Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 36

Thread: How would you have handled this situation?

  1. #1
    VIP-9 Coming This Fall lgna69xxx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008

    How would you have handled this situation?

    A close and very popular SP friend of mine reached out to me recently about a situation she had come up while out on a dinner date with a client. She was asking my advice and thoughts about it and I suggested a thread to hear how others felt on the matter besides just mine. She does not post on Merb other than to advertise and agreed for me to post about this and she welcomes everyones opinions, thoughts and advice on her situation about how you would have handled it. I won't name the lady so I kindly ask you to please respect her privacy and do not ask.

    So here is what happened, my sp friend was out on a sp/client dinner date at a local restaurant and she was approached by a gf (who has no idea she is a sp) and as the gf was talking she used my friends real name, real address, talked about family and other things that my friend would have never talked about with a client and of course the client heard all of this. My friend could not stop her gf from talking because afterall she was on a "date" and her gf might have thought it was weird if she did not act normal in that situation and remember the gf has NO IDEA that her friend is a sp. My friend was very upset and excused herself to the restroom (after the gf left her table) to get herself together and to regain her composure. She felt so bad she just wanted to end the date but being a professional, she decided to return and continue.

    What came next in my opinion was completely wrong and goes against protocol of being a "client" in this business. The guy started using the sp's real name to address her and did so the rest of the evening. He also asked questions about personal things in her life that he overheard and she was very uncomfortable and asked him to stop but he didn't so she sped up the date as much as she could. She just wanted to get out of there and back to the hotel so she had some kind of privacy and not be around a lot of people and remember she was really upset as she is a very private person and discretion is always expected. Being the professional she is and the total sweetheart she is, she did not want to ruin the clients evening since he had it planned for some time so she stayed until the service was complete then left an hour early. She is very popular so it was not about the money but like I said she is a sweetheart and has a huge heart. And for the record, if the client was not talking about her private stuff and using her real name she would have had no problem to continue the date as planned but the fact he did not respect her privacy really upset her. It was not his fault he heard the things he did but that is where it should have stopped.

    Her questions are:

    1. Should she have left the restaurant immediately and cancelled the date then or did she make the good decision to stay even tho she was NOT happy with the way the client handled the situation?

    2. Was it ok for him to talk about what he heard and to call her by her real name?

    3. Ladies, has this ever happened to you and how did you react? or how do you think you would handle it if this does happen at some point in the future?

    4. Guys, have you ever had a friend/friends come up to you on a date with a sp when out in public? How did or would you handle it?

    Thoughts and opinions are welcome because she is still very confused about the whole situation and wonders what to do if this ever happens again and under those same circumstances of how a client might invade her personal and/or private space.

    I have my own opinions about this which I have shared with her and lets just say she is a better person than I for staying and continuing the "date" because I would have been out of there quicker than roadrunner running from Wile E. Coyote if someone broke the "code of conduct" in this business regarding discretion and used info that he had no business doing so, whether he heard it by accident or not. It was blatant disrespect in my mind.

    VIP-9 Fall 2016 but first XO-1 The Loft Party!

  2. #2
    this is a slippery slope.

    since she asked the client to stop and he didn't comply, she should have end the date right there and leave and tell the client that if he ever do it again that its done, no more seeing her. one has to put boundaries. she should have put her foot down.

    as for talking about stuff he heard, only do so if the lady is ok with it. she wasn't so he should have shut up and forget about it. the only thing he should have done is to use her real name when her friend was there and push her friend away so they could have continue the date. that's the only time where it'd be acceptable. you know, playing along/pretending just to shush the friend out

  3. #3
    I never would have thought of that being the danger on a public date. Some awkwardness if there is an obvious age difference sure and other awkwardness.

    If it were me, I'd probably make a joke about "So your real name is XYZ" followed by a "you're deceptive" in a Ralph Wiggam from the Simpsons voice and just kill the awkwardness with a laugh and continue on as nothing happened. Sometimes the best way to deal with that elephant in the room is to feed it a peanut and then ignore it.

    Her leaving to go to the bathroom to compose herself and then asking him to stop and him not stopping would be reason enough to end a date.
    General rule I think any female should have for dates paid by cash or barter is this.
    If he won't accept a no when you are out in public you have to ask yourself if he will accept a no in private. Maybe so maybe not but a maybe isn't worth the risk.

    One could excuse his using the real name and information to continue the conversation. After all the cat is out of the bag, the gig is up, it's over rock. So in such a case I can understand it. Also it can be awkward to have a conversation with someone who isn't well fully there and I'd guess he was happy the girlfriend broke the ice. However no mean no. How does anyone over the age of 3 not understand that.

