Question from a woman....

[Mtlgirl]

Hi everyone. I really don't know what category to post this in, so I apologize if I have placed it in the wrong forum.

I have been involved with marketing and design in the adult industry for almost 4 years. I am female btw. I am 28 but look younger with blond hair and blue eyes and great breasts....and during my travels to Playboy mansion parties etc, I was offered jobs working as content but never succomed because I wanted to be respected among the industry as more than just meat. basically what I am saying is that I am not a dog... In fact I have men eye me down like I am a piece of meat anywhere I go. I also am a kind and loving woman, driven and accomplished and I have a 2 year old daughter with a man I love.

I was confident that my man loved me until after his father died a couple of years ago, and he pulled away and became very detached from life and me... The strange thing was the more detached we became the more active our sex life was. Even after my daughter was born we were animals in bed. I am very open minded and love to be naughty in the bed-room. There really isnt anything he cant get from me, In fact I have offered to share our bed with other women. I am bi and every man wants a threesome. I am very sexual and if I wake up in the middle of the night, chances are I will be down between his legs waking him up with my mouth.

So understand this:

I never denied him sex
I was always open-minded
We have incredible chemistry in bed
I'm loyal
I was willing to explore other lifestyles if he was interested ie 3somes swinging etc.
He said he was 100% satisfied with me.

You are probably wondering where I am going with this and why I decided to post on merb. I know a good portion of men who frequent MP and SP are married. I assume though that a lot of you are not blessed enough to have a nympho in bed, so I can understand the desire to step outside the relationship. I in no way judge others.

I just need insight. After a year of moodiness, pulling away, not seeming to care about anything, and an excessive desire to have sex with me,... I discovered that he was frequenting stripclubs like Hilltop (and we all know it is FS) and massage parlors. it took about 6 months to really collect enough evidence to prove it, but it was a very painful discovery for me.

I also believe he might have started an affair with a waitress at Sexy Hollywood... They had a secret relationship of sorts.

The strange thing is that you would think that these places and women would make him happier, but he seemed miserable and talked a lot about driving off a cliff. It almost seems it didnt matter what the woman looked like or who she was he spent countless hours swallowed up in an obsessive search for SP's. I have spoke with some of the women who said he was shy, didnt even seem there for the sex component and just wanted to talk. But really!!! Comeon who goes to a SP to talk? thats what therapists are for.

He really seemed to clean up his act and seemed happier and I tried not to push for answers because I knew he was in turmoil. Well now some stress has picked up in his life and he is back at it, and I can see in his eyes he is devastated.

Can this be an addiction? Do men ever seek SP's out out of misery and loneliness?
I am still scratching my head on this one.

I am not on an anti escort campaign or anything. Like I said I dont judge. I just want to understand. This has been a very hard time in my life and if anyone has any thoughts on where I am to blame, what I can do to help, or could help me understand why.... I would be grateful. Thank-u so much.

 

[Ricky bonds]

That's a pretty interesting story.
In my circle.. The men that use the services of mp sp or strippers just to talk, are guys that have problems getting a girlfriend...
The others, they Use them out of lust..., obsession.., and can never get enough.( even though they have a significant other..)

 

[Mtlgirl]

Thanks for the responses. Jman, some of what you said hit home with me. You see, he is 32 did not have wild younger years from what I understand. He had long-term girlfriends and such, but even when opportunity presented itself, he was not a man to sleep around. He had friends that lived on the edge, but he was always the shy quiet guy who kept to himself. Maybe he is sewing wild oats... We have been together almost 6 years.

I think you are right about it being his escape and addiction. I find his choice in women strange. Instead of seeking the hottest girl on craigslist, he goes for more the girl next door type... And as strange as it seems I befriended a girl he used to frequent as a way to understand. He visited her at a massage parlor, took a hj the first time, and the rest of the visits involved just talking... he paid JUST to talk.... It seems like he is looking for an emotional connection and I dont understand it because he shut down to me.

I will say this. His Greek father worshiped the ground he walked on and spoiled him, and while I do give him positive attention, I think he needs to be treated like a God to feed his ego at times. Now that his dad is gone, his self-esteem is too, and I suspect these women feed his ego.

I hope he will start to open up about what is going on. If this is all fun for him, than why is he so miserable.... I am very intuitive with his energy, and this is not a happy man.

Thanks again for your thoughts.

 

[czar]

Wow Mtlgirl...I wish (hope) my wife could be so sensitive, understanding and forgiving as you. If my wife ever found out my little secret I'd be out the door. I hope your guy realizes how lucky he is.

In my case it is not for the conversation but for the excitement, fun and adventure of the experiences, with a degree of addiction.

Czar.

 

[Special K]

Is mine the only bullshit meter pinning at this time? C'mon!

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

Is mine the only bullshit meter pinning at this time? C'mon!

