Since my last message: After ending a 10 day streak with an SP "friend" and filming shooting my load on her face, I went on another 3 day streak. I could feel myself wanting to go to my regular routine of the past 20 years of daily fapping to porn and so did productive things, mostly physical activity, to try to avoid that.
During this short streak, I went for a recovery massage with my usual massage therapist, and after that, developed feelings for her. I would go to sleep imagining dozens of scenarios with her, and they weren't even sexual.
I got so obsessed with her, I even found some photos on social media. I felt bad about it and needed to release to tone down my emotions about her.
For the first time in 20 years, I masturbated to no visuals, or any sexual thoughts. I played massage therapy music to replicate the time I had with her, thought about her smile, imagined the nurturing and caring person that I think she is. As I approached my orgasm, I closed my eyes and just focused on myself and the feeling, and I believe for the first time in my life, felt a full-body orgasm, felt dizzy after and my vision spiraled for a bit.
For the next two days, I fell back into porn, jerking off to it 4 times each day. I think with my recent streaks, I had to "catch up" with what content is out there.
This followed by a 5 day streak that I put to an end because I saw a girl I liked listed on schedule this past week, so went to see her and received one of the best blowjob I've ever felt.
I've since been on a 4 day streak up to today. I expect to see my SP "friend" again in a week, and am contemplating whether I fap to porn today, to see her on a 7 day streak, or, try to resist the urge and see her to end at 11 days.
Either way, going to shoot another good load on her face and have it filmed
