Advice wanted

[Mezine]

Hi gentleman,

Long time reader of the site, now posting because I need some advice. Let me explain the situation : my new girlfriend and I had our first sexual relation and she told me that she felt I was shy and I seemed like I didn't know what I was doing. She was sweet saying it wasn't a big deal, we'll get to know each other and that it was okay : there'll be plenty of other time. But to be honest, I'm not super comfortable when I'm having sex mainly because I don't really know what to do precisely (like how to give a good cunnilingus, orally or digitally). So I'm asking about meeting a lady this Monday in order that she teaches me what to do, give me feedback about what I'm doing and mainly what should I do to give her pleasure, etc. Which classy and open-minded lady would you recommend for such a task?

Regards,

M

 

[gurgeh85]

Mezine,

Just listen to your girlfriend. Sex isn't really that complicated. Just learn what she wants and how she likes it. You don't have to see anyone apart from her to learn this. If you're not confident and need to practice, then practice on her! I'm sure she wouldn't mind! Good luck...

 

[Matt8122]

Just study this book and you will be ok. Thinking an escort will show you how to satisfy a woman is plain stupid. Escorts are satisfied when they collect their fee.

http://www.amazon.ca/Satisfy-Woman-Every-Time-And-Have/dp/1598879170

 

[PopeDover]

this advice from Sam Kinison may be useful

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guTJodJNDM0

 

[SylvainP]

I would say the same thing gurgeh85 jut said

 

[Matt8122]

A lot of women who plan on being domineering in a long-term relationship look for shy guys, and a girl declaring a guy to be "not that great at oral" at the first part of a relationship is not really a good sign. If she said that as a result of being sexual and really wanting to get off, that is fine, and she should be super happy if he improves and gets her off - regardless of whether that improvement came from tips from a sex worker. If she was critical because she wants to plant the seed that allows her to be in charge of the relationship and take credit for all improvements, that is not good. Best to make her start cumming and see which of the two angles she was coming at him from.

Patron , what are your sources ? Can you back up anything with references to scientific journals , studies and what not ? or is this just a hunch ?

 

[What's My Name]

Hi gentleman,

Long time reader of the site, now posting because I need some advice. Let me explain the situation : my new girlfriend and I had our first sexual relation and she told me that she felt I was shy and I seemed like I didn't know what I was doing. She was sweet saying it wasn't a big deal, we'll get to know each other and that it was okay : there'll be plenty of other time. But to be honest, I'm not super comfortable when I'm having sex mainly because I don't really know what to do precisely (like how to give a good cunnilingus, orally or digitally). So I'm asking about meeting a lady this Monday in order that she teaches me what to do, give me feedback about what I'm doing and mainly what should I do to give her pleasure, etc. Which classy and open-minded lady would you recommend for such a task?

Regards,

M

Like the you tube video says "Lick the Alphabet"

 

[What's My Name]

this advice from Sam Kinison may be useful

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guTJodJNDM0

This one is too funny

 

[Titilleur]

Ok... So, if now you are shy and intimidated, then you become more confident after your meeting with a SP, how will you explain your new confidence and growing expertise to your new girlfriend?

Girls are not so dumb... If you don't learn from your girlfriend, she'll know right away that you are seeing someone else...

 

[sugarbear1966]

Well it would seem to me that you should consider as Alyssa has suggested, communicating with your new friend. She may just surprise you and open up with some sexual fantasies....

And should you feel strongly about meeting someone who knows a thing or two about human desires and interactions, seems like a very good choice would be the kind and helpful soul Alyssa Roze

 

[AmberRose]

Just pretty much do the opposite of anything Patron says to do and you'll be juuust fine!

No for real though, your girlfriend sounds like she likes you, since she's being patient and wanting to work with you to improve things, many others wouldn't be that patient. Take advantage of this and ask her what she likes, get her to teach you! She'll probably love having a fresh canvas to paint on..if you catch my drift

Seeing an SP in this situation would only cause you further issues, as it will give you unrealistic expectations of what regular sex in a relationship is like and can potentially have a negative effect. I would spend more time playing with your gal!

 

[AmberRose]

I am skeptical of a relationship in which the current girlfriend is critical of something that most ladies would have the sense to be quiet about.

Aaaaand that's why there are so many people who are bad at sex, because they keep quiet.

First, re-read the original post, you don't seem to have understood it. She was not critical, she was supportive and just wanting to work on things, but perhaps her wording could have been improved.

If you're in a relationship and the other partner is bad in bed, should you keep quiet and silently be unhappy until it eventually kills the relationship(worst case scenario here), or should you talk to your partner and try and improve things together?

If you chose the second option then dingdingding! You're a winner!

 

[gurgeh85]

Aaaaand that's why there are so many people who are bad at sex, because they keep quiet.

First, re-read the original post, you don't seem to have understood it. She was not critical, she was supportive and just wanting to work on things, but perhaps her wording could have been improved.

If you're in a relationship and the other partner is bad in bed, should you keep quiet and silently be unhappy until it eventually kills the relationship(worst case scenario here), or should you talk to your partner and try and improve things together?

If you chose the second option then dingdingding! You're a winner!

I think you're pretty much awesome, Amber. When are we going to get together? :eyebrows:

 

[johnybird]

I agree with Amber on this one

Speaking from personal experience, Your girlfriend is right, you will get to know each other and it IS ok. I had no idea what I was doing the first time I had sex, she was much more experienced than I was and she was sweet enough not to say anything to me at all, and every time we would get intimate she would subtly guide me here and there till I became a Pro

Meeting an SP might give you some confidence but it's not the answer, at least not for something like this.

