How long should the “Girl Friend Experience” last?

[traveler2010]

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a question I often wonder about and what better place to get more information. I don’t wonder about my opinion, or more accurately my desires, or care whether anyone think it's right or wrong. I just wonder if I am in the minority, and if so, how minor my opinion is! I am interested in all opinions, which is to say I especially want to hear our providers’ thoughts (both those who I have seen and/or communicated with, and those who I have not yet seen) as well as those of my fellow-hobbyists. What I am asking about often does not exists with agency providers, and because I see agency girls much less often, partly for this reason, I expect more replies from indys, but all are welcome. This is not just about routine communication before our encounter or follow-up communication after it. Rather it is about communication really getting to know each other, establishing a connection, some early "chemistry," flirting, and building up the anticipation to the encounter, and then continuing the “affair” after the encounter through similar communication, flirtation, and then future RDV’s.

Ideally (for me at least) the perfect GFE begins before we even meet; it actually begins with our first communication and, provided we end up with a great encounter, continues even after our RDV ends, and until our next date! This is a tricky area though because, while I certainly don’t claim to speak for anyone except myself, I do believe that many of us want all the good things about a girlfriend experience (the closeness, the connection, the cuddling, the familiarity, and yes of course, the great sex!) but not the things we often see as bad (the commitment, the exclusivity, the drama, the moodiness, the “I have a headache’” and of course the PMS)! I know this is asking an awful lot of a woman, but contrary to conventional wisdom that says “you don’t pay ‘em to stay, you pay ‘em to leave,” at least in my case, I do pay them to stay (temporarily anyway) and to stay in touch, and in many cases to return.

I am sure there are many different and very logical and perfectly valid opinions, desires and thoughts on this. Gentlemen who are already in a committed relationship and mostly looking for an hour or two of sexual excitement likely will not want the risk of frequent (or unplanned) communications. But for those without that existing committed relationship, the pre-rendezvous communication can be flirtatious, exciting, and have the potential to turn a good encounter into a great encounter. Likewise, after a great encounter I usually want to see this lady again, and if she also feels the chemistry, follow-up communication is a great way to send that message and build the excitement for the next RDV. I expect one issue for the ladies is the time and complexity involved keeping ongoing communication with multiple gentlemen, and I understand that, but there is a reward! This usually (at least for me) leads repeat visits, to multiple hour bookings, overnights, increased generosity, dinner dates, etc., with men they know and are comfortable with, have a connection and chemistry with, and ultimately is between two people who know, understand and genuinely like each other. Life is good when this happens!

This is a long question I know, but those of you who know me expect nothing less! I would love to hear more viewpoints on this.

T2010

 

[Amelie.courtesan]

Hello

This is actually a very good point to bring up, and a very eloquent and well written way to do so, so thank you

I believe each girl is different here, and I believe the term GFE might not be enough for what you are looking for, maybe a term like "long term companion" or "affair experience" ?

Personally, I am single, and I see my profession as my dating life, so I am ultimately looking for select repeat lovers who feel more like an affair than a client.
BUT I know many girls, especially ones who are in relationships, who NEED the GFE fantasy to end once the meeting is over. It is not that they dont want repeats or dont want to build friendships with regulars, but they need to keep a clear boundary between work and life, and cannot actually give the time and energy required to upkeed this type of relationship.

Add to that popularity, each man would love to think he is a girls only client, but some ladies are literally swimming through too many requests and trying to make as many people happy as possible without losing track of their own well being.

I am not at that place anymore, I have good regulars and just enough demand to decide who I want to see, and like i said, I prioritize people who want to build something real.
But I was there last summer and I know I probably upset a few people I held dear just from not having the time to reply to emails and build excitment between meetings, to those people I apologize.

Fact it what you are discussing might be a bit too much for most ladies, and i suggest asking prior to a first meeting if it is something a girl would be interested in, because if you expect it from someone you might get your feelings hurt unintentionally.

just my two cents
big hugs!
Amelie

 

[Lily from Montreal]

For those of you who know me :smile: ,I for one loves to write and receive emails but I am in a rare situation where being on my computer most of the days for my real life work allows me to take breaks to exchange with my potentials and actual dates...and since I meet so little I have no problem keeping track of my contacts.