    He should have accepted that no means no
    She should have been more willing to stand up for herself and demand respect.

    As for the code of conduct. Different ladies have different standards. I've had strippers give me their real job business cards. That is were we use our words and where we listen when words are used.

  4. #4
    ah yes, being witty/smart ass. obviously, the guy was lacking it

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by themonk83 View Post
    ah yes, being witty/smart ass. obviously, the guy was lacking it
    He has the money to pay an escort for an extended date and non coitus activity. with that sort of spare cash he shouldn't have to pay for it. I think his lacking in social skills can be assumed. Although hell I'm not that bad. You can get more obvious of a social cue than someone saying "stop that" or my fav.

  6. #6
    If a similar situation happens again to her, she should be more proactive from the start with her girlfriend.
    She should interrupt her friend, for example ask her to go to the ladies room with her or something like that. She could invent that she is on a blind date organised by a mutual friend or someone she met on the internet. She is on the defensive, not certain it will work with the guy, just gave a fake name and doesn't give personnal details in case she doesn't want to follow up with him.

  7. #7
    1) No...she did the right (and professional) thing by staying immediately after. But after warning him against using her name, etc and him not listening, she probably should have bailed.

    2) Er....hell no! The client should have known better and ignored any personal info he heard, instead of inquiring about it more. Again, it'd be sort of excusable if he stopped right after the SP said she was uncomfortable with him doing that. But instead he persisted anyways (douchebag ).

    3 & 4) N/A

    But I gotta say: what's up with the SP's girlfriend interrupting a date, and having this huge conversation, bringing up all her personal info, etc.? As far as she knows, she's on a date...just say hi and leave the two alone. She (the SP's friend) definitely deserves some blame in this situation too.

  8. #8
    Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2004
    1). Ce n'est pas la faute du client si l'amie de sa compagne d'un soir s'est pointée à leur table
    2) une fois qu'il a appris le vrai prénom, je ne vois pas ce que ça change qu'il l'appelle par son vrai prénom ou non. De toute façon, il le connaît maintenant
    3) si le client a appris des choses personnelles, et qu'il continue d'en discuter malgré qu'elle lui demande de ne pas en parler, c'est un manque de classe et de respect
    4) A sa place, je serais surtout inquiet que le client connaisse son adresse, si cette information précise a été divulguée par la gf.
    5) Si elle ne se sentait plus confortable et d'humeur à continuer, elle aurait dû rembourser le client et mettre fin à la rencontre

    Je crois que cette fille est effectivement une dame de grande classe et elle devrait peut être refuser les dinner date afin de ne plus se retrouver dans ce genre de situation que je devine très perturbant pour elle.


  9. #9
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    The client should have had better judgement in respecting the SPs privacy and not dig any deeper than what he heard. I've had SPs tell me their real name by mistake but it was not something I focused on.

    The SP was very professional in the way she acted after the incident. My thoughts have always been that if your on a date like this it's best to go to places where you don't go in your personal life as to not run into someone you know. But in the end it was pure luck that her girlfriend was there and saw her. The planets just aligned and stuff happens, really nothing could have been done to prevent it.
    "Just When I Thought I Was Out.....They Pull Me Back In!!!"

  10. #10
    Illecebrous Quaintrelle
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Montreal & somewhere in your arms in Canada
    Quote Originally Posted by pokerpro View Post
    If a similar situation happens again to her, she should be more proactive from the start with her girlfriend.
    She should interrupt her friend, for example ask her to go to the ladies room with her or something like that. She could invent that she is on a blind date organised by a mutual friend or someone she met on the internet. She is on the defensive, not certain it will work with the guy, just gave a fake name and doesn't give personnal details in case she doesn't want to follow up with him.
    Being mentally prepared in advance for this type of situation is crucial in order to avoid what this lady went through.

    The blind date "excuse" is a good one and depending on the two parties involved, it could also be a co-worker from the office, another employee/manager/director, etc. from out of town spending a few days in Montreal, etc. The possibilities are endless but you have to have something in mind that fits your lifestyle so you're not like a dear in headlights if and when it happens.

    But most importantly, graciously nipping the problem in the bud early is the way to go. If subtlety doesn't work, a more direct but friendly approach might have to be considered: Well, GF, it's been really nice seeing you and talking to you. How about I give you a call in the next few days so we can catch up? I'd love to have coffee/lunch/dinner with you soon... And then get up to give her a kiss and hug... There will be no confusion about what that means.

  11. #11
    I wasn't there. There are always three sides to every story. In this case there is her side, his side, and the truth.

