How to keep motivation for your GF / wife

[stephane2002]

Yeah... I am not sure that we have addressed this issue in the past : How to stay sexually motivated by our wives / GFs when we frequently meet SPs who are :
- younger : = objectively physically much more attractive than an XX yo mother
- new : stop the BS... after 15 years - or more - there are no more big surprise having sex with the same person. I believe that having sex with new a girl is a big part of the excitement, just because it is new !
- more dedicated : GFE.. let me laugh... a professional is much more GFE than a real GF !!! I mean, even though YMMV applies, lost of us go into hobby to easily get services (or quality of services) that are difficult to get on a regular basis with a GF !!

My problem after a few years of hobbying... I have much more fun and pleasure hobbying than doing "my duty"... Even though I do love my wife, I really prefer sex with SPs rather than with her... What can I do to get re motivated ???

- Swingers: Some of my couple friends are swingers... I have been once with them in their clubs... Shit !! It is so uggly and pathetic... I do prefer our Sps world !!! It is much more beautiful !!!! I know about my age... I don't need to have old couples fucking in front of me to remind me about getting old and uggly !!!!

 

[qwerty2]

well I think the key words are new and younger/better looking .... and frankly I think it is human nature.
So begining is beautiful everybody is bfe and gfe and then you become less and less so because it is human nature .. It is as sure as getting old. You have to have a will and work at it to counter the aging process. So too you have to have the will and work at it to maintain physical/sexual interest over the long term.

Monogamy and other socially accepted behaviors in our present western societies are not necessarily inborn or natural tendencies ... it is taught and retaught and rehashed as rules that are considered acceptable and to be promulgated in order to keep society functioning. Hint ... our economy and the renewal of our labor force and taxpayer pool are based on the idea of a well functioning family unit.

 

[Love big tits]

It all start at the beginning of the relationship..... Marry someone 10 to 12 years younger than you than the age will not be an issue if you can keep up
I did (not intentionally) and for the few years (12) I had with her (cancer) it was utter bliss.

I got lucky what can I say. She was beautiful, I was attentionate.

 

[General Gonad]

It all start at the beginning of the relationship..... Marry someone 10 to 12 years younger than you than the age will not be an issue if you can keep up
I did (not intentionally) and for the few years (12) I had with her (cancer) it was utter bliss.

I got lucky what can I say. She was beautiful, I was attentionate.

LBT,

That's sad...sorry to hear that.

GG

 

[stephane2002]

I don't know if it was meant to be funny but I certainly laughed while reading this!

Ok... Here is a thought related to your question...

You are saying that most SO are not "GFE" in bed, right? Question is : are you BFE?

I have been in long term relationships before and for at least the first two-three years, I was 150% GFE, believe me! But in the course of the relation, that often changed.

With time, a majority of men care less and less about some of the details that are important for their female partner : ambiance, mood, romance, tenderness, etc. When that happened with my SO, of course, I was less interested in sex with him and was less open than in our beginnings. I think this happens to many women.

Men often complain about their sex life but sometimes, they fail to see that they should take part of the blame.

You did not quite understand what I mean. I know that "the fault" is on my side. I have no more desire for my wife, so of course I am not a good lover for her ! I just "feel as a woman" always with excuses such as "I have a headache !" LOL I know about being romantic and so on, but I just dont even want it... I prefer having encounters with Sps, rather than being romantic with my wife... even though (you may not believe me) I still love my wife as much as I can... but as my best friend, not as a sex partner... Can a woman understand and accept that fact ???? I am afraid that she can not...

 

[stephane2002]

Je pense comme toi...

Mais pour bien des gens (surtout les hommes), l'apparence physique compte plus que l'attachement émotionnel. C'est dommage mais c'est comme ça.

Je ne fais pas de jugement de valeur. Je sais bien que "ce n'est pas bien de dire cela". Mais c'est un fait. Que dois-je faire ? Me les couper ? Je dis cela en rigolant, mais honnetement, je crois que le probleme reside dans les jugements de valeurs que font les gens (et que l'education judeo-machin-chose nous impose) de ce qui serait normal ou pas. Qu'on me donne une raison indiscutable pour dire qu'il est anormal d'etre attiré par plusieurs hommes ou femmes dans sa vie (autre que Dieux dit que, Mohamed dit que, Yavé dit que, Pauline Maroie dit que...) et je suis prêt a me reconnaitre "anormal", mais jusqu'a present, je n'ai jamais vue de demonstration credible de cela ! Les defenseurs de la monogamie sont des curetons plus ou moins pedophiles qui vivent en dehors de la societe... pas tres convainquant en ce qui me concerne...

