Friends with benefits/Fuck Friends - a curse or a blessing?

[curly]

Not so long ago, when sex was the ultimate taboo, a pretty boy had the first choice amongst the nicest girls. But once he made his choice, he was locked in. It does not mean they were always faithful but there was a barrier. This left the remaining of the playground open to the average joe, although sex was more difficult to achieve.

With today's Friends with benefits/Fuck friends, sex is more accessible (in principle!). There is less taboo and less barriers: you can have it even if you're not married, you don't have to marry the one you're having sex with afterwards, you're much less afraid of the lady getting pregnant and if it happens there are options, the girl will not face as much sigma for a one-night-stand, sex without feelings is something relatively common. So, who does this benefit to?

Does it benefit mostly the average joe, who can more easily access sex without the girl wanting a diamond ring for it, or trying to figure out what her friends will think of him as a boyfriend, or whether she wants to marry him for life? Or to the contrary, does it benefit mostly the pretty boys who now can disseminate their semen freely to as many female as they want without any jealousy (we're just friends!) or drama? Women often behave as a horde, all wanting the same alpha male, disregarding all the others.

I'm not 20something anymore and I must admit that I probably also don't have the patience anymore for that kind of game. But I'm left thinking what it's really like today, if the Friends with Benefits is a common thing and who really benefit from it? Any views?

 

[ShyMan]

if the Friends with Benefits is a common thing and who really benefit from it? Any views?

Great observations on life.

I suspect most encounters are transactional -- the man getting his sexual urges satiated, for the moment, and the lady getting some financial or other support from the man and enjoying sexual pleasure too. Even if the couple are true friends and see each other for booty calls, it benefits both -- sex is part of the friendship, along with helping each other chase away loneliness.

Even seeing an escort is akin to FWB -- the mutual friend being the money.

 

[Kinky Cinderella]

Today's relationship are most likely to be exclusive fuckfriends (In my own experience): people are afraid of love but seek a lover to be aroused only by them.... I came back in the business because money is a woman's safest boundary (IMHO)...maybe not all women but it is certainly mine!

I was fed up of this label issue and all the drama that goes with it: can't ask question, can't see someone else, but have to deal with doubt from the other, jealousy, insecurity etc......(you can read my thread here "men and lies")

And I don't know if men are afraid of those "old school" type of women who want a relationship quickly after few intercourse....but when I came back single, I decided I did not have time for love in the near future and I naively believed it would be as simple as it sounds to find a fuckfriend, a simple lover to be there exclusively to respond to my carnal needs...god, I was wrong....I gave them a finger and they wanted my whole arm (and probably more if I didn't dump them right there)...I always though this is exactly what most men want...but when they get their hand on what there were looking for, they get so scared of losing it that they get into this kind of controling game that I was avoiding like the plague...

So I can't tell who really benefit from it, but certainly not me! :lol:

 

[curly]

Interesting post Cinderella. But out of curiosity, who did you choose as FWB? A pretty boy, a bad boy or an average Joe?

So often women choose the bad boy type, and then complain they are jerks... isn't it the definition of a bad boy?

 

[jalimon]

Curly, Patron, I do not think both of you know Quebec very much. There is not much a notion of "marrying up" or "put a ring on it" in Quebec. We do not wed much anymore here since about 40 years.

To me Friends with benefit is only a new name for fuckfriend. 30 years ago in College we all alraedy had fuckfriend. The only difference is we had to socialize to meet the "friends". You actually had to go up to a girl and find a way to bring her home, or in your car.

Both party benefit. The benefit is pure sex. No need to look past that. A guy needs to touch boobs and insert his penis in a women's mouth or vagina once in a while. Women are the same. I will always remember a girl friend once told me towards the end of a night out... "I need to put a dick in my mouth". Ok better be mine then

Cheers

 

[ShyMan]

There is not much a notion of "marrying up" or "put a ring on it" in Quebec. We do not wed much anymore here since about 40 years.

Jalimon, you are a gentleman and a scholar. A sociologist (and sex doctor), to be more precise. I have found this to be a common sentiment among the people I've met in the years I've traveled to Montreal.

"Dating" platforms like Seeking provide avenues for both men and women seeking to satiate their carnal desires. Yes, in Seeking, the SBs are primarily seeking financial support but some of them really enjoy sex with their SDs. FWB's with NSA might become the norm in our fast-paced society where folks often don't have enough time for courtship.

 

[jalimon]

no patron because for a hundred escort who provide sex for a fee there is many thousands who provide it to who they want for free. for their own mutual pleasure.

cheers,

 

[Fradi]

I don’t think there ever was a problem for men in Quebec to have sex with a woman in their own age bracket, if you were half decent looking and not a social misfit, it was never an issue.

I never found it difficult, still don’t, I just prefer the gorgeous escorts to the aging self centred milf with a ton of baggage wanting a financial benefactor after a couple of less than mediocre dates, and acting as if they were doing you a huge favour.

When it comes to middle aged men or older looking for gorgeous women one third or half their age then it is not so easy to find a friend with benefits or one that you don’t need to pay for one way or another and I don’t see a problem with that.

Then there are the ones that find it just so convenient to hire an escort and the tourists that flock here, so I don’t think there is a disconnect, I think you can find both.

 

[Nakamichi]

A friend with benefits is an amazing thing, buy know that it only stays alive as long as both ( or more ) parties enjoy and are willing. When the time comes to let it go then you must admit that it is over. I had a friends with benefits that gave me the benefit of her friend.

 

[Numerati]

Never believed in it and never pursued it. Either she is or she is not. For me would be a waste of time as it is half assed. Just two people who wants intimacy but is afraid by it so they resort to this emotional dead end. If I wanted to bust a nut and leave it at that this hobby serves that purpose.

 

[curly]

I don’t think there ever was a problem for men in Quebec to have sex with a woman in their own age bracket, if you were half decent looking and not a social misfit, it was never an issue.

Good for you, but this is far from the experience of every men in Quebec. Certainly not mine, and I'm a "pur laine", rather decent looking and very sociable.

When it comes to middle aged men or older looking for gorgeous women one third or half their age then it is not so easy to find a friend with benefits or one that you don’t need to pay for one way or another and I don’t see a problem with that.

Interestingly enough, I've had much more success now with women in their twenties than when I was their age, even without paying. I guess the fact that they know for a fact I'm not going to marry them or be the man of their life takes this out of the equation. If they choose to be with me they know it's for a good time, not for a life together. So those who want the ring filter themselves out of my social circle, and whose who left are more open to a good time. I'm amazed at the number of very pretty ladies who appreciate the social and lover skills of an older man, despite his wrinkles.

Nevertheless, my question remain: who benefit from it? The pretty boys again, or the average joe?

 

[Numerati]

From the people I know and knew who went thru this kind of set up benefits the person who has the lower interest level. Sooner or later someone will develop feelings that is higher than the other. Then this higher interest level individual will want something much more. And he or she will NEVER get it. Then the let dowm takes hold and it spirals downward and it spills over to other aspects of this person's life. When something genuine and authentic do show up they sabotage and just screws it all up. They end up as people with a heart beat but there is no pulse. They died at 25 and buried at 70.

 

[Fradi]

Curly,

From what I understood you have a problem finding women in your age bracket but none with women in their twenties.
I guess we should all feel sorry for you :lol:

What has being “ pure laine” got to do with anything, is that some kind of badge of honour that women fall over for?

 

[curly]

Curly,

From what I understood you have a problem finding women in your age bracket but none with women in their twenties.
I guess we should all feel sorry for you :lol:

What has being “ pure laine” got to do with anything, is that some kind of badge of honour that women fall over for?

This is not about me, don't feel sorry! I'm a very happy man.

Please read my initial question. I'm asking, with the casual sex being more socially acceptable, who it benefits most to, average Joe or pretty boy. I myself am probably in the middle.

 

[Julia Sky]

What has being “ pure laine” got to do with anything, is that some kind of badge of honour that women fall over for?

No, or at least I don't. Lol I cringed at his comment the same way I cringe when a guy makes "I'm white" part of his introduction. You really don't have to flaunt your privilege as a white person or "pur laine"...

 

[curly]

What has being “ pure laine” got to do with anything, is that some kind of badge of honour that women fall over for?

It's got nothing to do with anything. I'm mentioning this because someone in a post prior to you mentions I must not be from Quebec and don't understand Quebec women vety well. Just wanted to say I'm indeed from here and have been all my life so I've known Quebec women since their childhood!!!

 

[hungry101]

When I write an agency or an Indy to set up an appointment I typically describe myself. Yes, this does include my color. No matter how burdened by guilt that I am, I cannot escape from the fact that I’m a white guy.

There is another reason for this. Many girls advertise “No Black Gents.” They are not making wedding cakes or cutting hair, these girls are meeting men in private for sex so who they see is their business.

Curly, one thing an old professor told me is TANSTAAFL. He was a chemistry professor who always said this: There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch. If you can afford it, escorts are the most baggage free option there is for sex. With all that’s going on in the world today, who needs that extra layer of complexity that an illicit affair brings with it?

 

[Fradi]

I have never had a fuck friend, don’t intend to.
I like to keep friendship separate, nothing fucks up a friendship more than having sex with them.
It is similar to lending money to friends.

It is either a full blown real love relationship or escorts.
SB arrangements don’t interest me either, I find that way too much effort and I am not into fooling myself that it is anything more or better than paying an escort, even though the girl will try her best to pretend to herself that it is not, I prefer the honesty of an escort.

As far as how I describe myself when meeting, I tell them I am Eastern European, that should be enough and my age because that might turn them off, apart from that the rest is a very polite introduction of why I want to see them , which none have rejected so far, either for first time or repeat visits.