Problem for me arise when I realize after numerous exchange (and trust me it happens a lot) that instead of communication and banter between meetings,operative word here is between, it seems that my dates consider me as a penpal and no meeting are planned anymore...although I love sharing the mundane details of our lives only virtual is not doing for me...

 

[gurgeh85]

For those of you who know me :smile: ,I for one loves to write and receive emails but I am in a rare situation where being on my computer most of the days for my real life work allows me to take breaks to exchange with my potentials and actual dates...and since I meet so little I have no problem keeping track of my contacts.

Problem for me arise when I realize after numerous exchange (and trust me it happens a lot) that instead of communication and banter between meetings,operative word here is between, it seems that my dates consider me as a penpal and no meeting are planned anymore...although I love sharing the mundane details of our lives only virtual is not doing for me...

The problem is that we want to see all of you and we don't have the time or money to follow through on our plans! I'm not even joking about this, I really mean it. If there weren't so many beautiful, wonderful women all over Montreal, it wouldn't be so much of a problem! Good luck, ladies!

 

[Lily from Montreal]

That's a nice problem loll,
Honnestly as long as my dates drop me a hello once in a while so I know
1) they still like me,
2) they are not dead (!)
I am happy...I am very patient,have to in my line of work so it reflects in my Lily life...

 

[traveler2010]

Amelie, thank you for so much information!

 

[gurgeh85]

That's a nice problem loll,
Honnestly as long as my dates drop me a hello once in a while so I know
1) they still like me,
2) they are not dead (!)
I am happy...I am very patient,have to in my line of work so it reflects in my Lily life...

Yeah, it's not such a bad problem to have, after all, is it?

 

[traveler2010]

I completely agree Tina, I hope I did not imply otherwise. Communication is only the vehicle for it to happen naturally.

 

[Merlot]

Hello all,

Ideally (for me at least) the perfect GFE begins before we even meet; it actually begins with our first communication and, provided we end up with a great encounter, continues even after our RDV ends, and until our next date!
T2010

If I take your meaning to be something like having a kind of courtship experience well before the meeting it's very difficult if not impossible to fulfill. I think the biggest problem is that while we generally understand what a GFE experience is supposed to be we all have somewhat different elements we want to prioritize in the meeting and so there must be a feeling out process to see if the chemistry works. That makes the first steps awkward. If you consider awkwardness part of the natural early GFE experience then you leave yourself a lot of room to feel very comfortable. If you fantasize about that perfect chemistry from the start, well, that's where the problem comes in.

In all of my years the latter happened only once. I was making posts and soon realized without trying for it that I was making a good connection with an SP who was posting on the board in early 2002. First we tended to see issues the same, then we staring exchanging posts directly. From there the situation quickly evolved to PMs, emails, e-chats and phone calls. It all led to a very comfortable 7 years of some of the best chemistry connections ever in this business, certainly the most enduring. Good luck to all in finding that.

I personally like when this type of connexion happens naturally between two partners but not when it is asked, requested or expected.

That's it. :thumb:



Merlot

 

[traveler2010]

Difficult, yes. Impossible.....nothing is. One can never achieve those kinds of connections with everyone, and you wouldn't want to, especially at the same time. But once in awhile it works and the chemistry is there. I'll settle for once in awhile because even when the chemistry is only good, not great, the experience is still wonderful.

 

[yikezz]

But for those without that existing committed relationship, the pre-rendezvous communication can be flirtatious, exciting, and have the potential to turn a good encounter into a great encounter. Likewise, after a great encounter I usually want to see this lady again, and if she also feels the chemistry, follow-up communication is a great way to send that message and build the excitement for the next RDV. ... This usually (at least for me) leads repeat visits, to multiple hour bookings, overnights, increased generosity, dinner dates, etc., with men they know and are comfortable with, have a connection and chemistry with, and ultimately is between two people who know, understand and genuinely like each other.

