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Lunaseraphim said:

I think if someone can't have commitments they shouldn't call it polyamory. It involves commitments. If someone just wants one night stands or short term relationships they should just be honest about it or hire an escort. Not being able to commit isn't "being ethically non monogamous" or "into relationship anarchy" they are just irresponsible and getting in a bunch of relationships they can't put care into.

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To me it's possible for people to consent to this though. I want monogamy but if there was mutual interest and the other person doesn't want to make any commitments and communicates that I'm fine with that.

If someone doesn't want commitments and is not honest about it then it's not polyamory in my book.

"irresponsible and getting in a bunch of relationships they can't put care into."

To me it's only irresponsible if they're dishonest.

Edit: I feel in civilian dating essentially everyone femme presenting has encountered someone (likely several people) who was selfish and was just trying to get a bunch of one night stands or in some way was not at all a caring person. Specifically someone who was entirely dishonest who either lied outright or lied by omission. I wish none of you had to experience people like that. People who do that are not practicing polyamory or proper consent and are terrible.

jeffmathers said:

To me it's possible for people to consent to this though. I want monogamy but if there was mutual interest and the other person doesn't want to make any commitments and communicates that I'm fine with that.

If someone doesn't want commitments and is not honest about it then it's not polyamory in my book.

"irresponsible and getting in a bunch of relationships they can't put care into."

To me it's only irresponsible if they're dishonest.

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I think it's more complicated than that personally because some people are rarely honest with themselves to begin with. These relationship structure require self awareness. You're not poly or ethical in anyway possible if you call yourself a relationship anarchist or a polyamorist but you don't want relationships and you just want to be seen with a different hot person once in a while or have sex with multiple people while pretending to care about them. Just say you're only interested in fwb or hook ups and that's it. It's not hard, why go through these mental gymnastics. It's inherently dishonest.

Also even if something was said initially it can still create hurt feelings because the power dynamics uneven. For instance someone who is in an open relationship and going on dates with people who don't have a partner and are lonely, or couples looking for a third who also is single and inexperienced which can lead to weird situations of jealousy from one of the three people. Honestly is cool but people aren't always prepared to deal with certain situations unless they're very experienced with it. That's why I think hiring a SP if these ppl can afford it is a better idea sometimes..

A lot of people end up disappointed because they believe these relationships will be handled in an ethical, equal and mature way but that isn't the case. Anyways this is off topic. And btw this isn't about men specifically.. I've seen women act like clowns in these scenarios too

Btw I don't think having an open relationship or marriage is bad, I just think disguising it with terms like ''ethical non monogamy'' or ''polyamory'' or whatever it's called is misleading and could make the other parties believe there's a chance at romance when these ppl actually just want novelty

Lunaseraphim said:

I think if someone can't have commitments they shouldn't call it polyamory or relationship anarchy, which has the word relationship in it. It involves commitments. If someone just wants one night stands or short term relationships they should just be honest about it or hire an escort. Not being able to commit isn't "being ethically non monogamous" or "into relationship anarchy" they are just irresponsible and getting in a bunch of relationships they can't put care into.

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It’s hard to find a good trusting person these days and after a while you get tired of it! Having an sp over is a lot of fun and you get to experience and go to different levels not like with previous partners in my case and there is no heartache to worry about like with a partner!