these ladies, eventually you will find yourself becoming a really good friend with some of them. What do you do when that happens and can you maintain the same relationship?
An escort who you happen to be really good friends with...
- Thread starter gurgeh85
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What to do when this happens?
Enjoy your new friendship of course!
Can you maintain the same relationship?
Of course? As long as you respect your business relationship and don't abuse or overstep the boundaries of your friendship, it's all good... Actually it's all great :smile:
Enjoy your new friendship of course!
Can you maintain the same relationship?
Of course? As long as you respect your business relationship and don't abuse or overstep the boundaries of your friendship, it's all good... Actually it's all great :smile:
I think it's often quite complicated. The boundaries around the business side of things may be straightforward enough at first, but what are the boundaries around friendship? It seems especially complicated when the business element is structured on and around desire, fantasy, and perhaps the simulation of romance or intimacy. One doesn't pay a friend to have a drink or to stay an extra couple hours into the night; and one doesn't usually ask a friend to wear that sexy miniskirt or to dfk. And I imagine there's a fair amount of pressure on the ladies to be "on," courteous, and responsive. It may alter the business side of things if a lady is honest and says she doesn't want to do xyz or dress up as xyz, even though you're paying. I think up to a point it's great to be friends with your sp partner; but when you become "really good friends" with one, then it seems obvious to me that it's very difficult to maintain the same relationship. As an aside, I imagine that some of us like the "GFE" experience, imagining closeness and intimacy; others, like me, actually prefer the professional (and respectful, friendly, and playful) relationship.
You are right, but when I'm referring to having a friendship with an SP is having them invite you out or going out to dinner or drinks, socializing with them without having to pay for it, of course this isn't the only aspect of the friendship. I'm sure it can get complicated in some cases.
Yes you don't usually ask a friend to wear sexy miniskirts or dfk, but friendships with those people usually didn't start with paying them to be intimate with you. I'm not saying that it works with everyone and the same mindset and respect for each other has to be there between the both of you, There are a couple of ladies I consider good friends but I would never expect them to give me a "freebie" , and I wouldn't abuse the friendship either by filling my need to see them more often by just seeing them socially and not intimately. I mean so far it's worked but who knows once it goes from Good" friends to "Great" friends, I think as long as you maintain the mutual respect for each other it's possible.
Don't get me wrong, I also really love the professional respectful, friendly and playful relationships as well. It's great for both of you to be yourself and share personal aspects of your life but only on a client & SP basis, nothing wrong with that either :smile:
Well said. I think part of it is a distinction (vague as it is) between "good" and "great" friends, and the very complex boundaries around very close friendships--and the real possibility that, given a sexual attraction and a shared, confidential intimacy, that it reaches into something approaching the romantic. Wow.
But part of it is also how the friendship starts, as you say; and you're sure right about respect, all the way.
I couldn't agree with you more, Talkinghead.
When you get right down to it (without the rosy glasses on), I think too many prefer deflecting reality and are happier putting a sweet twist on what true friends are. No matter how you look at it, even when the SP no longer requires compensation for social time (which seems to be infallible proof of being "great friends" in this industry) and only requires an $envelop$ for sex, it is still an SP/client relationship at the core. Degrees of trust, closeness, intensity, feelings, etc. will vary depending on the two people involved (and can be as real and heartfelt as the friendships one has with "regular" friends) but at the end of the day, considering that you are still paying for intimacy/sex, what is truly the difference between "good", "really good" and "great" friends in this industry? I often wonder.
Totaly agree with you Gabrielle a meet my ATF 3 years ago we saw each other 2-3 times a week for "buisness" we text each other every day sometime we saw each other beside the buisness she call me if she need services but when i call her to see if she free to do something she always busy but if i ask for rdv oh yes of course she will find time to see me.As you said the envelop with a little something inside change everything.So real great friendship still exist in this buisness?Big no except if you have an envelop but keep it in your mind some ladies are very good to make you believe you are friend
There's always that envelope! I'll take care of your cats while your out of town, but, yeah, that envelope comes into play, doesn't it? It is a weird kind of relationship, isn't it....?
BTW, keep in mind that I'm still the one bringing the envelope with the $$. I'm the one pointing at the clock saying time is up & she's telling me to shut the fuck up. It's a weird old world...
All good points ladies and gentleman, may i ask, if you do go out for a drink just as friends, now here is where it gets tricky, can you say No if sex is thrown into the mix?I mean, can you turn to her and say no, i would like to just be friends at this point. You see, the problem is, if you do have sex and its mutual, will you expect free sex all the time, would you still set up rendezvous with her and not have an envelope ready? Would you just think its going to be this way all the time, it could get awkward, not knowing and having to ask that awkward question 'am i paying tonight'.