    It is confusing because on few occasions girls have given me their contact info and real names and spoke freely about their personal (non-SP) lives. There have even been a few rare occasions where the door was left open for a follow up non-paying date. Although it was clear to me that this was OK. Also, I would like to think that both parties (the SP and the Hobbyist) realize that they are honor bound. Therefore, they are not to blow each others cover. Maybe he thought it was OK to chat about a few things because - as a member of our secret society - the discussion was not going to leave the table.

    In the case you described, I think the SP should have immediately told him the following when she returned from the bathroom something like the following:

    Joe, I didn't mean for you to overhear any of this. That kind of upset me and I wish to keep my private life private. Please respect my boundaries. Now for the rest of the night I wish for you to refer to me as[SP name]"

    All in all, this is one of the hazards of the trade. I have heard that some girls escort rather than strip because escorting is more private. Maybe this SP should only dine-in for now on and limit the amount of time she spends with a client in public?

    I have nothing against someone who would like company over dinner. Most of the girls I see in Montreal I wouldn't feel comfortable going out to dinner or to spend an extended period of time in a public place with due to age difference.

    I guess this serves as a good reminder to be more sensitive and to respect the privacy of others.

  12. #12
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    For is good and ALL ..that she is nice etc...BUT seriously the girl (sp) in that matters...should have said to her gf or else....hey hey sorry but i am in a date etc..could we call each other later or leave and go talk somewhere more private or go to the ladies room...So i dont want to judge but the SP did let the story continue etc in front of the client..So in that case it is the SP fault to not have said to her gf to kindly stop the conversation and go somewhere private etc ..Cause for me i would have done that in a heartbeat!!... So For the client concern..even if we heard all that ..HE should not have comment on her life etc...But if i put myself on his shoes...and all was good when the gf came along and did talk etc about private life in front of him...she should have said after that she didnt feel at ease and should have ask gently to go back to business and dont talk anymore about her private life etc..
    Donner une deuxième chance a quelqu'un qui ta trahi c'est comme donner une deuxième balle a quelqu'un qui ta manqué!!!

  13. #13
    Hi Iggy, first of all please tell your friend that she is not only professional but a real sweetheart for what she did.

    I think it's very unfortunate what happened. Three people are in the story, and they are all to be blamed to some extent (the client for the most part, of course). In summary:
    1. It's not her gf's fault to have met her at the restaurant, say hi, then mention something about her personal life. However, this lady might have some social skill problems by jumping into the middle of a situation like this (as she perceived, her friend is on a date) and say so many things about one's personal life. If I meet a friend under such circumstances (I see a friend at a restaurant with a date), I probably would only drop by the table say hi, then leave them alone.
    2. It's not the client's fault to have heard all this. However, it is his fault to cling onto the sp's personal information. Maybe this guy just thought he was pulling this prank on the sp, but if the sp is clearly uncomfortable with this, he should have stopped immediately if told not to do so.
    3. As I said, this sp is professional and sweet for what she did, especially that she was already upset and uncomfortable about the whole situation. She should have left when the client didn't stop his misconduct after being told so. And also, next time if she is out with a client in public, she should have planned for a situation like this. I think many merbites above have given some really good advices.

    Ideally, I think this should be what happens for this kind of scenario:
    1. She runs into a personal friend in restaurant while with a client.
    2. Her friend saw her, drop by and say hi, a few words chat, then leave. If not, the sp should have prepared for this kind of awkward situation to happen, and cut her friend short.
    3. The client sense that the sp was upset and uncomfortable, therefore offer her to leave the restaurant. Meanwhile, tell the sp that he heard things but didn't mean to, and politely ask her if she is still in the mood to continue the date.
    I guess if all the above happened, then the awkwardness of the whole situation would be reduced to the minimum.

    Anyway, it's not a perfect world and maybe that's why it happened the way it happened. Again I feel sorry for this lady and hope she could adjust accordingly to what happened so that next time if similar bad experience happens, the damage to her would not be so bad as this one.

  14. #14
    What a jerk .. Happen to me and I just sat there and shut the fuck up. If I was her I would of lost it

  15. #15
    One of the problems that you "have to" plan when going on a date. Both of you, Sp and client.

    The fact that the client didn't plan or cared about this aspect of the date, shows he's just not up to the task of going out with SP's.

    Also never underestimate your "friends" not knowing about your extra-curricular activities. They might not tell you they know about it, but they do. Have this information in the hands of the "wrong friends" and be sure you're going to have some unpleasant times with some of them.

    Quote Originally Posted by themonk83 View Post
    ah yes, being witty/smart ass. obviously, the guy was lacking it
    Yup, one of the major problems with smart asses. They're so above everyone else they couldn't give a fuck about how any body feels.

    Had I been on her shoes, I would have ended the date right there at the restaurant.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts