I HAVE A TALE TO TELL ...

[mindflip]

“Like a moth to flame burned by the fire.
My love is blind; can’t you see my desire?
That’s the way love goes…”
~ Janet Jackson – That’s the Way Love Goes


Hello all. This is one of few posts I’ve done and (quite possibly) the LAST time I will post on this board. So, I figure I’d give you a bit to read…


I’m no “professional” writer…so this short story is written much like I would narrate it to you. The only problem with the “written word” is one’s inability to ascertain the true “tone” of the phrase.

“Hey you…” ~ Seductive
“Hey you!” ~ Angry

A difference in punctuation, and a phrase can change all meaning. So…I tried to write in such a way that I’m hoping most people will have less difficulty in understanding how I’m trying to express myself.


I want to state that THIS was started moments after I got the first “responses” from my “partner”. It has undergone reads and re-reads. It has been edited and rearranged. But the story you are reading…the story that was posted…this may be the closest to the actual reality as I felt it.


For all you know, what you are about to read could ALL be fiction. I’ll leave it to you to make that decision for yourself.
If you believe this is a factual accounting …, are you TOO trusting? Will this story just re-enforce what you’ve always felt about how SHITTY the world is? Or…perhaps you can come away feeling like nice experiences CAN happen in life.
If you believe this is all bullshit …I guess you live in the REAL world…stuff like this doesn’t really happen. But…perhaps you’ll find the story interesting. Maybe you should read on and see how much this bullshit stinks or not. LOL.
If you’re still interested in reading further…whether…you believe me or not…I’d like to welcome you all, around this digital campfire…

A long time ago…
In a galaxy far, far, away…
* Wait THAT’S not the story I wanted to tell.
Here’s the REAL …story……OR NOT


I’ve been a lurker on the board for several years…living vicariously through some of you… reading many of your different stories with different women. I would daydream about how I would go about similar adventures...but I would chicken out or put it out of mind, once I needed to get something done.


In recent years, LIFE, in its COLD wisdom, has decided to throw me a couple of curveballs. Its not hyperbole to say I was depressed in 2025. I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t WANT to do anything. I hated myself for it. Sleep was desired but couldn’t be reached. I HATED waking up in the morning. The thought of going through another day was just so heavy to bear. I wanted to stay asleep, stay dreaming. I would sometimes think: Could I stay in my dreams…forever? I’m too afraid, to physically commit suicide…but what if I just never woke up? What if my spirit just told my body: “Just stop breathing…. If you do… you can stay… here”. The next breath always happened. I guess we keep going.


It took a whole lot of time, therapy, and self-work to enjoy waking up in the morning again. When hitting such potholes…companionship and “hot sex” are some of the furthest things from one’s mind… at least it was for me.


I would say it’s only been in these last few months (as I write this), where I finally started to come out of that “shell” and had some desire to go out and connect with “life” again. Just going outside, watching films, chatting with friends…it was like rediscovering how pleasant and fun life could be.


I was still on this walk to LIFE RECOVERY, when I and many other coworkers were let go early April 2026. Restructuring…” Right-Sizing” …that’s how it was explained to me. Whatever! It was quite the surprise. I come into the office as usual, get called to some strange location in the building, and within 5-10 minutes, you’re told:” Sorry…thanks for all your work (20 years) but we don’t need you anymore. Take your time…say goodbye to colleagues…but drop your stuff on the way out, and don’t come back!” *Of course, they didn’t do it that way. They were (actually) humane about it. Analysis after the fact, makes me think I was let go, because I was one of the more expensive employees in the group. Yay me? Could be worse…I was let go with a severance package (for 20 years…it’s the least they could do) so I’m good financially for a little while.


Given everything that had happened, you would think that I would fall right back into depression. But even as I was being let go, I had a strange kind of peace and “what can you do, that’s life” mentality in my head. I figured…I have a financial buffer zone, I don’t have to get a job RIGHT away…I can spare a couple of weeks or months and just chill, while I figure out my next steps.


So, with that perspective, I set out to do just that…
Wake up with less stress and less anxiety…
Catch up on films, TV shows, and video games…
Maybe I can go for a walk more often, start using the treadmill more, and participate more on live stream chats (guilt free without having to glance back at a work screen). I could do MORE stuff!! Who knew, “doing nothing” could be filled with so much activity.


