Ask a Swinger: Do Escorts/Swingers Fall in Love?

[General Gonad]

From Adult Industry News:

August 18, 2005 03:08am
Ask a Swinger: Do Escorts/Swingers Fall in Love?
Source: JulieWild.com
by: Company Press Release

Do Escorts and Swingers Fall in Love? Is it just sex, or do you develop feeling for others? Can it happen? Does it happen? Do people in the lifestyle fall in love? Do couples in the lifestyle go from happy to divorced because of the lifestyle? How about escorts, is it always business, or can feelings develop?

This week I received questions from my readers asking if people in the lifestyle ever cross the line and develop feelings? One e mail came to me from a provider concerning dating. Please read this weeks letters.

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Dear Julie,

My wife and I have always wanted to spice up our marriage, so we tried swinging. Our marriage has been on the rocks for the past 4 years and we thought it would be erotic.

We visited a local swing club a few times, my wife loved it. I noticed my wife spent most of the evening talking with this guy who is 20 years older. I felt safe, but a little jealous.

Every Saturday night she wanted to visit the club. As soon as we arrived, she would meet up with her new found friend and spend the entire night with him in a private room. I decided this is not working out, so I told her we are not going back.

She is so upset, she is thinking about moving out, maybe even divorce. Please tell me what to do?

Jason

Dear Jason,

I think you both missed the first rule of swinging. It is only good for healthy, secure couples. If your marriage was on the rocks, going to a swing club will not help. It sounds like your wife has developed feeling for this guy and it might be the end of your marriage, but remember, if she is unhappy, she can meet someone at the local grocery store or on the internet.

My advice is to seek professional counseling, either a relationship coach or a marriage therapist.

Dear Coach,

I read a comment you made on a national escort review board. I am falling in love with my ATF ( all time favorite) escort. She is my age, we get along great, but she tries to keep it all business. I think the energy between us is really strong. Any suggestions?

Frank

Dear Frank,

If you are asking me if it ever happens, I would say sometimes, but not often. Most providers that I know like to keep business and pleasure separate. A good provider will give you that GFE (girl friend experience) so you will feel like she is falling in love with you. Truth is, she might just be a really good professional escort?

But if you are one of the lucky ones, and you met a nice provider, please remember these simple rules.

1) Most providers are not looking to be rescued. That is only in the movie, Pretty Woman. We love what we do and do not need to be rescued.

2) Most providers will have their guard up, since they are risking sharing their private life with a paying client. Also, she will most likely be losing a paying client if she starts to date you.

3) Before you try to move the relationship forward, remember she is a provider, you know what she does for a living, don't try to change her.

4) Remember, most providers see married men. I don't know of any providers who are seeking a relationship with a married guy.

If you think she wants to try seeing you off the clock, on a real date, be sure you can handle the emotions that come from dating a professional escort. Most relationships have trouble staying together, now add to the fact that your girlfriend will be dating 2 to 10 other guys each week. This is what usually ends provider relationships.

Dear Julie,

I am a provider on the west coast. I read your comment on the national review board. I have been thinking about this for a long time. I am single, nice looking, make fabulous money and have no real baggage except that I date professionally.

I am lonely, I want a boyfriend, maybe even a husband. I know you always comment that it can work with the right man. How come I just can't find the right man?

I met a client, he is really classy. He brought me flowers and candy. We hit it off really well. Soon I found myself staying with him for three hours and only charging him for one. I would like to take our friendship to a new level. What if it does not work? What if he can't handle the fact that I am an escort?

Being a provider, I thought you would know better than anyone. What is your advice?

A West Coast Provider

Dear fellow provider,

I hear this all the time. The single ladies are always complaining they can't find a boyfriend who is husband material. I think there are some relationship issues when one of you is a provider.

The ladies seem to feel that the men start to look down on them for their choice of professions. The men seem to not be able to accept the ladies choice of professions. This ultimately becomes a major issue and ends in a breakup.

My advice is to first see how you met? Was it on a paid session or through a friend. If you met outside of the business, then make sure he knows what you do for a living. Yes, some men are naive and when they find out, they get really upset.

If you met as client / provider, I would make sure you both fully understand the boundaries. So many providers tell me that they meet a really great guy, things start out really good, then the guy develops this attitude like we are less of a person for being a provider.

This will usually end a relationship and cause some damaged emotions. Try not to use the profession as a tool in your disputes.

Hope this helps.

Julie

 

[B1G]

Thank's for this GG. After reading the other thread, I was begining to think ALL escorts were machines with no feelings ! ( actually, I was begining to believe everyone here thought they were machines) As I said in that thread, but was ignored, ...

Quote from thread 'meeting SL...'

"Don't get me wrong here. I don't think SP are in love with me. Although not impossible I know the chances are very slim of that happening. But I know that some of the women I meet are genuinely happy to see me."

 

[Juliana]

This is such an interesting thread !

This is such an interesting article except that there are open minded men who will respect you and love us even when we are Sex Workers. Some guys gets turn on by the thought of their SO having sex with other males. Specially the very educated males, who might need more sexual stimulation to become aroused.

 

[General Gonad]

Thank's for this GG. After reading the other thread, I was begining to think ALL escorts were machines with no feelings ! ( actually, I was begining to believe everyone here thought they were machines) As I said in that thread, but was ignored, ...

Quote from thread 'meeting SL...'

"Don't get me wrong here. I don't think SP are in love with me. Although not impossible I know the chances are very slim of that happening. But I know that some of the women I meet are genuinely happy to see me."

B1G,

Glad you enjoyed reading this article. Nobody has a monopoly of wisdom on how SPs feel. Only SPs can tell it exactly like it is. This is why I posted this. I am tired of listening to all our views....I want to hear it from those that count most.

GG

 

[B1G]

I'm with you on that one ! I also like Emma's website. Great insight on the life of an SP.

 

[General Gonad]

I'm with you on that one ! I also like Emma's website. Great insight on the life of an SP.

Can you provide us with a link, I have not seen it in a while. I want to meet Emma one day. I also want to meet Celine as well.


GG

 

[B1G]

Here you go, a link to Emma's Mag.

http://www.emmasfantasyworld.com

 

[misstyler2003]

Love and pain..

I, for one CAN attest that falling in love as an sp with a client is most definitely possible as it happened to me. Funny how the old cliché..love at first sight actually happened to me..us . From the moment we lay eyes on one another..it was instant attraction and chemistry. Our first ‘date’ was of multiple hours..and neither one of us wanted to part. I then made it so as I would tour every three weeks in his city and we of course saw each every time I was there..and our sessions became longer and longer..up to six hours..and yes..he was paying for our entire time together.

This went on for about five months..when finally..he asked me to stop sping and see him exclusively..and for no donation whatsoever. At this time, we had already professed our deep love for one another and I complied. I removed my website and email address and retired. We would see each other every three weeks for an entire weekend..save of course when he had to go home to his wife at night.

He finally knew he could no longer lead this double life..and decided he was going to tell his wife about us and that he would leave her for me. Well..you guessed it..he cowered and could not go through with it. I was devastated and heartbroken.

A few months went by (and no..I had not returned to the biz during this time) and he asked me to take him back. He vowed he would leave her by the one year anniversary of our first encounter together. That date soon approached….and once again he told me he couldn’t go through with it!! By this time I had already applied for a US Visa..we had gone house hunting..and had plans to celebrate at the Atlantis in the Bahamas.

My heart was broken once again..and I felt utterly betrayed. Shortly thereafter, I returned to the hobby..on a very part time basis. Mostly seeing regular clientele from when before I retired.

Ironically, his wife eventually threw him out and now he is alone. He says he would have taken me back had I not returned back to the biz. I highly doubt that. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me..fool me a third time..I think not.

Sadly enough, I do not think I will ever get over that relationship, as I truly thought we were soulmates and in fact still hold him dearly to my heart..no matter what happened between us as an end result.

So yes..it is possible to fall in love as an sp with a client..but next time..if there is one..I will tread very cautiously.
Luv,
Miss Tyler

 

[Special K]

Thanks for your honesty and sharing your story Tyler. This certainly goes to show that a companion is capable of having/developing intense feelings, love toward a client and it does happen occasionally, no matter how much some people here think that to be impossible.

Best of luck to you!

SK

 

[General Gonad]

Sadly enough, I do not think I will ever get over that relationship, as I truly thought we were soulmates and in fact still hold him dearly to my heart..no matter what happened between us as an end result.

So yes..it is possible to fall in love as an sp with a client..but next time..if there is one..I will tread very cautiously.
Luv,
Miss Tyler

Miss Tyler,

WOW! That was an amazing story...sad but so honest that I want to meet you just to kiss you for sharing it on this board! I think he was wrong to coward and not be honest with himself first, his wife and especially you. I also do not think it is right to play with people's feelings.

I have recently met an amazing lady and I have openly told her I am worried about getting too close. Too many mixed emotions. I felt way too connected, too passionate, too everything...

Regardless, I can never hurt someone I care for. I need to be honest with myself and with my wife about how I feel. I also need to be honest with this young lady even though I know cool heads will prevail. I want her to fall in love with the right person.

But your story really got to me. I hope you meet him again and let him know exactly how you feel. If you truly are soul mates, then in my mind, you should be with each other.

GG

P.S. Thanks for sharing again, I really appreciate it. It shows me that you're human and capable of falling in love even though it doesn't always turn out the way you want.

 

[misstyler2003]

Thank you Special K and General Gonad.
I honestly do believe he knows how I feel..unfortunately he can never forgive me for returning to the hobby. I highly doubt we will ever see each other again..although I really do feel the need to do so..as I do not feel we had closure..at least not on my part..as I never actually looked him in the eye when he told me it was over..and never could be again..He refuses to even do that..and I am more than willing to pay for airfare to do so..but he has clearly stated that as long as my site and email adress are active..it won't happen.
My advice..PLEASE do not lead your lover on to believing there might be something more there than there actually is if you never have the intention of leaving your wife..it is just too painful if it doesn't happen.
Luv,
Miss Tyler

 

[General Gonad]

Closure

My advice..PLEASE do not lead your lover on to believing there might be something more there than there actually is if you never have the intention of leaving your wife..it is just too painful if it doesn't happen.
Luv,
Miss Tyler

Miss Tyler,

He is wrong not to forgive you for returning to SPing. He should have the decency to contact you and meet you for closure. At the very least, that is what he owes you. Unless of course, he's afraid to look you in the eye and tell you the truth - that he still deeply cares for you but is scared to have you back.

I do not understand married men who lead someone to believe they'll leave their wives. You do not say it, you just do it. You do not play with people's feelings, leading them on like yo-yos.

I get so angry when I hear married men telling SPs they have fallen for them and that they will leave their wives...bullshit! Most of them are cowards. If you're going to do it, do it but don't keep stringing someone along. It is just plain wrong and cruel.

GG

P.S. I have the decency to know that no matter how much I care for the young lady I recently saw, I cannot love her the way she deserves to be loved. She knows it and I know it. But I still want her to find the love of her life. I want her to be happy in a caring committed relationship. She deserves the best as you do and as many other SPs that I met with do.

 

[misstyler2003]

I totally agree and acknowledge that you cannot change people..however, out of respect for one another..especially after having been in a deep loving committed relationship, one would think that the least one can do is have a face to face rendezvous to express one's feelings..whatever they may be. I have been willing to do so all along..but he has not.

I accept that..as I know I cannot change him..but it does sadden me that someone I once loved..and in fact still do..cannot find the courage or strength to look me in the eye and admit what he did was downright cruel..

I hope he has learned something from this experience..just as I have.

GG..I appreciate and respect your honesty..I am sure your galfriend does as well. Best of luck to you.
Luv,
Miss Tyler

 

[agentleman27]

Double standards ....

My heart was broken once again..and I felt utterly betrayed. Shortly thereafter, I returned to the hobby..on a very part time basis. Mostly seeing regular clientele from when before I retired.

Ironically, his wife eventually threw him out and now he is alone. He says he would have taken me back had I not returned back to the biz. Miss Tyler

Hi Miss Tyler,

Let's see if I understand correctly: He meets you through your SP work, he lets you down not once but twice and he has the guts to tell you he can't forgive you to resume your SP career after he betrayed you, again ...

I think this guy is "coherence challenged". When you date an SP and she returns to SPing after you let her down not once but twice you have only yourself to blame not the SP. You stopped SPing for him and he was not able to deliver his part of the deal (leaving his wife) therefore you owe him even less than before. It seems like he sees commitment as a one way street.

Miss Tyler, I sincerely hope that somehow you'll find closure. Thanks for opening your heart.

A27

 

[naughtylady]

Tyler>>>> Thank you so much for sharing. Yes we SPs do fall in love (we are human after all). Sometimes it is hard, I am not sure what is harder, falling for a guy who is unavailable and lets you know from the beginning; or for a guy lets you think he is available and then turns out not to be...

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

 

[cloudsurf]

Falling in love?

Falling in love...true love? Highly unlikely because of the complex mind sets and all those outside distractions .
But becoming friends and falling in lust....very possible.
When two people share unbelievable pleasure over and over again. When they share emotions and good times and chemistry. When they confide their deepest secrets about their lives. When hormones are raging and feelings are nurtured, then yes lust and strong bonds can be formed....but love?!?...nah!

 

[General Gonad]

A little more than lust....but not love

I think there is a certain amount of truth in what you say. That quite often hobbyiests mistake lust for love. To say that no sp has ever fallen for a client would be foolish. I do believe it can happen, but it is very, very rare. I also believe that a certain amount of hobbyiests read things into the relationship, that simply aren't there.

Daringly,

Lust is carnal and sexual. I typically share more than just lust but I agree, it isn't love. Love is rare even in real life. Love is accepting the other for who and what they are no matter what. Love is sacrifice without flinching. Love is sticking by your significant other during the hard times, feeling their pain and anguish as if you were the one going through it.

You can fall in love with an SP but it is extremely rare. A couple of hours of pure fantasy are not the basis of love. But a friendship can develop with the right people. In extremely rare circumstances, this friendship can blossom into love.

But be very careful - actions speak louder than words. Too many emotionally vulnerable or emotionally crippled clients fall hook, line and sinker for some fabricated sob stories and are being played real good. In life if you do not respect yourself, you will be trampled on. This goes for SPs and clients alike.

GG

 

[misstyler2003]

I agree..

There most definitely IS a difference between love and lust..and that it is rare to really fall in love in this biz..However, I assure you that what WE felt was true love..as we most certainly did share our innermost feelings and thoughts...we did share about our personal lives and families..Perhaps upon our initial rendez vous, it was all about lust..but as time progressed..those feelings deepened and we fell in love. We no longer 'f**ked', but rather made love time and time again.

Luv,
MIss Tyler

 

[naughtylady]

"Some people are under the impression you get to choose who you love."

Too true.

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

 

[gary8]

Lack of understanding

I totally agree with A27.
Furthermore he seemed to not understand that the majority of SPs do it because they have financial difficulties rather than out for a lark. If a man wants a woman to stop SP'ing he should at least make sure that she has the financial means to do so.

Gary