Survey - Is Hobbying Cheating?

[English_Dude]

Having found the last survey interesting I though it time to post my own little survey....

Is our Hobby considered Cheating (on your spouse, not on your own hand)?

1) Absolutely, there is no question.
2) Probably but I can somehow justify it as not being.
3) Not to me but it would be to her. (I plead the Clinton Clause).
4) Absolutely NOT.

 

[Mod 11]

• Poll added
• Moved to the lounge since the question is about hobbying and isn't a review.

 

[master_bates]

Absolutely

The only way it wouldnt be cheating is if she knew about it and was ok with it

 

[Mike Mercury]

Maybe it is. Maybe it isn`t. It`s a grey area.

 

[Ten Steps]

well, if you're in a relationship, like you've stipulated, then yes obviously its cheating. pretty dumb question lol. so you got caught?

 

[Koenig]

It's so definitely cheating that if it were only a little bit more cheating, it would wrap around and become legit.

 

[English_Dude]

For all of you that are worried about a fellow hobiest getting caught I can assure you that this is not the case... I have not been caught and hope not too in the future.

If any of us do happen to get caught I hope that they will share the excuse they used so that we can all laugh our ass off just like the wife will do.

Let me share a story with you ... I hail from Ontario (southwestern Ontario). I came to Montreal on business several times and was enthralled and captivated by the beauty of women here. Time would have me fall head over heals in love with my now current wife. Of course, the ex was unaware of anything going on outside the marriage. (at this point I sincerely hope none of you call me as a cheating prick based on the survey results).

Anyway, the ex checks my cell phone voicemail one night, (ya ya In know, how the F&^k did she know your password you idiot). She hears the message and the tail end of it says "I love you". Soooooo .. my mind goes to work ... how to explain that one. My answers .... it is Quebec and they are French, everyone says "I love you to everyone else there". She friggin buys it. She does however turn in Kojak and it is only a matter of time before the hammer falls.

Moral of the story .... if ya get caught admit it, beg for mercy and spend the next 6 months thinking of better ways to beg for mercy and to help relieve the stress go for a massage.

 

[Mike Mercury]

For anybody who is married and thinks it isn't cheating then i suggest you share it with your better half

You share it with your better half. Then tell us.
I think that it will make no difference whether you tell her you thought it was cheating or not. All you did was hurt her.

 

[Jman47]

For all of you that are worried about a fellow hobiest getting caught I can assure you that this is not the case... I have not been caught and hope not too in the future.

If any of us do happen to get caught I hope that they will share the excuse they used so that we can all laugh our ass off just like the wife will do.

Let me share a story with you ... I hail from Ontario (southwestern Ontario). I came to Montreal on business several times and was enthralled and captivated by the beauty of women here. Time would have me fall head over heals in love with my now current wife. Of course, the ex was unaware of anything going on outside the marriage. (at this point I sincerely hope none of you call me as a cheating prick based on the survey results).

Anyway, the ex checks my cell phone voicemail one night, (ya ya In know, how the F&^k did she know your password you idiot). She hears the message and the tail end of it says "I love you". Soooooo .. my mind goes to work ... how to explain that one. My answers .... it is Quebec and they are French, everyone says "I love you to everyone else there". She friggin buys it. She does however turn in Kojak and it is only a matter of time before the hammer falls.

Moral of the story .... if ya get caught admit it, beg for mercy and spend the next 6 months thinking of better ways to beg for mercy and to help relieve the stress go for a massage.

Admit it...and begging for mercy, for only 6 months, man you are good! LOL
Me, I would rather keep it QT and under the covers...discretion is the ONLY way to go...period.

 

[Lily-Rose]

My answers .... it is Quebec and they are French, everyone says "I love you to everyone else there".

That one is too funny!!!

 

[Mike Mercury]

...discretion is the ONLY way to go...period.

Discretion is the better part of valour.

 

[Ariane Valmont]

A woman's perspective...

Of course it's cheating.

That being said...

I think that seeing escorts is not as bad as having an affair because it is purely sexual. If you have a mistress, sooner or later, feelings will get involved and to me, cheating on your partner emotionally is a lot worst than cheating physically.

Also, I believe that your own well being and sanity comes before any relationship. Being fulfilled sexually is essential to happiness and unfortunately, a lot of people (men and women) are not satisfied with their partner. They have two choices: either they leave or they try to find sexual gratification elsewhere. It goes without saying that on a strictly moral point of view, the best thing would be to leave. But most of the time, things are not so simple and leaving implies a lot of obstacles and heartache.

Of course, this is the opinion of an escort. It's probably not representative of what most women think.

 

[hormone]

To me it is an obvious yes, no second thoughts about it. This is why I would actually be more interested in hearing from the few who ansered a variation of NO... I wonder how you guys perceive it!

 

[hungry101]

Of course it's cheating.

That being said...

I think that seeing escorts is not as bad as having an affair because it is purely sexual. If you have a mistress, sooner or later, feelings will get involved and to me, cheating on your partner emotionally is a lot worst than cheating physically.

Now wait a second Ariane. I have fallin in love with every Montreal escort I have ever seen.
The good news is that it ends when she walks out the door. No...on second thought, my love lives on in my reviews and the beautiful memories in my mind.

To me an escort is absolutely not cheating but trying to convince a judge is another matter.

 

[Ariane Valmont]

Now wait a second Ariane. I have fallin in love with every Montreal escort I have ever seen.
The good news is that it ends when she walsk out the door. No...on second thought, my love lives on in my reviews and the beautiful momories in my mind.