I have had a few situations like this and its awkward, unless you become lovers and you have a little chat about this and all cards are on the table, then its a beautiful thing, as long as you both can handle the terms of this relationship, Some get lucky and smooth sailing, but sometimes its a storm waiting to happen.
And yes,i have said no, but i don't expect you to believe me, cause i couldn't believe it myself either, was not sure at the time, but eventually it became clear, you need to be able to handle the situation. You go out for a drink,dinner, shopping, watch a movie together, you get to know each other and pop, your in love. Its just so easy to fall in love these days, and if it does happen, well god bless you, cause its not an easy thing. My problem was that my heart was writing checks it couldn't cash, not complaining, i had fun and learned valuable lessons along the way.
So if you want to go that route and you can handle it, have fun and make sure you know what your getting yourself into from the start.
I have will power and control for a lot of things, but when it comes to woman, especially beautiful woman, i have trouble, and it doesn't help that i am a sex addict....:nod::lol:
Just have fun guys and follow your head(the big one above your shoulders)and not your heart when it comes to these situations, and if something great comes out of a friendly drink, then go for it, its meant to be, just advice from experience, and more then a few times too, Merry Christmas to everyone.
Thor Jr
I have had a few situations like this and its awkward, unless you become lovers and you have a little chat about this and all cards are on the table, then its a beautiful thing, as long as you both can handle the terms of this relationship, Some get lucky and smooth sailing, but sometimes its a storm waiting to happen.
And yes,i have said no, but i don't expect you to believe me, cause i couldn't believe it myself either, was not sure at the time, but eventually it became clear, you need to be able to handle the situation. You go out for a drink,dinner, shopping, watch a movie together, you get to know each other and pop, your in love. Its just so easy to fall in love these days, and if it does happen, well god bless you, cause its not an easy thing. My problem was that my heart was writing checks it couldn't cash, not complaining, i had fun and learned valuable lessons along the way.
So if you want to go that route and you can handle it, have fun and make sure you know what your getting yourself into from the start.
I have will power and control for a lot of things, but when it comes to woman, especially beautiful woman, i have trouble, and it doesn't help that i am a sex addict....:nod::lol:
Just have fun guys and follow your head(the big one above your shoulders)and not your heart when it comes to these situations, and if something great comes out of a friendly drink, then go for it, its meant to be, just advice from experience, and more then a few times too, Merry Christmas to everyone.
Thor Jr
Very well said Thor :smile:
This is where my “As long as you respect your business relationship and don't abuse or overstep the boundaries of your friendship” statement comes in. Once that line is crossed then it becomes something else and, like you said, you have to have a chit chat and put all the cards on the table.
And I do believe you when you say you said ‘no’, it’s just valuing your friendship or not wanting to ruin your SP/Client relationship. Sometimes things happen at the spur of the moment and you don’t think of the consequences, the last thing that you want is either of you to leave regretting what just happened.
This is where my “As long as you respect your business relationship and don't abuse or overstep the boundaries of your friendship” statement comes in. Once that line is crossed then it becomes something else and, like you said, you have to have a chit chat and put all the cards on the table.
And I do believe you when you say you said ‘no’, it’s just valuing your friendship or not wanting to ruin your SP/Client relationship. Sometimes things happen at the spur of the moment and you don’t think of the consequences, the last thing that you want is either of you to leave regretting what just happened.
We pretty much know we're being taken advantage of and we're okay with it! If the result is that you ignore the clock, then... :nod:
And PS (to no one in particular), I really like your cats!
In my opinion, everyone is so different. Every sp, every clients, every relationships are very different. So I dont think its always based on the envelop as some people said. Things can change.
What to do when this happens?
Prepare for a proper graceful exit since there is going to be heat around that corner soon.
Can you maintain the same relationship?
Nope. In this hobby there is always the beginning, the middle and the end. Set your sight on that end as it will come at anytime either before, during or after the encounter. Better that you bring things to end on your terms. Plus make sure it is out of respect, honor and on a HIGH note.
Prepare for a proper graceful exit since there is going to be heat around that corner soon.
Can you maintain the same relationship?
Nope. In this hobby there is always the beginning, the middle and the end. Set your sight on that end as it will come at anytime either before, during or after the encounter. Better that you bring things to end on your terms. Plus make sure it is out of respect, honor and on a HIGH note.
Friendship in this industry is special...
