'You carry this shame': Former Montreal prostitute shares her story

[somethingelse]

CTV Montreal
Published Friday, February 12, 2016

Valerie was 16-years-old when she started turning tricks. For two years, she sold her body, separating her real self from her working persona.

Full story:
http://montreal.ctvnews.ca/you-carr...ontreal-prostitute-shares-her-story-1.2776196

 

[2458p]

Thanks a million for sharing this with all of us.

" “Even if you get out of it fine, it doesn't mean you're going to sleep well." "

Powerful. I remember asking my ATF, the day of her retirement, if she had any psychological trauma related to the year spent as an escort. She told me no, but deep down I told myself that the trauma might come later during her life (sadly). That's why I'm scared for her, I'm scared that the year spent at the brothel will F her up, even if she is a very strong young lady. Gosh. The possibility that she might be broken psychologically totally destroy my soul. And it makes me mad.

This is why, gentlemen, it's our duty to treat these girls with all the respect in the world. They are the most courageous women on this damn planet.

 

[RobinX]

Part of the problem is the stigma that society attaches to sex work, as discussed in this thread: Study finds stigma is the worst barrier for sex workers leaving the industry. If society thinks what you do is bad, dirty, repulsive, etc, it is only natural that you will internalize those beliefs:

"Former sex workers feel compelled to keep secrets, which makes accessing resources, education and job opportunities more difficult."

"It's so brutal. I'm always checking my words; If people ever were to find out about you, everything you have is gone."

"The stigma is pervasive throughout society, It's everywhere, I guess we like oppressing people, or maybe we gain some personal value or elevate ourselves by devaluing somebody else."

 

[josie1987]

She should not be ashamed.
In the end, it was her decision.
She wanted cash.
Lots of it.
She choose to sell her body for that reason.
That was her job.
She quit when she was tired of it.
Doing a job just for the cash is something a lot of us do.
Again, she should not be ashamed.
It seemed like the right thing for her to do at the time up until she changed her mind.
She is not an imbecile nor an infant.
Many people do things they regret.
Prostitution always existed and that is not about to change.

 

[2458p]

No one should be forced into or out of sex work.

Maybe but I think the point she wants to make is that a lot of women get lost in that lifestyle and doesn't know how to get out of it or how to ask for help so that they can get out of it, therefore these "rescue groups" are very important.

And I am a client as much as you are and I'm not judging anybody, but I'm pretty sure women who actually enjoy being sex workers are a minority. Many are ok with doing it and it doesn't have an impact on their "regular life" but to say that they enjoy it is a stretch. Just sayin'.

 

[josie1987]

Maybe but I think the point she wants to make is that a lot of women get lost in that lifestyle and doesn't know how to get out of it or how to ask for help so that they can get out of it, therefore these "rescue groups" are very important.

And I am a client as much as you are and I'm not judging anybody, but I'm pretty sure women who actually enjoy being sex workers are a minority. Many are ok with doing it and it doesn't have an impact on their "regular life" but to say that they enjoy it is a stretch.
Just sayin'.

Many people don't enjoy their jobs. They do it mostly or only for the money. Am I wrong?

Maybe she wasn't enjoying it. But she choose to do it. For lots of cash.

It think it's great that there are organizations out there that support the women who work in the sextrade or the ones that opted out and need help.

 

[josie1987]

I hope one day she'll be able to overcome those feelings of shame and do something she truly loves.

 

[wilbur]

Many people don't enjoy their jobs. They do it mostly or only for the money. Am I wrong?

You are right. A majority of people don't like their jobs, for various reasons. For prostitutes, it could be because they have to face, every day, people who don't have the best bodily looks, or hygiene issues. But what about personal care attendants and practical nurses that spend their days wiping body orifices... is that pleasant? I should think not, especially when dealing with the smell. But some people do find satisfaction in it, because they like helping people, even if it's only at 13$ an hour. Chosing between that and prostitution at $120 an hour, many may be tempted doing prostitution, given their bodily attributes. Some prositututes are indeed empathic: they like pleasing people. Bottom line though: everybody deserves respect.

 

[jalimon]

Just legalize prostitution and slowly over 5-10 years this "shame" will disapear. Girls who were major and decided to work as escort will be able to openly talk about it just like I talk about how I was a Barman at various club in my youth to pay for university. Like Wilbur just mentionned above, down the road it's just a service and should be handled respectfully

 

[tiannas]

Just legalize prostitution and slowly over 5-10 years this "shame" will disapear. Girls who were major and decided to work as escort will be able to openly talk about it...

I don't think legalization would do much to change the stigma. Think of exotic dancing, which is legal. I was a dancer for many years but I hid that from most of the world. I did not feel comfortable telling my parents and even some of my close friends. I certainly couldn't let my regular employer find out. Legal or not, society expects that all sex work should be shameful.

 

[jalimon]

I don't think legalization would do much to change the stigma. Think of exotic dancing, which is legal. I was a dancer for many years but I hid that from most of the world. I did not feel comfortable telling my parents and even some of my close friends. I certainly couldn't let my regular employer find out. Legal or not, society expects that all sex work should be shameful.

It would take quite a few years. I travel to Europe 4-5 times a year for my work since 15 years now. I have worked with colleagues there that openly talk about it numerous times. One of my client (a former dancer) now leads a department in a large pharma. There is definately less stigma about it down there.

 

[gugu]

Valerie was 16-years-old when she started turning tricks. For two years, she sold her body, separating her real self from her working persona.

Brought to you by la CLES where all lazy journalists call when they want the bring tears in the eyes of their readers.

The most amazing thing about la CLES is that no organization in Montreal has contributed more to the stigmatization of sex workers. They spead an image of sexworkers as being weak, beaten up, exploited. manipulated, young, victims of child sexual abuse. Talk about stigma.

But that's not enough. They have concocted a pseudo therapy in which step one is realizing just how bad you were exploited. You guys really think Valerie has benefitted form that? She may not have though of herself as being exploited when she knocked at la CLES's door, but she sure believes it now. That's part of the stigma process: see yourself as marginalized

I agree with Tianna, legalization (decrim) will not change the stigma. Policies don't dictate who should be stigmatized. The population does. The stigma will never disappear entirely. Sex workers are real competitors in the market of sex, seen as intruders by the other actors in the market: men and women in general. Also some sex workers as citizens, on the other side of the fence, do themselves think of prostitution as some sort of an evil. Legalization or decriminalisation is about security and human rights. Stigma will stay.

There's nothing to make a big drama however. This is not a leathal stigma. Most people don't know anything about sex work. It's very far in their preoccupations. Most stick to a stict principal: people should drive their existence the way they want.