Hi Traveler
I think what you are looking for is certainly possible. I have developed some relationships over the years that remained strong between the meetings themselves, and I've gotten to know a few escorts well enough so that I consider them to be true friends. The difficulty is, what you are talking about is a real-life experience, as opposed to a time- and money-bound fantasy experience. The fantasy experience can be negotiated beforehand to some degree, even perhaps nurtured a bit in between meetings. But the other, real-life relationship will only develop if the chemistry, trust, etc., are there between the people involved. It can't really be purchased, and it can't be simply promised before or after the date. It either develops or it doesn't. And, as the women who've already weighed in have mentioned, it may or may not be allowed to develop, depending upon the escort's personal boundaries and life circumstances.

I feel very lucky to have made friends with some of the escorts I've met. It's given me a clearer perspective on the business, and it's allowed me to be more understanding, when I do meet a new escort, of some of the challenges the women face. But, like any other human relationship, it ain't all roses. For one thing, it can completely screw up the "purchased" fantasy experience. And in real human relationships, it's virtually impossible to expect a true relationship to contain only the "good" qualities, and none of the "bad." Finally, you have to remember that these women do this for a living, not because they can't find a good man in their lives. So what you are really asking for also involves a lot of uncompensated work on the escort's part. Maybe it pays off, as you say, in longer, more frequent bookings, but just as frequently, the client could come to expect more and more from the escort, for less and less cash, because of the developing friendship. Difficult, but not impossible, shoals to navigate.

 

[gurgeh85]

They're not your girlfriends. Just keep that in mind. They're are numerous ladies I contact in between appointments, but they want to stay as anonymous as you do. Some women more than others will be willing to talk to you between appointments, though, but I would say, keep it minimal. It's their free time and you're not paying for it. I have an ATF like probably most guys on the board. You know what she says to me at the end of each meeting? She says, "Okay, get the fuck out." Makes me laugh every time. But true!

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

You know what she says to me at the end of each meeting? She says, "Okay, get the fuck out." Makes me laugh every time. But true!

Funny.... One time I was seeing my ATF and I guess I was chatting too much during one meeting and she asked if I was there to talk or fuck.
Just my opinion.... I want the GFE to start when I see the SP and to end when I leave.

 

[Lily from Montreal]

And there is a difference between having someone write ''hey,thinking of you,still trying to figure out a way to come over '' and ,like it happened to me recently ,getting a email saying ''we met 3 years ago,just wanted to say hi,how is life?'',first is nice, second is weird ,if you have no intention of seeing me again why would you want to keep in touch?

 

[wolfie7]

Difficult, yes. Impossible.....nothing is. One can never achieve those kinds of connections with everyone, and you wouldn't want to, especially at the same time. But once in awhile it works and the chemistry is there. I'll settle for once in awhile because even when the chemistry is only good, not great, the experience is still wonderful.

:lol: I think what you're describing and looking for is a real girlfriend... Not an SP... Perhaps it's time to take a break and go find one. :nod: We get ourselves into trouble when we forget this boundary.

 

[Merlot]

Hello all,

... I want the GFE to start when I see the SP and to end when I leave.

It's the smart way to handle this business by keeping it in a framework that reminds both people no matter how wonderful the chemistry is we still can't escape it being business. Some people want more. Some of those people can handle it and some get quite carried away. I remember one escort telling me about another favorite client and alluding to some promises he made to her. There's no doubt she was pretty infatuated with him, making some brief but clear mention of hoping for something beyond business. Not long after he stopped calling her. That kind of thing happen on both sides. Maybe he saw what complications might be coming and he very smartly decided it was time to move on. Unfortunately all sides can be devious too. I've known plenty of escorts, agencies, and clients who saw a chance for exploitation of someone's feeling and took it. You really have to think about what's going on and remember what this hobby is always about.

I don't see how infatuation can be prevented. But if you keep the meeting framework within reasonable boundaries you can have a much better chance to keep yourself from getting carried away with wishful desires. For myself the distance and rarity of visits helped stay within the boundaries. For you who have many opportunities the temptations are going to be difficult. Lose perspective to where you start blurring what is sensible from what you might fantasize about and you create more risks emotionally..and in what others might be able to exploit in you. It may not be as much fun to keep things quiet between meetings, but it's the much wiser move choice.