*** If you’ve gotten THIS far, you might be thinking:” WHERE’S ALL THE EXPLICIT DETAIL…HELL!!!... WHERE IS THE WOMAN IN THIS STORY?!”
I’m telling a story, not giving you a rundown of: woman does THIS...THIS…THIS…and THAT! LOL! ***


First things first…I wanted to plan a mini vacation for myself. So, I set up a stay somewhere Downtown Montreal towards the end of April 2026. It coincided with an event I wanted to attend, so things were lining up well. While doing this, I started to think…why not add some companionship to the mix? I always thought about possibly doing it. Why not now? Might as well. I’m certainly not getting any younger, and I would rather be able to say: “I DID THAT” …instead of “I WISH I HAD DONE THAT”.

For me…SEX…PLEASANT communication…and even TINY hints of physical AFFECTION had been non-existent and/or rarely experienced in the last couple of YEARS. So…companionship was much like visiting an Island you THOUGHT you knew but are more likely to be surprised by how much it may have changed. I only had anecdotal stories and evidence about how such sessions COULD go…good or bad. Many descriptions lack any superfluous detail….as well they should. Reviews SHOULD be minimal in nature.


… I LIKED the person / the session because…this, this, this, and this
… I did NOT LIKE the person / the session because…this, this, and this
… Good for me? Good for others? Bad for me? Bad for others?


Which brings me to acronyms. In this context I have a love / hate relationship with them. BBBJ, CIM, COF, DATY, DATO… that’s only FIVE and there’s more “out there” that people unfamiliar with this “world” would usually think, exist. YOU look them up. I’m not doing THAT work for you. LOL. On the one hand, they’re efficient…concise. You know what they mean, and if it’s something you want with that “companion” …seeing that acronym on a post meant there was a good chance you could get it yourself. Maybe such things might cost a little extra, but who knows? Perhaps it comes included with “base services” * whatever that means.
The real interesting ones are GFE and PSE. My interpretation of the difference between the two is…
GFE strives to add more emotional weight to your session.
PSE is the stuff you see in porn. “The thing that was getting done to that actor. I want that!!!”


Despite their efficiencies, acronyms are so...reductive. It’s like ordering an ALL-DRESSED Pizza (Montrealers will understand) …maybe with extra ingredients.


I wanted more than acronyms. This meeting was most likely going to be my ONE and ONLY “visit” into this world. I wanted it to be as great as I could help make it. NO PRESSURE.

 

[mindflip]

I HAVE A TALE TO TELL ... (2 OF 2)

So…WHO to try and have this experience with? Over the years there had been women who I would spend extra time, reading and re-reading things about them, gazing at pics, and wondering what our conversations would be like. When some posters here say YMMY (Your Mileage May Vary) it’s no joke! I’ve lived long enough to know that your personality and that of your companion WILL affect how your experience will go. There’s only so long two people can “pretend” before natural personalities begin to show. My own personal thought on the matter is: YOU be YOU. After all this is supposed to be YOUR experience…be yourself, no?


*This ALL assumes that YOU are not one of these…what do you call them? Oh yeah…. ASSHOLES! LOL. If you ARE one such asshole (and you’re FINE with being one) …PRETEND! Do NOT be yourself! Pretend to be a more polite, “better” version of yourself. If not for you, then for the poor companion who must deal with YOU. LOL! OK…back to the story.


It would be a challenging decision. Possible sex aside (YES, I said “POSSIBLE”) … what WOULD we do the remaining 3hrs and 30 mins of my planned 4hr session? LOL


Physical attractiveness could NOT be the ONLY factor in this decision. Take a person with THE MOST INCREDIBLE LOOKS but the PERSONALITY of a wet blanket…and that equals a disappointing experience. This was not going to be some kind of… “Wham! Bam! thank you Ma’am! “…sort of thing. I wanted chemistry, conversation, and laughs. If there was some natural physical attraction…so much the better…but that felt like more of a long shot. Not that I wouldn’t be attracted to her…more like she would look at ME, like having to take a straight shot of some foul-tasting alcohol. Haha.


“Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst!”


After narrowing about six potentials to two…and doing a deeper analysis of cost, location, and time…in the end, I contacted one. If I didn’t hear from her in a timely manner or she wasn’t available during my requested time…I could try to meet with my second-choice or possibly discover a new woman altogether.


However, the response from the first woman I contacted came rather quickly. The eloquence and humor of it convinced me, that I had made the best possible choice, given available data. Quantifying and trying to get an “experience” to some kind of logical “value” is damn near impossible…so I did the best I could.
I had made a choice. Location…terms…and date were set. I’d touch base with her prior to our meeting, settle things, then start our evening.


So…everything’s set…about TWO weeks in advance. LOL. That’s about as advance notice as one could give, no? Not to give much detail about the “event” I was attending, but it wasn’t some dinner or get-together. It was such that I required a recovery period. This “meeting” was in ADDITION to my event. Anyways…I digress…


“Digress”. HAHA I always wanted to use that word. It kind of sounds weird when I speak it aloud…but if you READ what I say…well that’s a different matter altogether.


Two weeks…


Not long…not short. A lot of things can go wrong in two weeks. What if something happens to her? What if something happens to me? What if something happens to the hotel? What if aliens landed their UFO in the middle of downtown Montreal the night of my meeting?


I knew I had to channel this nervousness and anxiety somewhere. So, I opted to kill a bunch of birds with some rocks. Get things done, exercise more, and continue to chillax. My physical (and mental) health would be hopefully better by the time we meet. But…let’s be honest…how much can be done in two weeks?


In the days between the plans made, and the night of our meeting, I didn’t sit idle. I continued walking or jogging. Watched slightly how much (or not) I was eating. I was getting more rest. I was playing video games and watching videos. And some of those videos? “How to have sex better.” “How to make your partner feel better.” These videos weren’t instructions from some strange dude, who MAY have touched a woman at some point in his life. They were from women, about women…and men. I’m telling you…educate yourself. I’ll bet the sex will get better. * At the point I’m writing this “section” of the post …I don’t know for a FACT sex will get better. Call it an educational bet?


I’m convinced that IF you make an experience a bit less about yourself, and a little bit more about your partner. You’ll BOTH have a better time together. I wanted to test this “theory”. My meeting (good or bad) was now going to happen…FOR SCIENCE. LOL!


I was generally concerned with my partner’s personality. Would it be glaringly fake or inauthentic? Would she enjoy what I wanted to do, or would she just be pretending? Would she prefer Coke over Pepsi? I didn’t know this woman at all. Our communication thus far had been pleasant, but very superficial having only been by email. One way or another I would find out if we “gelled” well together, or if this was going to be a night of awkward silence…a…Four…hour…night…of awkward silence. What the fuck did I get myself into?


I emailed her a couple of days before my requested date, to confirm everything was still good, and to discuss how to send the deposit. She responded quickly, I made my deposit, and she confirmed that she would message me when she arrived at the Hotel.


She told me she was “very excited” to meet me? Excited? An interesting choice of word. I don’t think I had done or written anything to warrant “excited”, but I’ll take it. It’s a lot better than a “colder”: “OK…I will meet you later”.


I personally was getting a bit anxious and nervous about the entire thing. I’d never gotten THIS close to meeting with someone. And now, I would “theoretically” be meeting her in about 2 days. I made it a point at this moment, to take three long deep breaths to calm myself.
Our correspondence ended with her stating:
“All I ask is that you come relaxed and ready to enjoy our time together — that’s more than enough for me.”
At this point, I was thinking: HOW?! HOW am I supposed be relaxed in the final moments before I see her in person? If there’s an answer…I’m not sure if I’ll figure it out, before then. Three more long breaths, a session with my therapist, and some weed, helped me keep things in perspective.
Companionship WAS the addition. I didn’t want it to diminish my night…I wanted to enhance it. If things got…awkward, weird, or just downright boring…we could always part ways politely. I would still have my event coming up. I hope IT would diminish any negative feelings I had from a bad “appointment”.


“Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst!”


I was certainly putting the cart before the horse at this moment. Let’s just see how things would progress.


The day arrived and, on my commute, I couldn’t help thinking about what might be happening in a couple of hours. I reached my hotel room and immediately set out to get some provisions and any last-minute items I might need.


I got a txt from my “partner” about an hour till the time we were to meet. Apparently, I had somehow tripped some kind of warning in her. I did try and explain what may have happened. All our messaging was through email at this point. I had missed one, during my commute to the hotel and with the last-minute shopping I was doing, I didn’t notice a follow up txt on my phone, for a couple of hours. That, and an apparent “oddly worded” phrase was enough to make her feel uncomfortable. My deposit was returned, a few professional parting words and that was it. Nothing was going to happen.


I attended my event, but either the disappointment of a missed experience or the fact of being “old as fuck” …I just could NOT hang like I used to and left earlier than I would I have thought I would. I doubt any kind of party favors, could have kept me there longer. So, I left.


There I was in the hotel room, vaping some weed, and about ready to settle in for some porn and oils…when I just thought…” why not?”.