You may have "fell in love" with SPs for the few hours you were with them but you are supposed to be aware (and I'm sure you are) that once the rendezvous is over, you both return to your everyday life with absolutely no strings attached. Actually, that is the beauty of this business : you spend time with a charming woman, have amazing sex with her and once it is over, you can just leave without owing her anything (exact for her rates! hihi), without having any sense of guilt eventhough you might never call her back and without being worried that she will want anything more from you. So an SP is not a threat to anyone's relationship because in most cases, there are of course exceptions, both parties are happy with the NSA arrangement.

When you have a mistress, eventhough she says at first that she is perfectly fine with a strictly sexual relationship, chances are that she will eventually expect more.

 

[Jman47]

One man's opinion...

Of course it's cheating.

That being said...

I think that seeing escorts is not as bad as having an affair because it is purely sexual. If you have a mistress, sooner or later, feelings will get involved and to me, cheating on your partner emotionally is a lot worst than cheating physically.

Also, I believe that your own well being and sanity comes before any relationship. Being fulfilled sexually is essential to happiness and unfortunately, a lot of people (men and women) are not satisfied with their partner. They have two choices: either they leave or they try to find sexual gratification elsewhere. It goes without saying that on a strictly moral point of view, the best thing would be to leave. But most of the time, things are not so simple and leaving implies a lot of obstacles and heartache.

Of course, this is the opinion of an escort. It's probably not representative of what most women think.

Ok, first blush at this subject and I was ready to post once and then move on.
But leave it to a woman and her perspective to get a man to speak up...
Hello Ariane.
Thank you for expressing you opinion. You have caused me to think about this a little more.

The fun loving side of me says...
While I am in Quebec and I have sex, I do not have it in English, I have it in French.
While I am at back in US, I have obviously have sex in English.
Must not be cheating if it is in a different language. Right?...LOL

Seriously though...
Based in religious belief and the opinion of the moral majority, sure it is cheating. The decision on whether we are ok with it is up to each one of us.
I see how any if us (as people) can justify any behavior (in their mind) to make themselves feel better and have it feel right.
It is funny how we as humans can find a way to do that (about almost anything). Not that it is bad because I believe it is the basis (coupled with our personal values) for the justification of every decision we make. We have to feel good about what we do after we decide to do. In all cases, it is a personal choice to decide whether something is right or wrong / good or bad. Then we each live with our decisions.

It is how society views the behavior that makes it proper or improper in the minds of the majority...thus the need for total discretion. Obviously those of us discussing it here are ok with it for any number of reasons.

Relative to a woman being upset more over emotional than sexual cheating - in my opinion it does not matter. She will be upset.,,,period

I believe that you are absolutely correct when you say each of our own well being, sanity, and stability is much more important than any relationship. Being sexually fulfilled is important...but so is being intellectually and emotionally fulfilled. As humans we are social creatures by nature (some more than others, but we are all social) - we need interaction with others. Interpersonal relationships with everyone we meet are different. Some are more important and meaningful than others. The sum of all realtionships held by any one person and what we learn from each of them is what makes us each unique and whole.

Ok and on your other comment...
You are right that there should always be NSA...period. The difference with the mistress is she eventually wants to compete with the wife for the prize...bad thing to have happen.

So much for the man of few words.

 

[Mike Mercury]

To me it is an obvious yes, no second thoughts about it. This is why I would actually be more interested in hearing from the few who ansered a variation of NO... I wonder how you guys perceive it!

People lie & hide what they feel all the time. Don`t say that you don`t because that would be a lie. Is that cheating?

Then again you may have quaint little religiously based ideas about the sanctity of holy matrimony.
Adultery is NOT against the law.
You don`t need any grounds for divorce apart from saying that you have differences.

So when I`m not telling her about what I do she`s not telling about something else.
It cancels out. Her space. My space.
I`m not half of something and she`s not half either. We are two whole people. We don`t need to be into each others things 100% of the time.

 

[Ariane Valmont]

jman47, interesting reply to my post.

I have to agree with you : if you're a woman and learn that your partner has cheated on you, you're going to be angry and hurt whatever the context and reasons were. My point of view was a rationnal analysis of a situation. When feelings are involved, logic often disappear.

But as you said yourself, forgiveness would probably come easier if there was only sex involved. That's how I would react anyway.

We need to be fulfilled sexually, intellectually and emotionally, that goes without saying. ... I mentionned the sexual aspect only because it seems to be the most common issue for men in relationships. I could understand why someone wouldn't want to throw everything away because of his sexual needs but if you're also deprived of an intellectual and emotional connection, the solution is not to cheat, you have the rethink the whole point of your relationship! If you are happy with your partner but simply need more intellectual and emotional stimulation, you can certainly achieve that without sleeping with another woman. ... Which means that sexual gratification is without a doubt the strongest motivation to have an affair.

 

[Jman47]

Well..

I mentionned the sexual aspect only because it seems to be the most common issue for men in relationships. I could understand why someone wouldn't want to throw everything away because of his sexual needs but if you're also deprived of an intellectual and emotional connection, the solution is not to cheat, you have the rethink the whole point of your relationship! If you are happy with your partner but simply need more intellectual and emotional stimulation, you can certainly achieve that without sleeping with another woman. ... Which means that sexual gratification is without a doubt the strongest motivation to have an affair.

Well Ariane, I would ask you to consider this...perhaps that (sex is the reason) is what most men say for a couple of reasons.
First, they are there to have sex.
Second, many men are not able to either connect with the real reason; admit the real reason or do not understand the real reason therefor they say it is sex.
It is no secret that we men often have a hard time being in touch with our feelings.

As for what to do when you are deprived of any part of one or all three of the items (or perhaps a part of each) in question...without getting too personal or deep I would just say that is an individual decision that has many, many factors to consider...

 

[rollingstone]

The real question I would like to hear the answer to is from SPs who work while in relationships. If their significant other slept with someone else, is that cheating or par for the course? Does it matter if the affair was a casual encounter or paid for?