Good luck,

Merlot

 

[johnybird]

:lol: I think what you're describing and looking for is a real girlfriend... Not an SP... Perhaps it's time to take a break and go find one. :nod: We get ourselves into trouble when we forget this boundary.

I Have to disagree wolfie.

There is some sort of relationship that builds the more you see the same person, and some might turn into some kind of Friendship. The Boundaries can still be there but communication between dates, no matter what the subject or how frequent, I find makes seeing her again so much better. It doesn't happen with everybody but when it naturally occurs with someone it does enhance the time I spend with them.

This is the part I enjoy most about seeing the same person. I love the way when each time I see her I get to know her better, we are more comfortable with each other and can discuss our likes & dislikes openly, there's more trust involved and with all this comes the genuine feeling of caring for the person. Put all of this together and It makes for a unique experience every time.

I don't think communicating between or after dates would be considered continuing the GFE, it's just two people who enjoy each others company staying in touch. As long as you both agree and understand the Boundaries and the nature of the relationship there is nothing wrong with that

 

[wxlancer]

The obvious short answer is: as long as she wants it to!
But given the demand and popularity for GFE, this is one of the main skills for many modern escorts right? As an inexperienced hobbyist, I believe this is one of those fine arts that really just comes down to so many skills of observation and communication.
Obviously if there's a genuine connection it's the easiest and most enjoyable for both parties, and the only thing you're worried about is setting boundaries.
I think good GFE maintains immersion as long as possible - no easy task! Interaction is spontaneous, without sudden and jarring transitions. If we are made to FEEL like we're winning an SP over, that she's opening up, the ice is melting, and that we're enjoying the moment too much to think about whether it's genuine or not, or even so impressed with her that we don't care if it is, that's the sweet spot. If it's good it feels like you're building something...something that should continue to be explored over future sessions. This is why I now personally prize attitude, skill, smarts and service so much, with looks being much less important than before I hobbied.

 

[traveler2010]

I too disagree Wolfe, I have been at this for a very long time and never see one SP exclusively, but I do repeat frequently with those I have a good connection with. And those that I have a very close connection with I might see repeatedly for a long time. Not as GF/BF, but still as client/provider; just with a much closer connection......call it chemistry. Is it easy to fall in love? You bet! I fall in love several times a year, probably even more often then that because I just love women! But I absolutely know the difference between a real girlfriend and an SP and definitely am not looking for a girlfriend. Could it happen some day? Of course it could, but I go into every RDV with my eyes wide open trying to get as much pleasure, both physical and emotional, as I can. Johny described it best above. For me, and some others, when the chemistry is right and it occurs naturally, good communication enhances the experience for both parties.

 

[wolfie7]

I Have to disagree wolfie.

There is some sort of relationship that builds the more you see the same person, and some might turn into some kind of Friendship, for a lack of a better word. The Boundaries can still be there but communication between dates, no matter what the subject or how frequent, I find makes seeing her again so much better. It doesn't happen with everybody but when it naturally occurs with someone it does enhance the time I spend with them.

Don't get me wrong, johnybird, I have friendships. I have lunch/dinner with my ATF, who's been retired for a few years now, every time I'm visit her town, and we stay in touch. My point is more, you should know and respect the boundary. SPs are here for one thing - to earn money. A few emails here or there - fine. When clients start over-stepping and really becoming a time burden, then that's not fair to the SP. She's not getting paid for all the time spent emailing your touchy feely ass. This happens often. We can be a needy, clingy sad little group, we hobbyists. The SP is in a very awkward position, she likes the guy, but not like that, she likes the money, but how does she let the guy down without losing him as a future client? They "fake nice" until they can no longer do it. Why force into that dynamic? The safer option for the SP is to play it like Tina - clear rules. You can play the other game too, but I bet you 9/10 the SP eventually trips up with a client and the fake just fades and I would argue that's a less satisfying end for the john.