The Nature of Emotional Intimacy in the Long-Term Relationships of Clients with Sex Workers. A Complicated Question. [Research Summary]

[merbuser1221]

I'm not saying this doesn't happen. I've become friends with 3 clients, but that's all. I think some providers have looser boundaries (and I'm not saying that in a pejorative way, they can do whatever they want) or they are more isolated and end up hanging out with their clients. Some also may be doing things because they think that's how they keep specific clients...

Are you actually friends with them though?

As in, you'd hang out with them and you'd receive zero money, nothing, nada

And some clients will let you know that this is what they're looking for. These aren't the "fly me to you" "dinner date" type of clients tho. They are men who are really attached to the idea that they will genuinely become close to the escorts they book and have a special place in their lives that other clients don't have, and they will subtly tell you they want this "exclusive access" to you. I've experienced it. I'm not saying they are bad people, but it puts some of us in weird positions. Particularly if we appreciate them on some level.

Yeah, the thing is that there are a lot of guys who will do all sorts of things when it comes to getting pussy

Stuff that makes no logical sense, there will be guys who do it

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Are you actually friends with them though?

As in, you'd hang out with them and you'd receive zero money, nothing, nada

Yeah, the thing is that there are a lot of guys who will do all sorts of things when it comes to getting pussy

Stuff that makes no logical sense, there will be guys who do it

Yes the clients I'm mentioning that I became friends with are no longer clients. They don't pay me. There's actually a client I became friends with who stays at my place when he's in Montreal. I sometimes buy him dinner lol. I offered that to a 4th person who actually refused it because he felt rejected which made me really sad.

The thing that was particular about these clients is that I immediately recognized them as potential friends. It wasn't something that was built over time and that could be weird and ambiguous. I only saw these clients once and chose to be their friends. I'm still friends with all 3 of them to this day.

But after certain experiences, I've decided that I won't do this again, particularly under certain circumstances. There are clients that I appreciate but I can't offer them this type of friendship without boundaries and without compensation, for several reasons.

Camaraderie and getting to know each other happens between clients and providers.. I would even go as far as saying that this is a positive thing. But if the client starts expecting your real name, freebies, meeting your friends... Idk what else. It's a problem.

Are there clients I'll still talk to occasionally when I fully retire or maybe even hang out with from time to time? Maybe. There's a few that I would but if I feel like it could cause harm to either people's mental health or cause conflicts it's not a good idea.

---

Yes there are many illogical things guys will do to get pussy but that's not even what I'm talking about because these men have already paid for sex. "Getting pussy" is also not what this thread is about.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

"Grown in importance" not "new". The contrast was with street prostitution, where the emotional aspects were minimal or absent from the transaction.

To answer your question directly: yes they have :

I think it's really hard to tell if it's grown in importance or not because brothels and independent courtisans have always existed, it's just that laws changed many times. The culture as well.

I also think that because of popular culture, we have this idea that street prostitution was the only thing before when that's not the case. It's just that now, with the internet being accessible, sex workers have more options and are able to present themselves in different ways... But street prostitution, "quickie" massage parlours etc still exist.

Hell... Even with street prostitution. What is the movie "Pretty Woman" about? lol

 

[bodick7]

Like one of my first clients was a 60 something who was talking about his "19 year old girlfriend"..... And this man was not stupid. He was just delusional.

…weird… something like a pedo mental distorsion
I usually do not go under 40 (I’m 61).
Je ne suis plus vraiment à mon aise avec de très jeunes SPs mais il peut y avoir des exceptions s’il y a une bonne connection.

 

[Cap'tain Fantastic]

I usually do not go under 40 (I’m 61).

Je suis aussi d’un certain âge et, je ne suis pas très confortable avec de très jeunes escortes, mais je peux "m’accommoder " de avec des femmes qui ont plus de 25 ans. Généralement fin vingtaine et plus.

 

[CaptRenault]

...We also saw that there are certain opinions that clients insist on imposing on others and it can be very hard to have nuanced discussions here...

I would add that there are "certain opinions" that escorts insist on imposing on others and it can be very hard to have nuanced discussions here.

 

[AnthonyAnderson]

A conclusion from the article:

We find, therefore, that relations with an ATF provider can take a heavy emotional toll over time. Many clients enjoy going ‘‘beyond the bounds’’ and falling in love, but also struggle with their feelings being truly reciprocated. Ultimately, some end up regretting their involvement altogether while others feel that it was worth the ride.

