A few categories that might be of interest to Merbites (I remind you this is a reader's poll!)
Most Desirable Woman
- Celine Dion
- Mitsou
- Elisha Cuthbert
- Lara Roxx
- Melissa Auf der Maur
- Mutsumi Takahashi
- Lil Tut
- Izabelle Desjardins
- Annie DeMelt
- Jessica Paré
Honourable mentions: Bronwen Agnew • Jasmine Bleile • Karine Vanasse
Celine rockets up to number one from last year’s Honourable mention (when we referred to her as “horse-faced,” which we’ll refrain from this year), while Greenfield Park’s Cuthbert drops two spots, to third. Former porn starlet Lara Roxx, whose sad claim to fame was contracting HIV on a double-anal shoot in 2004, appears for the first time.
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Best Place to Spot Celebrities
- St-Laurent
- W Hotel
- Time Café
- Crescent
- Buona Notte
- Old Montrea/Port
- Globe
- GoGo Lounge
- Downtown
- Ste-Catherine
Honourable mentions: Club Opera • Plateau • The airport • Just for Laughs • St-Denis
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Best Place to Have Public Sex
- Mount Royal
- Old Montreal/Port
- Parc Lafontaine
- Old Port Bridge
- Canadian Architecture Park
- Metro
- Tam-Tams
- Westmount Park
- Alleyways
- Beaver Lake
Honourable mentions: McLennan Library • Ile Ste-Helene • McGill lower field • Notre-Dame Basilica • St. Jospeh’s Oratory
Mount Royal remains the undisputed champ for open-air nookie, and the romance of the Old Port still stirs our loins. When not getting it on outdoors, Montrealers prefer doing it in libraries and churches.
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Best Strip Club
- Kamasutra
- Wanda’s
- Club Downtown
- Supersexe
- 281
- Solid Gold
- Chez Parée
- Les Amazones
- Café Cleopatra
- Bar Stock
Knocking the upscale Wanda’s out of the top slot they’ve held in recent years, Kamasutra (the Plateau’s peeler joint of preference) climbs up from last year’s second place to take top honours in this category. Club Downtown’s leap is even more impressive, from last year’s eighth to this year’s third place. Other standbys—the venerable Supersexe and Chez Parée, Solid Gold and Amazones, and for the ladies, Club 281—stay in the spotlight, no small feat in a town where strip clubs abound.
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Best Pick-up Spot
- Thursday’s
- GoGo Lounge
- Reggies
- Brutopia
- Cheers
- Tokyo
- Foufounes Électriques
- corner of Ste-Catherine & St-Laurent
- Saphir
- Fringe Festival
Thursday’s maintains its grip on meat-market supremacy! As in 2005 and 2006, the Crescent Street joint is acknowledged as the best place to get your mack on (and presumably, following that, your pants off). Other perennials in this category pop up—Cheers, Tokyo, Foufs. As for the wiseacres who suggested the corner of the Main and Ste-Catherine, enjoy it while it lasts, chumps. Before long, that area will be cleaned up and converted into a family-friendly tourist/arts zone. Finally, we have a new contender this year, the Fringe Fest… the perfect place for cruising if you have a fetish for avant-garde mimes, self-loathing collegiate poetesses and chunky, balding, morally decrepit festival directors.
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Best-looking Clientele
- Time Supperclub
- W Hotel
- GoGo Lounge
- Brutopia
- Buona Notte
- Club Opera
- Foufounes Électriques
- Tokyo
- 1234
- Saphir
The upscale joints take it this year, with Time at the top. Keep in mind though that they and Buona Notte, Opera and others have the benefit of the velvet rope, the pricey drinks and the exacting dress code, which adds up to effective social Darwinism in the looks department. Nice to see Foufs and Saphir in there, suggesting that for some, looking freaky, spiky, glammed up and gothy will get you points too.
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SEXIEST FRENCH PICK-UP LINES
- Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
- Ça va?
- Bon soir/Bonjour
- Salut bébé/coco/labelle/beauté/ma belle
- Suce-moi/suces tu?/suce mon
- Baise-moi/alors on baise/ce soir on baise/ ça tente tu de baiser
- Aimes-tu des patates/bagels/moustaches?
- T’as des beaux yeux
- As-tu du feu?
- Je t’aime
T’as tu d’la poudre? • À cause de toi, tout a coup! mes pantalons sont de trop • A tu eux ton chèque • As-tu vu mes gosses? • Avez vous un pop-tart? • Bonjour mon petit poulet • Chin chin les filles • Combien pour la danse Madame? • Eh làlà, tu prends tes oeufs avec la mayonaise? • J’en ai un beau crayon dans mes pantalons • J’peux-tu cracher à terre? • Je déteste les anglais
Je m’appelle Corey Hart • Je pense que tes seins sentent le renfermé, enlève • Je peux faire goo-explosion dans votre vagin? • Je sais comment faire des crêpes-suzettes • Je suis dans une bande indie • Je suis un immigrant • Je vais jouer ta chanson • J’te mangerais ben la noune • On peut tourner à droite à la prochaine lumière • Showez me your cockez • Tabernac you look ’ot in zem shoes • Toi là, tu viens tu du Lac St-Jean? • Tu as des beaux tattoos • Tu resembles à un de mes amis chez MySpace • Tu es trop belle pour cette bande d’idiots
