Survey - Is Hobbying Cheating?

[Ariane Valmont]

Well Ariane, I would ask you to consider this...perhaps that (sex is the reason) is what most men say for a couple of reasons.
First, they are there to have sex.
Second, many men are not able to either connect with the real reason; admit the real reason or do not understand the real reason therefor they say it is sex.
It is no secret that we men often have a hard time being in touch with our feelings.

You are absolutely right.

But I think it's true in most cases: when you ask someone the reasons behind their choices, only a few will give you a well-thought, truthful and deep answer. People don't bother analyzing who they are. Which I think is unfortunate because if they did, there would be more decency and kindness in this world. You need to question yourself and your actions in order to grow as a human being.

As for being deprived... I can't even begin to understand why someone would want to stay in a relationship where they are unsatisfied on numerous levels. Sex, you can always find elsewhere. But if you don't even have an intellectual and emotional connection, what else is left except misery??

The real question I would like to hear the answer to is from SPs who work while in relationships. If their significant other slept with someone else, is that cheating or par for the course? Does it matter if the affair was a casual encounter or paid for?

I think it all depends on what was agreed by both partners.

Being faithful means being true to your word. You can have sex with different people and still be faithful if you are in an open relationship.

 

[Jman47]

You are absolutely right.

But I think it's true in most cases: when you ask someone the reasons behind their choices, only a few will give you a well-thought, truthful and deep answer. People don't bother analyzing who they are. Which I think is unfortunate because if they did, there would be more decency and kindness in this world. You need to question yourself and your actions in order to grow as a human being.

Ariane, you are so very right, the world needs more decency, kindness and...genuine people...Merci.

As for being deprived... I can't even begin to understand why someone would want to stay in a relationship where they are unsatisfied on numerous levels. Sex, you can always find elsewhere. But if you don't even have an intellectual and emotional connection, what else is left except misery??

Well, may I refer back to my earlier statement, not as a justification nor as an answer...just a thought...

"As humans we are social creatures by nature (some more than others, but we are all social) - we need interaction with others. Interpersonal relationships with everyone we meet are different. Some are more important and meaningful than others. The sum of all realtionships held by any one person and what we learn from each of them is what makes us each unique and whole."

 

[Ariane Valmont]

Well, may I refer back to my earlier statement, not as a justification nor as an answer...just a thought...

"As humans we are social creatures by nature (some more than others, but we are all social) - we need interaction with others. Interpersonal relationships with everyone we meet are different. Some are more important and meaningful than others. The sum of all realtionships held by any one person and what we learn from each of them is what makes us each unique and whole."

I understand that you get different connections with different people and all of them can be enriching.

That being said, I would think you would want to share a special bond (which to me includes emotional and intellectual gratification) with the person you choose to share your life with. But maybe I'm too much of a romantic.

 

[Jman47]

I understand that you get different connections with different people and all of them can be enriching.

That being said, I would think you would want to share a special bond (which to me includes emotional and intellectual gratification) with the person you choose to share your life with. But maybe I'm too much of a romantic.

You are indeed a romantic...and I believe it takes one to know one, but sometimes life happnes...

 

[Merlot]

Maybe it is. Maybe it isn`t. It`s a grey area.

ROFLMAO,

"It's a grey area"...lol. Let me define "grey area" for you...she doesn't know about it. You married guys are so darn cute. Having a poll itself looking for help to rationalize screwing young ladies, for whatever reason, to create some I-want-to-bang-escorts support group to feel less guilty shows awareness of a wrong. "Grey area". Tell yourselves what makes you feel better but, if she finds out and shoots you in the head........grey area gone.

People lie & hide what they feel all the time. Don`t say that you don`t because that would be a lie. Is that cheating?

Then again you may have quaint little religiously based ideas about the sanctity of holy matrimony.
Adultery is NOT against the law.
You don`t need any grounds for divorce apart from saying that you have differences.

So when I`m not telling her about what I do she`s not telling about something else.
It cancels out. Her space. My space.
I`m not half of something and she`s not half either. We are two whole people. We don`t need to be into each others things 100% of the time.

You use the word "lie" and don't think that indicates any kind of cheating. Then you use the old...if we are both deceiving each other any possible cheating "cancels out", because you're on even terms I suppose. So living in a state of lies eliminates ethics, morals, and thus the concern over cheating. lol. What convoluted rationalizing. You must have been the one who suggested that President Clinton use the "that depends on what is is" argument gambit.

Even if one is not religious or if "adultery is not against the law" there is still a little matter of the value of your own word. Promising and vowing to be with only your wife is the point that decides whether it's cheating or not. That is unless your word as an adult was never any good...or...you were 12 when you said it. If you made a pledge and broke it...it's cheating. If you haven't told her the marriage is over first, it's cheating.

Guys, why bother with this question anyway. If 99% of us say it's cheating you will still do it. So there is no need for delusion or hypocrisy when the answer here will change nothing.

Duck and cover,

Merlot

 

[Techman]

I agree with Merlot but why not flip the question around?

If your wife or girlfriend is working as an escort and you don't know about it, is it cheating?