Su'à coche.

 

[starry]

I don't think it's surprising that some hobbyists fall for SPs. A successful encounter with a beautiful woman can make a powerful impression. Some clients do not even realize that they are looking for more than a pleasurable experience. Most hobbyists know precisely what they want and remain fully in control of their feelings. Pretty much all SPs know exactly what they are about, which is not romance, even if the interactions are reasonable facsimiles of a romantic involvement.
Having said that the business is just another place where people meet and wherever people meet feelings can develop. I'm a long time hobbyist and experienced enuf to be fully in control of myself however I have twice fallen in love with an SP. Odd that it has each time happened in exactly the same way. I had an ongoing client relationship with each lady. After a number of visits I was suddenly floored with a massive heartthrob. The second experience was truly bizarre. I had visited the MP for a couple of years usually meeting with the same lady. I showed up there one morning and saw a lady in a blue dress who just knocked me for a loop. Dont ask me why because I don't know. I didn't dwell on it at the time because I was booked with another lady. When I next went there I asked my regular who the girl in the blue dress was, was she a new girl etc...she told me there was only one lady wearing a blue dress that day and it was her. WTF.
My first heartthrob I continue to visit now 15 years later. I still have strong feelings for her. We get along great but I don't imagine that my feelings are reciprocated. Her service is wonderful but I know for a fact that it's pretty much the same for everyone.
I thought maybe this could be explained by my predisposition for a certain type, basically Asian spinner, but I've had the pleasure of experiencing many beautiful Asian spinners without having the same reaction.
I guess there are more things between heaven and earth than are drempt of in my philosophy.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

I don't think it's surprising that some hobbyists fall for SPs. A successful encounter with a beautiful woman can make a powerful impression. Some clients do not even realize that they are looking for more than a pleasurable experience. Most hobbyists know precisely what they want and remain fully in control of their feelings. Pretty much all SPs know exactly what they are about, which is not romance, even if the interactions are reasonable facsimiles of a romantic involvement.
Having said that the business is just another place where people meet and wherever people meet feelings can develop. I'm a long time hobbyist and experienced enuf to be fully in control of myself however I have twice fallen in love with an SP. Odd that it has each time happened in exactly the same way. I had an ongoing client relationship with each lady. After a number of visits I was suddenly floored with a massive heartthrob. The second experience was truly bizarre. I had visited the MP for a couple of years usually meeting with the same lady. I showed up there one morning and saw a lady in a blue dress who just knocked me for a loop. Dont ask me why because I don't know. I didn't dwell on it at the time because I was booked with another lady. When I next went there I asked my regular who the girl in the blue dress was, was she a new girl etc...she told me there was only one lady wearing a blue dress that day and it was her. WTF.
My first heartthrob I continue to visit now 15 years later. I still have strong feelings for her. We get along great but I don't imagine that my feelings are reciprocated. Her service is wonderful but I know for a fact that it's pretty much the same for everyone.
I thought maybe this could be explained by my predisposition for a certain type, basically Asian spinner, but I've had the pleasure of experiencing many beautiful Asian spinners without having the same reaction.
I guess there are more things between heaven and earth than are drempt of in my philosophy.

The funniest thing about this is that I know escorts who have developed crushes or fallen in love with their clients. Ultimately it's a human experience so feelings can develop.

But I think it's up to the SP and the client to set boundaries for themselves and for what happens between them.

Personally, I do not accept going out on unpaid dates with clients. I don't hang out off the clock just to keep my clients. I try to be as honest as possible. Sometimes people dislike my honesty, other times they find it refreshing and reassuring. I'm not going to pretend I'm in truly love with you, but I can have fun with you, discuss interesting things with you, and offer you companionship within the time frame that was chosen. I might actually genuinely like you, but that doesn't mean we will see each other outside of bookings.

 

[merbuser1221]

I'm not going to pretend I'm in truly love with you, but I can have fun with you, discuss interesting things with you, and offer you companionship within the time frame that was chosen. I might actually genuinely like you, but that doesn't mean we will see each other outside of bookings.

And also provide a pleasant and orgasmic sucking experience yes?

 

[Lunaseraphim]

And also provide a pleasant and orgasmic sucking experience yes?

Absolutely!

 

[Delicateyumi]

And also provide a pleasant and orgasmic sucking experience yes?

Oh wow we got The Joker in person. Watch out!

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Oh wow we got The Joker in person. Watch out!

The Joker and Harley Quinn! LOL