Sorry, pal, I'd like to help, but mine just broke. Antoine? Antonio? Antonino? Anthony?

 

[Royal]

@Special K

Meh, people in distress will seek help in the most unexpected of place, won't they... I guess she wanted to know the reasons why some of the multiple married men here seek out fun in the arms of an SP or other such pleasureable providers when they have such a wonderful wife at home... Although, her man is a bit weird to travel so far between joints, Hilltop (Vaudreuil Dorion) and Sexy Hollywood (St-Jerome)... I don't think there's even hot women there... Well, anyways, if this lady thinks her husband need an emotional connection to heal, then maybe she should take him to couple therapy and have both them develop some way for both of them to communicate. Clearly, the husband doesn't see the possible outlet in his wife, can't seem to want to talk to her, either he's ashamed or something and is affraid of being judged by her, or.... he thinks she won't understand and doesn't want to bother with her anyhow. Sorry to be so brash mtlgirl...

@ mtlgirl: goodluck in your dillema!

As for him being miserable if this is all fun, cause just like a drug, sex is a temporary fix for whatever aches him inside... he's miserable cause he doesn't have a meaningful outlet...

 

[Special K]

@ Royal

When you've been around here as long as I have and know alot of the BS that takes place you'd be suspect as well. Give it some time though.

 

[Jman47]

@ Royal

When you've been around here as long as I have and know alot of the BS that takes place you'd be suspect as well. Give it some time though.

Well, I feel so ...used...LOL.

SK,

I hope you are wrong...needless I deleted my posts. If he is wrong and Mtlgirl is real...then Mtlgirl you have read my replies and best of luck.

However, if you are right SK and some sick little shit has that kind of time on his hands...that's just sad.

Either way...have fun,

Jman

 

[PMikey]

Based on what you have said, it doesn't sound like he's dissatisfied with YOU.

It sounds like he is suffering from depression and disatisfied with his life so he's doing all of these things to find something to fill the void he feels inside.

The irony is there's a good chance that doing all of these things can make him even more depressed; especially if this puts strain on his/your finances. That's just another layer of problem to add to his place.

I've been a similar situation.
Since going through this myself, I only frequent MP/SPs when I am not in a "bad place" (although I'm not always successful at this).

It's obvious that he doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about his problem(s). Either he doesn't want to burden you or he doesn't want to seem "less" in your eyes for being "weak".

I think convinving him to see the OTHER kind of professional (a psychiatrist/psychologist) to talk through his problems. It's just as expensive as the MP/SPs he's seeing but they might actually be more able to help him emotionally than physically.

PS: After reading other people's responses, I see I have added nothing new here.

 

[Mtlgirl]

Thanks everyone. I am real, although I wish this wasnt my story. I am not as understanding as you might expect. You see I do think about leaving. Its difficult to walk away with so much invested. I am too compassionate and I want to know that he is ok. If he were happy and just doing this for recreation, fine. He obviously wasnt ready for our commitment. But I guess I am a bit more empathetic because of his pain.

He travels between such locations because he is a delivery driver and travels from Trois Riviere to Ontario....

I am not sure why this has your BS radar on. If you pm me I will prove I am legit... Please dont slam me down because of the clowns out there.

It has been difficult to live without answers.... to suffer in silence. This was not what I signed up for with him, and I dont understand where I lack or how he justifies this to himself. I thought if I could pick the brains of those who have no reason to tell me what I want to hear I might get some insight. Thats it. I am not here to stir up shit.

 

[gambler]

I'm not a professional mental health person. So, some guys have a problem being with a girl they really care for as I did . If I really respect of desied her I couldnt go to bed with her for some reason, and when I finally did itwas very painful. I heard it called the Madona complex.

Also you seem to be co-dependant. Some guys relly believe it isnt possable to have a healthy relationship-which is not true

i know its bad news. MAYBE

 

[Roadtripr]

Mtlgirl,

This is an unusual health question.

I am not a mental health pro either, but it sounds fairly obvious from your description that your guy is craving ATTENTION rather than actually seeking sex. The sex is a just by-product of receiving of attention. Sex is the ultimate circumstance for capturing another person's undivided attention for that period of time. Unless of course, she's just watching the paint peel off the ceiling.

It is possible that the increase in sexual activity with you is his way trying to get more attention from you?

It sounds like he is seeking this attention from other sources. If you are guy in MTL where can a guy get a woman's attention without even trying? Strip Club, of course.

If the death of his father coincided with the birth of your daughter, all of a sudden he has lost the attention from both his father and your "exclusive" attention at same time. Was he a "needy" type of guy before this change? That may be a hint.

Also. Talk about "driving off a cliff". Suicidal talk is commonly thought of as a "cry for attention".

Again, I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV. Just reading between the lines of your post.

Guys are not complex. They want to eat, sleep, and get laid. Well, most guys.

Good Luck.