No for real though, your girlfriend sounds like she likes you, since she's being patient and wanting to work with you to improve things, many others wouldn't be that patient. Take advantage of this and ask her what she likes, get her to teach you! She'll probably love having a fresh canvas to paint on..if you catch my drift

 

[johnybird]

It is simply my opinion that a relationship that is successful by the guy's standards rarely start with the girl not only being more sexually experienced at the start, but pointing that out in a manner that clearly caused him to feel uncomfortable.

That's not right, he didn't say she made him feel uncomfortable, he said he wasn't comfortable in having sex because he didn't know what to do. I really doubt, in my humble opinion, that she was asserting dominance or setting him up for a break up.

I'm not super comfortable when I'm having sex mainly because I don't really know what to do precisely (like how to give a good cunnilingus, orally or digitally).

She also never pointed out that she was more experience, she said “… it wasn't a big deal, we'll get to know each other and that it was okay : there'll be plenty of other time…” that's a very thoughtful and loving thing to say.

Mezine, if you really like this girl just take it as it comes and make it fun, you'll both enjoy the learning process :thumb:

 

[letsrock2012]

I would be the first one to be surprised that she just didn't decided to tell him:" really? Ok then..you know what honey? Follow me, go with my flow while.you are getting used of my sexual temper while i am taking charge of it..and when you will be at your ease, i will stop to be your guide and i will let you be the man that i need you to be! "

That would be the first step to a good mutual satisfying relationship based on honesty... would go that way before anything else.

 

[gurgeh85]

And everyone here acts like everything in life is a dramatic either/or. He can see a sex worker, determine if that is something that he enjoys and/or makes him more comfortable, while continuing to bone the current girlfriend (without telling her about the sex worker). Life and sex are supposed to be fun. It doesn't sound like the original poster is currently having fun because he is needing to analyze things so much.

You're right. I wish I was 30 years younger and exploring a new girlfriends body for the first time... But you have to remember how dramatic everything you did seemed at that age. I look back now and my attitude is pretty much, "Just lick her!" Fast, slow, lips, clitoris, just get your nose down there and do some prospecting. It will all work out. She'll love it! Trust me!

 

[AmberRose]

I should be inspired by your's and letsrock's optimism, but I continue to be amused by the fact that there was no indication of her doing mind-blowing oral on him. If not, that is not a good sign.

The way this should work if she is really the fantastic chick you guys (and gals) want to believe she is would be her to demonstrate great uninhibited sex on him, which would naturally lead him to doing so on her without a lot of analysis. If he was inexperienced, she would put them on a similar level by initiating a lot of sex on an almost daily basis. Sure she should tell him what she likes.

None of that appears to be the case here. He had an experience and his first reaction is to post a message requesting a recommendation for a good sex worker. Is that the typical reaction of a guy who has found "the one"?

Where the hell does all of your optimism come from? Encouraging him to pursue sex with just this one person is putting a lot of eggs in a pretty flimsy basket. Spread those eggs around. Nothing wrong with seeing a good hooker in this situation. Makes him keep things in perspective.

I still stick by my original piece of advice to OP I mentioned earlier: "Just do the opposite of everything Patron says to do and you'll be juuust fine!"

 

[box]

If you're in a relationship and the other partner is bad in bed, should you keep quiet and silently be unhappy until it eventually kills the relationship(worst case scenario here), or should you talk to your partner and try and improve things together?

Amber, I agree with you. Within a relationship both partners should communicate their concerns....rather than pretending like he/she can read minds & should know what's wrong. However, I think that most women would be offended if their man were to come to them with any sexual concerns. I think that most women would feel like they were being attacked or criticized. " What ??!! I'm not good enough for you....I'm not enough for you ? "

Of course, A guy could have the same reaction...but I think that the vast majority of women would be very angry/upset or hurt.

 

[FunSexyMan]

Hi gentleman,

Long time reader of the site, now posting because I need some advice. Let me explain the situation : my new girlfriend and I had our first sexual relation and she told me that she felt I was shy and I seemed like I didn't know what I was doing. She was sweet saying it wasn't a big deal, we'll get to know each other and that it was okay : there'll be plenty of other time. But to be honest, I'm not super comfortable when I'm having sex mainly because I don't really know what to do precisely (like how to give a good cunnilingus, orally or digitally). So I'm asking about meeting a lady this Monday in order that she teaches me what to do, give me feedback about what I'm doing and mainly what should I do to give her pleasure, etc. Which classy and open-minded lady would you recommend for such a task?

Regards,

M

Hey Mezine,

I think your a lucky guy to have someone who is being honest with you. Communication is one of the most fundamental aspects to have in a successful relationship.

You should not be ashamed and/or embarrassed that you don't have sexual experience...yet. That's what's so great about it, is that you have someone who's willing to take the time to explore these new experiences with you. I seriously believe that this has the potential to strengthen and cement you relationship with your new girlfriend.

I would advocate that you do not see a SW. Be loyal to your girlfriend. You don't need to see someone else to gain experience to impress your girlfriend.

Dude!!! I think you have something great already with this person. Be honest, communicate and be loyal to her. I wish you the best on this new adventure.

Best regards,

FunSexyMan