I, dived back onto the “internets” …quickly looked for some possibilities…found one, and texted. “I doubt I’ll get an answer right away…too last minute”. It had to be the weed, but I wasn’t as excited as you would think, when I got a notification. She was IN! What?! Really?! Bullshit!! Our appointment would happen this evening. She was clear in letting me know that I needed to check-in at a certain time, and if everything was still “OK”, I would see her not too long after that.


I stayed awake and alert…feeling the minutes pass by as check-in time approached. No worries…some music, porn, and videos helped distract me. A couple of mins before the hour hit, I texted her and tried to keep calm, while I waited for a response.
“Yes. We’re still ok for tonight”.
Ok…so really…she’ll be in the lobby in a couple of hours? Okaaaaaay. I guess we’ll see. *I’m really overusing OK here… apologies, readers.


I waited in the lobby, a couple of minutes before her arrival. Whatever I had expected, was kind of surprisingly “nudged” when I finally saw her. In such a nice way, she was not at all what I had thought she might be. Surprisingly, beautifully naïve in some ways that betrayed her youth, but also direct, easy to converse with, and knew what she wanted. She made it surprisingly easy to “let go.” I tried to feel every sensation “more” if that could be possible. I tried to reciprocate, and hoped with each movement, that I was making her feel good.
I got what “I” had wanted (maybe needed) …conversation…release. She was wonderful. We parted ways, and I soon after, fell asleep from exhaustion.


* At this point…part of me has realized, that someone could “SHERLOCK” a bunch of things, and possibly figure out “who” is “who”, and “what” is “what”. I would respectfully ask you NOT to do that. I couldn’t imagine it being a truly “easy” task to accomplish. Don’t you have better things to do with your time? Even if you did manage to find out “everything” …then keep it to yourself. Yay YOU! You did it! You figured it all out! Here’s your medal…FUCK NO!! THERE’S NO MEDAL!! HAHAHAHAHA
Look…again just keep it to yourself…if you went blabbing, on how you found all this stuff, at BEST you’ll get a couple of “COOL!” s. At WORST…you may embarrass some people, and if the people you blab to, happen to be “merbites” …who’s to say they don’t BAN YOUR ASS! Just saying. Not worth the effort to SHERLOCK. So, don’t. But watch the BBC show "SHERLOCK". It’s pretty good. CUMBER-BIATCH ROCKS!!! LOL!


The epilogue to this took me completely by surprise. My partner told me she was interested in teaching. Great profession! But sadly, sometimes a thank-less, stress inducing, way to live your life. Still…when a teacher is properly acknowledged for what they do, it can often be enough to make up for it. My heartful thanks to ALL TEACHERS everywhere!


Ironic, that my partner DID teach me. You could say she gave me a “crash course”. I learned of the subtle use of conversation. I learned how to hold back but slowly get my partner to give. I learned of gazes, glances, and touches. I learned how time feels when you’re in a “world of your own”. I learned what I REALLY wanted out of my experience. She gave me one last lesson before she passed the door and left my life. She kissed me. And looking back on it…it might have been the most “personal” thing she had given me the entire evening. Funny how that is.


On the hours back to “reality”, I went over and over the experience in my head. How it felt. How it made me feel. How, I was fortunate to “learn” from this event. One should always strive to learn “from life”. The trick is finding the “lessons” being taught.
A heartfelt thanks to my “teacher”. She was great. She affected how I look at the world. I truly hope good things for her.


I now know more about what I want…what I like…what I might be more capable of.
IF there is a next time…I have a vague idea of what I hope the evening might become.
I have a theory I want to test out. I want to “try” a role-reversal of sorts.
Whatever the results…it would be something REALLY interesting to test.


But… that is a tale for another time…
Perhaps… this will NOT be my last … post, after all. LOL


At the end, I deleted much of my correspondence not too long after I got home. Before that happened, I sent my “teacher” one last message:
“Thank you for everything. It was really nice meeting you. Have a wonderful life.”
That message got deleted along with my other correspondence. Imagine my surprise when I got a text back hours later…
“Thanks, you too ”
Maybe nice guys don’t always finish “last”. Maybe it just depends on what you think a “win” is.


Be good out there… good to yourself…good to others. There’s enough shit in the world, without having to add to it.
Take care.

 

[F117]

Sometimes, we are our own worst enemies. And once or maybe twice in a lifetime, (sorry, David Byrne) a stranger nudges or pokes at us in a good way and reminds us that all of life is not merde, but we tend to heap it on ourselves...

Being open to being nudged takes awhile. But it's worth it!