 

[naughtylady]

The only way hobbying is not cheating is when the gent is single (yes girlfriends count, you do not have to be married to cheat) or if the wife/girlfriend is aware of their partner`s hobbying activities.

If you are lying to her, either directly or by omission, then it is cheating.

Is cheating always a bad thing? Who am I to judge? Ask you conscience!

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

 

[Lily-Rose]

Difficult to say...

It could also be: Je t'aime beaucoup! which does not have the same significance as Je t'aime.

 

[Kronos]

Difficult to say...

It could also be: Je t'aime beaucoup! which does not have the same significance as Je t'aime.

Lillt,

Please explain on the difference that you see between the two. I am interested to know.

 

[Lily-Rose]

Bonjour Kronos,

One simple way of explaining the difference that I see is:

Children or friends say: Je t'aime beaucoup!

Couples say: Je t'aime!

But it's only my perception.

 

[Sprint]

Boy oh boy... when I know you guys better I'll share my own sordid tales.

What I mean is...uh....stuff I heard from other people.

Not me.

No sir.

Funny, as easily as we describe every detail of an SP encounter, the firewall between us and our marriages is a bit harder to break down. Affairs, escorts, excuses, getting caught, apologies and divorces - it would be an interesting thread.

 

[Jman47]

Boy oh boy... when I know you guys better I'll share my own sordid tales.

What I mean is...uh....stuff I heard from other people.

Not me.

No sir.

Funny, as easily as we describe every detail of an SP encounter, the firewall between us and our marriages is a bit harder to break down. Affairs, escorts, excuses, getting caught, apologies and divorces - it would be an interesting thread.

So Sprint...you are among friends...no one here is gonna tell...
You are right though my friend, about the stories and the firewall...share with extreme discretion.

 

[daydreamer41]

The only way hobbying is not cheating is when the gent is single (yes girlfriends count, you do not have to be married to cheat) or if the wife/girlfriend is aware of their partner`s hobbying activities.

If you are lying to her, either directly or by omission, then it is cheating.

Is cheating always a bad thing? Who am I to judge? Ask you conscience!

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

I have always been single when I have hobbied. I would have a hard time hobbying while in a relationship or married. I am a very bad liar.

Unless you make so much money you can hide money to cheat how do married men do it?

I have heard from SP's that the majority of the men who see them are married.

It would take some special aco****ing to hide the money you make unless you have a business, are a salesman and get commission checks. Plus, with debit cards and credit cards, the wife could see what goes in and out of your accounts. Unless you have a hidden account?

 

[Jman47]

I have always been single when I have hobbied. I would have a hard time hobbying while in a relationship or married. I am a very bad liar.

Unless you make so much money you can hide money to cheat how do married men do it?

I have heard from SP's that the majority of the men who see them are married.

It would take some special aco****ing to hide the money you make unless you have a business, are a salesman and get commission checks. Plus, with debit cards and credit cards, the wife could see what goes in and out of your accounts. Unless you have a hidden account?

You don't have to be a good liar, you have to be able to keep a secret...to yourself and maybe a very trusted friend. And you must know how to be very discreet...

As for the money - if you control the purse, there are no worries...

 

[naughtylady]

I have always been single when I have hobbied. I would have a hard time hobbying while in a relationship or married. I am a very bad liar.

Unless you make so much money you can hide money to cheat how do married men do it?

I have heard from SP's that the majority of the men who see them are married.

It would take some special aco****ing to hide the money you make unless you have a business, are a salesman and get commission checks. Plus, with debit cards and credit cards, the wife could see what goes in and out of your accounts. Unless you have a hidden account?

Studies show that it is about 50%.

I used to think it was more also until I did my own research.

As for the money, just withdraw extra cash every time you pop by the grocery store. (or where ever you shop)

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

 

[Lily-Rose]

Entéka, la langue française, ça fait bander comme nulle autre ...

Je suis d'accord avec toi. La langue française est complexe mais ô combien sexy! Mais... ne nous éloignons pas du sujet...Is hobbying cheating?

 

[pat98]

Is hobbying cheating?

Of Course It is !
I mean for everyone involved in a couple or married

J'ai vraiment bien ri en lisant les premières pages...
"Mais non ce n'est pas vraiment tricher car c'est juste purement sexuel.. pas d'émotions !"

Ah oui le meilleur :
"C'est comme voir un sexologue ou faire de la thérapie de couple !"

Désolé mais là j'ai vraiment rigolé un bon coup ... Ouf ça se peut pas autant de mauvaise foi !

 

[pat98]

Oui la question n'est pas claire !

Cela aurait été bien plus clair avec :
Est-ce que le "Hobbying" est de la triche lorsqu'on est en couple/marié/engagé/etc...

Je suppose que c'était comme implicite ... mais bon, c'est mon 2 cents !

 

[Dauphin]

1) It's not cheating if it derives from a prior mutual and consensual arrangement with our life partner.
2) If there is no arrangement, it is cheating, and fairly risky though much better than having a mistress.
3) The ideal situation for a true hobbyist is to be single. Period.

 

[Dauphin]

And all I've read here to date on the subject turns out to be a fascinating exchange !