 

[Love big tits]

let me tell you that there was not a time when she was making herself look good and that he didnt say, wow, whos that pretty lady??? Dont tell my wife I said that!!!
It was the cuttest couple ever. He always told her how pretty she looked, even in public, they would still hold hands. And she always dressed good, even if there was no special occasion...

I love it

Yes passion is all in the little details that tell it all. Way to go Roxanna and Elizabeth you girls are professors emeritus in the fine art of how to please a lady.

 

[LikesCats]

yeah...those dirty old people...we should kill them all, and grind em up into soylent green....how dare they have sex.

 

[stephane2002]

Si tu prétend que tous les couples prônant la monogamie sont des pédophiles, il y a de quoi chez toi de pas normal. D'ailleurs je ne voie même pas le lien entre la déviance la plus répréhensible et vouloir l'exclusivité de sa partenaire. Quand on va voir ailleurs, c'est qu'il y a de quoi dans le couple qui ne fonctionne pas.

Désirer d'autres femmes est normal. Mais puisque tu en fréquentes d'autres sans le moindre remord, j'espère que ton couple est un couple ouvert et que ta blonde va églament trouver son plaisir ailleurs.

Toi tu as pas bien lu !! 1/ cureton = curée pour ton information et évidemment mon assertion est une caricature (mais cela dit, l'église - et les autres religions - sont historiquement extrêmement mal placées pour donner des leçons de bien et de mal) 2/ a aucun moment je n'ai dit que les hommes avaient des droits/devoirs/besoins differents des femmes

"Baisse de desire = couple qui ne fonctionne pas" !!! Ca me semble du même niveau que vieillir = corp qui ne fonctionne pas... non désolé... il me semble que c'est normal même dans un couple qui fonctionne.

Faisons la somme des divorces + couples avec amant/amante + hobby + gens plus ou moins malheureux de leur situation ... et il me semble que mathématiquement la normalite n'est pas celle dont on nous lave le cerveau depuis tout petit dans le but historique de maintenir le peuple ignorant, servile et avec beaucoup d'enfants... Ce but n'étant plus d'actualité et devant l'évidence, pourquoi continuer ce lavage de cerveau collectif qui ne sert qu'a donner des mauvaises consciences sans aucun fondement ?

 

[stephane2002]

Serais-tu prêt à accepter que ta femme fréquente d'autres hommes?

Sans aucun problème. Je ne possède pas ma blonde plus qu'elle ne me possède. Je ne lui souhaite pas de mal alors pourquoi voudrais-je la punir en la privant d'aventures qu'elle souhaiterait ? De quel droit l'éducation puni-t-elle aujourd'hui ceux (la grande majorité) qui ne sont pas bien dans cette équation totalement erronnée sex=amour=marriage=couple ?

 

[Turbodick]

What's that expression ... 'for every good looking housewife, there's a man who is tired of f-----g her? Perhaps not entirely true, but looks along won't keep the spark going forever. A sense of play, mutual enjoyment and the ability to re-invent spontaneous mini-love affairs. Headaches should be outlawed and men do need to realize that they continually need to take steps to keep their woman turned on so she will reciprocate, instead of waiting for her to take the steps. May never happen otherwise and a slow decline results.

 

[General Gonad]

Don't take your relationship for granted

An older SP once told me this: think about all the money, time and energy you devote to hobbying. Now, think about how you can devote it to your SO. Take her on a trip for the weekend, at a nice restaurant, to the theater, etc. Do not fall into the routine of life because that is a recipe for monotony. Unlike men, women do notice the little things so make the effort to communicate with your SO.

GG

 

[stephane2002]

An older SP once told me this: think about all the money, time and energy you devote to hobbying. Now, think about how you can devote it to your SO. Take her on a trip for the weekend, at a nice restaurant, to the theater, etc. Do not fall into the routine of life because that is a recipe for monotony. Unlike men, women do notice the little things so make the effort to communicate with your SO.

GG

Interesting GG... I could add "think about all the money, time and energy you devote to your SO. Now, think about how you can devote it to your hobby. " SO are much more expensive than SPs !!! Isn't it ?

I am joking and not sad about this, but it is a true problem. Social conventions (including monogamy) are not adapted if they make people sad, divorced, cheating... And people are people. They will not change. Social convention are arbitrary and historically based but they have to evolved with the society... The pope is no longer our boss isn't he ? Why continuing educating kids with this stupid equation : sex=love=marriage=fidelity when it is definitly a lie in a large majority of cases ?

