This is the key question in a National Geographic article I just read on the subject of love (and yes I do read National Geographic). Having just had a bit of an up and down emotional week plus spending an amazing session with Amy of xxxtase, this seemed like a relevant question for MERB members. The article is excellent because it discusses so many issues that make us wonder why we want GFE from SPs and how some of us still go home to our families happy afterwards. Its basically about research on the chemical reactions of romance and the bonding that occurs in couples who remain happily married long after romance has disappeared. Its pretty long so I'll only mention a couple of key findings.
Regarding romantic love (i.e. the GFE effect), researchers who studied the behaviour of the brain in people who had been in love for about 6 months found that they had a similar chemical profile to people with obsessive-complusive disorder. They found their serotonin levels to be 40% lower than normal which basically means that love and mental illness may be hard to tell apart. In addition, love also seems to release high levels of dopamine into our systems when we are exposed to the objects of our romantic love creating feelings of attraction - so basically its fun in the short term but long term exposure to romantic love is likely to be bad for your mental and physical health (I think we've all experienced that).
Researchers have also found that in all cultures and societies that romantic love fades over time and may be replaced with a form of bonding between a husband and wife that is necessary to make it through the child-rearing years. Interestingly, certain cultures such as in India generally arrange marriages and frown on love-based marriage. Their attitude is that such an important lifelong union should not be left to something as unreliable as fleeting, romantic love. The bonding is also dependent on a chemical called oxytocin. If you have lots of oxytocin, you are more likely to bond in general and especially with your close ones such as parents, children and spouses.
One of the more interesting observations in the article is that it is best that romantic love does fade over time otherwise nothing of significance would have ever been accomplished in the world and we'd all still be living in grass huts or igloos. However what really struck me in the article was the plain admission by the author that it is normal for romantic love to fade into a comfortable existence with our spouse over time, assuming there wasn't too little seretonin initially and too little oxytocin later on. I think there is too much media-induced psycosis on maintaining romantic love with a single person throughout a lifetime - get real - give me more oxytocin!
There is conflict however on the need for romantic love. Some believe it is really driven by our desire to recapture the first feelings of love we may have early in life. However others believe it driven by survival of the fittest where we are attracted to those most likely to produce healthy children. Hence we prefer women with a 70% waist to hip ratio (who doesn't) and men with a rugged look that suggests a strong dose of testosterone. Apparently BO also plays a role where we are attracted to mates who's BO suggests a complementary genetic make-up as some research has shown.
So I felt good at the end of the article - it is natural to want to meet healthy looking SPs for a GFE to generate dopamine and make me feel crazy like a kid again. And I can go home and count on my oxytocins to keep me happily married - although I may need a booster shot of those from time to time. Finally, I did love the BO in the room after a couple of hours of GFE sex with Amy - she may be the right long-term fit. But alas, I had to go home.
Regarding romantic love (i.e. the GFE effect), researchers who studied the behaviour of the brain in people who had been in love for about 6 months found that they had a similar chemical profile to people with obsessive-complusive disorder. They found their serotonin levels to be 40% lower than normal which basically means that love and mental illness may be hard to tell apart. In addition, love also seems to release high levels of dopamine into our systems when we are exposed to the objects of our romantic love creating feelings of attraction - so basically its fun in the short term but long term exposure to romantic love is likely to be bad for your mental and physical health (I think we've all experienced that).
Researchers have also found that in all cultures and societies that romantic love fades over time and may be replaced with a form of bonding between a husband and wife that is necessary to make it through the child-rearing years. Interestingly, certain cultures such as in India generally arrange marriages and frown on love-based marriage. Their attitude is that such an important lifelong union should not be left to something as unreliable as fleeting, romantic love. The bonding is also dependent on a chemical called oxytocin. If you have lots of oxytocin, you are more likely to bond in general and especially with your close ones such as parents, children and spouses.
One of the more interesting observations in the article is that it is best that romantic love does fade over time otherwise nothing of significance would have ever been accomplished in the world and we'd all still be living in grass huts or igloos. However what really struck me in the article was the plain admission by the author that it is normal for romantic love to fade into a comfortable existence with our spouse over time, assuming there wasn't too little seretonin initially and too little oxytocin later on. I think there is too much media-induced psycosis on maintaining romantic love with a single person throughout a lifetime - get real - give me more oxytocin!
There is conflict however on the need for romantic love. Some believe it is really driven by our desire to recapture the first feelings of love we may have early in life. However others believe it driven by survival of the fittest where we are attracted to those most likely to produce healthy children. Hence we prefer women with a 70% waist to hip ratio (who doesn't) and men with a rugged look that suggests a strong dose of testosterone. Apparently BO also plays a role where we are attracted to mates who's BO suggests a complementary genetic make-up as some research has shown.
So I felt good at the end of the article - it is natural to want to meet healthy looking SPs for a GFE to generate dopamine and make me feel crazy like a kid again. And I can go home and count on my oxytocins to keep me happily married - although I may need a booster shot of those from time to time. Finally, I did love the BO in the room after a couple of hours of GFE sex with Amy - she may be the right long-term fit. But alas, I had to go home.