I have made friends, I have an imaginary kind of contract. When they come to Montreal I will let them stay to my place, have a free weekend with them, I will take them around the city paying for cabs, Montreal Foods restaurant... I just want them to taste montreal famous hole in the wall, but I kinda expect that when i'm traveling to the USA, they pay for my hourly fee if they want a sexual meeting, most of them they will pay for my plane or a 2 nights a the hotel, no enveloppe involved but I'm still conscious about this, I wouldn't be devastated if it wasn't the case, but still a part of me would be, sceptical... They are married some in an open relationship (I did talk to the wife) but at the end I kinda think about the, what is it for me, you're not a catch, you're not always there for me... Am I just the innocent, stupid girl here ? I don't want to feel like that.
I have made friends, I have an imaginary kind of contract. When they come to Montreal I will let them stay to my place, have a free weekend with them, I will take them around the city paying for cabs, Montreal Foods restaurant... I just want them to taste montreal famous hole in the wall, but I kinda expect that when i'm traveling to the USA, they pay for my hourly fee if they want a sexual meeting, most of them they will pay for my plane or a 2 nights a the hotel, no enveloppe involved but I'm still conscious about this, I wouldn't be devastated if it wasn't the case, but still a part of me would be, sceptical... They are married some in an open relationship (I did talk to the wife) but at the end I kinda think about the, what is it for me, you're not a catch, you're not always there for me... Am I just the innocent, stupid girl here ? I don't want to feel like that.
Honestly, we've talked about this already. I'm moving to Florida soon and she HATES Florida. I went into hobbying with both eyes open, though. There's always an end-date to this kind of relationship. It will really suck, but it is the way it is...
I don't know what to tell you, Amanda. These aren't real relationships, but sometimes it feels nice to pretend. That doesn't make you stupid. It just makes you hopeful. Good luck.
Maybe i’m too much of an optimist, maybe i’m too new to this lifestyle & maybe I am looking through rose coloured glasses, but we are dealing with people. Is it really set in stone that this is impossible, I don’t see it out of the realm of possibilities that a Friendship can come out of meeting someone through this lifestyle & I view friendships more then just hanging out, it's much deeper then that.
I have a real deep affection for all the women I see on a regular basis, regardless if it’s just an SP/Client relationship or more. I know with some of them, once I stop this lifestyle, the relationship will stop no matter how much of our personal lives we have shared. As much as I would like to continue a friendship, I understand & respect that they are very private people and want keep both worlds completely separate. There are also some ladies which I know, ok let’s say i’m hopeful, that the friendship will continue after I stop this lifestyle.
I guess time will tell if i’m right or wrong.
I have a real deep affection for all the women I see on a regular basis, regardless if it’s just an SP/Client relationship or more. I know with some of them, once I stop this lifestyle, the relationship will stop no matter how much of our personal lives we have shared. As much as I would like to continue a friendship, I understand & respect that they are very private people and want keep both worlds completely separate. There are also some ladies which I know, ok let’s say i’m hopeful, that the friendship will continue after I stop this lifestyle.
I guess time will tell if i’m right or wrong.
I don't mean to change the subject but I'm genuinely curious about something. I have not had the kind of "very close" friendships with SPs that some of you are describing; it's not something I cultivate. I have certainly had times when a lady and I have shared many private details of our lives: showing pictures of our kids, talking about personal issues, emailing, etc. But there has always been a privacy line that we don't cross. I'm not as experienced in these relationships as many of you.
So here's my question: how long into your close friendship with an SP did she tell you her real name? introduce you to her friends and especially her family? spend an evening without that envelop? I suppose everyone is different, but I'd be interested to hear about the process of moving beyond (or expanding) the original relationship.
So here's my question: how long into your close friendship with an SP did she tell you her real name? introduce you to her friends and especially her family? spend an evening without that envelop? I suppose everyone is different, but I'd be interested to hear about the process of moving beyond (or expanding) the original relationship.
There are no hard set rules. Some SP's have told me their real names after the first meeting and some after the 10th meeting and some not at all. No matter how close I have felt with an SP I have never been introduced to her friends or family nor do I expect too. There really is no process, it just happens naturally like any other friendship would, I never seeked out friendships when I saw these ladies it just sometimes happens.
As far as spending an evening without an envelope goes, that's only happened when we've gone out socially (no sex involved) and I know or it's come up in conversation that we should go out to dinner, movies etc. as friends. That being said, no matter how much of a friend relationship we have, if I want to spend an overnight or a weekend with them I don't expect just to compensate them for the intimate time we spend with each other of course, but for the entire time we are together.
In my opinion, as long as you are still in a Client/SP zone you should always respect the business side when it comes to sex no matter how friendly you are with them. Yes sometimes they go past the time you have booked with them but that is different then not paying at all.
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