 

[General Gonad]

You did not quite understand what I mean. I know that "the fault" is on my side. I have no more desire for my wife, so of course I am not a good lover for her ! I just "feel as a woman" always with excuses such as "I have a headache !" LOL I know about being romantic and so on, but I just dont even want it... I prefer having encounters with Sps, rather than being romantic with my wife... even though (you may not believe me) I still love my wife as much as I can... but as my best friend, not as a sex partner... Can a woman understand and accept that fact ???? I am afraid that she can not...

Why should she accept it? You can't have your cake and eat it too. You are currently undergoing a very selfish phase of your life. You should acknowledge this. Then ask yourself this: do I love my wife? Does she still love me? What does love mean to you? Do you understand that love requires an effort from both parties?

I think Elizabeth hit the nail on its head here:

With time, a majority of men care less and less about some of the details that are important for their female partner : ambiance, mood, romance, tenderness, etc. When that happened with my SO, of course, I was less interested in sex with him and was less open than in our beginnings. I think this happens to many women.

Men often complain about their sex life but sometimes, they fail to see that they should take part of the blame.

You need to be honest with yourself and with your SO. Honesty doesn't mean you have to tell her about your hobbying exploits; it means being honest about how you feel about her and your relationship with her. If you're happy living a double-life and pretending all is well, then you're just stalling the inevitable.

As far as society's conventions, they're not all that bad. Imagine being GFE with someone you truly love and not having to worry about catching anything but the love bug.

GG

 

[naughtylady]

looks along won't keep the spark going forever. A sense of play, mutual enjoyment and the ability to re-invent spontaneous mini-love affairs. Headaches should be outlawed and men do need to realize that they continually need to take steps to keep their woman turned on so she will reciprocate, instead of waiting for her to take the steps. May never happen otherwise and a slow decline results.

Not only men but women also. Too many wives let themselves go after they are married: not bothering to put on make- up, or dressing pretty unless they are going out (who is she trying to look good for?).

An older SP once told me this: think about all the money, time and energy you devote to hobbying. Now, think about how you can devote it to your SO. Take her on a trip for the weekend, at a nice restaurant, to the theater, etc. Do not fall into the routine of life because that is a recipe for monotony. Unlike men, women do notice the little things so make the effort to communicate with your SO.

GG

I believe when things start to become routine you have to go back to the beginning: act as if you are starting to date, court her, call her from work and ask her on a date to go out to dinner, come home with flowers, leave short love notes for her to find, do the things you did in the beginning of the relationship to win her over and watch the magic start to return. I could go on but I think you are getting the idea.

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

 

[stephane2002]

I believe when things start to become routine you have to go back to the beginning: act as if you are starting to date, court her, call her from work and ask her on a date to go out to dinner, come home with flowers, leave short love notes for her to find, do the things you did in the beginning of the relationship to win her over and watch the magic start to return. I could go on but I think you are getting the idea.

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

Isn't it possible to admit the possibility that having less sexual attraction (or even no more) but an unlimited love, respect, shared goals (such as kids) is just normal.

Love is not sex. and sex is not love. Mixing the two of them is just a judeo-catholic shortcut.

Is it reasonable to break a friendship or a family because some totally arbitrary principles say that sex is a monopole for your wife/husband ? For most of the people, that is the current situation. I deeply believe that it is totally unreasonable and has no justification.

 

[stephane2002]

The problem is not the monopole. The problem is that your wife believes in that monopole and you don't.

Yes, but the question does not stop here with me (and many other) being the bad guy(s).

- Why should the society still brain wash people from the childhood with a concept which appears to be completely obsolete, hypocrite and inapplicable for most of the people ? There is nothing fundamentally bad having sex with many people (for both men and women) and love is not sex and is not marriage. Why lying to the kids about that ? If nobody was brain washed it would be much easier to tell the truth about these subjects....

- Considering that society and everyone is just lying about that anyway, should we tell the truth to our partner even if he (she) can't accept it without making a storm out of it ? In other words, should I suicide my married life to be more honest than the society ?

 

[stephane2002]

Not just Judeo-Catholic. Protestant Christians, Muslims, and quite a few other groups as well ascribe to the same concepts.

Does it apply to those who are not one of them ?

 

[J. Peterman]

It sort of like...............

.......when you get up in the morning and drive that minivan around town. Visiting an SP or MP is sort of like getting to drive a Mustang Cobra or a Porsche 911 for a little while without incuring the cost of ownership.

 

[stephane2002]

.......when you get up in the morning and drive that minivan around town. Visiting an SP or MP is sort of like getting to drive a Mustang Cobra or a Porsche 911 for a little while without incuring the cost of ownership.

Cannot agree more !!!